Irritating BS your SO does

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Stop asking them to cook and do it yourself?

I think you'll find, Julian, that I clearly stated that we take them outside and shoot them in the face. I shall be instructing your fiancee in the art of faceshooting this weekend.

(Oh dear, that came out all wrong.)

[JulianMelissa 52]

In our household, if the apples taste of onions there will only be one culprit, and it will not be me.

Enjoy your meeting, Melissa is overjoyed at the prospect of comparing notes with someone else who's gone through the process. Although after a few hours of that non-stop enthusiasm you may want to turn the gun on yourself.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

You really are an insufferable git, aren't you? If it weren't for all those doubloons and fine gowns you promised me as your mistress upon your arrival, rest assured I would be practicing my aim.

[Captain Oates 910]

When povery comes in the door, love flies out of the window...

Women come in two categories:

A

[Captain Oates 910]

When poverty comes in the door, love flies out of the window...

Women come in two categories:

A dumb but nice

B Intelligent but bloody hard work

In fact horse are the same - nice gentle cart horses and biting kicking race horses

Small rabbit breeds are nasty and bite but big ones are nice and docile

Corgis and labradors

It's a pattern that repeats throughout nature

Now then chaps - do you want a dumb one or a minx - which unacceptable trait do you prefer ?

Oh you want it both ways ? - and you have got it and you are so lucky ?

Hey, she isn't listening and you are talking to me now...

Life is a tedious trail and full of unacceptable choices - and then you die

Edited May 20, 2010 by saywhat

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Alan, I hardly know what to say except you have done what few men can do: render me (temporarily) speechless. I assume I fall into your Category B, but I am only hard work to those for whom even a modicum of effort is too much.

[Jewel-8 21]

Alan, I hardly know what to say except you have done what few men can do: render me (temporarily) speechless. I assume I fall into your Category B, but I am only hard work to those for whom even a modicum of effort is too much.

I would have been speechless if my husband hadn't introduced me to a certain Irish show in the last few weeks... The words 'Fecking eegit' came to mind.

Only teasing!! I don't know about those stereotypes though. What if I said something like, "American women are much more difficult to be married too and British are calm and boring." It just doesn't work like that.

Edited May 20, 2010 by Jewel-8

[Captain Oates 910]

Alan, I hardly know what to say except you have done what few men can do: render me (temporarily) speechless. I assume I fall into your Category B, but I am only hard work to those for whom even a modicum of effort is too much.

hahah ! I knew I would break a record at something one day

I know women think something similar - as in 'Oh I'm bored, I feel a ####### coming on'

Some of my friends have come clean with me - usually after 3 pints of Timmy Taylor at the coach and horses in Harrogate.

They manage to bottle it up for 30 years and then it all comes out...

Although it's a jokey thread and we are just messing about, there is an element of truth to it. I prefer intelligent but there is a price to pay let no man assume otherwise. I used to have 30 women working for me and the intelligent ones were only nice when they felt like it - but most of the dumb but nice were permanently nice. I tried a couple of the nice ones (not work) but I got frustrated when they didn't know what I was on about. It was relaxing though.

I got a bust nose off one of the intelligent ones but she was my best mate ever and we went all over the world

until of course I got it both ways (quick bottom covering exercise just in case)

Edited May 20, 2010 by saywhat

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

until of course I got it both ways (quick bottom covering exercise just in case)

Yes, that is a very wise move on your part.

[TracyTN 237]

When poverty comes in the door, love flies out of the window...

Women come in two categories:

A dumb but nice

B Intelligent but bloody hard work

I presume one could say the exact same thing about men. If one were closed minded enough to believe such things.

*edited for typo*

Edited May 20, 2010 by TracyTN

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Tracy

Alan will forever be my VJ crush nevertheless for his inspired rants on duvets and kettles.

[Captain Oates 910]

Yes, that is a very wise move on your part.

Hey I am learning to button it except when I am in private on VJ..

Example: I was going out with a really nice one - I mean a lovely person and very pretty.

We were rowing along the Bude canal in Cornwall and I was heaving on the whores - oops I mean oars - she was sitting pretty in the stern like she should have a parasol.. A duckess came past with 12 little duckolitos in tow.

My GF said 'So do ducks come from...er...err... eggs ?'

That was it and it was instant. Being a gentleman, I didn't finish it til we got home but jeez ! Actually it was the last one of a series of these. She is getting married soon and he is a lucky chap if he is immune to that level of 'where does the sun go every night'. Oh she also said 'look at that plane taking off'. I said 'lemme give you a tip - when the nose is lower than the tail, it's landing'

See I know where the sun goes every night, but because I disparage those who don't, I am not nice. Actually I am a bit nice - just a tiny bit - and I used to pop round at 2am for years and stick 300 quid through her door coz she had 2 kids to bring up. So I must be a bit nice. Conscience money ? Praps a tiny bit but I didnt need to.

She still doesn't know it was me and her son is at Oxford now...

ps don't tell anyone...

[Jewel-8 21]

See I know where the sun goes every night, but because I disparage those who don't, I am not nice. Actually I am a bit nice - just a tiny bit - and I used to pop round at 2am for years and stick 300 quid through her door coz she had 2 kids to bring up. So I must be a bit nice. Conscience money ? Praps a tiny bit but I didnt need to.

She still doesn't know it was me and her son is at Oxford now...

ps don't tell anyone...

You're lucky he took after you.

[MelissaJulian 30]

In our household, if the apples taste of onions there will only be one culprit, and it will not be me.

Don't worry -- I'll make sure to put multiple cutting boards on the bridal registry list.

Enjoy your meeting, Melissa is overjoyed at the prospect of comparing notes with someone else who's gone through the process. Although after a few hours of that non-stop enthusiasm you may want to turn the gun on yourself.

I'll try not to overload you with questions, elmcitymaven!

[Captain Oates 910]

You're lucky he took after you.

Ta muchly...

I didn't go to proper school til I was 26 - I was really intelligent for about 10 years and then my brains turned to soggy yorkshire pudding. My present (oops final) wife is the clever one now and I am struggling with my short term memory while my childhood memories become vivid. I can remember every bush and wall and power line like I am looking at it in real time.

Hum I wonder if my spouse thinks I am clever or stoopid and I wonder what she is 'putting up with'

Actually I love playing with words and it could be an English thing. Like Berny Madoff is a great name for a guy who absconds with the money. My wife thinks I am infantile for laughing at that and looks sneeringly at me.

'Four candles' - 'No 'andles for forks' - all that stuff - leaves her cold - I don't think Los Americanos are word players like the Brits (well the English anyway)

Boot on the other foot nowadays