Foreign Fiance flipping out...

[Ranger431 0]

So now that we have about 4-6 weeks before her interview, she is flipping out about coming to the US. She feels "trapped" that she will have to wait several months before she gets her residency, social, job permit, and be able to see her family again. Help! Has anyone else gone through this? This is really wearing me down, I've run out of things to say over this topic! What can I do or say to her to calm her down?

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

So now that we have about 4-6 weeks before her interview, she is flipping out about coming to the US. She feels "trapped" that she will have to wait several months before she gets her residency, social, job permit, and be able to see her family again. Help! Has anyone else gone through this? This is really wearing me down, I've run out of things to say over this topic! What can I do or say to her to calm her down?

Offer to withdraw the K1, marry her, and then file for a CR1. She'll get her green card shortly after she gets here, and she'll be able to work and travel. It will also take an additional 8 to 12 months. See how she feels about THAT!

Seriously, short of the above, there is absolutely nothing you can do. The process is what it is. You can try to find things to keep her occupied while she's waiting for the green card.

Edited May 6, 2010 by JimVaPhuong

[JohnAnwesha 4]

So now that we have about 4-6 weeks before her interview, she is flipping out about coming to the US. She feels "trapped" that she will have to wait several months before she gets her residency, social, job permit, and be able to see her family again. Help! Has anyone else gone through this? This is really wearing me down, I've run out of things to say over this topic! What can I do or say to her to calm her down?

I think more than the process which will help her obtain a green card,permit to work and permit to travel to meet her family faster, she is just emotionally a litle jittery about it,now that the interview is close by and things really are happening.

You should try to support her and convince her that all that will be surely possible with time.I think she just needs assurance(like most of us foreign fiances believe me).

I hope a little loving help will give her the much needed courage to do the move to a new country.

[~Johnny~ 27]

I think more than the process which will help her obtain a green card,permit to work and permit to travel to meet her family faster, she is just emotionally a litle jittery about it,now that the interview is close by and things really are happening.

You should try to support her and convince her that all that will be surely possible with time.I think she just needs assurance(like most of us foreign fiances believe me).

I hope a little loving help will give her the much needed courage to do the move to a new country.

I agree. There's so much emotions going on for her. She is leaving everything she knows behind and putting her life and trust in you. It's a big step for anyone to move to a foreign country and not be able to travel home or work. Try to comfort and support her and she'll need much more love and assurance than normal. My girl went through a very "difficult" phase a few days after passing her interview. It finally hit home that she was going to leave her family and friends. Best advice is to try and support her best you can and assure her that she will always be loved and respected.

[SuperDuper! 230]

Ask her if she just wants to call the whole thing off! Then, get her to talk about the reasons she wanted to be with you. I feel ya!

[Ranger431 0]

Thanks guys...

[sachinky 465]

Should've thought about all of this BEFORE applying for the K-1.

[J&N* 68]

My fiancé is American and I'm Egyptian, he always excites me with our future plans, what we will do, where we'll go, like buying a house, going ice skating, going to Universal Studios and shopping, eating out at a romantic restaurant and travelling in America... this all sounds fun and she will start imaging all of this, America is a beautiful country and there's a million thing you can do, see, and buy!

Let her see the bright side for now.

[efc 1]

Hello

I am also a foreign fiance who is flipping out!

It is not an easy process, and we really did not expect it to take this long when we first filed. I have been continuously up and down throughout the whole process and we are only really at the beginning.

Also, I actually lived in the US and that is how we met. So, even though I have experienced living there and being away from family it is still worrying from time to time, knowing that this is permanent now (or will be when approved and married)

The whole not being able to work is my biggest concern, worrying about money etc and not being able to live life the way I am used to for a while until I can work again. However, you have to remember the reasons why you did this in the first place. I think these things, when put into perspective, and worth the sacrifice.

I know there will be times when I will miss my hometown and family and friends like crazy, however with the internet and skype its much more manageable. I know that we will all be able to visit each other too, and although it's not the same, if I was to stay here then I would not be able to live with my fiance and have the life that we hope for.

Please help her to stay positive, set up some hobbies and things to do while she cannot work, if you are busy then you have less time to get upset about things. Let her know that you are there for her. I plan to try to get into some kind of volunteer work before I get my EAD and green card just to keep myself occupied.

I hope this helps and good luck with the rest of your case.

[Greenparot 1]

My fiancé is American and I'm Egyptian, he always excites me with our future plans, what we will do, where we'll go, like buying a house, going ice skating, going to Universal Studios and shopping, eating out at a romantic restaurant and travelling in America... this all sounds fun and she will start imaging all of this, America is a beautiful country and there's a million thing you can do, see, and buy!

Let her see the bright side for now.

As my fiancée said, try to tell her how you'll help her feel more at home once she gets here. My fiancée will probably be homesick at times no matter what I do but that makes no difference, it's our job as future husbands to do anything in our power to make the transition easier for our future wives. I plan on taking her out on many dates (movies, restaurants, parks & picnics) and coming home for lunch on work-days. Also, Magicjack or Skype could be useful for allowing her to keep in contact with her family if they have reliable internet.

So my advice would be to focus on all the fun things you'll get to do with each other.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

So now that we have about 4-6 weeks before her interview, she is flipping out about coming to the US. She feels "trapped" that she will have to wait several months before she gets her residency, social, job permit, and be able to see her family again. Help! Has anyone else gone through this? This is really wearing me down, I've run out of things to say over this topic! What can I do or say to her to calm her down?

Yes, but most people mature enough to get married can wait a couple of months to run home. If she is so "flipping out" then get married and file for AOS right away after she arrives and file for an AP so she can run home to Momma. It will take about 2 months to receive.

OR just go there now, marry her, abandon the K-1 and do a CR-1 visa. Then she can leave as soon as she arrives. We certainly wouldn't want her trapped in the USA! Horror. That's why there is more than oe type of visa.

People choose a visa for many reasons. You probably chose the K-1 because someone told you it was faster and now you balk at the requirements. The K-1 is not a faster visa to get a green card, nor is it cheaper. And it is not the best choice for people that want to leave as soon as they arrive.

Tell her to buck up and accept the choices she makes in life. She WILL be living in the USA, she knows that right?

[Brother Hesekiel 2,236]

So now that we have about 4-6 weeks before her interview, she is flipping out about coming to the US. She feels "trapped" that she will have to wait several months before she gets her residency, social, job permit, and be able to see her family again. Help! Has anyone else gone through this? This is really wearing me down, I've run out of things to say over this topic! What can I do or say to her to calm her down?

Glad to be of assistance.

Tell her that your buddy Bob hasn't seen his family in over 10 years and that he hasn't traveled "home" since January of 1994 (over 16 years now), simply because he wants to be in the USA so much and likes the USA so much that the USA has become home for him.

Ask her if she really understands that marrying a man who lives thousands of miles away on another continent is an important, kind of life-changing event, and make sure that if she has serious doubts about this step, it would be better to back out now than in a few weeks or months. It would save you both a lot of trouble and headaches.

Some people can adjust to a new environment easily whereas others really never get totally over their past lives and live every day with regret and the urge to go back.

[JorgeP 0]

I can feel your pain right now. We are waiting on the darn email telling us when the interview is going to be and my wife is going through the same thing. One thing you can say to her is to look at this "sacrifice" in a different way. Once she is done with the waiting for her real green card she will be able to support her family from here and also down the road she will be able to help them move here (if they desire).

I have gone through the experience of moving countries and cultures (I'm actually from Guatemala as well) and one thing that kept me going is knowing that know I will have the ability to help my family any way I can.

Also, depending on what part of the country you live in you should be able to find restaurants, festivals chapines (guatemalan). This way she can always have a piece of her country available.

I hope the best for you guys!

[thongd4me 69]

Ask her if she just wants to call the whole thing off! Then, get her to talk about the reasons she wanted to be with you. I feel ya!

Courtship/interesting times spent in hotels are not always a good test of compatibility.

However, when you both come to a fork in the road, you have to take it as Yogi Berra once said.

It's married life that is littered with such forks and if you can't take them together you will have

nothing but stress in a continuing relationship.

This lady sounds a lot like my first wife, who wanted EVERYTHING on her terms and pouted

continuously until she got it her way. If she imagined that things would be easier, the way

to deal with disappointment is with a smile, love & understanding, techniques which my

Thai wife excells at. That doesn't include being understanding regarding infidelity, which

has not and will not happen. Everybody has their limits for tolerating stress, but this lady

seems to have a very very low threshhold.

[Bernie C 24]

Ranger - its not that uncommon for this to happen.

I know it can be very stressful and trying but during this time she needs your love and support more than ever.

My fiancee (now wife) did not have this happen but she was extremely homesick after she arrived (she still misses her family very much and sometimes at night when she cries I just hold her and cry with her - as I really do miss her family very much too).

Does her family have internet access? If so, you can assure her that she can talk with her family every day. I bought a new home pc when Doan arrived and we use yahoo video with voice and she talks to her family almost every day. It costs nothing (except for internet service and initial cost of pc and web cam - which most here have anyway).

Do you have family nearby and are they in acceptance of everything? Doan spends her days with my folks and she loves it. While I am at work she is learning new things and also teaching them things. For some this can be very rewarding.

Do you have any pets? We have a little dog and its a great fit because Doan had 7 dogs and she loves them very much.

These are types of things that you can use to assure her if they fit for you.

Doan also fits right in with my friends - even though it can be a bit tough depending on the language barrier at times but its really usefulo to have the interaction for her to practice her english.

Also - we are already making future plans to return to visit her family next year.

There is not really to much you can do other than be the foundation for her - be a piece of granite that is also as soft as a pillow!

Last but not least - it takes two to be successful, hopefully she can gain strength from yours.

I wish you the very best!