monthly support from fiance

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

Someone please take away his CoffeeCup GIF Animator! Please?

What is with the a** shot? Right that is where the animator needs to go!

[LuzyC 0]

this ones for gary...r u sure u will be able to work a 40 hour job again after luz comes here. remember u r supporting her and her family now and u said when she comes here u will only be supporting one household again.

how can u cut her family off when she comes here and become one household again?

u just cant stop helping them because she is here with u.

Hello ..Thanks for your relevant Question,I can feel your concerned too..

Well ..lets just say that EVERYTHING is well taken care off whether im here or im there.

My Family will live whether Gary support us or not..

Thank you..

[vartan 0]

Ohhh wow that is Luz... hehe Hi Luz.. Gary I didn't know Luz had an account too.. Hhahah very nice. Its Gary's and Luz's life whether they want to live it one way or another.. If gary and luz want to have 1 work and the other not that is their business.. Why do people have to see this as bad? Its not ..

[rebelheart 0]

what a nice story ... and good possible solution for the future ahead gary & lucy... my respect to you. Im proud to be a filipina as well, but fast judgement unto one person affected all. So people try to give their story to lightened up hows life being traditional or mandatory to live with.

Im a hardship woman, i failed to finished college bcos of helping out my relatives, never grew up with my real family bcos of my father turned to a 2nd family with my sibling. I grew up one house to another with my relatives. And being helped by someone, when u grows up the respect is there, that time comes it upto you to gave back the support they given you. I decided not to finished engineering course bcos i hooked up working 5 yrs at Mcdonalds foodchain only to support myself and the family im living with i was only 16 yrs old by then .. so im 21 when i retired to being a service crew. Alot were devastated bcos i choosed that, im not being boastful but if intelligence wise i got that in purpose of education.

claiming savings from mcdonalds, i started schooling with the request of my 8 siblings of my father and my 36 cousins. im the 4th eldest for all the childrens within our "angkan" im the first one they could asked help financially without problem. I choosed to study nursing, but still being in a 3rd world country u still need to work to survive. worked part-time in GMA7, exec sec in a japanese co., and still studying at nite. Until i fell inlove and make me into pregnancy.

When my bf found out, he got scared of the responsibility bcos he is the breadwinner of 8 siblings & he is not ready yet to get married and feed a child. So i took the responsibilities and asked him to live me alone. I choosed to be a singlemom, bcos i got this "not believe" into marriage thinking.. bcos of my father past relationship. and so im a single mom and raise my son and all my relatives back-away from me bcos of i forgot the "culture - religious way towards getting pregnant out of wedlock". Until i finished my nursing course, Im earnign again and back to my track .... all my relatives concern come back to me.

Went to NZ to work as an RN to support my son and the family whois taking care of him. Then I met quixote, he is a handicapped, most nicest guy i ever met. I turned on into internet just to have someone to talk with, and so he was there whenever i needed soemone to hear me. I see him as a man, a single father in a wheelchair. Im a single mother striving hard. We fell inlove with all the RESPECT we could bestow to each other.

I choosed to married him not bcos i want a "one-way ticket" to US or to be a "DONYA", i could do that with regards to my career job. He never choosed to marry me not bcos of having an "instant private nurse" bcos the US govnt could give that to him for FREE bcos he was got accident on duty, that city of atlanta responsible for all his need to make his way of life a very accessible to him. He could only gave me a life that suit for both of us and our each other sons.

Amazingly, my family doesnt like the idea, bcos ill get married and lock myself taking care of my handicap husband and 2 sons for the rest of my life .... my so-called wealthy career as a nurse will be left behind that could honestly help 35 of my cousins life someday. Me & my husband didnt felt selfish ..... he doesnt want me to work here in US,,, its true .. bcos we dont need to. But i explained to my husband how family looks after to other relatives in Phils when in the times of hardship in life financially in a 3rd world country. Then we make an arrangement that it take times, he letting me to work but not right now. He couldnt support my family & relatives way back in Phils, but we could live our lives as a family in US well enough with our 2 sons. I took the charges, talked to him nicely .. that i cannot turn my back thats fast..and those people are the one who brought me up from scratch of broken family till form where i am now with him.

It's nice sharing life story bcos you could be judge or praise ... but u set an example. When I first time set my foot in US.... this i shared with my family...

" IT'S ONLY GAVE ME A NICE FEELING DEEP WITHIN THAT I AM IN USA" , but still living life anywhere is difficult ... thats i want my family relatives to remember. you earn $$$ , you spent $$$ , really nothing's different where the way life in any other country. All i knew was government sometimes really sucks!!!!

[Fandango 1,440]

Very quickly I'm going to explain why I feel the way I do.

No one here can deny that the Phillipines is a high-fraud visa country. We all know the scenario all too well...ususally it's an older man with a younger gorgeous Phillipino woman. Does that mean they're all fraud? No, of course not...but you cannot deny that there are many who are. I applaud the couples here who have discussed money & how each wants the marriage to be structured. I have no problems with those who want a 'traditional' marriage if both are on board with it. Live Love and Be Happy and Blessed!

But to me, someone who joined the site less than a month after 'meeting' online, a sceanario where the man is older, a scenario where it's clear the couple doesn't have enough communication skills to discuss things like money, support, etc...one that appears that the second he stepped on the plane to go home, she was on here wondering about support....looks dodgy. So I said so. Harsh? absolutely! Could I be wrong? I'm sure that's a possibility! But at the end of the day, that's the way I see it & we've seen the scenario so many times here....I think it smells fishy and dodgy to no end. To assume that every couple here has the best of intentions is short sighted & just cos I am a member here does not mean I have to offer support despite the way I feel.

I understand the tendency to want to defend this relationship where you are engaged to someone from the same country...but not all unions are created equal.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Very quickly I'm going to explain why I feel the way I do.

No one here can deny that the Phillipines is a high-fraud visa country. We all know the scenario all too well...ususally it's an older man with a younger gorgeous Phillipino woman. Does that mean they're all fraud? No, of course not...but you cannot deny that there are many who are. I applaud the couples here who have discussed money & how each wants the marriage to be structured. I have no problems with those who want a 'traditional' marriage if both are on board with it. Live Love and Be Happy and Blessed!

But to me, someone who joined the site less than a month after 'meeting' online, a sceanario where the man is older, a scenario where it's clear the couple doesn't have enough communication skills to discuss things like money, support, etc...one that appears that the second he stepped on the plane to go home, she was on here wondering about support....looks dodgy. So I said so. Harsh? absolutely! Could I be wrong? I'm sure that's a possibility! But at the end of the day, that's the way I see it & we've seen the scenario so many times here....I think it smells fishy and dodgy to no end. To assume that every couple here has the best of intentions is short sighted & just cos I am a member here does not mean I have to offer support despite the way I feel.

I understand the tendency to want to defend this relationship where you are engaged to someone from the same country...but not all unions are created equal.

You have some valid points. Remember the young female from the UK who was just 18 but met an American online and wanted some advice? All kinds of alarms went off in my head and I spoke my mind about it. I don't think there's anything wrong with that as long as it's done in a respectful manner. But posting graphics or calling her names that deliberately attack the OP no matter what your instincts are, is uncalled for in my opinion. I just think there's a more tactful way of exposing what we believe to be a fraud or potentially disasterous relationship. The other day Shannon said some nasty, personal insults towards the OP on his thread titled, "Annoying". She seemed to justify getting nasty because she felt offended by his remarks. I don't know...it's one thing to jab at each other, but getting personal like she did was really stepping over the line ...and of course she got banned.

Lisa, I hope you know me well enough that I can kid and trade jabs like anyone. I'm not sure how to define where the line is that we shouldn't cross to remain civil here, but part of it is the more we know others on here, we get a better feel for how much we can kid or jab. We just need to change our tactics when a relatively newcomer posts here on OT street where the neighborhood's a little rougher.

Edited August 5, 2006 by Steven_and_Jinky

[eric&gen 0]

Show me the money

[Veiled Princess 1]

You can count me in that "minority" as well. I'm perfectly happy working at home... anyone who says being a wife and mother is not "work" can take a hike. It's much more important for me to take care of the people in my home rather than people I don't know at a job. These are the people I love and care about.

I also wanted to add that I didn't mean any disrespect to the OP with my initial reply. I wasn't trying to flame you... if he (or any of the men here) want to support you or their fiances and their families I think that's great I just meant I don't think it's his responsibilty to do it until after you're married.

P.S. is this thread really 18 pages???

Edited August 6, 2006 by Veiled Princess

[Marc and Olga 0]

I thought Olga could be a stay at home wife since I have a decent job but she WANTS to work!

In fact I even suggested doing what I do for work and she likes the idea, so while she learns English and before she gets her EAD, I'm going to teach her how to do what I do!

[djcess 0]

damn.. now i'm hungry for choc cake

I ate my share of chocolate cake just now! thanks for posting this cake, I realized we have one and there's only 1 piece left! Mmmm... for me!

*burp*

[KarenCee 3]

Let me relate my situation with Luz. It may give the flamers something to reference from.

I have been with Luz for over 2 1/2 years now. When I met her she was working 16 hours each day, 6 or 7 days a week to support her entire family. She has been doing this since her father died when she was young. Since she was the oldest in her family it fell to her to take up the role of the bread winner.

Luz was literally killing herself working as a maid, factory worker and anything else she could find. At one point she was ironing in a shirt factory doing 24 hour shifts every other day to make ends meet. After we were together for about 6 months is when I realized just how hard her life was. She never complained, never asked me for help and always seemed thankful that she was able to do her duty to her family. About 2 years ago I fell on hard times. I lost my job and was living on borrowed money from my family. SHE OFFERED ME MONEY!!!!! I was so touched that she would do that. Of course I didn't accept her offer but it did show me that her love for me was real and she wasn't "gold digging". She stuck with me through a bankruptcy and never wavered in her love for me. I finally got back on my feet and found a good job. I found myself in a position that made it possible for me to start taking some of the load off of her. I told her that I wanted to start supporting her 100%. I had the extra money and I WANTED to do it. So I started sending her $600 every two weeks. When she got sick and needed an operation to save her life I sent her in excess of $3000 to pay for it. The money I send her supports her and her son, her mother, sister and her two kids and a disabled aunt. I look at it as a blessing that I can do this for her. She has worked herself to death for 30 years taking care of her family and now I willingly take up that task. Luz does feel guilty about her "retirement" that I have given her but I insist that this is the way it's going to be. I have the financial means to do this and I want to do it. The only time we ever really argue is when she wants to go back to work to take some of the pressure off of me. I absolutely refuse to let her go back to work. I have told her that when her visa finally comes and we get married that she will never work. Her job will be to take care of me and my home and it will be my job to supply the money. That is the way I want it.

I don't know what has transpired between the OP and her man. I don't know what her situation is or what her man has told her. Each one of us has a different situation and it isn't our place to judge. She may have worded it the wrong way and that has cause some here to jump on her but I say lets cut her some slack.

Gary,

Thanks for sharing such a sweet story. There is no doubt that you two love each other unconditionally. I am not about to judge you or Luz for how you conduct your marriage. I would like to say this though. IF she decides that she wants to do something...even part time...please don't prevent her from doing so. I was in a marriage where I was not allowed to do anything. It stripped me of my identity, my self worth, almost my soul. I'm not saying she will want to, but if the matter does arise don't prevent her from something that might add to her life with you. Just my opinion and I hope you don't take this as criticism or judgment in any way.

[mawilson 2,133]

It's much more important for me to take care of the people in my home rather than people I don't know at a job. These are the people I love and care about.

I think you misunderstand the purpose of a job. It's usually to generate income, not to

"take care" of their employers. That extra income can make a critical difference to the

quality of life for the people you love and care about.

[snz1802 0]

hi everyone, just want to ask if it's ok to ask for monthly support from your fiance or just wait for him to send voluntarily? or just wait for him to realize it's a responsibility or is it a responsibility really for a fiance to give monthly support? - aix

It seems to me all the OP was asking is "if it was ok to ask for monthly support from a fiance? or is it a responsibility for a fiance to give monthly support?" Gosh people, why don't you give this girl a break, maybe she truly does not know!!!! Maybe she truly was just asking because she needed advice about it....

aix-it is not common in the US for a fiance to be supported unless that has been discussed before hand and agreed upon by both of you. I am not sure how things are done there where you live. Things may be done differently, but in the US it is not until you are married that he is expected to support you. I hope this helps, and good luck to you.

~Stacey

[ellmoi 0]

hi everyone, just want to ask if it's ok to ask for monthly support from your fiance or just wait for him to send voluntarily? or just wait for him to realize it's a responsibility or is it a responsibility really for a fiance to give monthly support? - aix

It seems to me all the OP was asking is "if it was ok to ask for monthly support from a fiance? or is it a responsibility for a fiance to give monthly support?" Gosh people, why don't you give this girl a break, maybe she truly does not know!!!! Maybe she truly was just asking because she needed advice about it....

aix-it is not common in the US for a fiance to be supported unless that has been discussed before hand and agreed upon by both of you. I am not sure how things are done there where you live. Things may be done differently, but in the US it is not until you are married that he is expected to support you. I hope this helps, and good luck to you.

~Stacey

thank you, i appreciate it stacey, goodluck to you too

[Veiled Princess 1]

It's much more important for me to take care of the people in my home rather than people I don't know at a job. These are the people I love and care about.

I think you misunderstand the purpose of a job. It's usually to generate income, not to

"take care" of their employers. That extra income can make a critical difference to the

quality of life for the people you love and care about.

It is not my belief that money necessarily increases your 'quality of life'. I have much more to offer my family in terms of support by my constant presence in the home rather than leaving them for someone else to raise or care for while I pursue personal career goals.