The Internet has helped me so much!

[Kathryn41 3,205]

True Email Info

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about the rat ####### in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I

receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are

sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels

looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my

every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible

mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I can't enjoy a good Latte from Starbucks anymore because they

WOULD NOT send any coffee to that poor Army Sgt who

requested it.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell

like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it

can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch

the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm

pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make

these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on

their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes

cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the

microwave anymore because it will blow up in my

face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me

with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't

support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to

dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to

Jamaica,Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer worry about sudden cardiac arrest, since I can now

cough myself back to life instead of wasting time calling 911.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I

receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I

now have their recipe.

I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African

spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it

bites my butt.

I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it

probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath

my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next

70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at

5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest

your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will

occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door

neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's

beautician, who is a lawyer.

[Sister Fracas 5]

[Ban Hammer 13,627]

ok....the only one's i'll address are those which are unknown or true, i'll delete the rest. ready to be surprised?

True Email Info

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about the rat ####### in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

true - reference last rumor in the below

http://www.snopes.com/medical/toxins/raturine.asp

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

undetermined

http://www.snopes.com/medical/toxins/antiperspirant.asp

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

true but rare

http://www.snopes.com/science/microwave.asp

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

french = false

support troops = false

salvation army = true

http://www.snopes.com/politics/business/target.asp

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica,Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

true (but the list of countries is different)

http://www.snopes.com/fraud/telephone/809.asp

[Sister Fracas 5]

^^^ errr... yeah...

[Ban Hammer 13,627]

^^^ errr... yeah...

you surprised, frances?

[Fandango 1,440]

KFC has mutant chickens?

[Sister Fracas 5]

^^^ errr... yeah...

you surprised, frances?

surprised you bothered to tell us which were true...hehehe

[Ban Hammer 13,627]

^^^ errr... yeah...

you surprised, frances?

surprised you bothered to tell us which were true...hehehe

i knew some of them were false, that's why i posted that one. in particular the one about water in the microwave caught my eye (no pun intended)

the preceeding has been a public service announcement from charlesandnessa inc.

Edited August 2, 2006 by charlesandnessa