We need some help to get our visas approved.

[mrc 0]

Where is Chuck Norris when you need him?

The Terminator once went back in time to kill Chuck Norris. He found only a note from Chuck reading "B1tch lips-- I have already traveled to the future and am currently beating your as$ there, when I return I'll bring a piece of your metal as$ back with me and beat you with that in the present."

[MrMrsKnight 0]

Dave loves this Chuck Norris stuff!!! I hear a new one every day.... lol

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ### kicking in real-time.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Edited August 2, 2006 by MrMrsKnight

[mrc 0]

Hey, while I appreciate a tremendous Chuck Norris story, let's not get carried away. Please post only one fact at a time. We don't want to get overwhelmed with the awesomeness that is Chuck Norris.

[samir_shannon 0]

[almaty 19]

chuck is the man..oh, after bruce lee..who whipped his azz in a film..and tore off a hand-full of his chest hair to boot..

[RaspberrySwirl 20]

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-407892439139457720

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8630946781191662911

[pedroh 21]

Zidane owns Chuck Norris..

0wn3d!

[iceyspots 0]

I heard they're naming a bridge after him?? In Eastern europe??