I-129F sent 1 month ago, Fiancee changed her mind

[pushbrk 12,890]

If the officer of if USCIS request it, yes. But no one in this conversation is of that ilk.

I think you may be getting a bit carried away with your "recommendation", you know? A recommendation is only relevant when there's a preponderance of anecdotal evidence to suggest such a recommendation.

From my perspective, this isn't about who here is right or wrong. My addition to the conversation was an explanation as to why notarization is not required legally. If Dakine's adjudicator wanted a notarized statement, then fine. I don't know enough about his particular case to conjecture as to why that happened. It's my thinking his adjudicator had some suspicion of fraud (the elimination of which is why notarization happens in the first place) or the adjudicator was over-reaching.

If you would like to recommend persons notarize a case withdrawal, that also is fine. I merely think it's misleading to lead readers to believe such a step is mandatory. If that is not what you are doing, then I retract what you seem to think are my objections.

A recommendation may only be relevant to YOU, after you see a preponderance of evidence to support it. That's your choice. I suspect I have preponderantly more experience in these matters than you do and it is upon that experience that I base my recommendation. Usually, not always, people are not in a hurry to withdraw a petition but more often than not, when a letter is used to make an official notification that can only be made by one person, it is "helpful" to have a notary confirm it was indeed that person who signed the letter.

Everybody gets both points. Notarization isn't required unless requested. In cases where you want to make certain the first try works, notarization can be very helpful indeed. Knowing when it's a good idea to notarize something requires the right knowledge and experience. When withdrawing petitions, it is my studied recommendation to notarize the letter.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

A recommendation may only be relevant to YOU, after you see a preponderance of evidence to support it. That's your choice. I suspect I have preponderantly more experience in these matters than you do and it is upon that experience that I base my recommendation. Usually, not always, people are not in a hurry to withdraw a petition but more often than not, when a letter is used to make an official notification that can only be made by one person, it is "helpful" to have a notary confirm it was indeed that person who signed the letter.

Everybody gets both points. Notarization isn't required unless requested. In cases where you want to make certain the first try works, notarization can be very helpful indeed. Knowing when it's a good idea to notarize something requires the right knowledge and experience. When withdrawing petitions, it is my studied recommendation to notarize the letter.

You should either not make assumptions about my experience OR you should clearly state yours.

[pushbrk 12,890]

You should either not make assumptions about my experience OR you should clearly state yours.

In my experience, assertions like, "You should" simply mean, "I want". Don't count on getting what you want.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

In my experience, assertions like, "You should" simply mean, "I want". Don't count on getting what you want.

There you go with that experience thing again.

[pushbrk 12,890]

There you go with that experience thing again.

You betcha.

[Brad and Vika 129]

It looks like the procedural stuff has all been dealt with here already (several times). Although I met my wife here in the US, plenty of our friends and acquaintances met the way the OP apparently did. I hear stories from the USCs all the time about people from Eastern Europe having second thoughts at some point, and backing away from the commitment. When confronted with the reality of leaving everything and every one you know behind permanently, I think it is completely natural to have second thoughts. I traveled to Ukraine several times, courted, met the ENTIRE family in her home city, and even had a sitdown with her father and uncle. Leaving to permanently live here was still a tough decision for her.

This stuff happens, sometimes you can work out her butterflies, sometimes not. I would say that if she says delay the petition - waste no time going back to Ukraine and spend more time, if the OP thinks it is worth saving. Probably some one close to his SO is telling her some version of "You're doing what? You barely know this guy!!". If the comment is coming from a family member it could change her mind by itself. My two cents.

Good luck.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Let's keep this thread on topic and stop the 'bickering', ok, everyone? It really isn't of any use to the OP and adds nothing of value to the thread.

Post containing personal attack removed.

Edited April 19, 2010 by Kathryn41

[BurningFinger 5]

"But I also wonder why people purposely look for a foreign wife... You think you could never fall in love with an American woman?"

Not to stray off the topic started by the OP, but I'll bet that the majority of men who either have petitioned for a K-1 or have married a non USC souse have already been married to an American woman.

I don't think it's about our inability to fall in love with an American woman, in my case it was about my inability to meet an American woman who shared my philosphy about family values and who wanted to stay at home to raise a family. I was married to an American woman for 6 years and we lived together for 3 before marriage. Having a family wasn't high on her priorities list.

I don't think all American women are bad, nor do I think all foreign women are good. I just know that I tried many different ways to meet an American woman who wanted what I did and I wasn't successful. I consider myself lucky because I met someone who sees life the same way that I do - the fact that she's frm a different country is irrevelant to me.

Not trying to hijack the thread, but the point was brought up, so I thought I'd respond.

Alan

Alan, I agree with you. Your situation is very similar to mine in the sense that I too was unable to find that special woman in America that shared the same family values that I share. All of my previous relationships ended because of our difference in values: I wanted to settle down and have a family, whereas the girls I had relationships with wanted to focus on their careers and the party life. There is nothing wrong with that. It just did not match my wants and needs. There are over 300 countries in the world and I refuse to believe that the person I am to spend the rest of my life with somehow magically lives in the same city, or state or country as I do.

Falling in love with somebody from a foreign country goes against the typical love story where the boys meets the girl next door and they fall in love and live happily ever after. Questions such as "Why can't you meet somebody here?" or "What's wrong with you that you have to go so far to find a partner?" will be asked when you stray away from the so called "normal" way of meeting somebody. In fact, many people asked me why I cannot find somebody the "normal" way. It's so easy for other members on this forum to judge us on our decisions but guess what? They don't have to live with the consequences of your actions. You do. So if you make a decision to be with somebody that don't share your same family values and it ends up in heartbreak, you are the one that suffers not them. I applaud you for making the decision to find a life partner that satisfies YOUR needs

In the context of the OP, gosh I really feel for him. I don't wish this on anybody. It looks like he honestly looked for love but it did not work out. I still applaud the OP for trying to find love with a foreign person. Long distance relationships are very difficult and he had the courage to give it a shot. Other members have already given advise on how to stop the I-129F process so I won't rehash that.

[az110965 252]

Burning Finger,

Very well said! Today's modern world has shrunk so much with the advent of the electronic age and I'm not sure our journeys could have been possible 10 or 15 years ago.

Finding someone around the world has become almost as easy as finding someone in your same city and I'm grateful for the chance to very shortly be with the woman I've always known was out there waiting for me - just so happens she was waiting in Costa Rica!

Of course there are those who've asked me why I couldn't find love the typical way. I found love before but at the end of the day it's my happiness and Vanessa's that count, so I ceased caring about other people's attitudes a while ago.

I love your attitude towards life and love and I'm glad you voiced your opinion. I would venture a guess there are many people on VJ that concur.

Have a great night!

Alan

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Alan, I agree with you. Your situation is very similar to mine in the sense that I too was unable to find that special woman in America that shared the same family values that I share. All of my previous relationships ended because of our difference in values: I wanted to settle down and have a family, whereas the girls I had relationships with wanted to focus on their careers and the party life. There is nothing wrong with that. It just did not match my wants and needs. There are over 300 countries in the world and I refuse to believe that the person I am to spend the rest of my life with somehow magically lives in the same city, or state or country as I do.

Falling in love with somebody from a foreign country goes against the typical love story where the boys meets the girl next door and they fall in love and live happily ever after. Questions such as "Why can't you meet somebody here?" or "What's wrong with you that you have to go so far to find a partner?" will be asked when you stray away from the so called "normal" way of meeting somebody. In fact, many people asked me why I cannot find somebody the "normal" way. It's so easy for other members on this forum to judge us on our decisions but guess what? They don't have to live with the consequences of your actions. You do. So if you make a decision to be with somebody that don't share your same family values and it ends up in heartbreak, you are the one that suffers not them. I applaud you for making the decision to find a life partner that satisfies YOUR needs

In the context of the OP, gosh I really feel for him. I don't wish this on anybody. It looks like he honestly looked for love but it did not work out. I still applaud the OP for trying to find love with a foreign person. Long distance relationships are very difficult and he had the courage to give it a shot. Other members have already given advise on how to stop the I-129F process so I won't rehash that.

You do know that people change over the course of a marriage, right? I'm not saying your spouse will develop fangs and eventually start to bay at the moon, but life circumstances happen and people do tend to become part of their experiences.

And you known that no matter how well you screen potential partners, there may come a time that your "wants and needs" will no longer match hers.

Or what if your "wants and needs" change?

I'm always amused by this notion you can take a human being out of their environment, plunk them down in an entirely different one, and they will remain the same. I'm in no way saying you are wrong to seek someone who shares your values, if that is what they are as opposed to wants or needs. But my experience is that these things can change because of the mere fact your spouse is living in a new environment.

[az110965 252]

Of course people change over the course of their lives. Their priorities change with their circumstances and life's journeys. BUT - my decision to find someone from a different culture wasn't a desperation move or a last ditch effort to find happiness.

I'm not seeing the world through rose colored glasses and fully realize that any marriage can fail, but what brought me to my decision was the fact that the person I met and fell in love with is very family oriented and has had to work to support various family members all of her life. After we talked it out (many times) we always came to the same conclusion that she had always wanted to be a stay at home wife and mother but never had the opportunity. She's excited at the prospect that she will finally have the time to do the things that are the most important to her - raise her daughter, be a step-mom to my son and be a devoted wife without having to leave the house for work at 7:00am and not arrive back home until 7:00pm.

Is Vanessa perfect, nope. Am I, nope... BUT - we have a similar outlook on life, love and family and I believe it gives us a better than average chance of making it together in life. That kind sir, had not been my experience before in dating or marrying an American woman.

Call me a nuty optomist, but I love her and think we'll be together forever.

Alan

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Of course people change over the course of their lives. Their priorities change with their circumstances and life's journeys. BUT - my decision to find someone from a different culture wasn't a desperation move or a last ditch effort to find happiness.

I'm not seeing the world through rose colored glasses and fully realize that any marriage can fail, but what brought me to my decision was the fact that the person I met and fell in love with is very family oriented and has had to work to support various family members all of her life. After we talked it out (many times) we always came to the same conclusion that she had always wanted to be a stay at home wife and mother but never had the opportunity. She's excited at the prospect that she will finally have the time to do the things that are the most important to her - raise her daughter, be a step-mom to my son and be a devoted wife without having to leave the house for work at 7:00am and not arrive back home until 7:00pm.

Is Vanessa perfect, nope. Am I, nope... BUT - we have a similar outlook on life, love and family and I believe it gives us a better than average chance of making it together in life. That kind sir, had not been my experience before in dating or marrying an American woman.

Call me a nuty optomist, but I love her and think we'll be together forever.

Alan

I don't see a thing wrong with your optimism. In fact I think it is grand.

Like you I had a "domestic" marriage with a USC. I've been at my marriage with my foreign partner for a while.

My experience is this. Differing cultures have little to do with the success of the marriage. In fact I'll state with certainty that this alone brings more long-term challenges than you can imagine (at this point in your relationship). Unless that sounds overly negative, my experience is also that some cultural difference will add romance and always keep your marriage young. I hope your experience will be like mine. That the positive outweigh the negative.

I believe what makes a marriage successful is for the partners to compromise willingly and equally. That is why my first marriage failed and why my second does not. And I think that's a character trait, not a cultural one.

[besaangel 18]

Please forgive me for saying so, but shouldn't the couple have already decided if this is the person they want to spend the rest of your life with BEFORE filing for K1 or any other visa? I'm just saying!! The 90 day requirement is not a test period for trying out the relationship.(WARNING THIS IS NOT A TEST DRIVE) You have signed legal and binding documents together and state that you intend to marry your fiancé within that time period. The relationship should have already been established and solidified with spending as much time as possible together. I do understand that things sometimes just don't work out with ppl and the logistics of these relationships is very difficult to overcome for some. But logistics aside a person should be absolutely true to themselves and have love for themselves. If they do not then they will never be able to give truth and love to ANYONE.

TO THY OWN SELF BE TRUE these are words to live by.

To anyone new to looking for foreign wife/husband write some letters get to know as much as you can through skype and email and then first chance you get JUMP ON A PLANE AND GO MEET THIS PERSON and spend as much time as humanly possible with them in person. Don't feel rushed to do anything, your hearts will only get broken for jumping blindly into the fire of matrimony.

ompletely true my friend

[Minya's wife 24]

I understand what you mean and I didnt mean it like it was taken. Granted my words may not have been the best...but it gives you 90 days to see if you get along and are somewhat compatable...you actually get time to live together first...and I do agree...90 days isnt enough time. Some people live together for longer periods of time before getting married and it still doesnt work out.

The K-1 visa gives you no such thing. The beneficiary of a K-1visa is given a 90 day window in which to marry their USC petitioner....meaning 90 days are given in which to work out the details of when and where....not to see if you get along or are compatible. Those decisions should be made before the petition is filed.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Hi,

I would like some advice. I meet my fiancee on a 2 week trip to eastern europe about 3 months ago. We had a great two weeks together. I proposed, she accepted. I spent weeks completing the I-129f application and sent it in a about a month ago.

I am not sure what has happened with my fiancee? I have treated her like a princess but she seems to have completely lost interest in us getting married and even pursueing the relationship. With each passing week she contacts me less, avoids my phone calls, shows no feelings, and said she just got caught up in the romance at the start and she does not feel like she can come here now and she likes her country. She told me a week ago we should postpone the visa application. I told her that I do not think that is possible. And with the way she is acting it seems the relationship is already over. I feel now I am in a one sided relationship.

I am so upset with her about this. I do not know how she could change her mind so fast and why did she wait until after we sent in the application. The week before I sent in the I-129F she mailed me her forms via fed-ex and paid alot to do so. Then literally a week after I sent it in she tells me she made a mistake. What the #&$%^%%#?? ?

Here are my questions.

I sent in a previous I-129F back in 2002 for a different girl. We never actually cancelled the petition. We just decided to end the relationship and the girl never went to her scheduled appointment. About 6 months later I got an official letter in the mail stating that the petition had been cancelled because the girl was given a visa on a different I-129F petition!

So when I sent in our I-129F last month I included that letter with the application.

Now I am concerned. I do not want to terminate this visa petition, I really like this girl but if she has already decided this life is not for her I can not do anything about it. I have tried to do everything I can think of in the past few weeks to convince her to be with me but it appears she has already made her choice not to come and so now I believe I must cancel the petition.

1) How do I cancel the petition and to show it was not my choice? So I am not blamed. I mean if I send in another I-129F in the future that they do not say I am not a serious man. Because that is not true I really do want a wife and it the girl that has stopped this relationship.

2) If I meet another girl soon and want to create a petition for her? Now I have two failed I-129F's on my record.

A visa attorney I spoke to once told me I can only have two tries with this. What does that mean? I can not marry someone from another country because two I-129F's failed? This relationship breakup was not my choice.

I really would like to marry a foreign wife and I would like to know if there is additional paper work when sending in a 3rd I-129F after two failed relationships? And does it slow the process? Please tell me it is possible try more then twice?

In conclusion, how to cancel the visa and is it possible to send in a I-129F without problem? Or is there something else that needs to be done.

1. There is no blame. If you withdraw before approval there is "no petition" and t does not count. No harm, no foul, no future complications. Withdraw now, the girl does not want to go through with it.

2. No, if you cancel now, you have ONE failed I-129f more than two years old. No problem.

The attorney is wrong. You can have two APPROVED peritions within a lifetie WITHOUT a waiver. A waiver is a letter explaining the situation and asking that they make an exception, it is free and typically granted. Stay away from attorneys. You must have two years between approved petitions or you must ask for a waiver.

Right now you have ONE approved petition more than two years ago. Withdraw now and you slate is clear. It cost $455 to find out. Cheaper than attorneys fees. Heck, plane tickets to Ukraine are cheaper than attorneys fees...by lots.