Irritating BS your SO does

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Good god another fryup !

It's the walmart electric chair for you gal... with a trailer hanging on it for the badger hounds and gin and bacon

He is getting better treatment than the great Caliph of Central Washington

but wait (Glenn Beck style) - praps she is 'killing him with kindness'

CA man found floating away to Baha California - balloon boy 2 ? Erie similarities.

I didn't want him to starve says woman so I kept frying until he just, well, his belt buckle snapped and then he took off like a balloon !

Air traffic control have been informed and The Yaohnanen tribe have been told it's not a solar eclipse or a sign from Prince Philip

http://en.wikipedia....Philip_Movement

What can I say. I love to spoil men with food and attention and back rubs. It's kind of a problem, and maybe I am killing him with kindness. When I met him he weighed 135 dripping wet. At his porkiest, I had him up to 157, though now with a year out of the house he's gone back down to 145 and he does ab exercises every evening before dinner in an attempt to stave off his incipient gut. No gin for him but that just leaves room for more bacon.

And if the great Caliph of Central Washington lived a little closer to SoCal he too could experience the majesty of a patented Maven fryup. Tonight I am even making crescent rolls for mopping up grease.

[Captain Oates 911]

What can I say. I love to spoil men with food and attention and back rubs. It's kind of a problem, and maybe I am killing him with kindness. When I met him he weighed 135 dripping wet. At his porkiest, I had him up to 157, though now with a year out of the house he's gone back down to 145 and he does ab exercises every evening before dinner in an attempt to stave off his incipient gut. No gin for him but that just leaves room for more bacon.

And if the great Caliph of Central Washington lived a little closer to SoCal he too could experience the majesty of a patented Maven fryup. Tonight I am even making crescent rolls for mopping up grease.

Really I think frups are a dreadful incursion into the alcohol calorie budget.

I prefer to drink a full bottle of gin neat and then two huge fryups with cream buns and as many mars bars as I feel like

The result is a net calorie LOSS !

Is a back rub like a stroke ? I have been trying to avoid having a stroke but this sounds like the way to go

I have just been in the garage for a nice long screw - and now the bird table is complete

I have had a gold finch customer already and the cat is in the window sill and quivering with intended violence and it's salivary glands are pumping out more than the BP BOP valve

Edited June 22, 2010 by saywhat

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

I do agree that one must be conscious of eating into the alcohol calorie budget, and that repeated application of fryup may lead to stroke. However, remember that we ARE separated (I think) and this may be part of my nefarious plot to get out of having to pay spousal support. Spousal support means less money for GIN.

Please to make one of them bird thimgums for my pussycat. I am now in my garden and thinking I could so do with one, esp if long screws are employed.

[Captain Oates 911]

I do agree that one must be conscious of eating into the alcohol calorie budget, and that repeated application of fryup may lead to stroke. However, remember that we ARE separated (I think) and this may be part of my nefarious plot to get out of having to pay spousal support. Spousal support means less money for GIN.

Please to make one of them bird thimgums for my pussycat. I am now in my garden and thinking I could so do with one, esp if long screws are employed.

All this is totally on topic because now we are extending into sub-conscious irritating things that domestic combatants do to one another.

I believe that both the sub-conscious and ancient 'instinctive' actions cause at least 50% of human interactions and are beyond our control.

Everyone knows that parking across someone's gateway is likely to have bigger consequences the day after the neighbors dog died than the day before. All that going on underneath is running the show.

Humans are incredibly weird and there is only me who is normal. It's lonely, it's boring, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Try stealing a french fry from someone's plate. The response is all to do with instinct and nothing to do with whether they need that 53rd fry.

I think where we go wrong is to treat humans as rational when they are just another animal when you get right down to it

Watch a UK football crowd and then a gang of chimps preparing to set off on a monkey hunt. The difference between these two scenes is hard to detect

Edited June 23, 2010 by saywhat

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Taking a break from washing the car to read this.

I shall return with some dazzling bon mot after I Turtle Wax the Stang. Hmmmm.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

All this is totally on topic because now we are extending into sub-conscious irritating things that domestic combatants do to one another.

I believe that both the sub-conscious and ancient 'instinctive' actions cause at least 50% of human interactions and are beyond our control.

Everyone knows that parking across someone's gateway is likely to have bigger consequences the day after the neighbors dog died than the day before. All that going on underneath is running the show.

Humans are incredibly weird and there is only me who is normal. It's lonely, it's boring, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Try stealing a french fry from someone's plate. The response is all to do with instinct and nothing to do with whether they need that 53rd fry.

I think where we go wrong is to treat humans as rational when they are just another animal when you get right down to it

Watch a UK football crowd and then a gang of chimps preparing to set off on a monkey hunt. The difference between these two scenes is hard to detect

Come to think of it, I probably have been trying to fatten him up over the years so he would be less attractive to other women. Clearly it didn't work. And now when I find myself easily distracted when speaking to him, it's because I'm not very interested.

We are not so far from our animule friends, indeed. Beating down the animal impulse is daily work, and often unrewarding.

[Captain Oates 911]

Come to think of it, I probably have been trying to fatten him up over the years so he would be less attractive to other women. Clearly it didn't work. And now when I find myself easily distracted when speaking to him, it's because I'm not very interested.

We are not so far from our animule friends, indeed. Beating down the animal impulse is daily work, and often unrewarding.

Let's eat him now he is chubbied up - prob solved

I will have the ears and poach a couple of eggs in them

You can have his nose and turn it into a ... what is his ethnicity ? Never mind that's a bad direction.

Choose another bit - has he got man boobs yet ?

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Let's eat him now he is chubbied up - prob solved

I will have the ears and poach a couple of eggs in them

You can have his nose and turn it into a ... what is his ethnicity ? Never mind that's a bad direction.

Choose another bit - has he got man boobs yet ?

No moobs. He's too skinny. He is palepalepale English white.

I like the other bits of the plan though. Are you available tomorrow night? I won't be here and he will be catsitting and vulnerable.

[Captain Oates 911]

No moobs. He's too skinny. He is palepalepale English white.

I like the other bits of the plan though. Are you available tomorrow night? I won't be here and he will be catsitting and vulnerable.

Ah hah - I have been watching all these crime programs - but they always get caught

Anyway it is California and I 'm not sure I want to eat a Californian - that's where Freddy went wrong. As Tone Loc said - 'we've had the eighties and I'm with the ladies'

How's about we fix him up with Tiger Wood's ex - she wants to live in Sweden and they are all skinny there so he will fit in.

Or kidnap him and sell him to rich old Russian woman as a sex slave / garden ornament ?

Or give the cat some LSD so IT eats him ? hum... bigger cat ? Mountain Lion ?

na... too skinny

Back to plan A - fatten him up with fry ups til he pops...then all we have to do is clean the grease off the walls

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Ah hah - I have been watching all these crime programs - but they always get caught

Anyway it is California and I 'm not sure I want to eat a Californian - that's where Freddy went wrong. As Tone Loc said - 'we've had the eighties and I'm with the ladies'

How's about we fix him up with Tiger Wood's ex - she wants to live in Sweden and they are all skinny there so he will fit in.

Or kidnap him and sell him to rich old Russian woman as a sex slave / garden ornament ?

Or give the cat some LSD so IT eats him ? hum... bigger cat ? Mountain Lion ?

na... too skinny

Back to plan A - fatten him up with fry ups til he pops...then all we have to do is clean the grease off the walls

Fascinating plans all, though I do note the presence of of Mr Mercury once more. This is probably cancelled out by your Tone Loc reference. (I have to say, when I read that I nearly choked on my tea -- Alan is familiar with the oeuvre of Tone Loc?) He is nigh on indestructible, due to those formative Yorkshire years. He's not rich enough for Mrs Woods (though he is blond and could pass in Sweden); the cat is probably not going to do to too much damage to him since the little ####### is in love with him since Bruce plays bitey-bitey with him(which involves the cat grabbing Bruce's hand and biting it whilst beating and kicking the sh!t out of it -- I approve of this game). The Russian scenario is the most likely, since he already speaks Russian. Or we can go the Mr Creosote plan you also suggest. Bring kitchen towel (lots) and some industrial greasecutter though.

I understand your reluctance in tying yourself to the crime. As you are the leader of this here harem, I of course demur to your infinite wisdom and mercy. But I will point out you have several years of wiliness and certainly more upper body strength (looks like a Charles Atlas before pic, maybe less so now with his exercising but still). What might look like an innocent handshake might turn into an accidental exercise in bone crushing.

I'm just saying.

Edit to add a snippet of text; it looked for a moment that I had stolen the mantle from Alan as head of the harem. Fixxored so as not to cause offence. Please don't dock a point.

Edited June 23, 2010 by elmcitymaven

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Humans are incredibly weird and there is only me who is normal. It's lonely, it's boring, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I missed this before (will admit to skimming as was busy waxing the car). What a terrible burden to bear; I can only imagine your loneliness. No wonder you're stocking up your harem with ladies; it's to dull the daily agony of existence. There, there my existential pet. You have this tumbler of gin and I'll fix you a bacon butty.

[Captain Oates 911]

USA just won the footy - deserved to too but jeez they don't make it look easy

Tone Loc - I found him around 1990. 'Got up and Stroll Dover - to the other side of the cantina - axed the guy why are you so fly ?'

'Now all the poodles run to my house for the funky cold medina'

classic, I have the mp3 - Hey I ain't no fuddy - 'I'm cool, I'm no fool'

Wednesday dawns and I am rockin' my Glock and eezying my CZ at the range this lunch.

First I must cool it down to Walmart for some fish oil for my brain. In Yorkshire 'fish oil' is a fish and chip shop - literally 'fish hole'. - but that was an aside.

Is your hubby still alive or did you shallow grave him after he fell into a coma following the mega fry up ? The FBI have very sensitive grease detectors so they will soon find it and you will be going up the river or facing a firing squad if you did it in UTAH

Her indoors accused the ref as being anti-american coz of the off side decision. She says all the world hates us and is against us. The ref was a Belgian PR executive and they are known for having weekend retreats in the tora bora.

She took her uncle sam puppy doll away as she was going to work. I told her it would cause the US to lose so she brought it back into the telly room but said I must put it back in the closet to stop the cats tearing it's head off. Then she went to work

Jeez she even thinks the cats are terrorists and want to attack the uncle sam puppy doll

Ah well US and England go through and it's stopped raining and that is better than Al Qaeda going through to the quarter finals with Ozzy playing center forward and Mullah Omar in goal.

Edited June 23, 2010 by saywhat

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

I am very impressed with your knowledge of Tone Loc. I am storing that away for future use. Not sure what, but it could be useful.

Cats are terrorists; mine performed a guerilla attack on my head at 4.55am and I stepped in an IED (vom) on the floor when I got up to feed him. Proof!

Husband still alive, my efforts notwithstanding. This morning I got to hear him freak out because he parked in the wrong parking garage (I remembered the term!) for his first day at work and now he was going to be late (5 mins) so what was the point of going and why is his life so hard and this can't be happening to him and he can't go in if he's late even by 5 minutes because it's so embarrassing. Total screaming meemee fit. I told him to STFU and be a man, take responsibility, go to the right garage, park up and walk in 5 minutes late because it's not a big effing deal. I said to get over himself and not act like such a little girl. After much hyperventilating, he managed to do just this.

Oh man, I'm doing the right thing!

[ValerieA 350]

OMG How did you get hooked up with such a drama queen? FFS.

Oops edited for redundancy. Maven already told the little baby to be a man.

Edited June 23, 2010 by ValerieA

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

OMG How did you get hooked up with such a drama queen? FFS.

Oops edited for redundancy. Maven already told the little baby to be a man.

When I met him, he was a Big Strong Man and occasionally he does act that way still. He always will when he feels someone is being unfair to me; for that I am grateful. But he's got serious anxiety issues, a mood disorder AND he's an actor. Bad combo.

Next sucker/husband will not need to be on meds: note to self.