Reporting a ticket for underage drinking.

[NickD 202]

A ticket was issued, fine was $115.00 plus attending classes at a local tech school on how nasty drinking alcohol is for you, child was 17 years of age.

Certainly hypocritical for a state with the highest drunken drivers, over 14,000 bars, and beer sold at every grocery, gas station, and even at drug stores. Well I guess a beer can be considered a drug.

Of course as a parent, I was outraged by all this, all I could get out of her is that she was with two older girl friends that heard about this party in a town 35 miles away, adults were giving my kid beer, and sounds like it was like a speed trap as the local cops raided the place. She was caught red handed with a beer in her hand. No disorderly, wasn't drunk, and thank God the police did come, she could have been raped. But refused to give me the name of the people that were providing her with beer, would have taken major action against them. Damned peer pressure. But she had to get a part time job to pay the fine, attend the classes, and had her car taken away for three months. I was equally punished as I had to drive her everywhere.

Anyway, it's a black mark on otherwise a perfect record, I feel she should explain and report it on her N-400, her attitude has changed greatly since then, wrong crowd kind of thing.

Did anybody else run into this?

[ziia 9]

A ticket was issued, fine was $115.00 plus attending classes at a local tech school on how nasty drinking alcohol is for you, child was 17 years of age.

Certainly hypocritical for a state with the highest drunken drivers, over 14,000 bars, and beer sold at every grocery, gas station, and even at drug stores. Well I guess a beer can be considered a drug.

Of course as a parent, I was outraged by all this, all I could get out of her is that she was with two older girl friends that heard about this party in a town 35 miles away, adults were giving my kid beer, and sounds like it was like a speed trap as the local cops raided the place. She was caught red handed with a beer in her hand. No disorderly, wasn't drunk, and thank God the police did come, she could have been raped. But refused to give me the name of the people that were providing her with beer, would have taken major action against them. Damned peer pressure. But she had to get a part time job to pay the fine, attend the classes, and had her car taken away for three months. I was equally punished as I had to drive her everywhere.

Anyway, it's a black mark on otherwise a perfect record, I feel she should explain and report it on her N-400, her attitude has changed greatly since then, wrong crowd kind of thing.

Did anybody else run into this?

Nick, I'm sorry to hear about what happened. I'm glad to hear things didn't turn out worse than that. Not to set your heart at ease, but the reality of it is that 99% of parents with teenage kids that I've met so far, experience at one point in their life the same thing as your family did. It's very common nowadays to hear of teenagers getting drunk with an older crowd and also driving. That does NOT make it ok, but it's certainly a valid problem we have in our society today.

Being able to obtain alcohol everywhere is not the issue. That is the freedom of having choices. When I was growing up in Romania I used to buy my dad beer(you can find it everywhere as well) from the local store across the street from where I live. I've been doing that since the age of 8 years old(when I was physically apt to carry the bottles), perhaps even younger, all throughout my teenage years as well. My parents were strict then and to this day, my dad won't let me have more than a quarter of glass of beer! I am 28. Growing up and having access to alcohol pretty much since day one, made me not interested in trying it. It was a grown up drink(that's all I knew) that destroyer of brain cells if you drink it while you're in the process of growing to adulthood. That's all I knew and it was enough for me. Since I was 12 until I finished high school, I spent most of time in bars. We had 5 right in the vicinity of that high school(it was one of the best in the country if you can imagine...): one was right across the street, so conveniently placed in front of the school, you'd fall right into it. Another 4 bars were to the right and left of the building, also across the street. We didn't have "closed" schools like America has. The gates were always opened and no one would ask you anything. You could come and go as you please, skip a class, go to a bar and come back to the next one. The strict rules were pretty much nowhere.

Still in bars, because there was no such a thing as checking ID's, no drinking "age", anyone could get whatever they wanted. With all that, the bars there have an EXTENSIVE menu of non alcoholic drinks, juices, tea, cappuccinos and such. The alcoholic drinks are few but not too many people opt for them. We'd get an OJ or coca cola and sit in the bar for an hour or more to chat and laugh. Extremely seldom kids would get drunk, most of them would do that on very very few occasions like when the world cup of soccer would be on or something. Yet we didn't have the problems you have here with all these kids that all they do is get drunk out of their minds and laugh like idiots.

Why I said all this? Because I see every day in America the teenagers here are obsessed with drinking. It's a "no no", it's something that apparently makes them feel cool, grownup because it's so "tabu"...same with tattoos(why in the world someone would mess up their bodies like that is beyond me, but whatever). All these crazy dangerous behaviors apparently makes one feel "cool" here. Low self esteem? Perhaps. But it might have something to do with the strict rules, the education and mentality too. Kids here have none to little freedom to think for themselves what's best.

In Romania we couldn't drive until we were 18(it's like 21 here)...that's when you go in the military, that's when you are considered an adult from the law standpoint. Most cars if not all of them were stick shift and no, parents would not buy cars for their kids, how they do here and would not teach them how to drive. You'd go to school for that at 18 and then get the license. The driving tests and written ones are really hard to pass. Here it's a joke. I could drive with my eyes closed and pass the written test without even reading once any rules of the road. The test there implies parallel parking done perfectly(otherwise you wouldn't pass), parking with the back of the car correctly and with the front, stop and drive in a slope without having the car roll down backwards at all(good coordination of the speed and clutch pedals).

My dad didn't let me drive his car until I got my license at 18. Then very few times he would borrow it to me for short strictly set periods, after he would check my homework to make sure i've done everything I needed to do. If not, I would not see the car. Same if I didn't bring the car back at a time he set..10 p.m. sharp. I'm not saying you should do the same, but it worked out for us. Don't buy cars for your kids. My dad said that if I want a car I would have to get a job and buy it myself. He was cool to giving me money to take the train, buss or he would drive me where I wanted. Buy a stick shift car for your kids and teach them responsibility. Be strict and take the car away permanently from them if they get drunk and drive.

Having them drive at 16 and letting them go to parties is the mistake of parents, society and rules, not so much the alcohol. Just my 2 cents.

Edited March 29, 2010 by ziia

[ziia 9]

Oh and yeah, do report the ticket.

[NickD 202]

She was home on spring break and brought up USC yesterday, May 14th is the day she can apply and wants to. A much different person today, is on the high honor roll at college, but with that black mark on her record. She was not driving, but we had to pick her up in that other town and was a bit shocked and disappointed, Her biological father is or was an alcoholic that use to beat her mom, she was very negative on drinking so was quite surprised she was conned into it.

Coming here at age 14 was a bit of a shock to her, and was made fun of in high school because she couldn't speak English. In Venezuela they have what they call Quincearera, where a large party is given to a young girl at age 15. Seems strange to me, but parents down there were going into debt of a large three day celebration. Felt obligated to do the other thing, buy her a car instead to make coming here easier for her. She did have to leave all of her friend behind.

Did tell her to go back and get a copy of that ticket and write up an explanation as to what happened. She did get two traffic tickets, not coming to a complete stop at a stop sign and one speeding ticket. Either are easy to get since they double our police department since 9/11 and have unmarked cars. Those we can forget about. But really tease her about getting caught.

My wife hates driving an automatic transmission vehicle, strictly a five speed, I am also a five speed nut, gives me something to do while driving. Driving is so boring today.

[ziia 9]

She was home on spring break and brought up USC yesterday, May 14th is the day she can apply and wants to. A much different person today, is on the high honor roll at college, but with that black mark on her record. She was not driving, but we had to pick her up in that other town and was a bit shocked and disappointed, Her biological father is or was an alcoholic that use to beat her mom, she was very negative on drinking so was quite surprised she was conned into it.

Coming here at age 14 was a bit of a shock to her, and was made fun of in high school because she couldn't speak English. In Venezuela they have what they call Quincearera, where a large party is given to a young girl at age 15. Seems strange to me, but parents down there were going into debt of a large three day celebration. Felt obligated to do the other thing, buy her a car instead to make coming here easier for her. She did have to leave all of her friend behind.

Did tell her to go back and get a copy of that ticket and write up an explanation as to what happened. She did get two traffic tickets, not coming to a complete stop at a stop sign and one speeding ticket. Either are easy to get since they double our police department since 9/11 and have unmarked cars. Those we can forget about. But really tease her about getting caught.

My wife hates driving an automatic transmission vehicle, strictly a five speed, I am also a five speed nut, gives me something to do while driving. Driving is so boring today.

I don't know too much about Quinceanera, but my guess is that people celebrate the fact that by that age, a girl becomes a woman(able to have babies). I completely understand why people celebrate that but what I don't understand is why they have to spend those amounts of money. And if some are rich and can afford it, why does everyone else have to follow the example and spend much if they can't afford it? But, it's not my place to figure out why people do the things they do . Still, logically, I wouldn't buy my daughter a car to ease her way to hop in it and get to boys. I know that's not the reason you bought it. I'm just saying what my parents wouldn't do for me at that age in a million years .

We live in the same state. I've been here for over 6 years and never got a ticket of any kind except parking because my meeter expired. I live in the worst suburb you can imagine...it's loaded with cops here and there are a lot of bars around and ten times as many cops waiting in dark alleys to get one for speeding, drinking etc. Traffic tickets, weather it's for speeding or not stopping at a stop sign because "there are a lot of cops after 9/11" are not valid excuses a parent should make for the child. The "company" of the kid is also not a valid excuse. Parents often to that to deny the fault their kid has in everything. I often encounter parents blaming others for their kid misbehaving. And of course, it's twice as obvious the denial when the parents throw the sticker on their car "my kid is "awesome" at school". What has that got to do with anything? I wasn't great at school in Romania but I was also no drinking.

Don't mean to criticize i'm just giving a new point of view, a look at things from a different perspective, from an outside position. You seem like a great dad and an awesome husband(i read a lot of your posts) and I know you do the best you can for both of them to "make up" for anything. Buying things for the kid being laughed at is an American mentality that doesn't do anything. Toughen up your kid, don't soften it, it is not in your power to make up for what they are missing from another country, but theirs alone. You can help them with support and encouragement(verbal, moral, emotional), not things, spending money and being oblivious to some very obvious issues(traffic tickets, drinking and such).

Hope you take a look at what I wrote and don't get too upset with my view of things. If anything, an outside perspective might be the best thing to get a more clear view on things. I'm sorry you are going through this.

Edited March 29, 2010 by ziia

[NickD 202]

Our law doesn't help, a parent is fully liable for the actions of their kids until they reach the magical age of 18, then the kid is fully responsible for their actions. So until they reach 18, a parent has to act more like a cop than a friend.

If you look deep into the laws of the USCIS, an immigrant is in a perfect position to blackmail a sponsoring USC with that five year prison term and that crazy I-864, as a sponsoring USC, you better really be careful as to what you are getting into, don't expect protection from the USCIS. In like manner, a minor is also in a perfect position to blackmail their parents because of our laws as anything they do wrong goes against the parents.

I knew what I was getting into, sure my wife and I fell deeply in love, but her daughter was stuck with me. Doesn't help to be from a broken home, where her own father abandoned her six years before we met. And not use to having a dad. So I was more lenient than with my own kids, and again, this is my wife's only daughter. She did get a bit rebellious at times before her 18th birthday, she was stuck her, even against her will, so had to make the best of it. But when she reached 18, the tables changed around completely, its her choice now. And she did decided it was nice to have a "great dad".

I apologized for messing up her life and offered her a ticket back to her home country with a large sum of money. She refused that, so we have been a family every since, its her choice now, and that makes a huge difference. But unfortunately she does have that black mark on her record, and she is certainly sorry for that now. Hopefully, the USCIS will be kind to her. She is a good kid. When she did turn 18, we could get her a passport without being blackmailed from her dad, and gave her a ticket to visit her home country. She learned her childhood friends were entirely different and even visited her dad. We thought for awhile, she would not come back, but she did and realized this is her country now. And she wants to become a USC, so I will help her with that.

[antda 13]

NickD-Sorry to hear about this situation regarding your step-daughter. Thank goodness that she was ok, as it could have been worse, with her being drunk and all. Hopefully, she learned a valuable lesson out of all this, and that she regrets what she did. Not your fault there as a parent, as you have done all that you can to steer her in the right direction while under your care. And in the end, as a young adult, it is up to her to make her own decisions and go through the consequences of her actions, especially while she is away from home. Many young people are highly influenced by peer pressure and/or society to steer in the wrong direction, which is unfortunate. Nevertheless, they will figure out their way in life, and with good and supportive parents, they will find their way, indeed.

Lol..If it makes you feel any better, I've done some stupid things in my youth, and I'm sure many others have too. It's all part of growing up, I suppose, and from going through stuff like this, one tends to learn from their mistakes, and in the end, will be better people as adults. "One needs to do things the wrong way, in order to do things the right way", so I like to say...lol....

Anyways, immigration-wise, yes, your daughter will have to mention this on her N-400 application. As long as she tells the truth, and fully explains the situation and provies the paperwork about it, then it should be ok. And hopefully too, the IO interviewing her will understand too (lol..and I'm sure the IO isn't perfect either...lol...).

Good luck with her application, and good luck to you too, in dealing with this as a parent...

Ant

A ticket was issued, fine was $115.00 plus attending classes at a local tech school on how nasty drinking alcohol is for you, child was 17 years of age.

Certainly hypocritical for a state with the highest drunken drivers, over 14,000 bars, and beer sold at every grocery, gas station, and even at drug stores. Well I guess a beer can be considered a drug.

Of course as a parent, I was outraged by all this, all I could get out of her is that she was with two older girl friends that heard about this party in a town 35 miles away, adults were giving my kid beer, and sounds like it was like a speed trap as the local cops raided the place. She was caught red handed with a beer in her hand. No disorderly, wasn't drunk, and thank God the police did come, she could have been raped. But refused to give me the name of the people that were providing her with beer, would have taken major action against them. Damned peer pressure. But she had to get a part time job to pay the fine, attend the classes, and had her car taken away for three months. I was equally punished as I had to drive her everywhere.

Anyway, it's a black mark on otherwise a perfect record, I feel she should explain and report it on her N-400, her attitude has changed greatly since then, wrong crowd kind of thing.

Did anybody else run into this?

[NickD 202]

NickD-Sorry to hear about this situation regarding your step-daughter. Thank goodness that she was ok, as it could have been worse, with her being drunk and all. Hopefully, she learned a valuable lesson out of all this, and that she regrets what she did. Not your fault there as a parent, as you have done all that you can to steer her in the right direction while under your care. And in the end, as a young adult, it is up to her to make her own decisions and go through the consequences of her actions, especially while she is away from home. Many young people are highly influenced by peer pressure and/or society to steer in the wrong direction, which is unfortunate. Nevertheless, they will figure out their way in life, and with good and supportive parents, they will find their way, indeed.

Lol..If it makes you feel any better, I've done some stupid things in my youth, and I'm sure many others have too. It's all part of growing up, I suppose, and from going through stuff like this, one tends to learn from their mistakes, and in the end, will be better people as adults. "One needs to do things the wrong way, in order to do things the right way", so I like to say...lol....

Anyways, immigration-wise, yes, your daughter will have to mention this on her N-400 application. As long as she tells the truth, and fully explains the situation and provies the paperwork about it, then it should be ok. And hopefully too, the IO interviewing her will understand too (lol..and I'm sure the IO isn't perfect either...lol...).

Good luck with her application, and good luck to you too, in dealing with this as a parent...

Ant

Actually she wasn't drunk, just got caught red handed with a beer in her hand, she doesn't even like beer. I was very upset at her at the time because she was protecting her friends, was really ready to kick a$$. She is a minor and guys over 21 were giving her the beer, but she was hard headed at that time, she lost driving privileges for three months due to her lack of cooperation with me. But she did not drive to this party, considered her a victim and would have fought it, but her hush hush attitude caused me to say, you handle it yourself, thus she ended up getting a ticket and those classes. She is sorry now, but wasn't back then.

We also have a state law where between 16 and 17 years of age, she could only drive with a licensed driver over 21, but we limited that to either her mom or me. Age 17 was a bad year with that new found independence. Anyway, its up to her to get that ticket and explain it to the USCIS, her two traffic tickets were also at that nasty age of 17. We had to show up at court with her, after 18, she was on her own, so decided to be good. Can't help but feel our laws are screwed up. With our latest laws, if your kid is truant, they put the parents in jail or fine them. Real success is raising a daughter till she is 18 without getting pregnant, there the parents are fully responsible.

Was told at our local high school, they would give her special training after 3:00 PM, that was a load of BS, at 3:00 PM, every teacher left that school leaving a cloud of dust behind. Her mom and I spent at least four hours a night with her and weekends, to both learn English and her lessons as well. Was a though time. Ha, no child left behind, what a pile of BS, then they say it cost 9,000 bucks a year to educate a kid. We only get a 3,500 buck deduction that means we don't have to pay extra taxes on that amount. Not easy being a parent.