How to Trust

[Dixie_Peach 1]

I am a counselor/therapist.

Any time you get into ANY relationship - with a USC or not - you are putting your heart on the line and risking having your heart broken. Love has no guarantees! But what's the alternative? Living in fear? Never trusting? Never loving someone because you are too afraid of what COULD happen?

In my honest opinion, you do seem to have issues that transcend this particular relationship. The fear in which you are living comes from somewhere? Bad relationship? Parents? Just a "gut" feeling...

And I do believe that therapy WOULD be a good option for you. You say that you "have no idea why" you feel that way - and this could help you. Being married and having such an irrational, non substantiated fear is NOT normal....

I wish you the best of luck in dealing with this - but I can tell you constant fear like that can teat a marriage apart. A marriage is supposed to be based on TRUST and COMMUNICATION and if those two pilars aren't there - trouble could arise.

good advice therapist karo.....

ditto!

[joej 0]

You can call me whatever you want to to make yourself feel better Jenn....If you feel that calling me derogatory names helps YOU get through the day - go for it.

Good thing I could care less what strangers on the internet call me...

I was so sorry to see that as well. Yet now I can understand why she thinks the OP's behavior is ok.

Really?

I guess you are really looking for a reply from me. Ok here it is...

Reply

I know this topic keeps going and going, but I found something so funny.....Did anyone notice the OP's name on here is Trust Me. Seems kind of funny, whith reguards to their original post here.

[Nikita2Charles 32]

The main thing is to trust, without trust the relationship will not last, It's normal to have that fear the person you love might leave you but that's part of life, it's too early at this stage to think of something like that, you need to do a self evaluation of why you are thinking this way, please see a therapist, enjoy your life with your new husband, enjoy life fully without any reservation.

God Bless!

[mandyyxz 0]

i have the same problem and itis really eating me sometimes. itis so hard for me to trust especially trust men. i know it is from my dad.. when i was a teenager, my dad cheated and he was the hero or the perfect man in my eye, and then not anymore. i grew up with fear of love and relationship. i am a very insecure person and i dumped a lot of guys. i am afraid to be in love. cause i know only the peoplei love can hurt me.

weird thing is, i got married at a kinda early age...much earlier than i thought. i love my husband but still i cant totally trust him because i dont trust love. in my mind, love can change one day, nothing is forever except death. whenever he told me that he would proof i am wrong cause we would be living together until 90 years old, i wish i could think like him....he treats me really good, cant be better...but still i am afraid one day he will get tired of me, one day he wouldnt spoil me as much as now one day we will just go thru most of ppl 's route, i am really negative about the future...what is worse i doubt myself that i dont have the ability to love.i know i have depression problem. i am not afraid him leaving me, my friends told me that basically i can get any man i want for what i am having now...... but really i dont want to have any other man. i am tired of being in a relationship. i told my husband maybe i should be single cause i dont know how to love someone and that hurt him alot. even in ur relationship, he does whatever he can do for me, and basically i am doing nothing back....and he is ok with it cause the only thing he needs from me is i am being happy. but since i get this depression problem, i cant be happy all the time and that moment i feel really really negative. i cant survive with bad times. when bad time comes, itis like the end of the world even i want to kill myself sometimes cause i really dont feel fun living in the world. i think i need to get therapies.....

[Chuckles 0]

i have the same problem and itis really eating me sometimes. itis so hard for me to trust especially trust men. i know it is from my dad.. when i was a teenager, my dad cheated and he was the hero or the perfect man in my eye, and then not anymore. i grew up with fear of love and relationship. i am a very insecure person and i dumped a lot of guys. i am afraid to be in love. cause i know only the peoplei love can hurt me.

weird thing is, i got married at a kinda early age...much earlier than i thought. i love my husband but still i cant totally trust him because i dont trust love. in my mind, love can change one day, nothing is forever except death. whenever he told me that he would proof i am wrong cause we would be living together until 90 years old, i wish i could think like him....he treats me really good, cant be better...but still i am afraid one day he will get tired of me, one day he wouldnt spoil me as much as now one day we will just go thru most of ppl 's route, i am really negative about the future...what is worse i doubt myself that i dont have the ability to love.i know i have depression problem. i am not afraid him leaving me, my friends told me that basically i can get any man i want for what i am having now...... but really i dont want to have any other man. i am tired of being in a relationship. i told my husband maybe i should be single cause i dont know how to love someone and that hurt him alot. even in ur relationship, he does whatever he can do for me, and basically i am doing nothing back....and he is ok with it cause the only thing he needs from me is i am being happy. but since i get this depression problem, i cant be happy all the time and that moment i feel really really negative. i cant survive with bad times. when bad time comes, itis like the end of the world even i want to kill myself sometimes cause i really dont feel fun living in the world. i think i need to get therapies.....

I feel very sorry for your poor husband. It takes so much to give someone your love and trust, then to have it thrown back in your face is absolutly heartbreaking.

I wish you luck with your problems, but you really should seek help SOON for your husbands sake.

[iceyspots 0]

I know that everyone on here has pondered these questions as well. Believe me, no relationship in this world has guarantees, but that doesn't mean you have to live like a celibate single hermit all your life. You make good judgements, take your chances, work your hardest to make things work in harmony, but if it doesn't work out, you did all that you could, and shouldn't take it as a failure, but as a learning experience. Please take things one day at a time and don't overanalyze the situation. There are bad people in all walks of life, be it preacher, or drug-pusher. Hope things work out for the best for you.

[Aymerlu 3]

It sounds like you have many internal issues that you need to deal with. First of all you are not your friend and just because someone is "beautiful" does not mean a marriage will be perfect. There are many factors to a marriage, not solely on the apperance of someone. You sound a lot like how I felt about 2 years ago. I had been in a bad relationship that really took a toll on me. Since meeting my fiance he has change me completely. I know I'm not the prettiest gal in the world, but he makes me feel like I am and he loves me for who and what I am. Your husband sounds the same. He loves you for who and what you are. There are no guarantees in life regarding anything, but to me, you really need to resolve this issue before it becomes a bigger issue. My thoughts are with you.

[Fischkoepfin 1]

Mandxyz, I'm no therapist/counselor, but you need to get some help asap because that is really not good. Your trust issue seems closely related to your depression, and it also seem you don't feel like you "deserve" his love and care, a clear self-esteem problem. From my limited personal experience, you're underestimating not only yourself but also that you are probably contributing a lot to the relationship. Once you've sought treatment for your depression, you will be in a much better position to decide whether or not you should be in this relationship. Good luck!

[babybunny 2]

Give me a break. Ok, so she has "trust issues", and "low self-esteem". Hasn't everyone got their own "issues"?

I don't think the OP's feelings are at all abnormal.

Ummmm really? So you think a "normal" marriage is one where your fear of being left is so paralyzing, you might leave your spouse first just to "beat them to the punch"? Really?

As I stated, two of the MAIN PARTS of a marriage are TRUST and COMMUNICATION...this issue of trust is WAY bigger than any "normal marriage" and needs to be addressed.

If this behavior seems NORMAL for your marriage...then maybe that's why your view is so skewed?

Though I've always dreamed of being married, I'm terrified of it. Now that I'm sharing this with my husband he is terrified that I'm going to leave him because of it.

So what did you mean by that line then?

If you're having a bad day, fine - but don't expect to post something like this on a PUBLIC FORUM, ask for advice and then complain because you don't like what you hear.

Sorry to be honest but your fears are more than the average couple. Being so afraid that he's going to leave you that you won't change your name? I mean honestly, I've been a counselor for five years now...and this is not normal.

sorry

i have the same problem and itis really eating me sometimes. itis so hard for me to trust especially trust men. i know it is from my dad.. when i was a teenager, my dad cheated and he was the hero or the perfect man in my eye, and then not anymore. i grew up with fear of love and relationship. i am a very insecure person and i dumped a lot of guys. i am afraid to be in love. cause i know only the peoplei love can hurt me.

weird thing is, i got married at a kinda early age...much earlier than i thought. i love my husband but still i cant totally trust him because i dont trust love. in my mind, love can change one day, nothing is forever except death. whenever he told me that he would proof i am wrong cause we would be living together until 90 years old, i wish i could think like him....he treats me really good, cant be better...but still i am afraid one day he will get tired of me, one day he wouldnt spoil me as much as now one day we will just go thru most of ppl 's route, i am really negative about the future...what is worse i doubt myself that i dont have the ability to love.i know i have depression problem. i am not afraid him leaving me, my friends told me that basically i can get any man i want for what i am having now...... but really i dont want to have any other man. i am tired of being in a relationship. i told my husband maybe i should be single cause i dont know how to love someone and that hurt him alot. even in ur relationship, he does whatever he can do for me, and basically i am doing nothing back....and he is ok with it cause the only thing he needs from me is i am being happy. but since i get this depression problem, i cant be happy all the time and that moment i feel really really negative. i cant survive with bad times. when bad time comes, itis like the end of the world even i want to kill myself sometimes cause i really dont feel fun living in the world. i think i need to get therapies.....

I feel very sorry for your poor husband. It takes so much to give someone your love and trust, then to have it thrown back in your face is absolutly heartbreaking.

I wish you luck with your problems, but you really should seek help SOON for your husbands sake.

I totally agree..

[CarolineM 0]

Don't we usually Shon?

[Jenn! 918]

I was hoping this thread wouldn't be resurrected.

Oh well.

[almaty 19]

I was hoping this thread wouldn't be resurrected.

Oh well.

me to..beating that dead horse again