Irritating BS your SO does

[Captain Oates 911]

I'm taking notes, Alan. Though mine would be a giant Mint Aero bar.

Actually, pretending he was flawless was what got me here in the first place.

Mint aero it is - I brought the turkish back and I was told that I should have known better and she doesn't eat chocolate.

10 mins later the whole 1 lb had gone !!

It was my fault and I was harried worse than the north under william the ####### duke of normandy

Pretending they are perfect is good so long as you take a condor moment (one hour) every day when you can get in touch with reality. This is best done before signing anything.

I used to have a sergeant who said men would be perfect if they had chubbies on their backs (he didn't say chubbies exactly). His view was warped by his wife continuing an affair with his priest.

When I expressed doubt about this, he said I shouldn't knock it until I had tried it. It remains a word picture.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Holy carp, Alan. I don't think I can ever unsee that word picture!

[The_Dude 1,142]

Something so disturbing as an errect ####### on your back is sure to permeate your subconcious and enter your dreams. I'm just saying, ** you for the nightmares in advance.

[ValerieA 350]

Never ever think it's not appreciated ! Having my ego stroked (hughfermism) is very relaxing and can be done bi-directionally without me biting - unlike the cat

Um, this just struck me...how do you know what a cat does when you stroke his...OH. His EGO. Gotcha. Missed that.

[Captain Oates 911]

Something so disturbing as an errect ####### on your back is sure to permeate your subconcious and enter your dreams. I'm just saying, ** you for the nightmares in advance.

apparently in American English 'chubbies' refers to large gay men - I didnt realise this when I used the English English expression which refers instead to the contents of one's bra... (otherwise the 'pointer sisters')

[ValerieA 350]

apparently in American English 'chubbies' refers to large gay men - I didnt realise this when I used the English English expression which refers instead to the contents of one's bra... (otherwise the 'pointer sisters')

Oh wow, now I see your post in a whole different light. In Canadian English chubbie refers to an erection.

[Captain Oates 911]

Oh wow, now I see your post in a whole different light. In Canadian English chubbie refers to an erection.

We are metric in the UK and think north /south rather than laterally

Last time I blushed was when i asked to buy a shirt and he said 'those are pyjamas sir'

I once went in a pet shop and asked to buy a chub as they were really cheap (It's kind if fish)

He gave me a big sausage of dog food which is what the sign in the window referred to.

I couldn't put that in my fish tank so I fled..

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Oh wow, now I see your post in a whole different light. In Canadian English chubbie refers to an erection.

That's what I was thinking too but I couldn't remember if I'd heard it in England or here.

[ValerieA 350]

I couldn't put that in my fish tank so I fled..

Is fish tank a euphemism?

[Captain Oates 911]

Is fish tank a euphemism?

No but my cat flap is

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

No but my cat flap is

That is so, so wrong.

[Captain Oates 911]

That is so, so wrong.

We narcissists don't do euphemisms well - we prefer mephormisms

I have conquered jet lag ! Takes will power to stay up immediately right through to local bed time but it ensures total unconsciousness.

Last time I gave in to pm drowsiness. It lasted 3 weeks doing 1pm to 4.30pm and 10pm - 3am

Split shift somnambulism

Just think what could have been had we not been so weak

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Alan, I'm thinking seriously about moving back to Blighty. Tell me why I shouldn't. If done in iambic pentameter, you win a star prize.

[Captain Oates 911]

Alan, I'm thinking seriously about moving back to Blighty. Tell me why I shouldn't. If done in iambic pentameter, you win a star prize.

I wondered why I didn't know that then I googled it and realised its arty and that's not my strong side - though I do like Bill Shakespeare.

More of a 'how to maintain your lawn mower' man.

Now to the question before us...

First rule of relationship break ups is that it's a very bad time to make decision coz one's mind is totally scrambled. I have decided that if my OH goes off with Jose the body building gardener (quote: man with 2 brains), I would move to Safety Harbor, Florida where I was before and where it takes a 400 yards walk to watch the dolphins, and rent a nice condo. I would let all the legalities of the deeayeveeohaaghhhsee-eee go through and visit the UK a couple of times and if, after 6 months, I was feeling like going back, then I would do a 2 week trip, find a house and buy it, and then return to Florida while it was all going through. Then I would ship my stuff direct to my new owned house in England. No rush and plenty of time to acclimatise

Thing is this - as they say in the Beautiful South song 'Rotterdam' - anywhere is Rotterdam alone. Landing back in England alone will be just as lonely and nasty and unsatisfactory as some extremist religious nut ridden hole in Montana.

I did 18 years on my own between marriages and when you are 40 and a Finance Director with a nice house and a Mercedes and you live near two big cities, life as a single man can be tolerable but not much better than tolerable coz the future is not clear and the present is unsettled. Gin got me through and I owe it a debt of gratitude coz I never got hooked.

So first thing is to realise your precarious emotional state and don't do ANYTHING irreversible. You are pregnant with your new life and it's going to take a while for it pop out so you can take a look and see if it's ugly.

So do what your heart tells you but make sure you don't burn your boats. Rent don't buy. Keep don't sell.

When you get tennis elbow it can be 2 years for it to heal - through that time you have to bear the pain and know that it will get better one day. No quick fixes but the only way through is to know that it does get better.

My first divorce wrecked me and I was thrown out at age 36 with 2 kids in favour of an 18 year old boy who lived with his mum and dad and had a pedal cycle with no lights. Now I look back and see it was the finest thing that ever happened to me as she is as thick as pig muck and I was living a dead life. I was with her 14 years and I can't remember any of it ! Your perceptions of relationships and the UK and the US will change a LOT over the next 10 years - so the only danger is running from one end of the ship to the other and losing time and money in between. So defensive mode now. Be super selfish for once and think ONLY of yourself and what you truly feel while realising that these feelings will change - so you need to have plan B available at all times.

I had a woman working for me that wanted to run to Fort William in Scotland even though she was a scouser. She had never been there. She was newly divorced and wanted to run. She got the Fort William paper delivered and made all sorts of plans. It's the wettest gloomiest place in the whole if Europe. She phoned me from Stranraer when she got lost while trying to get there. She never did get there. It's natural to want to run but 99.954321% of people who run, run somewhere else or back to the starting point.

Nope it's a time for visiting places and people and and lots of quiet reflection. We narcissists are good at reflections. Oh and don't forget the GIN but if ya get hooked baby - it's nobody else's fault - so it's ok for the occassional bad day.

Edited June 2, 2010 by saywhat

[ValerieA 350]

I had a woman working for me that wanted to run to Fort William in Scotland even though she was a scouser. She had never been there. She was newly divorced and wanted to run. She got the Fort William paper delivered and made all sorts of plans. It's the wettest gloomiest place in the whole if Europe. She phoned me from Stranraer when she got lost while trying to get there. She never did get there. It's natural to want to run but 99.954321% of people who run, run somewhere else or back to the starting point.

Stranraer, Saskatchewan? BOY, was she lost!

This message gets my seal of approval, saywhat! I had to move out of my marital home during my first divorce because had to be sold as part of the proceedings etc etc etc #######. I rented a duplex and took my sweet time finding a new house to buy. Also made a rule of no dating that first year - broke it nearing the end, but it worked for me! I needed to have no extra emotional ####### thrust on me during that time until I got my head straightened out again. And I ended up better than before I was married!