Filing buddies

[Thingee 0]

I'm another one that's getting her act together to file. I'm in Northern Virginia, sweetie-pie is in UK, just outside London to be exact. We've been carrying on long distance for well over a year, we're pretty lucky in that we generally get to see each other about every 6 months. We're unsure as to when we're going to file...he's in the process of negotiating with his place of employment an idea that could well pay for his moving expenses, plus pretty much clinch the support paperwork if they go for it. (BIG if) Thus we're waiting to see if they go for it or not..that'll have a fairly large impact on when we file.

Since we're talking about added stressors (tee hee) I have a large family..5 children to be exact. They love him to bits and are pretty much constantly asking when he's coming to visit again. We haven't told them that he's moving...he wants to more or less ask their permission first, which I think is lovely. And I'm house hunting..a process that began before I knew for sure he was moving...we'd talked about it for quite some time, but he officially announced his intentions only 2 weeks ago. I've found a gorgeous 1920's farm house that's well within my means and am bidding on it, but I'm worried all those things you worry about when buying a house. Eek. On the bright side, when honey moves he'll have loads to keep him occupied while he's out of work!

[mozplay 29]

I think you have a great idea here, but I just aced myself out of your club by mailing in our I-129F packet this morning! Hoping I got everything correct, but figured I could pour over it, stress and worry until the end of time... Felt like it was best to just do it, our visajourney has officially begun!

all in favour of ready4ONE being in the 'club' give me a thumbs up

[RosaMystica7 0]

I'm Monique - Canadian, fiancee is David (USC) and we should be filing by Monday!!! yay!

Woohoo - I wish you all the best!

and my lease, which he cosigned for me.

Wow - that's a good idea!

We're hoping to have it together to send out the same day he recieves the documents from me...which were sent on the 1st and just cleared the border yesterday. Beginning to think he would get the docs faster had I opted for a carrier pidgeon.

Yeah I know... the first time we were getting ready to file, back in January, he sent me his forms in a box with other stuff. Well, it disappeared for a MONTH. He paid 40-something Euros to be able to track it, and tracking didn't work on it. I guess it must've been customs, or something, I dunno. The box arrived smashed with holes in both sides. At least nothing was lost - other than the stamps he sent me for my stamp collection. You can imagine how much we were freaking out about THAT, with his G-325a and passport photos and letter of intent in there, right? Well, this time, the forms will be sent to me alone in an envelope, and we're paying the 40-something Euro tracking shipping again... hopefully the tracking will WORK this time. He's already got a SS# because he was here for 3 years on a religious worker visa, and we don't want something with his SS# just sitting in the mail.

Well, I JUST sent my packet off on Tuesday. Putting it together was a time-consuming venture, I can tell you. I'm sure you all have the same feeling.

It feels like a scavenger hunt, don't it?

My fiancé, Laurent, is also French, Angilla

Oooh! Where in France is he? My fiancé is in Rambouillet. It's an ironic mix, isn't it, since French stereotypically hate Americans, and here we have 2 French men in love with American women? I wonder if Laurent and Saint-Clair would like to get in touch?

Besides...WHEN, I ask you, has God EVER done anything but work in surprising ways? I know He's taking care of things. I trust him to do that. Why can't they?

I know what you mean. Take a look in the story in my profile to see how Saint-Clair and I met, how's THAT for surprising? We take it as God's sense of humor in our lives.

I pray for myself, for Laurent, for our relationship, and for my parents every day. And I'm seeing results. The thing that God has really shown me in all of this is that I need to follow him and no one else. I stay much calmer and saner emotionally when I do that, as opposed to giving in to the fear and discouragement that my family often slings my way.

This is really teaching us both how to pray and trust because it really IS discouraging having nearly everyone around us so negative about what we're doing. We've been thinking and praying on what to do since January, and the K-1 visa along with sharing an apartment once he gets here is what we always come back to. That's what looks to be the most sensible option, and we're at peace with it. This is an extraordinary circumstance... if we lived in the same area and didn't have to go through this visa process, no, we wouldn't get an apartment together. Why the people around us can't get through their heads the idea that we don't really have any other options I don't know. They tell me to move there... but he's in financial hardship and I'm having trouble learning French. You'll learn French there, they tell me. Well, umm, how am I supposed to WORK in France with barely any French knowledge? He can barely support one person, so I'd have to support myself and help support him - with nearly no French? Yeah right. It's hard enough to find a job over there NORMALLY. Well then stay where you are longer, you'll be together eventually, they tell me. But they have NO IDEA what it's like to be in a long-distance relationship like this. None! If they had to be 3,536 miles away from their loved one for 8+ months straight like we have, I think their advice would be a little different.

The fact is that they don't know. They haven't been in our shoes. It's much easier for them to say things like this when they go home to their family each day.

Anyway, I just thought I'd respond to this thread since I saw some common issues with my own. And since my submission is literally just days old, I didn't think anyone would mind...Hope I'm right about that.

I personally don't have any problems with that... I hope this can be a thread where we all stick together after filing, and go through the process at the same time. My sister had a forum where she met other pregnant women who were as far along as she was - they all had doctors visits at the same time, baby showers at the same time, gave birth around the same time... it was so cool.

I think you have a great idea here, but I just aced myself out of your club by mailing in our I-129F packet this morning! Hoping I got everything correct, but figured I could pour over it, stress and worry until the end of time... Felt like it was best to just do it, our visajourney has officially begun!

all in favour of ready4ONE being in the 'club' give me a thumbs up

[Perseverance 1]

We just filed in the last couple of weeks. I am from Colorado, my love is from Nigeria. We met in November of 2004 online.

[Amanda-Lise 0]

<<Yeah I know... the first time we were getting ready to file, back in January, he sent me his forms in a box with other stuff. Well, it disappeared for a MONTH. He paid 40-something Euros to be able to track it, and tracking didn't work on it. I guess it must've been customs, or something, I dunno. The box arrived smashed with holes in both sides. At least nothing was lost - other than the stamps he sent me for my stamp collection. You can imagine how much we were freaking out about THAT, with his G-325a and passport photos and letter of intent in there, right? Well, this time, the forms will be sent to me alone in an envelope, and we're paying the 40-something Euro tracking shipping again... hopefully the tracking will WORK this time. He's already got a SS# because he was here for 3 years on a religious worker visa, and we don't want something with his SS# just sitting in the mail. >>

I worry about it just getting lost....in the past few years ive sent packages to friends in the states that either didnt arrive at all, or arrived literally in pieces. Canada post is notorious for being horribly slow on top of it. All in all we may have been better off just having him complete the package when he comes up for my surgery. However, we have been waiting for over a year to file as it is, and eagerness took over. Shall see which comes first...the delivery of those documents, or the surgery. Maybe I really should look into a carrier pidgeon Heres to hoping both our packages arrive in a timely fashion in one piece!

As for the lease, figured anything with both our signiatures on it would be good primary evidence that we've met.

The long distance aspect really does suck Im lucky now in that Ron has gotten over his squeamishness on long drives, and has driven up to see us twice, prior to may it had been over 5 months since we had seen each other. Much easier for one person to come to canada vs flying 3 to VA. Friends and family don't understand why we are trying to get the visa to go there. They think that we will be treated worse there than we are here in canada (we're First Nations) Adds stress to an already stressful situation. But we will all make it through!

Edited August 5, 2006 by Amanda-Lise

[Thingee 0]

Much easier for one person to come to canada vs flying 3 to VA.

Because I'm nosey, where in VA are you going to be?

[RosaMystica7 0]

We just filed in the last couple of weeks. I am from Colorado, my love is from Nigeria. We met in November of 2004 online.

That's very neat! I think, if you decide to have kids, those kids will have a very cool heritage. It's not often that you meet someone who is half American and half Nigerian. It could also be fun, as a parent, to teach them about their Nigerian heritage... language, customs, etc. But I'm a geek like that.

I worry about it just getting lost....in the past few years ive sent packages to friends in the states that either didnt arrive at all, or arrived literally in pieces.

Yeah, we worry about the same... and if it gets lost, what some idiot could do with all his personal information, especially his SS#. I think a carrier pidgeon would be a good idea... it'd be cute to have one as a pet anyway!

As for the lease, figured anything with both our signiatures on it would be good primary evidence that we've met.

Definately! That's dated, and you two must've been together in order to sign it together, so it's perfect!

The long distance aspect really does suck Im lucky now in that Ron has gotten over his squeamishness on long drives, and has driven up to see us twice, prior to may it had been over 5 months since we had seen each other.

I wish I could get over my squeamishness of flying long distances so I could go to France... but realistically, we can't afford it anyway. Once SC is here we'll work on my fears together, it's easier to do than doing it alone.

Friends and family don't understand why we are trying to get the visa to go there. They think that we will be treated worse there than we are here in canada (we're First Nations) Adds stress to an already stressful situation. But we will all make it through!

His family can't understand why he wants to come here, either. They keep saying, "Why doesn't she move here?!" What they don't get is that ONE of us has to move, I'm not forcing him to move here either... we both talked about it and both agreed that he'll move here, he WANTS to. But there they have government paid health care and college is much cheaper there. And besides, nearly everyone there hates America anyway.

Much easier for one person to come to canada vs flying 3 to VA.

Because I'm nosey, where in VA are you going to be?

I'm nosy about this too - SC and I would like to eventually settle down in VA.

Edited August 5, 2006 by aselano

[Kirsten L 0]

WOW! We really are filing buddies, then, ready4ONE! I'm sorry to hear that you've had the same family nonsense to deal with that I have. You, too, Angillla! I hope both of your situations are slowly getting better as mine seems to be. I had a long talk with my dad a few weeks ago and basically laid some things out on the line, saying, "Look, Laurent's parents have wholly accepted me. They think of me as their own daughter. Laurent needs to see that same kind of love and acceptance from you and Mom. Right now, you're rejecting him sheerly because he isn't what you envisioned. Well, I got news for ya'. If you really want this man to become a Christian, you and Mom had best start acting like the two of you are. There is absolutely no reason for him to ever take our faith seriously if I'm the only Christian he knows that ever treats him with love and acceptance. He needs to sense an outpouring of warmth from you that he sure isn't feelin' right now."

My dad got the message. He started asking me to tell Laurent hello and also had a talk with my mother, I think. What was said, I have no idea. Probably something along the lines of: "This marriage is going to happen. If we don't get behind it now, we're going to get left in the dust." Basically true since at this point my loyalties are to God and my future husband. I love my parents and treat them with great respect, but they are no longer entitled to run my life. That gig happily ended for them quite a while back. Anyway, my mother recently started asking about Laurent, where before she was clearly trying to forget he even existed. When I would talk about him, she would listen with this polite, tight smile on her face, not say a word, and then change the subject as quickly as possible. It was incredibly discouraging. Or then there was the day my dad went on and on about how disappointed he was that I wasn't going to have a big church wedding...Well HOW, exactly, could I even plan one when I don't know when Laurent will actually BE here? Dad's other beef was, "Well, how do we know Laurent's true intentions toward you if he's not willing to get married in a church?" Ummmmm...I don't know...the fact that he's stuck with me for two years already through some very difficult circumstances on both sides? The fact that he's leaving EVERYTHING to come here and be with me? Never mind the miracles in this relationship since it's inception and how God is working through it. These things don't provide some sort of clue that he's serious about spending the rest of his life with me? However nice it would be if Laurent was currently a Christian, getting married in a church is not exactly a silver bullet. For Heaven's sake! I just sat there dumbfounded listening to the whole thing. Thank God that part seems to be over! I didn't exactly get the dreamed of "Oh Honey! We're so happy for you!" routine. That woulda been nice...I guess, though, that I'm the only one who can currently see what God is showing me, sense where He's leading. And maybe that's part of the testimony God is building. I keep reminding myself of what Noah, Abraham, Mary, and others faced when God chose to do something remarkable in their lives...the faith to which they held and the ultimate results they experienced. That is a very comforting place to go in my mind and spirit when things get rough.

Incidentally, Angilla, my mother's reaction when I mentioned that we might have to live together for a little while when Laurent first got here...well, it wasn't pretty. You're right. They don't understand. I told her I didn't see it as ideal, but that I didn't see much way around it. He has to have a place to stay. Her response? In very condescending tones (this to her 39 year-old daughter!), "Living together is NEVER necessary!" At that point, I ended the conversation as politely as I could. Yeah, you really have to just trust what God is showing and telling you. If you listened to everyone else, you'd literally go bonkers.

Laurent and I looked into staying in France, but, like Saint-Clair, Laurent is not sitting in the strongest financial position. The French system and economy has not exactly benefitted him, and it's only getting worse. We finally agreed that we could eventually be much more comfortable living here than there--even if we have to struggle for a few years. Plus, as you've noted, there is a definite bias against Americans in France, whereas Americans seem to adore Western Europeans. So finding a job that paid anything would be much, MUCH harder for me there than it will be for Laurent here.

Ah! Rambouillet! Our boys are not so very far apart, Angilla. Laurent is right in Paris--18th arrond. I wonder if he would ever be open to corresponding with Saint-Clair. I'll have to feel him out on the matter. I personally think it would be good for him to have someone of his own nationality with whom to talk about the frustrations, but he can be kind of shy about new people. I'll definitely see what I can do over time.

Alright, I suppose I've rambled enough for now! LOL! I sure am glad to be talking to this bunch, though!

[Amanda-Lise 0]

We will be in the Richmond area. WHen I was able to go back down with him for a week in may, I spent much time in awe of the wildlife, and the beauty of the area. However, I was a little cranky that there were absolutely no sidewalks, and unless I wanted to get run over, no easy way to access even a grocery store on foot.

My parents have warmed to Ron, after spending 2 weeks of vacation with my girls who spoke of him frequently. My friends however badger me, hoping that I will badger him into immigrating to Canada. Even after being told that Ron and I have discussed this endlessly once the option of us going to the US became available with my ex finally agreeing to let me move with the girls, and we came to the mutual decision that if we get the visa, we go there. Which bothers me, but I tell myself they arent privvy to our private discussions, will never have a full understanding of our reasoning for us being the ones to move VS him, and wont have a clue what its all about unless they are faced with the choice themselves.

[Thingee 0]

Ahhh I'm northwest of Richmond by a good bit. Very close to Fredericksburg actually. Yes, the wildlife is beautiful, and yes, the minimal concessiosn to foot traffic are unbelievable. When honey was here we spent some time in the mountains, he was flabbergasted by the variety of wildlife. The array of predatory and scavenging birds really interested him. Alas, having had a bad experience with a turkey vulture in my past, I wasn't quite as exuberant as I could have been.

[Amanda-Lise 0]

I do wonder how the winters are going to compare. My baby has told me that I will probably find them quite warm, and the kids may be upset by a much lower amount of snow. Another difference is the squirrels....the squirrels are so...well...tiny. I'm more worried about surviving the summers, I dont do well with heat and humidity

[RosaMystica7 0]

Incidentally, Angilla, my mother's reaction when I mentioned that we might have to live together for a little while when Laurent first got here...well, it wasn't pretty. You're right. They don't understand. I told her I didn't see it as ideal, but that I didn't see much way around it. He has to have a place to stay. Her response? In very condescending tones (this to her 39 year-old daughter!), "Living together is NEVER necessary!" At that point, I ended the conversation as politely as I could. Yeah, you really have to just trust what God is showing and telling you. If you listened to everyone else, you'd literally go bonkers.

The first person that we asked to be a co-sponsor was a friend that SC had made while he was a friar, and they kept in touch after he went back to France. She agreed to be our co-sponsor. Then everything hit her about the apartment. She said that, no matter WHAT, we would definately "fall into temptation" and that, in turn, she'd be "an accomplice to sin by supporting pre-martial sex." Rather than just changing her mind about co-sponsoring, she TOLD A FRIAR. That friar told another friar. Next thing I knew, the second friar (who I knew well, he's also a priest) woke me up at 10:30pm freaking out. He said that under no circumstance could us living together be justified and that there MUST be some other solution. I managed to convince the two of them to PROMISE SC and I that they wouldn't tell anyone else, and I haven't heard anything about it since.

It just sucks because the friars used to be a family to us... they helped raise me from age 13 on up, and SC lived with them for 3 years as a brother. Now we have to hide something like this from them because they just won't understand. We've already lost some of them as our friends because they think our relationship makes their community look bad, as though SC left the friars to date me. But he DIDN'T. We fell in love 8 months after he left the friars, and when he left I was still planning on entering the sisters anyway! But... well... people are gonna think what they're gonna think, and sometimes, I guess there's just nothing we can do about it but move on. Our TRUE friends will stay with us.

Laurent and I looked into staying in France, but, like Saint-Clair, Laurent is not sitting in the strongest financial position. The French system and economy has not exactly benefitted him, and it's only getting worse. We finally agreed that we could eventually be much more comfortable living here than there--even if we have to struggle for a few years. Plus, as you've noted, there is a definite bias against Americans in France, whereas Americans seem to adore Western Europeans. So finding a job that paid anything would be much, MUCH harder for me there than it will be for Laurent here.

SC also doesn't like the college system over there, even though he said it's cheaper. He even prefers the English language over French because he said French grammar is really complicated. He said he dreads the thought of going to college in French, but in English he really wants to go. He's thinking of becoming a teacher. He'd much rather go to college here, and I'd like to finish college too, so it makes sense for him to come here.

Ah! Rambouillet! Our boys are not so very far apart, Angilla. Laurent is right in Paris--18th arrond. I wonder if he would ever be open to corresponding with Saint-Clair. I'll have to feel him out on the matter. I personally think it would be good for him to have someone of his own nationality with whom to talk about the frustrations, but he can be kind of shy about new people. I'll definitely see what I can do over time.

Oh neat, SC has a cousin in Paris somewhere. I think it would be good for them too. SC's having so much trouble with his French friends giving him garbage about this relationship, I think it'd be good for him to be able to talk to him a fellow French guy about it all. How old is Laurent? SC is 27.

Alright, I suppose I've rambled enough for now! LOL! I sure am glad to be talking to this bunch, though!

That makes two of us rambling. I'm definately glad I started this post!

I do wonder how the winters are going to compare. My baby has told me that I will probably find them quite warm, and the kids may be upset by a much lower amount of snow. Another difference is the squirrels....the squirrels are so...well...tiny. I'm more worried about surviving the summers, I dont do well with heat and humidity

I wonder about the winters, also. Thingee, what do you guys get usually, as far as temperature, snow, and ice? I'm really sick of the snowstorms... my concern is that if I get pregnant and due in the winter and we get heavy snow/ice the day I go into labor... well... I really wouldn't want that. I don't do well with the heat and humidity, either, but I don't think it's much hotter in VA than it is here in NY, right? Amanda - Just make sure you get air conditioning and an air conditioned job and car... and stay inside during the hottest hours, just go out in the morning and evening.

[Thingee 0]

Well, see, it depends quite a bit on where you are in Virginia. Summers are hot, humid and icky period. This past week we had temps into the 100's and humidity around 60%. Air conditioning is NOT an option IMO. Fall is gorgeous, we have enough of a temperature change for the leaves to put on a show, nothing compared to Vermont, but still beautiful. Winter is hit or miss, this is where location comes into play. I'm very near the mountains so I would get more than someone next to the beach. Blizzards are rare, quite honestly snow totaling more than 6 inches is a once or twice a year occurance..and if it happens make sure you have milk and bread..not because you won't be able to get out, but because everyone panics! We do get ice storms every couple of years and those can be pretty horrendous. Winter temperatures rarely go below the low 30's-high 20's(that's for daytime highs). Spring is again gorgeous..there's so much greenery that you can really see the blooms and blossoms.

One of my warnings to someone planning to move here would be learn to drive the speed limit. The entire state is known for speed traps..and they're sneaky..will sit at the bottom of a hill so as to catch you.

[Kirsten L 0]

Oh, Angilla! I'm sooooo sorry to hear about what's happened with the religious community...How awful! What kills me is that people who claim to be representatives of Christ can behave in what is such a completely un-Christ-like manner--and not SEE that they are! YUCK! I'm so sorry! Paul's right. Sinning to increase God's glory is a travesty. But whatever happened to the idea of FREEDOM in Christ? The ability to work out your own salvation? Unbelievable. I'll be praying for you both as you continue to deal with all of this. How nightmarish!

So can you tell me more about this religious community? Did you mention somewhere that it was Catholic? Is it a community recognized by the Catholic Church or is it a breakaway group? I'm really curious. Sounds like you both have a really strong faith.

I'll try to PM you later today. Seems like we should be talking more! I think we could be of great encouragement to one another.

You asked about Laurent's age. He's 38...a year younger than me. Fortunately, none of Laurent's friends or family are opposed to our relationship. In fact, his mom and dad regularly express to me how much they love and miss me. They're down in Angoulême, actually, but we've spent time with them, and I talk with them on the phone fairly regularly. The difficulty for Laurent has been the intrusiveness and slowness of the process. Like I said, he has many AMAZING qualities, but patience in the face of things he doesn't want to deal with is not his strong point. God's working on that, too, though.

As for the educational system. I get the impression that France's primary and secondary systems are far more rigourous than ours. But I think we have it all over the French when it comes to higher ed. You couldn't pay me to go to school at a French university--for about a thousand reasons!! SC is making the right choice, IMO.

[Amanda-Lise 0]

Well, see, it depends quite a bit on where you are in Virginia. Summers are hot, humid and icky period. This past week we had temps into the 100's and humidity around 60%. Air conditioning is NOT an option IMO. Fall is gorgeous, we have enough of a temperature change for the leaves to put on a show, nothing compared to Vermont, but still beautiful. Winter is hit or miss, this is where location comes into play. I'm very near the mountains so I would get more than someone next to the beach. Blizzards are rare, quite honestly snow totaling more than 6 inches is a once or twice a year occurance..and if it happens make sure you have milk and bread..not because you won't be able to get out, but because everyone panics! We do get ice storms every couple of years and those can be pretty horrendous. Winter temperatures rarely go below the low 30's-high 20's(that's for daytime highs). Spring is again gorgeous..there's so much greenery that you can really see the blooms and blossoms.

One of my warnings to someone planning to move here would be learn to drive the speed limit. The entire state is known for speed traps..and they're sneaky..will sit at the bottom of a hill so as to catch you.

more than 6 inches a rarity? Yikes. Yep im guessing that will be one of the biggest differences in climate. 6 inches where I am, if we just get that we consider ourselves blessed with a light winter. I really need to learn the conversions