How did your church react to your civil ceremony?

[Leenie 15]

Hi everybody!

My fiance will be entering the USA on a K-1 visa later this month, and like many others, we have chosen to have a small civil ceremony to fulfill the immigration requirements and follow it up with a more "traditional" wedding later - you know, the church, dress, cake sort of deal.

Well, tomorrow I'm going to let my church know about our plans, but I'm suddenly very nervous that my church is not going to allow us to marry in the church if we've already been married in a civil ceremony. For the record, it's a Catholic church.

I'm just interested in hearing if anyone else had a similar experience and how their church reacted. Also, I would very much prefer if you keep your comments to yourself if they are snarky/dergatory comments about any type of religion or its practices.

Edited: for lousy grammar.

Edited May 19, 2010 by Leenie

[Tick Tock 3]

Hm... I suppose different churches would handle this in different ways. Things to consider...

1) What sort of Catholic Church.

2) If the priest(s) there are perhaps more understanding of situations rather than strict/traditional viewpoint.

3) Your explanation of circumstances.

I do not think you should be nervous. After all, you are making an effort to take your vows in your god's house. I don't see why he would be upset, or why priests would deny you (I suppose on behalf of god).

I cannot speak from experience, but I wish you the best of luck!

[Amy and Michael 21]

I'm Lutheran, and while I know there are many differences between Catholic & Lutheran beliefs/practices, I'm thinking you should be ok.

I talked to my pastor about my upcoming wedding, the visa process, etc. He indicated he would be happy to perform both ceremonies. A small marriage ceremony shortly after the arrival of my fiance, and then a large family & friends ceremony which would be a renewal of vows ceremony, technically, to celebrate the wedding, have the whole "normal" ceremony with bridesmaids, groomsmen, etc.

He said in my church this type of double ceremony is encouraged to many couples. My church does not approve of couples living together before marriage, etc. As a pastor he understands this is sometimes done because of the couple wanting to save up for a big ceremony so he suggests this as a solution. The couple is no longer living together without making the proper vows before God, and can have the huge wedding celebration when they are able to save.

[~ameriptian~ 54]

We had a kinda similar situation... We both are Spiritualist Muslims [Pretty much believe in every faith/spirituality, but practice Islam].. Our original plan was to either have a courthouse or religious marriage when I arrive in the US then a beach wedding in 2011. We decided to go with the religious marriage and went to our local mosque and expressed our wish to have a religious certified marriage, we were told that it is possible. We were not in a big hurry since we were waiting on my stepfather's and brother's B2 visas at the time (the B2 visas got denied later and they couldn't make it here). Later we were told that the WHOLE Muslim community in the area we live in knew our wish to marry and they have been gossiping about that we already got married legally and that the Imam/Priest should not give us a religious marriage!!!! At that point, I did not want a religious marriage at that particular mosque at all... I mean, it is up to the couple how they want to marry afterall, people should not be so judgemental.. I let my family know I did't want a religious marriage, a decdision that they very much frowned upon... So, we went to the Imam to plan a small ceremony and clear that we have not gotten legally married first.. At that meeting we knew that the Imam was not certified 'yet' since he is not yet a USC (he's Canadian). Our plans got all mixed up when we knew we had to do both ceremonies in the end, the legal and religious one, instead of compining them in both ceremonies... We still have to have a wedding in Egypt for my family and a beach wedding in the US next year.. He could have told us from the very beginning that he was not certified!! So, we had a legal marriage ceremony and a few days later we had a not-so-small religious marriage ceremony, cause almost the whole Muslim community was there to attend the marriage....

We thought we were only going to have a legal OR religious marriage then a beach wedding later... But what happened is we had a legal ceremony, a religious ceremony, and are going to have a 'traditional' Egyptian wedding in a few months (had no idea we were going to be given one!), and a wedding in the US (that's what we really only wanted to have)...!

From my experience, I think you should get everything cleared up from the very beginning... Talk to your Church about your wishes and plans and get their 'clear' answer.. Then when your fiance arrives decide what to do.. Hopefully everything will go the way you want.

Aya

[LA80 3]

I come from a country where civil ceremonies used to be obligatory if you wanted a legal marriage. Religious ceremonies were allowed, of course, but you still had to be married by the judge in order to have a "valid" marriage. I have never heard that the Church rejected marriage to people only because they had already been married by the judge. Wouldn't that be some kind of Church interfering into State's business? I just do not think you will have any problems. That is all.

[DukeOfYork 28]

I talked to my pastor about my upcoming wedding, the visa process, etc. He indicated he would be happy to perform both ceremonies. A small marriage ceremony shortly after the arrival of my fiance, and then a large family & friends ceremony which would be a renewal of vows ceremony, technically, to celebrate the wedding, have the whole "normal" ceremony with bridesmaids, groomsmen, etc.

That's exactly what we're going to do.

I have never heard that the Church rejected marriage to people only because they had already been married by the judge. Wouldn't that be some kind of Church interfering into State's business?

Our states license the ministers to do the ceremonies. The marriage certificate still comes from the county in which they are getting married, but is signed by the minister if not performed by a judge.

[Mononoke28 135]

We're Catholic and I didn't feel the need to talk to my priest about it before getting married since I knew exactly what he was going to say anyway. The Catholic church does not approve and therefore does not acknowledge civil ceremonies even though legally speaking they're the ones that should really count. We've been married for almost 3½ years now and I seriously doubt we'll be going ahead with the Catholic ceremony due my own personal issues with the church itself.

As far as they not "allowing" you to get married after you've "committed sin" just because you decided to get married in a civil ceremony for legal reasons, it won't happen. They're not supposed to turn anyone away, especially for that reason, so you should be fine.

Diana

[Leenie 15]

Wow, it was super awesome hearing everyone's stories and getting a bit of comfort. I think the idea of having a small and quick church ceremony instead of a civil ceremony and then following it up with an even nicer church ceremony is probably a good alternative for us.

I'm meeting with my pastor on Saturday morning, so hopefully I can can come back with some advice to anyone with a similar situation in the future!