monthly support from fiance

[ellmoi 0]

umph!

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

I do have a problem with Gary's post however;

The only time we ever really argue is when she wants to go back to work to take some of the pressure off of me. I absolutely refuse to let her go back to work. I have told her that when her visa finally comes and we get married that she will never work. Her job will be to take care of me and my home and it will be my job to supply the money. That is the way I want it.

That sounds pretty archaic to me, and totally unfair to Luzy. If my wife wants to work, then she can work, and its not for me to tell her she "can't". Besides being chauvinistic, it just wouldn't fly with Chutima, no more than it would if I was told to stay home and "take care" of someone else and their home. This isn't the dark ages.

It may sound archaic to you but to me it's a traditional relationship. When Luz and I first started getting serious I told her my views on marriage. It was known up-front. It is also what she wants. If you don't believe me ask her yourself. She is online here. This is our relationship and you have no right to pass judgment on it. So please keep it to yourself.

We fall into this "minority" as well, and neither of us are from an asian country. These are decisions we made together early on in our relationship, based on how and where our previous marriages went wrong.

I have worked this entire time, except during the five months I stayed with him, hell I have worked the majority of my adult life and will continue to do so if we need it. My husband doesn't want me to have to work, the moment we are financially set my job will then be to take care of the home and this includes him. We feel like in our relationship having more traditional values is the way we want to go. I don't see a thing wrong with living like this if both persons agree with it.

My British half has stated time and time again, "when I get home you are quitting". Just don't feel like that makes it wrong, it makes me feel very loved and delighted that he wants to take care of me. Luz like myself has certainly proven she has and can still take care of herself if need be.

I was fortunate enough to spend some time running our home, I got to admit I loved it. He came home everyday for a prepared lunch, which gave us an hour of time to be together. When he walked in the door at the end of the day, dinner was on the table the house was clean, we ate cleared up together and then had the rest of the evening to enjoy one anothers company. Me being home gave us an extra couple of hours or so each day. We weren't both coming in the door trying to prepare dinner, do daily house chores etc making ourselves more tired and unable to sit down and relax.

People can't be so quick to judge. For us me staying home, is more of a blessing and the result is we have more down time for each other. If I were the one making a nice salary I would certainly do the same for him.

I feel like what Gary is saying and intending to do here, is give his bride a much needed rest from the life she has endured. I read nothing more into his words, besides the fact he loves her very much and wants to give to her all that he can and lead a traditional style life with the woman he loves. If she were a white middle class American, would this judgement be the same? Sure there are situations were the asian female is used as a house slave, plenty of American females in a not so desirable position too. We have to quit profiling, and realize there are normal couples coming from every walk of life not every relationship from certain regions is a scam.

For all couples who love their other half very deeply, most would probably love to be financially stable enough to take care of the other person. This is what couples are supposed to do give to one another, if that involves finances so what if they can afford for one to stay home.

Again as I posted earlier in this thread, the OP needs to discuss this with her other half. IMO she should not have ask this question to a board of strangers. Perhaps it is just to early in her relationship, and they have yet to discuss how they will share a life together. Maybe she has a difficult time financially and knows her OH has enough that he might or could want to help and was just unsure how to discuss it with him in fear or embarassment. Throughout this long process of ours, I know there have been times when we have relied on one another financially, things happen and sometimes you have to ask for help. Who better to ask than the person you love.

[PlatyPius 5]

I do have a problem with Gary's post however;

The only time we ever really argue is when she wants to go back to work to take some of the pressure off of me. I absolutely refuse to let her go back to work. I have told her that when her visa finally comes and we get married that she will never work. Her job will be to take care of me and my home and it will be my job to supply the money. That is the way I want it.

That sounds pretty archaic to me, and totally unfair to Luzy. If my wife wants to work, then she can work, and its not for me to tell her she "can't". Besides being chauvinistic, it just wouldn't fly with Chutima, no more than it would if I was told to stay home and "take care" of someone else and their home. This isn't the dark ages.

It may sound archaic to you but to me it's a traditional relationship. When Luz and I first started getting serious I told her my views on marriage. It was known up-front. It is also what she wants. If you don't believe me ask her yourself. She is online here. This is our relationship and you have no right to pass judgment on it. So please keep it to yourself.

We fall into this "minority" as well, and neither of us are from an asian country. These are decisions we made together early on in our relationship, based on how and where our previous marriages went wrong.

I have worked this entire time, except during the five months I stayed with him, hell I have worked the majority of my adult life and will continue to do so if we need it. My husband doesn't want me to have to work, the moment we are financially set my job will then be to take care of the home and this includes him. We feel like in our relationship having more traditional values is the way we want to go. I don't see a thing wrong with living like this if both persons agree with it.

My British half has stated time and time again, "when I get home you are quitting". Just don't feel like that makes it wrong, it makes me feel very loved and delighted that he wants to take care of me. Luz like myself has certainly proven she has and can still take care of herself if need be.

I was fortunate enough to spend some time running our home, I got to admit I loved it. He came home everyday for a prepared lunch, which gave us an hour of time to be together. When he walked in the door at the end of the day, dinner was on the table the house was clean, we ate cleared up together and then had the rest of the evening to enjoy one anothers company. Me being home gave us an extra couple of hours or so each day. We weren't both coming in the door trying to prepare dinner, do daily house chores etc making ourselves more tired and unable to sit down and relax.

People can't be so quick to judge. For us me staying home, is more of a blessing and the result is we have more down time for each other. If I were the one making a nice salary I would certainly do the same for him.

I feel like what Gary is saying and intending to do here, is give his bride a much needed rest from the life she has endured. I read nothing more into his words, besides the fact he loves her very much and wants to give to her all that he can and lead a traditional style life with the woman he loves. If she were a white middle class American, would this judgement be the same? Sure there are situations were the asian female is used as a house slave, plenty of American females in a not so desirable position too. We have to quit profiling, and realize there are normal couples coming from every walk of life not every relationship from certain regions is a scam.

For all couples who love their other half very deeply, most would probably love to be financially stable enough to take care of the other person. This is what couples are supposed to do give to one another, if that involves finances so what if they can afford for one to stay home.

Again as I posted earlier in this thread, the OP needs to discuss this with her other half. IMO she should not have ask this question to a board of strangers. Perhaps it is just to early in her relationship, and they have yet to discuss how they will share a life together. Maybe she has a difficult time financially and knows her OH has enough that he might or could want to help and was just unsure how to discuss it with him in fear or embarassment. Throughout this long process of ours, I know there have been times when we have relied on one another financially, things happen and sometimes you have to ask for help. Who better to ask than the person you love.

I agree with you. I don't want Sian to have to work, and she would like to stay home as well. However, she'll have to work for a little while. She knows this, and is fine with it. Once it isn't a necessity any longer, I'll make the money and she'll take care of the house - something she much prefers to working outside the home.

Sian and I both want a home in a forest far away from people. We'd like to be self-sustaining. Unfortunately, that's difficult in the US, and ironically enough, takes a lot of money to do. That's our dream, though. 160 acres or so of forest, a cottage, and an extensive garden. Sounds perfect to me.

[LuzyC 0]

Now,Go home and magtanim ka ng kamote!!!

magtanim ng kamote...

Luz ang puso mo, ang puso mo..dahan dahan lang..

kahit ano... wala akong paki-alam

Roi_Aggie..

SUS MARYA!!ANONG PROBLEMA MO?We maybe argue about me working but i agree wholeheartedly if Gary dont want me to work,If i get the chance to get my Precious Visa and be with Gary then by all means i will be a wife to him, and taking care his house and all his needs..nothing wrong with that!!Being a wife and taking good care a husband is a career im gladly to choose!

Pls dont say very offending words..as Melo say have some compassion to others and may i add respect(wala ka nun eh)

And who are you telling My sweetie that dont participate?If you think You have opinion then we have our own also!!

Now,Go home and magtanim ka ng kamote!!!

Ang pangalan ko si Robert, at wala akong problema. Ano ang gagawin mo, bahala ka, talaga. Ikaw naman magtanim ka ng kamote!

Oh And so You Are ROBERT..Hi ,here's sampung piso,Buy yourself Ten pesos worth of respect because you have none!!

Yes You have many problem to the fact that even some men you see here in VJ ask an advice to how to send money to Manila or compare the best ways to send in particular countries bothered you..why?Who are you think that its not right huh?

Ok ngayun din bagay talaga sa iyo magtanim ng kamote! now nah!

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

I agree with you. I don't want Sian to have to work, and she would like to stay home as well. However, she'll have to work for a little while. She knows this, and is fine with it. Once it isn't a necessity any longer, I'll make the money and she'll take care of the house - something she much prefers to working outside the home.

Sian and I both want a home in a forest far away from people. We'd like to be self-sustaining. Unfortunately, that's difficult in the US, and ironically enough, takes a lot of money to do. That's our dream, though. 160 acres or so of forest, a cottage, and an extensive garden. Sounds perfect to me.

Sounds very nice, makes for lots of together time too! People would certainly stay out of the middle of your relationship this way lol.

I love taking care of the house, cooking is very therapeutic! Two things I WILL not do and he already knows what they are, cleaning the fridge, and ironing, thank goodness he doesn't mind doing either!

[PlatyPius 5]

I think ironing is rather silly and a waste of time, but Sian INSISTS on jeans, sheets, etc being ironed. Told her it wasn't a problem as long as she never, EVER irons my jeans or shirts. What is up with England anyway? Are there any people left in US who actually iron anything? Has the UK never heard of Permanent Press? ROFL!!!

Oh, and I do all of the cooking. C'mon.....she's British! I don't want to eat boiled stuff every day. LMFAO!

Edited August 5, 2006 by Cian

[kismet 0]

I agree with you. I don't want Sian to have to work, and she would like to stay home as well. However, she'll have to work for a little while. She knows this, and is fine with it. Once it isn't a necessity any longer, I'll make the money and she'll take care of the house - something she much prefers to working outside the home.

Sian and I both want a home in a forest far away from people. We'd like to be self-sustaining. Unfortunately, that's difficult in the US, and ironically enough, takes a lot of money to do. That's our dream, though. 160 acres or so of forest, a cottage, and an extensive garden. Sounds perfect to me.

Sounds very nice, makes for lots of together time too! People would certainly stay out of the middle of your relationship this way lol.

I love taking care of the house, cooking is very therapeutic! Two things I WILL not do and he already knows what they are, cleaning the fridge, and ironing, thank goodness he doesn't mind doing either!

Count me in the minority!

Me too, after many years of single motherhood and working extra hours to raise three kids.. I welcome the future of taking care of family and lots of together-time with Scott and the kids. I consider myself very blessed.

oh, but Scott says i stay out of the kitchen!!! oh dear, must be the burnt mashed potatoes aaaahhhh

We will be staying in the Mojave Desert.. somethign like Cian's forest in context

[*Robert* 2]

My husband doesn't want me to have to work, the moment we are financially set my job will then be to take care of the home and this includes him. We feel like in our relationship having more traditional values is the way we want to go. I don't see a thing wrong with living like this if both persons agree with it.

People can't be so quick to judge. For us me staying home, is more of a blessing and the result is we have more down time for each other. If I were the one making a nice salary I would certainly do the same for him.

For all couples who love their other half very deeply, most would probably love to be financially stable enough to take care of the other person. This is what couples are supposed to do give to one another, if that involves finances so what if they can afford for one to stay home.

Very well said Bethanie. Especially the part about your husband not wanting you to have to work. The idea of a "traditional family" these days is getting harder and harder to find with the ever increasing cost of living. If my wife works, I want it to be a case of her wanting to work, in order to have something to do or for some extra spending money of her own, not to support our household income. At least that's what I hope, and I hope that I will be able to provide for both of us. More and more these days you see families where both spouses HAVE to work in order to make ends meet. I hope that doesn't happen to us.

I was raised in a "traditional family", and I know the resentment my mother had towards my father for not being able to work, since she had a college degree, and was more than capable of working, and had a very good job when they got married. But like a good wife, she stayed at home to raise the kids and take care of the family. I am old fashioned to a certain degree, but I also believe in the freedom of choice, something my mother wasn't given. When it comes to kids however, I don't want my kids being raised in day care or by strangers, and my wife and I agree on that.

I think you are right, that I immediately lumped Gary into a sterotype, and I apologize for that. I know Gary is a good guy, and his comments caught me off gaurd. Maybe it was the way he phrased it! Sorry Gary.

[PlatyPius 5]

My husband doesn't want me to have to work, the moment we are financially set my job will then be to take care of the home and this includes him. We feel like in our relationship having more traditional values is the way we want to go. I don't see a thing wrong with living like this if both persons agree with it.

People can't be so quick to judge. For us me staying home, is more of a blessing and the result is we have more down time for each other. If I were the one making a nice salary I would certainly do the same for him.

For all couples who love their other half very deeply, most would probably love to be financially stable enough to take care of the other person. This is what couples are supposed to do give to one another, if that involves finances so what if they can afford for one to stay home.

Very well said Bethanie. Especially the part about your husband not wanting you to have to work. The idea of a "traditional family" these days is getting harder and harder to find with the ever increasing cost of living. If my wife works, I want it to be a case of her wanting to work, in order to have something to do or for some extra spending money of her own, not to support our household income. At least that's what I hope, and I hope that I will be able to provide for both of us. More and more these days you see families where both spouses HAVE to work in order to make ends meet. I hope that doesn't happen to us.

I was raised in a "traditional family", and I know the resentment my mother had towards my father for not being able to work, since she had a college degree, and was more than capable of working, and had a very good job when they got married. But like a good wife, she stayed at home to raise the kids and take care of the family. I am old fashioned to a certain degree, but I also believe in the freedom of choice, something my mother wasn't given. When it comes to kids however, I don't want my kids being raised in day care or by strangers, and my wife and I agree on that.

I think you are right, that I immediately lumped Gary into a sterotype, and I apologize for that. I know Gary is a good guy, and his comments caught me off gaurd. Maybe it was the way he phrased it! Sorry Gary.

Ok, so now y'all can have a manly hug and pop open a few beers, right? All I have is Guinness, sorry..... Want one?

[*Robert* 2]

Ok, so now y'all can have a manly hug and pop open a few beers, right? All I have is Guinness, sorry..... Want one?

Brother Cian, I miss you man!

Guinness?!! I still have a couple of bottles of Becks Dark!

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

I think ironing is rather silly and a waste of time, but Sian INSISTS on jeans, sheets, etc being ironed. Told her it wasn't a problem as long as she never, EVER irons my jeans or shirts. What is up with England anyway? Are there any people left in US who actually iron anything? Has the UK never heard of Permanent Press? ROFL!!!

Oh, and I do all of the cooking. C'mon.....she's British! I don't want to eat boiled stuff every day. LMFAO!

I quickly learned during my stays across the pond, you nearly have to iron everything. It is those tiny little washing machines they wrinkle nearly everything. I got a lesson in how to hang out the laundry so that they had less wrinkles, if only there was a way for NO wrinkles. The brit got a lesson here on how to toss your jeans and tshirts back in the dryer on high heat and voila/bobs your uncle, no more wrinkles!

[kismet 0]

Ok, so now y'all can have a manly hug and pop open a few beers, right? All I have is Guinness, sorry..... Want one?

Brother Cian, I miss you man!

Guinness?!! I still have a couple of bottles of Becks Dark!

A manly hug??? women not included??????

Chauvinist ****!!!!

give me a break..i'm trying to participate here don't make me look stupid??

please????

[GaryC 7]

God I love that woman of mine!!!! Thank you all for the support. The traditional family life isn't for everyone but it is right for us! I would much rather give Luz a break from the lifetime of hardship and work that she had than the few trinkets and extras that a second income might buy. Money can't buy happiness but love sure can!!!

[*Robert* 2]

Ok, so now y'all can have a manly hug and pop open a few beers, right? All I have is Guinness, sorry..... Want one?

Brother Cian, I miss you man!

Guinness?!! I still have a couple of bottles of Becks Dark!

A manly hug??? women not included??????

Chauvinist ****!!!!

give me a break..i'm trying to participate here don't make me look stupid??

please????

okay... how about a big non-gender hug?!!

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

My husband doesn't want me to have to work, the moment we are financially set my job will then be to take care of the home and this includes him. We feel like in our relationship having more traditional values is the way we want to go. I don't see a thing wrong with living like this if both persons agree with it.

People can't be so quick to judge. For us me staying home, is more of a blessing and the result is we have more down time for each other. If I were the one making a nice salary I would certainly do the same for him.

For all couples who love their other half very deeply, most would probably love to be financially stable enough to take care of the other person. This is what couples are supposed to do give to one another, if that involves finances so what if they can afford for one to stay home.

Very well said Bethanie. Especially the part about your husband not wanting you to have to work. The idea of a "traditional family" these days is getting harder and harder to find with the ever increasing cost of living. If my wife works, I want it to be a case of her wanting to work, in order to have something to do or for some extra spending money of her own, not to support our household income. At least that's what I hope, and I hope that I will be able to provide for both of us. More and more these days you see families where both spouses HAVE to work in order to make ends meet. I hope that doesn't happen to us.

I was raised in a "traditional family", and I know the resentment my mother had towards my father for not being able to work, since she had a college degree, and was more than capable of working, and had a very good job when they got married. But like a good wife, she stayed at home to raise the kids and take care of the family. I am old fashioned to a certain degree, but I also believe in the freedom of choice, something my mother wasn't given. When it comes to kids however, I don't want my kids being raised in day care or by strangers, and my wife and I agree on that.

I think you are right, that I immediately lumped Gary into a sterotype, and I apologize for that. I know Gary is a good guy, and his comments caught me off gaurd. Maybe it was the way he phrased it! Sorry Gary.

My gran was the same, she griped and moaned because she had to raise five children, cook and clean she had no other choice. I think had my gran been able to drive, had easy access to the checking account and realized she could have packed up and had a day out at the spa without being a bad wife or feeling guilty her life would have turned out different. She worked as hard as my grandfather, and truly deserved a break. Then again my grandfather didn't get a break either. Of course this is perhaps why traditional marriages worked so well, in reality both got a break from one thing or the other. She never had to work in the fields on hot summer days, or in the freezing cold of winter, and he never had to come in after putting in 12 hours and worry about clearing up after five children.

The world has changed since then, but so long as it is a mutual choice between a couple to lead this sort of lifestyle I say go for it.