Who's Been Married Longest on VJ?

[~ameriptian~ 54]

Just curious!

[trinket 30]

Been married for 5 and half years. I think making or breaking of marriage depends upon the couple themselves.

Other than loving, respecting and all the blah blah I do believe one of the most important thing is to be on the same intellectual level. Couples can have different point of view and they don't have to agree on everything but they have to make a way of understanding each other or be in peace with it.

For me its important that both me and my husband grow together. I am not the same person he met 6 years ago (and married 5 years ago), a lot has changed since then. I am not that carefree anymore, I am more ambitious than what I was and he accepts that, he has changed a lot too and I accept that. Problem would be if one person grows and the other person still wants the same thing as how it was when they first started off their relationship.

I am not a relationship expert but I do know what works for us and that is taking things easy and loads of teasing and laughs.

[Marilyn. 340]

we have been married for just over 6 years, although in our first year of marriage we only saw each other about every other month...

I think a marriage needs love, respect, affection, sense of humour, you need to spend time together but you also need to let the other person spend some time on their own,

[ScratchIt 12]

1 Love.

1 Respect.

1 Communication (Other)

2 Spending enough time together.

2 Mutual interests.

2 Sex.

2 Physical acts of love. (hugs, kisses, gifts, pet names, etc

3 Financial stability.

3 Sense of humor.

3 Good relationship with the in-laws.

3 Children.

3 Being able to have some 'Me' time every once in a while.

Edited May 5, 2010 by ScratchIt

[Saddle Bronc 124]

1. Four years as of "Tax Day" (which is our anniversary)
2. Dunno
3. Love, Respect and broad category "Mutual Interest" (which I'll take to include spiritual-compatibility as defined in 2 Cor 6:11-20)

[Kathryn41 3,205]

1. 6 years next month

2. depends on the couple

3. 'others' include: avoiding unreasonable expectations; acceptance of each other 'as is' but recognizing that change happens and trying to 'grow' together; treating each other with courtesy as well as affection; giving each other the benefit of the doubt; committing to the relationship; giving each other space as well as spending time together; supporting each other in their interests and activities even if it isn't yours; practicing simple acts of kindness for each other; having compatible values; being intellectualyl compatible; respecting each other's spiritual beliefs; knowing when to stand firm and when to compromise; being bluntly honest to yourself but not bluntly honest with your partner - find a kind way to let them know something that may be difficult or uncomfortable or disturbing for them; being protective of your partner's insecurities or weaknesses as well as proud about their strengths and abilities . . I'm sure there's more but those are the ones that come immediately to mind.

and of course the ones stated above - respect, love, sense of humour, physical acts of affection (not just sex), mutual interests, and having financial stability definitely helps.

Edited May 7, 2010 by Kathryn41

[Dr. Obvious 49]

1) 6 years in August.

2) I doubt it. People get divorced on VJ all the time.

3) All of the above.

[thongd4me 69]

1) 5 months the end of May

2) International marriages better? Depends on the couple.

3) I think listening and forgiveness are two important things that make things work.

Just had a call from ex-wife yesterday and that highlighted those two.

With her it didn't matter what she perceived I had done wrong.

The remedy was always "you shall hang by the neck until dead."

[Nessa 23]

4 years in November

no. I don't think they're stronger or weaker. I think marriage really depends on the couple, and it's unrelated to culture or race.

yes to all.

very good poll, btw.

[Nik+Heather 121]

1) 7 months

2) No - I strongly believe that a mutual understanding is a critical foundation for a good, long lasting marriage, and although not the absolute rule, I believe that coming from different cultures will make this difficult for mutual understanding in general. I want to be specific that I don't think it is about race - two people who grow up in the same culture will have relatively similar bases for understanding and interacting with the world when compared with people who have spent their lives in completely different cultures. Two people with the right temperaments can make it work, but I don't believe that it is an overwhelmingly common trait.

3)As above, I think equivalent understanding or at the very least respect for each other is required. I picked a few others. I certainly hope that children aren't needed to make a marriage better. In fact, I think that rather than children making a marriage better, I think that a good marriage makes for good parents for a child, so it just seems a bit backwards. Besides, anyone who watches Jerry Springer (teasing!) knows that having kids doesn't necessarily add to the positive side of a marriage!

[Ryan_and_Priscy 16]

Other> Specify

Communication, forgiveness, patience, GOD and a good home-made food.

[Mithra 1,185]

1. 5 years

2. It depends on the couple, has nothing to do with culture or ethnic background.

3. Love, respect, trust, open communication, understanding, "me" time (time together is great, too much time together is smothering), affection, sex (one of my favorite quotes is - "keep the fights clean and the sex dirty"), financial security (nothing kills love faster than poverty), PATIENCE. Patience is hugely important.

I don't believe that a good relationship with the inlaws is necessary for a good marriage. It's helpful and makes things easy when everyone gets along but it's not necessary. I suppose I "like" my inlaws but I'm VERY thankful they live half a world away. My husband gets on fine with my family, not bffs but it's civil and friendly-ish.

I also do not believe that children make a relationship stronger, necessarily. It enhances some relationships but it doesn't make them more successful. Sometimes children add more stress to a situation. Having children in order to strengthen or save a marriage is foolish, IMO.

[thongd4me 69]

I deleted my original vote & replaced it with "over 6 months" as we have passed that milestone already.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Getting close to three years

Coming from different backgrounds does make it difficult at times.

I would add similar experiences, similar goals, similar expectations, and similar education to the list.

Edited July 29, 2010 by ##########

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Even though my current marriage is at 7 months , my last was also to an alien and that one lasted either 10 years or 23 years depending on which date on the divorce document you believe ( divorce pro tunc nunc )