for the men with kids from an ex wife!!!!!

[charlie&pam 1]

Hi guys.....so I know I am not alone on this topic...but lets share stories and how do deal with the DREADED EX-WIFE syndrome!!!! Since Pam has gotten here it has been harder and harded to deal with her (I assume it is all because of jealousy) .......She says lies to the kids, did the whole mail order bride thing to my friends and family, and also has just been un-real to deal with since she found out that we are getting married!!!!......plus I know it must kill her that the kids love Pam and give her a hug and kiss when she comes to see the kids and take them out!!!!!....but the past week has been getting more stressfull!!!!!.......her mom who loves me to death watches my 3 year old daughter durring the day and when I picked her up Friday she asked me if her and her hubby could come to the wedding....I responded that I will talk to Pam and also she should talk to my ex because I dont want to get inbetween the mother/daughter relationship and have them argue!!!!....well I guess over the weekend they did argue when she brought it up and now the ex is being a real b*tc&!!!! as of last night she called and asked if my daughter could spend more time with her grandmom (didn't ask kind of demanded it)....just trying to get other opinions on this ....also I have a son who is 6 but the family doesn't want to see him more?

[PhiLandShiR 18]

Sorry for all your troubles on this.

Sounds like your EX is still trying to come to terms with the divorce. All I can say is to keep the kids informed on what is happening and make sure they know both sides on all this.

As for why your EX is not interested in your older boy... sounds like she has decided he is too old to bainwash so she works on the younger daughter...

Give your EX some time. Sooner or later she will see the sillyness of her actions.

-Phil

PS: the one sure way to pi$$ of the EX, is to marry someone YOUNGER than she is....

[DARUMA07 25]

Charlie, I could write a book about my first wife. Satan couldn't even get along with her.... It sounds like to me she is just jealous of you and your new wife. Hopefully in time she can accept it and go on with her life. Whatever you do, don't let this affect you and Pam... Tell the ex to go play tiddly winks in the middle of your nearest interstate..

[charlie&pam 1]

thank guys....it is just a tough situation!!!! I feel bad because I feel like Pam is in the middle of this.....I know she will try everything that she can to either aggrivate or try to put a wall between me,Pam and the kids ....but I hope she can see through it and see what the ex is trying to do!!!!

[DARUMA07 25]

thank guys....it is just a tough situation!!!! I feel bad because I feel like Pam is in the middle of this.....I know she will try everything that she can to either aggrivate or try to put a wall between me,Pam and the kids ....but I hope she can see through it and see what the ex is trying to do!!!!

Be supportive with Pam. She understands what's going on. It's ashame these things happen. We are all entitled to be happy in our lives. No one should come between that!

[charlie&pam 1]

I really dont want anyone to go through this but I know it has to be a common thing with the kano guys here so i searched and there was really no support group for us to talk about it and maybe try to help each other out on the "issues" that may pop up and the pain that is causes......I know we are guys and we will never say if it hurts or not ......but we all know it does hurt the relationship of our new lives !!!!!....this is to try to help each other out and maybe a springboard for people to vent and get usefull advise from others in this forum...........We were all here to help each other through all the paperwork and the stress so maybe we can help each other with the other stuff that comes along with our relationships!!!!

[Binow 0]

Hi guys.....so I know I am not alone on this topic...but lets share stories and how do deal with the DREADED EX-WIFE syndrome!!!! Since Pam has gotten here it has been harder and harded to deal with her (I assume it is all because of jealousy) .......She says lies to the kids, did the whole mail order bride thing to my friends and family, and also has just been un-real to deal with since she found out that we are getting married!!!!......plus I know it must kill her that the kids love Pam and give her a hug and kiss when she comes to see the kids and take them out!!!!!....but the past week has been getting more stressfull!!!!!.......her mom who loves me to death watches my 3 year old daughter durring the day and when I picked her up Friday she asked me if her and her hubby could come to the wedding....I responded that I will talk to Pam and also she should talk to my ex because I dont want to get inbetween the mother/daughter relationship and have them argue!!!!....well I guess over the weekend they did argue when she brought it up and now the ex is being a real b*tc&!!!! as of last night she called and asked if my daughter could spend more time with her grandmom (didn't ask kind of demanded it)....just trying to get other opinions on this ....also I have a son who is 6 but the family doesn't want to see him more?

Can I respond? It says " for the men"

*sigh*.... ignore the BS stories she spreads to your family and friends. At the end of the day, you both know what kind of relationship you have. She is no doubt jealous - of the fact that you are happy with someone else, and knowing and seeing that you can still be happy after she wrecked your marriage. And she probably is living a miserable life at the moment.

Don't share any kind of information to her about you and Pam and your plans and all because you know what, she is an EX. That means " without, not including, or without the right to have". I think too she wants your kids regular at your house well probably because she wants to fish info about your whereabouts through your babies. And as a dad to them, you don't say NO to that after all, your kids are stress-relievers ya know!

Kids are kids. Their innocence make them adore anyone who showers them with loves, kisses and cookies! Sadly, people take advantage of their innocence too. And that's what your ex wife is doing. IMO.

If it's tough for you, it's as tough as for Pam for sure. But I know you will get through this in time and live a peaceful and stress-free life like the kind that we all love to have.

[charlie&pam 1]

thanks May .......but there are things Pam probably didnt inform u of........I have custody and she is using me being sick against me for custody....there is always 2 sides of the story and I love my kids if she wants to "try" to use them against me she can try to but I believe honesty and love will always come out on top !!!...I beat the cancer and I will definatly be able to beat her in this battle!!!!

[DARUMA07 25]

thanks May .......but there are things Pam probably didnt inform u of........I have custody and she is using me being sick against me for custody....there is always 2 sides of the story and I love my kids if she wants to "try" to use them against me she can try to but I believe honesty and love will always come out on top !!!...I beat the cancer and I will definatly be able to beat her in this battle!!!!

That is a Great Attitude Charlie! Keep it up!!

[Mark&Gladys 0]

Charlie, I am up to my ears in ex-wife issues. My kids are 8, 7, and 2 and now live 2500 miles away. Ours is a very long story, but we have numerous issues and she has made absolutely unbelievable accusations. Obviously for the best interests of the children it would be best for you to have a friendly, cooperative and rational relationship with your ex. Sometimes however, that is simply not possible as is the case for me. So, for what it is worth I add the following recommendations:

1. Keep everything away from the children regarding your conflict with your ex. That will be difficult, but you must be the better person in that regard and the kids will reward you for that some day. I always complement their mother when I talk to the kids if only for the small things she does well for them.

2. Do not see or talk to your ex in private if you can help it. Tape all phone and personal conversations and try to exchange the kids in public or with a chaperone. She can make accusations that will damage your reputation and jeopardize your visitation and custody if given the opportunity - even if you are completely innocent. The accusations alone will create a stigma and it will stick with you.

3. Be prepared to defend your rights as a father in court. Make you case and document it as strongly as possible. Use a divorce mediator if at all possible.

4. Keep your ex away from Pam and try to protect your relationship from the baggage. Remember that this is her first marriage and she wants it to be fresh and healthy and naive. That is also tricky and I know how difficult that can be, but do your best.

5. Time heals all wounds and your ex may get over the divorce and improve her attitude. BUT don't assume that will happen. Give her some time, but be prepared to fight if needed. Make sure you get your time with the kids and settle it in court if needed. They need a strong father more than ever.

Good Luck.

Mark

[SuperDuper! 230]

OP, I feel for you. Sounds incredibly complicated. Hopefully Pushbrk will chime in and tell you what to do.

Good Luck, and most of all, ENJOY YOURSELF and your new Pinay, and let the ol' nag, hag, bag keep her misery to herself.

[Florianns Man 7]

Cool...

I found a place to talk about my ex an the issues she may or may not cause me in my future. I have one son with her a 6 year old boy named Alex. I live in MN and after our divorce my ex married a guy in Arkansas and we battled in court over custody a couple of times. What I am sure a lot of you know is that a single guy who is just trying to keep his head above water has a hard time winning things against a "family". So I gave in and allowed him to move down there with her (big mistake). My fiancee has never met Alex in person but they have a great time on the web cam when he is here with me. He even insisted on sending her a card when I went to meet her in January. My Fiancee absolutely adores kids and wants nothing more than to bring Alex back to MN where he belongs. He honestly lives in the middle of nowhere on a bunch of acres that act as a graveyard for automobiles. In real life he is great with reading writing and arthimatic, but at school the class is learning their abc's and 123's.

Floriann has a great paying career that she will be able to continue once she arrives so I hope the ex is ready to do battle again. It started out ok with us meeting halfway to exchange Alex on a regular basis but of course as time goes by she gets "busy" or has to work weekends, or she can't possible take alex out of school for a day so if i want to see him I can always come down to Arkansas. And it's like pulling teeth to get her to answer the phone much less get alex to call me back. Alex has already stated he wants to live with me, not that that is binding but it does warm my heart along with Floriann saying that our family will never be complete until Alex is with us.

I hope all you other guys are as happy as I am, God sent me an angel and I try my hardest to forget the past and live for the future. Alex will always keep my past linked to me but I look at him as a huge part of my future, and I trust that everything is happening for a reason.

[Christi and Ian 24]

I agree that she is either jealous of your relationship with your new wife, or she was hoping that she would be the one to move on and be happy first. Either way, she needs to get over it and move on...

I'm an ex-wife - my ex-husband has a fiancee that frankly, I like more than I like him. She treats my daughter like she's her daughter, and my daughter loves her. I would pick that over someone who resented my daughter any day of the week. I feel lucky that she treats her so well.

[charlie&pam 1]

Charlie, I am up to my ears in ex-wife issues. My kids are 8, 7, and 2 and now live 2500 miles away. Ours is a very long story, but we have numerous issues and she has made absolutely unbelievable accusations. Obviously for the best interests of the children it would be best for you to have a friendly, cooperative and rational relationship with your ex. Sometimes however, that is simply not possible as is the case for me. So, for what it is worth I add the following recommendations:

1. Keep everything away from the children regarding your conflict with your ex. That will be difficult, but you must be the better person in that regard and the kids will reward you for that some day. I always complement their mother when I talk to the kids if only for the small things she does well for them.

2. Do not see or talk to your ex in private if you can help it. Tape all phone and personal conversations and try to exchange the kids in public or with a chaperone. She can make accusations that will damage your reputation and jeopardize your visitation and custody if given the opportunity - even if you are completely innocent. The accusations alone will create a stigma and it will stick with you.

3. Be prepared to defend your rights as a father in court. Make you case and document it as strongly as possible. Use a divorce mediator if at all possible.

4. Keep your ex away from Pam and try to protect your relationship from the baggage. Remember that this is her first marriage and she wants it to be fresh and healthy and naive. That is also tricky and I know how difficult that can be, but do your best.

5. Time heals all wounds and your ex may get over the divorce and improve her attitude. BUT don't assume that will happen. Give her some time, but be prepared to fight if needed. Make sure you get your time with the kids and settle it in court if needed. They need a strong father more than ever.

Good Luck.

Mark

thanks Mark you make some great points.....I try to do them all the only thing that sucks is my son who is 6 asks me why his mommy lies all the time ...I tell him that she was not lying just was wrong or made a mistake ....... I always never argue or say bad things about her infront of the kids!!!! Now when the kids arnt around that is a different story !!! I sound like I am a sailor from Boston with every other word being a curse word!!!...lmao

[charlie&pam 1]

Cool...

I found a place to talk about my ex an the issues she may or may not cause me in my future. I have one son with her a 6 year old boy named Alex. I live in MN and after our divorce my ex married a guy in Arkansas and we battled in court over custody a couple of times. What I am sure a lot of you know is that a single guy who is just trying to keep his head above water has a hard time winning things against a "family". So I gave in and allowed him to move down there with her (big mistake). My fiancee has never met Alex in person but they have a great time on the web cam when he is here with me. He even insisted on sending her a card when I went to meet her in January. My Fiancee absolutely adores kids and wants nothing more than to bring Alex back to MN where he belongs. He honestly lives in the middle of nowhere on a bunch of acres that act as a graveyard for automobiles. In real life he is great with reading writing and arthimatic, but at school the class is learning their abc's and 123's.

Floriann has a great paying career that she will be able to continue once she arrives so I hope the ex is ready to do battle again. It started out ok with us meeting halfway to exchange Alex on a regular basis but of course as time goes by she gets "busy" or has to work weekends, or she can't possible take alex out of school for a day so if i want to see him I can always come down to Arkansas. And it's like pulling teeth to get her to answer the phone much less get alex to call me back. Alex has already stated he wants to live with me, not that that is binding but it does warm my heart along with Floriann saying that our family will never be complete until Alex is with us.

I hope all you other guys are as happy as I am, God sent me an angel and I try my hardest to forget the past and live for the future. Alex will always keep my past linked to me but I look at him as a huge part of my future, and I trust that everything is happening for a reason.

sounds like you have a plan!!!....but take it from me it will not be an easy or simple process .....especially for the kids !!!!.....I try to keep them out of it but the 6 year old is figuring things out on his own now so they will ask questions at that age