Oh the irony of it all

[Udella&Wiz 325]

It was bound to happen, one day my fine daughter would stumble upon a boy who was more thena little interesting. Some may remember she has been the cause of much heartache over the course of our immigration the last couple years (but we won't get into that for now)

So here's the thing - she met him playing World of Warcraft (check my sig...that's how mommy met stepdaddy ) So I'm fine with that....but I am still a mom and I can't get it out of my head that he's the craigslist killer.

They chatted for several months on WoW only before starting to MSN. She's been to his facebook, and I don;t think she was ready to give out her info yet just to be safe....and a couple days ago they had their first phone call. She is 18½ and he is 21. (a little bit of concern, but we'll see....) He seems like an ok guy. Doesn't appear to be bragging or making himself sound bigger/better then everyone else....as young guys tend to do. Works at a catering hall part time...thinking of enter the airforce blah blah blah. My daughter says he's been very respectful and has not turned the conversation towards sex or pressed for personal information ever. Mostly they've talked about goals (she is busy finishing her GED, wants to go to college) he has recently lost weight and is trying to figure out what to do with his life....

Anyhoo - not sure why I'm writing this here...but hey many of us have met online .....anyone have good safety tips I haven't thought of? At this point, there hasn't been discussion about meeting or anything more. She certainly wouldn;t have the means or knowledge to travel....he's in NYC we're in Northern VA.

It's scary being a parent....I should say she is extremely internet & computer savvy and knows all the stories on the news and is very good at keeping her information private.

[Rhiannercakes 14]

Just don't be like my parents and print off the top 10 suspicions of a stalker from the FBI site.

My parents did that to me and read them to me.

I know they were trying to protect me, but they didn't have to go that far

[canadian_wife 1,822]

Goes without saying, but when they meet, make sure it's a public place (go there even so you can see him - he won't know you are there). Can you google his name to see if he has a record or history of...well, anything? I did that with my husband before I met him, he has a ridiculously common name (think John Smith type common) so that yielded very little.

You're being a great parent by being so involved and concerned.

Good luck.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Good point ...I looked it up When I have a full name I'll be looking at the state's sex offenders registry too...no joke. His name is relatively unique, should be straight forward.

Edited May 10, 2010 by Udella&Wiz

[L_n_O 3]

She could do day trips to NY thru mega bus! and you could make a trip out of it with her!

[Hugglebuggles 60]

When my husband and I met for the first time in person, I was 17 (a month shy of 18) and he was 20. My parents were completely and absolutely against it- they wouldn't even consider the idea of me meeting him. But, unfortunately for them, it wasn't their decision, and I was going to do it with or without their approval. If they were to be more supportive, they would of have more control over the situation, but their unwillingness to even consider the idea meant I had to go behind their back. It was the summer after I graduated high school and I seriously had never done anything against their wishes- I was basically a model child. It all worked out- I brought some friends and convinced my aunt to drive me across the border to meet up with him. I was very smart and very safe, but I wished my parents would have been a lot more reasonable about the situation. So, If I could offer some advice, it would be to try and be a little supportive of the situation. If you are willing to listen without judgment, she will be more open to talking to you about him, and if the time comes when she wants to meet him, she will be more open to talking to you about that as well. I really really wish my mom would have been there for me when I first met Bill... and I think she wishes she would have been too!

[Rhiannercakes 14]

I first met my husband without my parents knowing too.

We met when I was in college, which was a 5.5 hour drive from home. My parents weren't bound to come, so we met anyway.

They were really unsupportive of me meeting him, so well... we had to meet in secret.

Pretty much just like Huggle's situation, except I was all by myself... not even a friend to support me.

They still don't know about it to this day.

Being supportive seems really important. I wish my parents had been more supportive than they did in the beginning... but I don't really blame them for not knowing how to handle the situation.

[frenzyheart 2]

The first weekend that he and I met in person, my mom and brother went with me to the airport, and then dropped us back off at my apartment. At the time, I was living in the same apartment building as my aunt, so you can imagine how many times my aunt needed to "borrow a cup of sugar", "check to see if something was working" (she was the manager at the time) or even my personal favorite -- "Your cousin wanted to come up and see you, and you know you can't say no to that adorable face." (... especially when that adorable face showed up at my doorstep at 2:45 AM once, crying, and telling me "I can't find my mommy!", and then we found out that she locked herself out, so impromptu sleepover it was! The kicker was that her mom was in her bed, asleep. Sigh.)

The next day, he ended up meeting my entire family. No lie. It was my birthday party, lol, and amazingly enough, everyone showed up. Everyone loved him, too, so it worked out.

I echo the statements above - just be supportive and all that. I think it does help that you met your hubby through the same medium - gives you a bit of an edge that most of our parents didn't really have. (if that makes sense...)

[JohnAnwesha 4]

Hi,

I hope you do not mind non-Canadians popping by this thread.I thought it was an interesting topic.I am not a parent yet but I can understand from a daughter's perspective.

I think I agree with the above sentiments.Children usually go behind parent's backs and try to do the exact opposite if we try to undermine their maturity in dealing with situations and if we are too judgemental.

I think as a parent you will most definitely be concerned,it is not bad.But I think you should just listen to your daughter,she is an adult now and would probably like your interest and open up.

Just my thoughts.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Thanks guys.... I will tread lightly and I plan to be supportive . I like the day trip idea Liz. When I was 18 I was once desparately in love too. My daughter still knows that telling me is good idea and safety is first...but you all know what love can do to you.

[Married2009 32]

Sounds like you have a good relationship with you daughter! I understand the worry though. Like others have said,the more open you are with her, the better! Also, when reading what he has told her about himself - sounds like he is a bit shy, and unsure of himself.

(On a funny note - I met my husband thru WoW. When we decided to meet face to face, I had a big argument with my aldult son about it. Kind of role reversal! He was totally against me going (we met in Vegas), and I had to call him everyday to let him know I was okay.)

[SapphireDreams 71]

Thanks guys.... I will tread lightly and I plan to be supportive . I like the day trip idea Liz. When I was 18 I was once desparately in love too. My daughter still knows that telling me is good idea and safety is first...but you all know what love can do to you.

I met my hubs online and our first meeting was in NYC. It was a good and busy place to meet. I actually met him alone when I was just 19, but we had been talking online/phone for almost 4 years and so I trusted him. I think my Mom was a bit freaked out, but she was very supportive, which made it a lot easier.

I think the part she didn't like was that I went to visit him by myself on a greyhound bus for our second visit and I stayed with him at his college dorm. Looking back I think that was pretty stupid of me...so after the first meeting if all works out I'd consider how they will continue to visit eachother and suggest that he come to your house for the first longer visit.

[GregBu 1]

Like more than a few others here, my wife and I met in World of Warcraft as well.

We were friends for over a year before it turned into more. I won an award through my work and part of the award was a week long trip for two to Hawaii, but I had no one to go with. So, though I felt it was kind of absurd, I asked Julia to go with me. Our friendship had already started turning into something more, but inviting her to come meet me on a remote part of a distant island for a week alone in an isolated guest house was a bit crazy.

So a month before Hawaii, she flew down to Dallas as I was driving through and we spent the weekend together. Also a bit crazy, but not as bad as Hawaii.

She was 23, I was 35.

[Sam and Ben 2]

I was 15 when I first started talking with Ben via World of Warcraft... We didn't meet until I was nineteen. But having had a decent relationship with my mom especially, she knew how I felt and when I talked about someone, how serious I was.

When we eventually got back in touch and decided to meet so many years later, I told him - without even approaching them - that I'd be picking him up with them in tow. And when I told my mom, although she was leery at the idea of it, she was quite happy that I assumed they'd be joining me for our first meeting. I do recall that one of the first things she said was, "Wait, is that the guy who was always yakking at you over the computer?" (The downside of having to have one's computer in the main room throughout my teenage years, haha.)

It's wonderful that she's being upfront and honest with you, and while I don't think you have to pretend that it's the greatest idea and that you aren't hesitant about it, being supportive and joining her is a great thing to reciprocate her trust.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

This is when I wish my family was with me....My parents would consider it normal to invite him over to dinner and he could meet everyone at once.....either he's gonna like it or he isn't

mind you...I'm ahead of myself here...they've spoken once on the phone...we'll see what happens