Yardies a home and a farrin - Part 26!

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

Ells, thank you for HEARING what I was saying!! I KNOW you are a GOOD woman, and will do anything to make this work!! You've been around for yonks, heard the stories and know you are a BIGGER woman than me because I couldn't hang in there this long!!!

But as someone who gives a damn, I NEED to say something when I think it is required!! Hugs to you!!

Morning Yardies!

Congrats Tee!

Happy Anni Chiney!

Good news KJ!

You TOTALLY 'get it' JG! Thank you for understanding my point. It's the LIES that are getting on my last nerve, not his choice of friends. Of course, when he lies about who he's visiting with, it does make me wonder why he feels the need to, like what is he hiding. I also have mostly guy friends & he wouldn't ask me to give them up, nor would I if he tried to. However, by the same token, I don't spend a lot of time alone with any of them & if I were to, he'd have just as much of a problem with it as I would. What the heck do I need to be going over to some guy's house for a few hours a couple time's a week for?? I have no need for that, my husband (& supposed best friend) is at home. He'd be the green-eyed monster if I acted the way he acts sometimes. But the real issue is the lying. I really don't spend a lot of time checking on him but as his wife, I do have a right to ask things like "who was that?" when I hear a female voice on the phone calling him. When he tries to cover up by saying it's one of his guy friends, that just insults me to my core. And I completely agree with JAEnglish & what she is saying. (In fact, I think I'm going to read what she wrote to him tonight.) I give my husband every opportunity to act like a man, but when he's constantly lying about ish, he's acting like a child. Anyway, it is what it is & whatever happens, happens.

[Chiney*Eyes 0]

Thank you for that, Kimmy. Some days I need someone to say, keep at it....it can get better.

absolutely! most know my stories here...i have come to realize EDUCATION is a heck of a thing when relating and understanding comes into play..cause my step kids mom hawdddd fi understand..BUT i have LEARNED how to MAKE her get it...

[*JG* 2]

LadyC, as I specifically said, my words were not meant as an attack, but more a REALITY CHECK.

No-one can tell you what you should do in your house, but I am entitled to give my opinion in the same way you have the right to vent.

My words were not meant to cut you down or to judge, but more to put yourself in your husband's shoes.

And also, while I know you were venting, suppose he overheard you saying you would send him back? As JG said, if you aren't about to load him on a plane, don't use the words. Again, you are welcome to step past my comments.

Now this board SHOULD be about supporting people, but at the same time, if one of my friends vented to me like you did to the board, I wouldn't be a TRUE FRIEND if I didn't say to her what I said to you.

As for yelling, it's just how I emphasize words. Take it or leave it, no offence intended.

JG, I hear on Ells. And I agree with you that it is probably a poor choice in words and perhaps in actions.

But as someone with pride, I would not want to hear my husband talking about me being 'allowed'. And as for th sending back thing, as the IMMIGRANT in my relationship, I would take DEEP offence to my husband infering/saying/suggesting he was going to send me back. Nuh MAIL ORDER bride right yaso.

If you haven't bought the plane ticket, you shouldn't be tslking about sending people back. A husband/child ain't for no damn Christmas.

And YES things are said in anger, but PLEASE just THINK before you talk, because some things can NEVER be taken back!!

Even if you apologise or rae rae, how can you expect a man to feel SECURE knowing this is how you are talking?

And yes, I know 'sending him back' could really mean 'leaving him', but it's the whole CONNOTATION!

If my husband said, you know what this isn't working out, I could move past that. And repair something after that. But if he said 'I'm thinking about buying you a ticket and sending you back' that's WHOLE different thing!!

Affa dis a anno WALMART CUSTOMER SERVICE!!!!

Unu fi watch weh unu a duh and a seh caws if mi nuh deh wid unu and feel suh, imagine how dem a feel?

I had issues with my cousin and a friend saying she/they was going to buy Andre a ticket and send him back when he and I were having some issues. I blew a gasket. Only thing I ever said to Andre at the end was do you want to go back? He said no. I've never asked or said a thing about that since. It's not my right at all. He's here because of steps WE took and if he chooses to stay, it's his life. I wish him the best. I never made an attempt to force him somehow to leave. I never will.

[finesse 3]

The same like he does every night girl. We put him to bed and he started to bawl as usual but we ignored him. When that did not work he kept coming out to go to the bathroom. G put him back to bed and then he started turning the lights on and off. I was trying to help G fill out all his employment papers so when I got up and told him to stop he kept up the bawling. We finally went to our room and I have no idea when he stop bawl. SMH

i wonder what is going on in his little head. i can just picture him as he is flickering the lights on and off thinking to himself "how much of this can you take stepmommy?"

it is kinda funny...even tho it is not really funny at all

we have had hella probs with my son in the beginning so i know sometimes things are so crazy, you just have to laff....otherwise you might go nuts!

[Shemmy 4]

I had issues with my cousin and a friend saying she/they was going to buy Andre a ticket and send him back when he and I were having some issues. I blew a gasket. Only thing I ever said to Andre at the end was do you want to go back? He said no. I've never asked or said a thing about that since. It's not my right at all. He's here because of steps WE took and if he chooses to stay, it's his life. I wish him the best. I never made an attempt to force him somehow to leave. I never will.

That's great JG. I never will either. Those are some harsh words in my opinion. I may have alomost showed up on Snapped a few times (just kidding) but never shippied him back home.

Hi Everyone.

[DedicatedWife 4]

I had issues with my cousin and a friend saying she/they was going to buy Andre a ticket and send him back when he and I were having some issues. I blew a gasket. Only thing I ever said to Andre at the end was do you want to go back? He said no. I've never asked or said a thing about that since. It's not my right at all. He's here because of steps WE took and if he chooses to stay, it's his life. I wish him the best. I never made an attempt to force him somehow to leave. I never will.

You are a strong woman...

[Shemmy 4]

LadyC - Congrats to hubby starting a new job. I pray your family will come together soon.

[DedicatedWife 4]

That's great JG. I never will either. Those are some harsh words in my opinion. I may have alomost showed up on Snapped a few times (just kidding) but never shippied him back home.

Hi Everyone.

Hi Shemmy, hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day!

[Shemmy 4]

Hi Shemmy, hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day!

Hey...I spent my Mother's Day with four generations - Grandmother, mother and my daughter...I am very blessed.

[Ellsinlove 2]

Ells, thank you for HEARING what I was saying!! I KNOW you are a GOOD woman, and will do anything to make this work!! You've been around for yonks, heard the stories and know you are a BIGGER woman than me because I couldn't hang in there this long!!!

But as someone who gives a damn, I NEED to say something when I think it is required!! Hugs to you!!

Thanks for telling it like it is. I appreciate it. For real! Sometimes it's hard to swallow but it certainly makes me step back & take a look at my actions & again, appreciate the honesty when others might sometimes be afraid to say something for fear of hurting feelings or whatever. I know VERY well that I'm FAARRR from perfect & I'll be the first to admit I have pretty poor relationship skills so this is a huge learning experience for both of us. We want this to work & more than ever do I now understand what people mean when they say 'marriage is hard work'! I keep saying this but only time will tell if we can work through our issues & become the team/family we've always hoped for.

[*JG* 2]

You are a strong woman...

Some days I think so. Others, I'm like jello!

[MRStee 19]

LadyC, I don't think that JaE was trying to be disrespectful at all. I imagine she's just passionate (as are many) about this topic. I laud you for raising your kids to be good kids, because many can't/don't. I just want to strongly encourage you and your husband to seek some outside professional assistance from a therapist or counselor. Finding someone who specializes in behavior modification techniques would be good. If you could find someone who specializes in working with immigrant families would be even better, but I'm not sure what's available in your area/with your insurance. I just don't want you to give up so soon. Although it sounds like he might be a true terror. Remember this is a lifetime of behaviors he has learned--and while you say, "he's only 7", 7 years of learned behaviors that are detrimental and dangerous is 7 years too many. If you're willing, it's gonna take months of work to work out. This wsan't something that he learned overnight. That's just the truth of the matter. And that's if you AND your husband are putting 200% of your efforts into working on it TOGETHER! If not, then it's gonna take much longer than that, with less successful results. We are all really here for you. Even if we're not around much. Hope things work out.

Mrs P where were you while I was raising my terror?

Goodmorning yardies, I've been reading from my phone and I see I havre alot to reply to. In the meantime I am happy to say

NO TUMOR!!!

Yayyyyyyyyyyyy now get ta baby making

[finesse 3]

where is that tramp jq smiley boom at today?

[sugarapple 1]

Wait that monster spit on you and he lived to talk about it?? Wow… So did your hubby spank him??

I know right he would have had a bust lip mi know care who child he for crazy....

[justucia 0]

But the real issue is the lying. I really don't spend a lot of time checking on him but as his wife, I do have a right to ask things like "who was that?" when I hear a female voice on the phone calling him. When he tries to cover up by saying it's one of his guy friends, that just insults me to my core.

i understand 100% about they lying

i had a bf that pulled that ######, it hurt me to my core as well

i HATE HATE HATE HATE liers- don't underestimate me and decide for ME how you think i would react to the TRUTH

you think i don't want to hear the truth? you think it will "hurt' me- LET ME #$%#$ing decide that for myself!

what excuse does your hubby give for lying all the freaking time?

notice i said excuse- because i don't believe there can be a logical REASON for lying to your partner all the time

do you honestly see him changing this part of his personality?

ugh, this has me heated.... sorry