Is this what marriage is going to be like?

[KarenCee 3]

are there no happy couples left?

Aye Brother Dean....Joel and I are extremely happy!

[nayalamb 0]

i did most of the k1 work myself. i had alot more free time to research and i joined VJ to help with that. i have a more organized nature so it was just easier for me to take control rather than pester him about it constantly. but he did help out whenever i needed it.

your guy could very well be overwhelmed and stressed out. it is A LOT to deal with. talk to him and find out what's going on. don't get down and automatically think that things won't work out.

i wish you the best of luck

[*Robert* 2]

are there no happy couples left?

Aye Brother Dean....Joel and I are extremely happy!

Don't forget Chutima and me!!! We are extremely happy too!!!

[mychelle 1]

seldi, everyone has there way of handling things. with that in mind, maybe your fiance is the chill-type of guy...probably hates to be told what to do and hates it even more if told over and over and over...again. since you already told him what needs to be done on his part, now is the time to actually let him do it. don't even bother bringing it up again until he does...but judging from your frustrations...this will be tough.

my fiance doesn't post here or do online research on this stuff (that i do best! ) but when i send him something to read (from this forum or others) he reads it and when i tell him what needs to be done he does. but that doesn't happen naturally. we actually have a way to make sure i'm becoming overly controlling and he's not slacking. what we do to keep ourselves sane since filing K1 and not be so engrossed in the process is to set-up scheduled discussions on what's need to be done. the schedule is flexible...like...only after the NOA2 will we ever discuss the NVC process & inquire about our interview schedule...or only after we get our interview date will we discuss the needed paperwork...and so on and so forth. at least that will give him heads up and also everytime we talk it won't always have to be about the immigration process. next week is our upcoming final review and discussion of the embassy interview documents. from now until then, nobody brings up anything K1 related. hope it helps.

[AFQuaid 18]

Andrew is similar to others SO mentioned. He wants to know the "basics" what "he" needs to do, when, how and why. Nothing else, wheras I read, re-read everything and anything and he just needs the general knowledge of what he needs to do on his side. I've nagged my Andrew alot too about paperwork but like he always tells me "Trust me, I aint gonna lose you over not filling out a form. I just want to make sure I do it right even if I'm a tad slow." It can be very stressful and I've read alot about couples where one half is *right in there knees deep in everything immigration wise* and the other just needs the basics and they're fine.

[Sister Fracas 5]

For us, I did probably 95% of the research and 90% of the process, but one major reason for that was I knew I was just way more organized than he is, and knew with his extremely easy-going nature, he might not take something as seriously as I thought it should be. I even made up his interview folder so that he'd go to the interview organized....he really can be scatterbrained sometimes...hehehe.... but it worked for us. Sure I had more of the worry, but that's just part of my nature anyway. Had I left more to him, I'd have still worried....at least this way I felt more in control in an out-of-control process. Just because he wasn't involved more doesn't mean I believe for one iota of a moment that he didn't take it just as seriously as I did. Every couple has to decide what is appropriate for them. But you have to talk to your partner and let them know when you feel they aren't holding up their end of the deal. I don't believe every single task, experience, etc is going to be a 50/50 split between you and yor spouse. There will be times you'll work harder and times they work harder and if you are always thinking you are pulling more than your fair share every time...then you have to confront the issue. And I think being fluid is helpful...by that I mean don't approach a task as....ok, I did this, this, and this and now you MUST do the same amount in return with no flexibility....that might just lead to more tension.

Oh, just my opinion...

Edited August 3, 2006 by Frances

[Nizzy 1]

I know some people (friends and family) who thought and still think that the whole visa process is a piece of cake. They think that once you get the interview then you're all set and there is no need to worry anything. Maybe this is how he feels and you shouldn't completely re-evaluate your relationship with him and whether or not to marry him. Just discuss the importance of it all and tell him about other people's experiences and set him on track.

[almaty 19]

i am so glad there are many happy couples on vj...

[camifree 2]

I know some people (friends and family) who thought and still think that the whole visa process is a piece of cake. They think that once you get the interview then you're all set and there is no need to worry anything. Maybe this is how he feels and you shouldn't completely re-evaluate your relationship with him and whether or not to marry him. Just discuss the importance of it all and tell him about other people's experiences and set him on track.

Even after being together, the AOS process can still be very stressful. And I don't only mean the paper process but also the actual adjustment (economical, social, emotional, etc.). At least it has been my own experience and some friends of mine's who have been through the same. Of course, there are the "nuances"... that would depend on each one's personalities and tempers. Talk to him; if his goal is the same as yours, he will understand and appreciate it.

IMO.

Good luck!

[Risto 0]

So my fiance an I are the the Embassy step.

It's now HIS turn to get everything ready. In my opinion, he should have been ready a while ago. He knows exactly what he needs to get done, I have been bugging him for months now. He's just taking his sweet time getting things done. I don't think he comprehends how crucial it is to have everything ready ASAP.

For example, it can take up to 2 months to get your police certificate in Argentina. I have been asking him to get it done. He applied LAST WEEK. I asked him to call the embassy today because I wasn't sure if they required 2 years worth of taxes or three. He tells me that he called the number I gave him, but it was "busy".

I've also sent him tons of links that explain the whole process, forms, requirements, timelines to help him understand(or so I thought). Yet, he doesn't even know what a I-134 is.

Maybe I'm just being a typical American and being neurotic about everything, but I don't think he's taking it seriously. I don't know if this is normal guy behavior and he's just being lazy, or what the ####### is going on. I'm so frustrated. I'm even considering breaking up with him. I want a partner, not a son.

To make matters worse, the embassy is completely useless.

come on don't take it like that It's a "manana" thing:)

[Miranda&James 8]

i am so glad there are many happy couples on vj...

[john_and_marlene 162]

Is this what marriage is going to be like?

No, you'll have time to find many additional future annoyances after marriage.

[wherezdabearz 0]

We're another happy couple - hurrah!!

During the K1 process I was in charge of about 90% of the paperwork/research because I needed to feel that I had a minimum of control of what was going on. I asked John for what I needed from him and he was very prompt in coming up with the goods so thankfully there was no need for nagging.

But I decided to share the burden of AOS and the result has been much less stress.

[Ban Hammer 13,427]

Is this what marriage is going to be like?

No, you'll have time to find many additional future annoyances after marriage.

oh how true john

what was that line from the movie "love stinks" again?

"is this the person i want to annoy for the rest of my life?"

[seldi 1]

Here's a quick update:

Things have improved drastically. We had a heart to heart yesterday. I think I finally got through to him. He apologized for having acted this way and promised to do his share. He told me that it's not that he doesn't care or isn't excited, he's just being more laid back about everything. One of us has to be otherwise we'll end up killing each other.

Then later in the day, he shocked the hell out of me. He e-mailed me all the completed forms, and

He called the embassy yesterday and finally got through to the Visa (miss)information services only to be told that the phone number was only for student and toursists visa.

We'll see what happens next. I guess I overreacted a bit.

Thank you all.