Having a "formal wedding" vs. "vow renewal"

[Jen and Geert 4]

I had read on some wedding website about opinions on having a civil ceremony then having a formal family wedding later on in the future, it was a rather opinionated debate. While I don't want to speak for anyone here I just wanted to say i'm sure I'd find more understanding people here on visa journey because usually to get through immigration process one has to be married to be able to immigrate at least that's what I had originally thought. I do know "now" that you can go the fiancee visa route, but back then I didn't know about it, but I find this way has worked out for me and my hubby.

So thats why we had a civil ceremony at a very last minute before my husband flew back to the Netherlands (he had been visiting me and my family for 2 months), my mom was the only one who attended at the time for various reasons. We dressed up, exchanged rings (I still don't have a "wedding band" I used my engagement ring and we bought him a silver wedding band. We exchanged vows the traditional ones. Afterwards the 3 of us went out to lunch (like a reception right?) and we also took pictures together just to make it feel special because to us it was =).

Anyways growing up I very much wanted a formal wedding not huge, but medium sized I don't know ton's of people and most "big" weddings have too many guests that the couple might not even know anyway, in my personal opinion.

Anyways my frustration of it is I would want to consider it a wedding and not a vow renewal, we'll probably write our on speech/vows just to affirm the ones we said to each other almost 2 years ago.

We'd love to have a Carnival cruise wedding to invite friends and family to and it's something we'll save up for once we get through this immigration process.

Have any of you been in this situation or a similar one?

[Bernie C 24]

Well we are a bit of a reverse situation from you! We had a very large traditional Vietnamese wedding in Nha Trang Vietnam but we did not register the marriage. We had a civil marriage performed when she arrived in the US in the K-1 visa. We had planned on having a formal wedding here also but we have decided otherwise. Now we have decided to just have a big party with friends and family. Basically just a big picnic in the summer. We figure it is better now to spend the money on things like flowers for the garden or to go somewhere on vacation.

Your situation is opposite. By all means, if it is important to you to have an official religious ceremony then I would say go for it and enjoy it. We have a beautiful album, video's and lots more of memories that we will cherish forever.

Technically I think it would be a vow renewal since you already have a valid and legal marriage liscence but what you consider it is totally up to you - it is what is in your thoughts that matter. No reason not to do exactly what you wish. What matters most is what is in the hearts and minds of the two of you - and don't let anyone tell you differently.

Best Wishes Always - Bernie

[Jen and Geert 4]

Well we are a bit of a reverse situation from you! We had a very large traditional Vietnamese wedding in Nha Trang Vietnam but we did not register the marriage. We had a civil marriage performed when she arrived in the US in the K-1 visa. We had planned on having a formal wedding here also but we have decided otherwise. Now we have decided to just have a big party with friends and family. Basically just a big picnic in the summer. We figure it is better now to spend the money on things like flowers for the garden or to go somewhere on vacation.

Your situation is opposite. By all means, if it is important to you to have an official religious ceremony then I would say go for it and enjoy it. We have a beautiful album, video's and lots more of memories that we will cherish forever.

Technically I think it would be a vow renewal since you already have a valid and legal marriage liscence but what you consider it is totally up to you - it is what is in your thoughts that matter. No reason not to do exactly what you wish. What matters most is what is in the hearts and minds of the two of you - and don't let anyone tell you differently.

Best Wishes Always - Bernie

Well legally it would be a vow renewal ceremony, but I want to treat it like a formal wedding that I always dreamed of having, but at the time when we had the civil ceremony we couldn't afford. So to my friends and family I want to call it a wedding rather then a vow renewal that would make me happy, they all know we are married so it shouldn't matter to call it a wedding instead of a vow renewal ceremony which doesn't have that magical ring to it like "wedding" does. =)

I'm sure your wedding in vietnam must have been beautiful =)

[alex and astrid 38]

I had read on some wedding website about opinions on having a civil ceremony then having a formal family wedding later on in the future, it was a rather opinionated debate. While I don't want to speak for anyone here I just wanted to say i'm sure I'd find more understanding people here on visa journey because usually to get through immigration process one has to be married to be able to immigrate at least that's what I had originally thought. I do know "now" that you can go the fiancee visa route, but back then I didn't know about it, but I find this way has worked out for me and my hubby.

So thats why we had a civil ceremony at a very last minute before my husband flew back to the Netherlands (he had been visiting me and my family for 2 months), my mom was the only one who attended at the time for various reasons. We dressed up, exchanged rings (I still don't have a "wedding band" I used my engagement ring and we bought him a silver wedding band. We exchanged vows the traditional ones. Afterwards the 3 of us went out to lunch (like a reception right?) and we also took pictures together just to make it feel special because to us it was =).

Anyways growing up I very much wanted a formal wedding not huge, but medium sized I don't know ton's of people and most "big" weddings have too many guests that the couple might not even know anyway, in my personal opinion.

Anyways my frustration of it is I would want to consider it a wedding and not a vow renewal, we'll probably write our on speech/vows just to affirm the ones we said to each other almost 2 years ago.

We'd love to have a Carnival cruise wedding to invite friends and family to and it's something we'll save up for once we get through this immigration process.

Have any of you been in this situation or a similar one?

A lot of people do what you are considering - having their 'marriage' solemnized at a courthouse or by a justice of the peace, and then having a 'wedding' at a later date. In my case, we are able to organise our wedding and have the ceremony and reception that we wanted once I came into the country on the K1. There is no rule saying that you cannot have a second ceremony and have the wedding you always wanted. It's YOUR day, so don't let anyone else dictate what you and your husband decide to do.

[Anh map 2,098]

It's your party, call it whatever you want. And do it however you want. We did a Justice of the Peace to comply with the K1 and then 6 months later had our wedding party.

You are already married, so there are no legalities to worry about.

[Darnell 8,479]

Ya, many couples do this.

I do suggest another 'line' of input, though. Over the next 3 weeks, call up/meet with 20 'church leaders (priests, ministers, preachers)' in your area, ask their take on it. Seriously.

[IndigoSkies 168]

You can be married only once to a person. Call a toad by any other name, it's still a toad. If you call your reception your wedding, you'd only be lying to yourself. Your marriage is when you sign your marriage contract. I don't know how it works in your culture. But in my culture, the actual and proper wedding is when husband and wife sign the marriage contract. We don't have vows, kissing, etc. The judge comes over and reads the marriage contract aloud. Husband and wife sign it and that's that. After that the festivies continues for days with multiple reception. Usually two, one thrown by the brides side. And one thrown by the grooms side.

In my culture, we don't have vow renewal thing yet. Once you're married, you're married for life. Plain and simple.