Ask Dr. Phil

[Saddle Bronc 124]

I think it's fairly easy to draw the conclusion that someone who has graduated from Harvard Law is more intelligent than someone who dropped out of community college.

But if the Harvard Law graduate (ok, I'll change it to a closer-to-home Columbia U Math PhD) is practically dysfunctional in the world outside academia where the comm-coll dropout is very street-savvy (btw, I am NOT a comm-coll dropout--I have an MSCS; but my dad--who IS a Columbia U Math PhD actually IS near-dysfunctional outside of academia).

[natty bumppo 297]

He's just another undereducated simpleton.

geez aj ... getting time for you to get fresher bait ... yours is looking a lot limp ...

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I find it interesting that William posted a warning to stop the back and forth insults in a thread discussing the relative types of 'intelligence' - and people have continued on as if they didn't read or didn't understand what the warning meant.

To be more clear - personal attacks and insults are a violation of the Terms of Service for Visa Journey. If you are not able to address the topic under discussion without throwing around insults and put-downs, then do not participate.

Edited March 31, 2010 by Kathryn41

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

But if the Harvard Law graduate (ok, I'll change it to a closer-to-home Columbia U Math PhD) is practically dysfunctional in the world outside academia where the comm-coll dropout is very street-savvy (btw, I am NOT a comm-coll dropout--I have an MSCS; but my dad--who IS a Columbia U Math PhD actually IS near-dysfunctional outside of academia).

[thongd4me 69]

I find it interesting that William posted a warning to stop the back and forth insults in a thread discussing the relative types of 'intelligence' - and people have continued on as if they didn't read or didn't understand what the warning meant.

To be more clear - personal attacks and insults are a violation of the Terms of Service for Visa Journey.

If you are not able to address the topic under discussion without throwing around insults and put-downs, then do not participate.

Again my feeling is that all can work (with adjustments).

With smart+smart there has to be a high level of love & trust or it's a power struggle.

With any combination of smart+dumb, there is a clear leader & follower.

With dumb+dumb, ignorance is bliss. That may be the best combination, not requiring as much trust.

Interesting, impassioned responses but keep it within the TOS

[Nik+Heather 121]

I picked one where they were equal. I think inequalities in understanding (not necessarily education) can create huge problems for a couple. I would think it would be difficult to respect and truely have a fulfilling relationship with a life long companion who you feel is beneath you in intelligence. A disparity will hurt both parties.

[thongd4me 69]

I picked one where they were equal. I think inequalities in understanding (not necessarily education) can create huge problems for a couple. I would think it would be difficult to respect and truely have a fulfilling relationship with a life long companion who you feel is beneath you in intelligence. A disparity will hurt both parties.

I felt that both my first wife and current wife are smart, but that didn't prevent my first marriage from being a disaster as she was emotionally bankrupt.

She had a "hate" relationship with many of her family members long before she met me and just transferred those emotions to me.

I am so proud of my Thai wife, as my ex-wife came to visit my 83 year old mom (at our house) with my 2 daughters on Thursday of Easter week.

Normally they come to visit my mom AND me on Easter Sunday. However, because they knew I had re-married, they arranged to visit my mom

on a day they knew I would be working. Living in the same house, my wife was ready & willing to meet them cordially & lovingly, even if I wasn't there.

She was prepared even with gifts for them.

Instead, one of my daughters rushed upstairs from the car, got my mom to come down and they went off to a restaurant in order to avoid my wife.

When my mom told my wife how sad she was about this, my wife comforted HER and said that it was good she could see her grandkids.

She won't act desperate to meet or get close with my kids but if given the opportunity she will love them like her own.

So far that opportunity is deferred, but that is THEIR loss.

My ex-wife says that she gives ALL control to the kids and the kids don't want to see me so she can't help that.

In this case, giving control to the kids is in fact controlling them, because it serves as a "loyalty test"

and they know how angry she can get.

The argument that she has no control over them doesn't hold water if they are doing exactly what she wants.

They have to live with her.

[Nik+Heather 121]

I felt that both my first wife and current wife are smart, but that didn't prevent my first marriage from being a disaster as she was emotionally bankrupt.

Well, I think that's because it's not just one compatibility which makes a marriage work. The poll/thread was about relative "intelligence" or whatever, but that's not the only thing. I mean, if there were only 3 categories (Smarter than me, dumber than me or same as me), then every 3rd woman would have been perfect for you. I didn't mean to say that this one aspect was the only one of importance, as your experience so clearly demonstrates.

Anyway, sorry to reply so late, but I figured since it was still on the first page I could reply without "dredging" the thread up out of the past.

Also, your new wife sounds great - and handled all that drama with class.

[thongd4me 69]

I thought I'd dredge this up after an appropriate pause "for reflection."

We're going through a stressful (bending, not breaking) period now

with her job search. She was a big fish in a small pond at home

and now she's like a small, fried fishstick in a very big pond here.

We are trying to outdo each other to find the best approach for getting her a job.

Both of us being intelligent has it's risks & drawbacks, haha.

I responded to the poll with the "ignorance is bliss" answer*

*dumb woman, dumb man

A smart couple may argue more, but the sex is better when we make up.