Husband is cheating

[juancaterri11 0]

I am so sorry. Its not right and its not fair. But you have to hold your head up. Stand up and dont let him walk all over you. No one wants a person that they can walk all over. Its not fun.... Meet new friends (girlfriends) go out and have fun. Change the locks on the door. He did this, he has to leave, not you. If he came to you as a man and said he wants to move on, that is one thing. He went behind your back and did not care about your feelings at all. Someone that loved you would not do that. He kicked you out, because he wants to start over and could careless about your feelings... I hope that you are not calling him or sending emails to him.. Just dont!!!

There is a book, I think is so funny, it will make you smile, but some points are true.. Why men marry bitches.. & Why men like bitches by sherry argov. Its cute...

When does he come back? Time to take some money.. Buy some clothes, do hair style, make you.. feel pretty & go out to have a few laughs, stop thinking about him. Join the gym or kickboxing or anything that you wanted to do before and you put off . Because he is not thinking about you. Maybe only how he hopes that you are not at the house, because he does not want to deal with your drama/fighting... Im sorry, but you cant make someone want you. But you can only change you! maybe he would like the new you, someone that cant be walked on....

I would just move on....

If you ever need to talk, I am here...

[Ak+Tk 0]

Change the locks and file divorce while HE is gone on his "trip". Have a restraining order slapped on him so when HIS cheating rear comes "home" HE will have to find someplace to live.

WHY...WHY in the heck would you even think about forgiving him at this point? According to what you stated here, he has done nothing but cheat and lie to you. Furthermore he told you to get out of HIS house. What has he done to earn your forgiveness? It sounds like he doesn't want your forgivness.

Hun, you need to copy ALL of the information you have on him and email it to a public email like a gmail account that he does not know about and CANNOT guess the password on. You need to start getting your case together to make sure he does not walk away with everything from your marriage. I'm sorry to put it so bluntly, but from what you posted here, it sounds like this man is going to leave you. Do yourself a favor and leave him first.

NOW

If HE is willing to change his errant ways, get therapy, and actually WORK on a relationship with you...then you think about forgiving him. Until then, gather ammo for your divorce.

That is what I would do...But the last time I caught someone cheating on me I took everything...including the toliet paper off the roller since it was all on my credit card...LOL.

YOU SAID THIS PERFECTLY....!!!

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Well, men are just so sucks sometimes! My thought on you is cut him lose!

[Ak+Tk 0]

I'M SORRY TO READ ALL THIS AND JUST WONDER WHY YOU WANT TO FORGIVE HIM...WHAT IF YOU DO FORGIVE HIM AND HE COMES CLEAN THEN IN AFEW MONTHS IT HAPPENS AGAIN AND KEEPS REPEATING...KEEP SAFE AND STAY STRONG...

[gezzuzz 1]

i would gather all the evidence you can.. then go speak with a divorce attorney.. why waste another minute with the person.. you will just have to keep searching for your soul mate.. this guy is for sure not him..

[IndigoSkies 168]

You should seek the advice of a competent marriage counselor rather than rely on internet forums. Seriously, it's your life and everyone here can suggest this or that at whim. At the end of the day what happens to you is of no consequence to anyone of us. You must make your own choices and live with those choices.

Just for whim you said your husband wants a bisexual Asian woman. Maybe your sex life isn't good or great. And you could work on that. I'm sorry to opine on your personal matters. You will forgive me, won't you? But good luck and remember the choices are yours.

[Usui Takumi 1,562]

Change the locks and file divorce while HE is gone on his "trip". Have a restraining order slapped on him so when HIS cheating rear comes "home" HE will have to find someplace to live.

WHY...WHY in the heck would you even think about forgiving him at this point? According to what you stated here, he has done nothing but cheat and lie to you. Furthermore he told you to get out of HIS house. What has he done to earn your forgiveness? It sounds like he doesn't want your forgivness.

Hun, you need to copy ALL of the information you have on him and email it to a public email like a gmail account that he does not know about and CANNOT guess the password on. You need to start getting your case together to make sure he does not walk away with everything from your marriage. I'm sorry to put it so bluntly, but from what you posted here, it sounds like this man is going to leave you. Do yourself a favor and leave him first.

NOW

If HE is willing to change his errant ways, get therapy, and actually WORK on a relationship with you...then you think about forgiving him. Until then, gather ammo for your divorce.

That is what I would do...But the last time I caught someone cheating on me I took everything...including the toliet paper off the roller since it was all on my credit card...LOL.

A restraining order??? Why? That would be 100% illegal.

[btrayedwife 0]

I choose to forgive because it’s the only thing that can calm me and make me feel better inside, I'm so broken and hurt; but God forgive me, a part of me wants real bad karma for him and worst retribution of what he did to me, if we divorce. I know; it’s bad.

That’s what I'm telling myself, it’s the best I can do, be or feel pretty and hold my head high, I am not guilty. I will definitely take your advice juancaterri after our ‘talk’ if there will be any at all, except the locks, it’s his separate property.

Indigo, that’s what he put in his profile. I understand and appreciate your advice. He said I'm the best lover he ever had have (only I'm not bi?) but he could be not telling the truth. There’s just no way I’ll compromise my convictions, principles and standards against it, even to the cost of our marriage.

He will be back in a couple of days. I don’t know what will happen then.

I will show him my evidence and have his explanation. This will enrage him because it proves he’s a liar, and he said no one calls him that. If by any chance he is ‘innocent’, then I was dead wrong; I know he will never forgive me for ‘accusing’ him. I will try to have us counseling and if he wont go and kick me out, then maybe there’s really no hope of restoration. I will leave him for the better; we’ll have to be separated for several months though to be divorced. I just have to start somewhere on my own.

I know it all ends up to my own decision, and I appreciate all your inputs, I'm betrayed and he wants me out, maybe I just need some form of support at the moment, the best I could think is here.

[Kiv 32]

Even thought you sound hurt and worried, I think you are logical and fair. I wish everything works the best for you, if you two decide to stay together or not.

I hope you have family or close friends to be with you now.

[juancaterri 0]

Good luck... I wish you the best..

[Ning 619]

I choose to forgive because it’s the only thing that can calm me and make me feel better inside, I'm so broken and hurt; but God forgive me, a part of me wants real bad karma for him and worst retribution of what he did to me, if we divorce. I know; it’s bad.

That’s what I'm telling myself, it’s the best I can do, be or feel pretty and hold my head high, I am not guilty. I will definitely take your advice juancaterri after our ‘talk’ if there will be any at all, except the locks, it’s his separate property.

Indigo, that’s what he put in his profile. I understand and appreciate your advice. He said I'm the best lover he ever had have (only I'm not bi?) but he could be not telling the truth. There’s just no way I’ll compromise my convictions, principles and standards against it, even to the cost of our marriage.

He will be back in a couple of days. I don’t know what will happen then.

I will show him my evidence and have his explanation. This will enrage him because it proves he’s a liar, and he said no one calls him that. If by any chance he is ‘innocent’, then I was dead wrong; I know he will never forgive me for ‘accusing’ him. I will try to have us counseling and if he wont go and kick me out, then maybe there’s really no hope of restoration. I will leave him for the better; we’ll have to be separated for several months though to be divorced. I just have to start somewhere on my own.

I know it all ends up to my own decision, and I appreciate all your inputs, I'm betrayed and he wants me out, maybe I just need some form of support at the moment, the best I could think is here.

I dont agree with much of this advise. Some of it is nice to read but doesnt mean anything in the end.

You cant throw him out of his own house or change the locks. Those acts alone are enough to enable him to have you restrained.

The most positive thing you could do is prepare yourself for a new life. That life will be better than what you have now because the abuse will be over & you will determin your own fate. You can forgive him later if he gives you a reason to do so. He wont.

When you confront him in a few days you will be sorry. He will respond with anger & lies. Do you really expect him to be truthful or change his thinking? Everything you have said indicates he doesnt care about you. What redeeming qualities does he have? His ego wont allow for counseling because he will have to be honest & accepting of change.

Now is as good a time as any to begin to figure out what the divorce laws in your state indicate about what type of support you may be able to get. You dont say how long you have been married & that will have an impact on what will happen. Find out if your marrige is termed " short or long term " under the laws of your state. The cost of a lawyer for example can become part of the settlement so dont be afraid of spending his money on one. Contact a lawyer & meet with them to determin what your actual legal position is.

Dont let ignorance nor emotion weaken you when you need to remain strong. Your last sentence indicates you are intellegent & understand your situation better than anyone here.

I thought you were wrong to look for answers here but have changed my mind because you are right in saying this is the best you could do at this time. You can see here that people do care about you & what happens to you.

You have given enough to this guy. Its time to take care of yourself now. It wont be long before you are healed & see that everything is going to be ok. It certianly wont be as bad as it is now.

[btrayedwife 0]

Ning, what I said about the locks was that I won't touch them, the house is his separate property and I'm sure if he will not kill me for it, he will get me arrested.

You are right. I expect he will respond with anger, more lies, and be in defensive and denial mode, and maybe play blame game (I don't accept blaming because he is of matured age he knows what he'll do is right or wrong, and if it is ok, I would have cheated ahead of him, anyway). I guess that was my original question, how would i deal with it when he will most likely deny it or ignore to talk about it; he obviously doesn't care anymore.

He is a proud man and you're right in saying he may not allow for counseling because of his ego, I kind of expected that of him, but it is really my last try before I will give up on him. anyway, if he won't agree to counseling, it's me who will leave him, not him kicking me out. We have been married for 4 years, it's still 'short-term'; I have 10 year gc already, one month away to qualify for naturalization application, though that's not important now. Thank you for your words, I know there is still something better after all these, right now I just feel like I'm groping in the dark, and so cheated in this marriage. As for lawyers, in the prenup it says I will be responsible for my attorney's fees and legal expenses when we come to this, it scares me, I cannot afford it.

I have seen so much hate and what it does to one one's heart and peace of mind, I will still forgive him though he will not know it, and I still wish he will be karma'ed and pay for what he's done to me, if that is total forgiveness.

[Fandango 1,440]

Change the locks and file divorce while HE is gone on his "trip". Have a restraining order slapped on him so when HIS cheating rear comes "home" HE will have to find someplace to live.

WHY...WHY in the heck would you even think about forgiving him at this point? According to what you stated here, he has done nothing but cheat and lie to you. Furthermore he told you to get out of HIS house. What has he done to earn your forgiveness? It sounds like he doesn't want your forgivness.

Hun, you need to copy ALL of the information you have on him and email it to a public email like a gmail account that he does not know about and CANNOT guess the password on. You need to start getting your case together to make sure he does not walk away with everything from your marriage. I'm sorry to put it so bluntly, but from what you posted here, it sounds like this man is going to leave you. Do yourself a favor and leave him first.

NOW

If HE is willing to change his errant ways, get therapy, and actually WORK on a relationship with you...then you think about forgiving him. Until then, gather ammo for your divorce.

That is what I would do...But the last time I caught someone cheating on me I took everything...including the toliet paper off the roller since it was all on my credit card...LOL.

Hell hath no fury...

I don't get the 'changing of the locks' nor the restraining order...and tbh, isn't a restraining order meant for people who are in fear of bodily harm from another? It shouldn't be used as a tactic for vengeance. Nor should changing the locks on what might be his sole property...and advice like this could land the OP in a lot more heartache.

OP, I would probably leave, but that is me and I don't know your situation. It sounds to me like you may not have a choice, btw...if your husband wants out of the marriage, how can you force him to stay?

Either way, best of luck to you, and be strong and take care of yourself...

[shefellfromheaven 18]

"I have seen so much hate and what it does to one one's heart and peace of mind, I will still forgive him though he will not know it, and I still wish he will be karma'ed and pay for what he's done to me, if that is total forgiveness."

Betrayed wife , when you forgive totally you set yourself free. So often when people hurt us we stuff it down deep in our hearts , it lurks in the hidden places of the heart, causing great damage to our souls. Whatever you decide to do choose total forgiveness to free your heart and soul. I'm not telling you that letting go off the pain will be easy but for sure by the grace of God you will overcome and move beyond it. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Have a blessed day

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

As for lawyers, in the prenup it says I will be responsible for my attorney's fees and legal expenses when we come to this, it scares me, I cannot afford it.

Pre-nups can be challenged in divorce proceedings especially if he is the one who broke the sanctity of your marriage.

He is ruling over you with fear & intimidation, it only works until you stop being scared.

Several times you've mentioned a fear of him physically assaulting you when confronted with your evidence. This is not a healthy place for you to be.

Preserve the evidence of his misdeeds, keep copies of everything someplace safe where he can't get to it.

Catholic Charities can be a big help to you in what you have to face.