Irritating BS your SO does

[Captain Oates 911]

Stranraer, Saskatchewan? BOY, was she lost!

This message gets my seal of approval, saywhat! I had to move out of my marital home during my first divorce because had to be sold as part of the proceedings etc etc etc #######. I rented a duplex and took my sweet time finding a new house to buy. Also made a rule of no dating that first year - broke it nearing the end, but it worked for me! I needed to have no extra emotional ####### thrust on me during that time until I got my head straightened out again. And I ended up better than before I was married!

Yes, present a moving target to life's slings and arrows.

Could be just me, but every time I come a cropper in lfe, I end up better than before. The in-between time is yukky awful though.

Millenium eve 1999 I was set to start a new life in Tenerife with an 'old' girlfriend. I had given up my safe government job, moved my money to Caja Canarias bank, bought two one way air tickets and put my house up for sale. She was coming round at 7pm to see the new millenium in with me and then we were flying 4 days later. I called her at 8 and she said it was all off and she was back with her old boyfriend.

SHIPWRECKED AGAIN !

But now she is 300 lbs and chain smokes and drinks from a litre bottle of cinzano all night every night. She married her ex boyfriend 2 months later and then got divorced straight away. He was throwing petrol bombs through her bedroom window and hanging himself in the hallway ! What seemed like then end of the world for me was my salvation.

It ain't over til it's over and the darkest hour is just before dawn.

Edited June 2, 2010 by saywhat

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Thanks guys. I don't really know what to say to you Alan (STOP IT! you're doing it again, rendering me speechless) except: thank you.

[Gemmie 142]

I agree, I could listen to you talk all day, Alan. Or read your words all day. Either way, you're a great spark of wisdom. I especially liked this:

You are pregnant with your new life and it's going to take a while for it pop out so you can take a look and see if it's ugly.

[Captain Oates 911]

I agree, I could listen to you talk all day, Alan. Or read your words all day. Either way, you're a great spark of wisdom. I especially liked this:

Yeah well it's easy to get it all in proportion when I have been through it all personally a few times including the moving UK/US etc...

and when it isn't me this time...

It's a cruel fact that when we are down and need people, that's when they hide until we are happy again - and the converse is true.

'Laugh and the world laugh with you - weep and you weep alone' is an eternal truism.

If all else fails I highly recommend self deception which I have elevated to an art form. It's only an extension to what we all try and do, and that is shut out bad memories. I totally rewrite my life's history in my mind whenever it gets too painful and convince myself I was justified.

and if I lose money on the stock market, I add up all my assets and work out what % I have lost - that makes it seem smaller and I can smile again.

After all I am gong to die, likely in pain in the next 20 years, and I shut that out because I have to. It's self deception and it works just fine ! (So does GIN)

Altogether now - always look on the bright side of life !

http://www.thebards.net/music/lyrics/Always_Look_Bright_Side_Life.shtml

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

You are promoted to Number One Internet Boyfriend again, Alan.

[Captain Oates 911]

You are promoted to Number One Internet Boyfriend again, Alan.

Phew - just when I thought it was another failed relationship...

Also folks, you need a large toolbox to hide photos of your exes -

and don't forget a combo lock - keys are dangerous

To do otherwise is cruising for a bruising

Scanning em into your private folder under a strong password and shredding the originals is also harmony preserving.

A good shredder could have saved many a relationship

Also, don't let your accountant suck your toes in the garden - are you listening Fergie ?

[Gemmie 142]

It's a cruel fact that when we are down and need people, that's when they hide until we are happy again - and the converse is true.

I'm sure we've all been in that situation where we have a good ol' rant about what is going wrong in our lives and then notice that we sound like depressive people, so tag on a positive spin to make the OTHER person feel better.

[Captain Oates 911]

I'm sure we've all been in that situation where we have a good ol' rant about what is going wrong in our lives and then notice that we sound like depressive people, so tag on a positive spin to make the OTHER person feel better.

Yes we manipulate them into wanting to hang around when we are down by being cheery...

Naturally I think I am better than that and I don't need manipulating to hang around a buddy who is down and whining and rotten company.

Doesn't stop me telling them to act like a pair of curtains and pull themselves together

It's a bit like divorce parties which I equate with abortion parties and just run over a cat parties - very bad taste and it's obviously a denial of all that was - especially when they bonk the barman in the car park afterwards

We don't kid anyone really when our jollity is based on an attempt at the renunciation of our feelings rather than a celebration of our true ones - but keeping one's pecker up is essential nevertheless. They have pills for keeping one's pecker up (No not those !) and also GIN

It's hard to find someone with NO saving graces - not even Larry King the intrusive amateur gynacologist sweaty palms tell me in smutty detail about it, has no saving graces, because he is biodegradable after all. So concentrating on the admirable (or less repulsive) in our relationships is essential to staving off shoot em in the face thoughts.

If that doesnt work then there is always chocolate - or people who are paid to be nice to you like them in the supermarket.

[visacat 1]

If that doesnt work then there is always chocolate

and GIN!!!

[Captain Oates 911]

and GIN!!!

and lime or lemon - I ain't fussy like that but I do prefer a glass rather than straight from the bottle like Lee Marvin - but that was whisky or whiskey not the Saxon GIN

Actually we have stumbled on about 6 thoughts that are worthy of post headers - from divorce parties to the short term use of booze to get through problems and do we start work on our OH's downsides or just ignore em and think positive. Also, is it ok to deny ones ethnic roots - I have a spattering (eighth) of Welsh and a dash of Irish (eighth) which I try not to think about as GIN is a Saxon invention and I can't stand rag arms celtic dancing. Lots of red meat there - enough to get through until winter !

Edited June 2, 2010 by saywhat

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Laughing so much at these posts. I'll try to come up with a riposte when I'm back later today.

[ValerieA 350]

Oh, I also went and got a tattoo. Small and tasteful. Well, at least it is small.

[Captain Oates 911]

Oh, I also went and got a tattoo. Small and tasteful. Well, at least it is small.

So is my willy but I don't show it in public.

Ok lets do the classy test:

Is it in colour ?

Are the words spelled correctly and readable without cranking the reader's neck ?

Does it refer to any ethnic group going home ?

Can it be covered up when being knighted by the Queen (ie not going diagonally up your neck)

Is it likely to stand the test of time : (A) will it stretch as your neck hole expands with age and (B) Does it refer to a previous boyfriend - 'Enis and me for eternity'

Would it make a good aiming mark for the SWAT team ?

Would any breed of insect be tempted to make love to it ?

Was any species of beetle harmed in the production of the ink

Did the Tattooist have a ho chi minh beard and a lazy eye ?

These basic tests need to be applied before I can look further into whether tatts are classy

[ValerieA 350]

So is my willy but I don't show it in public. Much appreciated, thank you!

Ok lets do the classy test:

Is it in colour ?

Are the words spelled correctly and readable without cranking the reader's neck ? No words

Does it refer to any ethnic group going home ?

Can it be covered up when being knighted by the Queen (ie not going diagonally up your neck)

Is it likely to stand the test of time : (A) will it stretch as your neck hole expands with age and (B) Does it refer to a previous boyfriend - 'Enis and me for eternity'

Would it make a good aiming mark for the SWAT team ? I don't think so. They don't aim for the ankles, do they?

Would any breed of insect be tempted to make love to it ?

Was any species of beetle harmed in the production of the ink Not that I know of, but I stomped on one the day I got it.

Did the Tattooist have a ho chi minh beard and a lazy eye ?

These basic tests need to be applied before I can look further into whether tatts are classy ALL tatts? Or just mine?

Edited June 3, 2010 by ValerieA

[Captain Oates 911]

ankle/s eh...

Well that fails the cranked neck test unless you are Dan Quayle or a shoe salesman.

ok if you are on the catwalk in Paris but otherwise one can't really get a full on - only an angle shot which in the winter could be mistaken for ringworm

breast tatts are ok as it gives the chap something to watch during...instead of the usual footy on telly over the left shoulder - but it shouldn't be a rose as it reminds him of the gardening tasks he has failed to do. A classic plane like the Spitfire would be good with Biggles wearing goggles and a flying scarf

If my daughter was getting one, I would suggest the soles of the feet so that one day the midwife can get a full on to lighten up their day

There are few things in life that are guaranteed forever - not spouses, not the affection of one's children and even nationality can be revoked. Losing a limb or having a tattoo are permanent and are equally desirable in my book.

Bone through the nose is better coz the hole can be concealed with chewing gum and make up