Divorcing during AOS: What can I do?

[Darnell 8,479]

Don't forget to call ICE, get their input, ya?

Train yer eyes down, the # is in the fine print.

[daboyz 36]

I guess stories like this is why Lagos is such a tough consulate.

Good luck to you though.

[luv2uallday 1]

Hi Everyone,

I happily married my husband from Nigeria. We met in Belgium; and he was absolutely fabulous. I saw no indications of a cheater or lier in him at all what so ever while I was in Belgium with him. I moved back to the US and he stayed in Belgium for about 5 months. At some point, i started to question hi loyaty and fidelty to me during our abscences from each other. He ensured me each time we spoke on the phone. So, of course I felt guilty for the accusations I've implied towards him. Long story short: He arrived to the US, and we got married right away and applied for the AOS immediately. At the same time, my husband was behaving bizzar totally unlike him in Belgium. I kept feeling as if he was in love with another woman somewhere else. We argued a lot and couldn't be in the same rooom for more than five minutes. He decided to take a trip to WA to visit one of his friends....and the same night, I went into his emails and found a lot of pictures of him and so many different women from Begluim to Nigeria.

It was quite obvious that he fell in love with a woman from Belgium. He was also emailing his first love that happens to live in the US; telling her that he couldn't wait to get to the US so that he can be with her. Anyway all blew up and he still wants to deny most of the relationships with these women having explanations for each including blaming me for his turning to another woman.

Now, I'm starting to feel as if I'm his free ticket to the US. When he thought that I sent a letter to USCIS requesting a cancelation (yes, I told him that lie), he was telling all of his friends that I was the most evil woman alive. Then he found out that I never sent the letter of cancelation; and all of a sudden, I'm the nicest person to exists. He now changed his tone with me and avoids any conversations about these women that he lied to me about. Now, I find out that he has more money on his person that he actually disclosed to me.

He's been taking advise from his friends that have been telling him to leave me. So when I purchased his ticket to fly to Atlanta to be with his sister, he completely changed his mind about the whole travel. we will be divorced on 14 May 10.

My question: What can he do to stay in the US? Thanks.

Broken hearted.

Sounds like you are a victim of a scammer I'm sorry to hear about that. best thing you can do is retract your petition let USCIS know of the fraud and move on with your life. I wish the best for you Good luck

[sara..... 371]

I am sorry to read what your going thru i know it is hard and very painful........it is better to just do what ever you have to do to finish this mess......it hurts yes......but it will hurt even more later if you try to give him a chance to change.....men like this do not get better they just get better and hiding what they are doing.

i will add you to my prayers

sara

[GueraKristina 1]

I read the original post and many other comments, sounds like the original poster was tricked into getting married to somebody that just wanted a greencard, but let me see if i get this right....but doesnt want to complicate his greencard application process, but still wants to get a divorce, yet in the same breath, wants him to get a greencard. Well you are doing AOS, so considering he cheated on you, and you know, and most of us all know that he married you for the greencard and has not stayed faithful, so when you get the divorce, there is nothing that you can really do. Let him figure it out. the greencard, that he 'would have' gotten through AOS was marriage based, so his sister couldnt do anything like that. DO NOT let him get you for the 40 units of work or 10 yrs of support, he has already screwed you over once, why give him an open door to your wallet? Pull the affidavit of support, and do not go to the biometrics, let him figure everything out, contact USCIS, and let them know of everything that that there will be a divorce, i would recommend sending them copies, and besides the divorce on your record now, and the broken heart he has left you with, it should all go away, including him, b/c he will be 'out of status' if the AOS paperwork isnt filed within the 90 days that he entered on the marriage, (atleast that is how my husbands fiance visa worked when i filed for him), so if you notify ICE< or if he gets stopped by the cops or something, they will deport him because he is out of status, and has no papers filing for him to get back into status. Good luck, and do NOT feel guilty, was he feeling guilty laying up with a bunch of other women, using you and breaking your heart? doubt it. sorry for being so harsh, and i wish you lots of luck and strength.

[sachinky 465]

Pull the I864, pull it NOW.

[Nwanyioma 11]

Hello sonobi,

Im so sorry for all the heartache and pain that you are going through. I cant imagine how you feel. What I can say from your case is that you are the only one yet so far that has not pulled the "I GOT SCAMMED" card and start to paint Nigerians black. I give you salutes on that. But what I will advise you is to follow our fellow VJ members advice and withdraw the Affidavit of Support. I pray that everything works out for you in the long run. Please take. Good luck and all the Best.

Nwanyioma

[DanielParul 50]

What I don't understand is why are you willing to get him his GC and pay for every whim &fancy of his after the way he used you and treats you. There is a very thin line between being hopeful and being stupid in your situation. If he does not treat you right when you have the upper hand in this relationship what makes you think he will even care to be in touch with you once he takes what he needs from you. I am sorry to say this but all your posts about praying for you and him are not going to get you in a better situation. You need to act on the advice given here to save yourself and save some other poor woman who will fall for him and go through the same sh!t once he is done with you.

[sonobi 3]

Thanks for your support, Nwanyioma and everyone else. I have other friends that are Nigerians and they are very honest and good people. I'm still trying to decipher if my husband infact scammed me into getting him to the US or if he actually had all those affairs because he was just being a barking man. (No offense to those real men out there that are completely loyal to thier partners). Regardless, he was wrong for cheating on me while we were waiting on his visa to come through with entirely too many women (and still denies it). I am really trying to find the road where I can forgive and forget; unfortunately, that is not my life style and I can not find that road.

I was totally in love with the idea of being married to this man that, at one point, brought me so much happiness. At the same time, I cannot neglect the facts; which include a double side that I have never seen before we got married. I do love my husband; but I love myself a little bit more than him to allow this type of behavior in my life. That's just too much disruption.

For some odd reason, he seems to think that we can get over this and move on with our lives together. I think being nice to him perhaps led him to think this way. However, sometimes, I do get caught up in the moment of my love for him and I do show him--I'm hoping that he understands that we could never go back to how we use to be in Belgium. He has changed my life for ever. I don't see all Nigerians this way--just him. I don't want to see him as a scammer. I would like to compare him to a dog that doesn't stop smelling Sh**. Had he told me that he was a player, I would have made a different decision; but he withheld that information from me. He's too secretive.

I know what I need to do; I'm looking and reaching out for the strength to help me get through this difficult part of pulling the I-864. I could be like Nike--and "Just Do It".

Again, thank you everyone for your untiring love and support.

Broken Hearted

[sonobi 3]

What I don't understand is why are you willing to get him his GC and pay for every whim &fancy of his after the way he used you and treats you. There is a very thin line between being hopeful and being stupid in your situation. If he does not treat you right when you have the upper hand in this relationship what makes you think he will even care to be in touch with you once he takes what he needs from you. I am sorry to say this but all your posts about praying for you and him are not going to get you in a better situation. You need to act on the advice given here to save yourself and save some other poor woman who will fall for him and go through the same sh!t once he is done with you.

Well put!!! You are sooo right!!!! It's true, the spots are not going to go away!

[trillium13 84]

we will be divorced on 14 May 10.

I'm a little bit confused. If I read right, you haven't even gotten to biometrics yet? By the time you get to interview (I'm making the assumption that there will be one, but I know that with K-1 there often isn't) you'll already be divorced.

A conditional GC is based on the condition that you're married, yes? If you're divorced before AOS is complete, how will this work?

[Enlighten one :) 5]

Whether he was an American...Nigerian or from London ...she got SCAMMED. He is not who he presented to be.

I guess what you do not understand Nwanyioma is that it is easier to say the relationship just did not work out then to say you got scammed. I tried to pretend my relationship didn't work out at first. I wanted to follow through on helping him stay here so I could be the nice person. It was soo much easier, but then he called the cops on me when I was not home. Oh no I was not going to get away that easy.

So that is bullshit when you say use the "I got scammed card"

You have no idea those feelings until you start reading the letter and emails that show this man is not who he represented. Whether it was for money, love, sex, or the American dream...it is called a scamming when someone behaves a certain way to get a certain thing.

What I can say from your case is that you are the only one yet so far that has not pulled the "I GOT SCAMMED" card and start to paint Nigerians black.

Nwanyioma

[Nwanyioma 11]

[quote name=Enlighten one ' date='21 April 2010 - 03:32 PM' timestamp='1271878335' post='3887226]

Whether he was an American...Nigerian or from London ...she got SCAMMED. He is not who he presented to be.

I guess what you do not understand Nwanyioma is that it is easier to say the relationship just did not work out then to say you got scammed. I tried to pretend my relationship didn't work out at first. I wanted to follow through on helping him stay here so I could be the nice person. It was soo much easier, but then he called the cops on me when I was not home. Oh no I was not going to get away that easy.

So that is bullshit when you say use the "I got scammed card"

You have no idea those feelings until you start reading the letter and emails that show this man is not who he represented. Whether it was for money, love, sex, or the American dream...it is called a scamming when someone behaves a certain way to get a certain thing.

Oh dear hear we go again,

Enlighten One. Arent you tired of throwing a pity party for yourself?Its been over a year. GET OVER IT!!! Yes we know.You say it all the time that YOU GOT SCAMMED.But this forum is not about you. So we can care less.Its becoming pathetic and you look very stupid and ridiculous each time you come to ones forum and start posting your stupid soblesss the I GOT SCAMMED stories. You seem to still be venting from your supposedly "scammer".My only advice to you is to seek help (that is psychiatric help) Please get over youurself!!!!

[Nwanyioma 11]

Thanks for your support, Nwanyioma and everyone else. I have other friends that are Nigerians and they are very honest and good people. I'm still trying to decipher if my husband infact scammed me into getting him to the US or if he actually had all those affairs because he was just being a barking man. (No offense to those real men out there that are completely loyal to thier partners). Regardless, he was wrong for cheating on me while we were waiting on his visa to come through with entirely too many women (and still denies it). I am really trying to find the road where I can forgive and forget; unfortunately, that is not my life style and I can not find that road.

I was totally in love with the idea of being married to this man that, at one point, brought me so much happiness. At the same time, I cannot neglect the facts; which include a double side that I have never seen before we got married. I do love my husband; but I love myself a little bit more than him to allow this type of behavior in my life. That's just too much disruption.

For some odd reason, he seems to think that we can get over this and move on with our lives together. I think being nice to him perhaps led him to think this way. However, sometimes, I do get caught up in the moment of my love for him and I do show him--I'm hoping that he understands that we could never go back to how we use to be in Belgium. He has changed my life for ever. I don't see all Nigerians this way--just him. I don't want to see him as a scammer. I would like to compare him to a dog that doesn't stop smelling Sh**. Had he told me that he was a player, I would have made a different decision; but he withheld that information from me. He's too secretive.

I know what I need to do; I'm looking and reaching out for the strength to help me get through this difficult part of pulling the I-864. I could be like Nike--and "Just Do It".

Again, thank you everyone for your untiring love and support.

Broken Hearted

Sonobi,

How are you dear? I truly empathize with you. Being cheated on, "scammed", or taken advantage of is not easy,especially coming from a woman who has in a way been in your shoes. I pray that God guides you toward the right path whether it be with your husband or someone else.Yes its good to receive advice from fellow members who has your best interest at heart, but please I beg you disregard ignorant comments made by the so called "Enlightened One". People like her do not have you interest at heart. She is a bitter woman that everyone talks about in our job, churches, and in movies. Please follow your heart. At the end of the day whatever you decide to do should be between God and you. Please take care.

[Lucky couple 1]

Hi Everyone,

I happily married my husband from Nigeria. We met in Belgium; and he was absolutely fabulous. I saw no indications of a cheater or lier in him at all what so ever while I was in Belgium with him. I moved back to the US and he stayed in Belgium for about 5 months. At some point, i started to question hi loyaty and fidelty to me during our abscences from each other. He ensured me each time we spoke on the phone. So, of course I felt guilty for the accusations I've implied towards him. Long story short: He arrived to the US, and we got married right away and applied for the AOS immediately. At the same time, my husband was behaving bizzar totally unlike him in Belgium. I kept feeling as if he was in love with another woman somewhere else. We argued a lot and couldn't be in the same rooom for more than five minutes. He decided to take a trip to WA to visit one of his friends....and the same night, I went into his emails and found a lot of pictures of him and so many different women from Begluim to Nigeria.

It was quite obvious that he fell in love with a woman from Belgium. He was also emailing his first love that happens to live in the US; telling her that he couldn't wait to get to the US so that he can be with her. Anyway all blew up and he still wants to deny most of the relationships with these women having explanations for each including blaming me for his turning to another woman.

Now, I'm starting to feel as if I'm his free ticket to the US. When he thought that I sent a letter to USCIS requesting a cancelation (yes, I told him that lie), he was telling all of his friends that I was the most evil woman alive. Then he found out that I never sent the letter of cancelation; and all of a sudden, I'm the nicest person to exists. He now changed his tone with me and avoids any conversations about these women that he lied to me about. Now, I find out that he has more money on his person that he actually disclosed to me.

He's been taking advise from his friends that have been telling him to leave me. So when I purchased his ticket to fly to Atlanta to be with his sister, he completely changed his mind about the whole travel. we will be divorced on 14 May 10.

My question: What can he do to stay in the US? Thanks.

Broken hearted.

why are you still bothered with the fact that ur husband may think u are evil? Its obvious u are a nice person and he took advantage of u!! divorce him and withdraw any AOS responsibility towards him,especially as it gonna be for like 10 yrs. go on with ur life. let his first love or who ever the other woman is, take care of his cheating ...s!