My life is over....

[Darnell 8,479]

Bob - it's in there - she has a 2 year card.

[JuneFirst 1]

I feel no compunction to change your opinion, from 'unbelievable' to 'believed'.

and thats ok. I've no concern about how you feel about this, really.

You asked a question, I answered, and you find the answer to be unbelievable.

OK. no worries - heck I'm not even upset, or even incredulous.

I'll assume you and I live in totally different worlds. And thats OK too.

Ages past, I had thought she wouldn't be that type of person, and she was.

Then I learned all about it.

Luckily, my current wife and I NOT HAVE these issues.

thrpeeoh - my apologies for the thread drift, seriously !

I did not mean that I do not believe what you say.

I just have a difficult time believing, that something like that really happens.

[Laser1 63]

This sounds like a situation that requires professional marriage counseling. She may need medication.

[charlie&pam 1]

to the op I am so sorry to hear what u are going through but it sounds like what my ex wife did to me she never worked then started to work and met somone else closer to her age and left...she is definatly being coached by someone ....do not change the locks because that is what she wants to stay at the other persons house!!!!.....u have to decide what u want and fight for it ...It maybe a loosing battle like mine was ....but after it all down the road u can say and look at ur self in the mirror that u tried everything in your power to make ur marriage work....I am sorry to say these things but I know what u are going through .....Stay strong my brother and good luck

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Originally she did not seem to be a mean person. But recently she has been throwing things at the cat, some of it was warranted thou (cat peed on clothes or some such)

If, we had a cat, which we don't, and it was peeing on clothes or some such, I wouldn't throw something at the cat..nope.....I would throw the cat!....mmmmm...Hard!....mmmm..at something like..mmmm...myb a brick wall!? Yes, a brick wall wud do juuuust fine.

Soooo,...(throat clearing).... we don't have a cat.

I dont want a divorce, but that might be the way we are heading.

Seems some of the advice you are getting is a bit militant and extreme. Divorce divorce divorce divorce....satisfaction guaranteed or your money back! Who said marriage is that easy?

(but pls don't think I am naive) Your right, you MIGHT be heading that way.

Statistics show that "family finances" is the primary cause of divorce in America.

(but)I don't think you should allow a lack of understanding/agreement (about money) leading to conflict, push you to "teach" your wife a "lesson" by trumping her with a divorce filing ultimatum. That's demeaning and trust breaking. Cause and effect...what might be the "effect" to the future of your marriage in response to the "cause" of bluffing your wife into submission with a divorce filing? This isn't poker your playing and what kind of dorky pain in the #### time consuming waste of money move is that? Seems to be some posters advice is to inspire you to divorce rather than reconciliation and compromise. Be careful! (and) also, I do agree with the posters that have told you to break the cycle of violence before it escalates. Better watch out! The road your on now....You 2 are heading to major trouble.

Finally, I think you wrote a huge clue......the note..."a marriage without love"........that's where I would start. Does she love you or not? Or/ did she enter the marriage with an ..ok..lets give this a try and if it doesn't work...well...oh well, that's life and life can be changed, attitude?plan?

Michael

(so the animal lovers know who to growl at....me)

Edited March 26, 2010 by ~happyndinlove~

[marklovetina 52]

The others here have given you good advice. My thoughts and prayers are with you two. Marriage is constant work and no marriage should have any violence or any threat of violence. If she wants to go, let her go!!! You will pick up the pieces and continue on with your life.

Don't do anything stupid that you may regret later. Life is way too short to be in a unhappy relationship! We are only hearing one side here, but I am giving you the benefit of the doubt.

:thumbs:

[besaangel 18]

I'm beginning to wonder if she is bi-polar or simply depressed? Her anger seems far too obsene and as said before, is escalating rapidly. Try talking to her to see what the "REAL" problem is... Although far-fetched and possibly wrong, some women do this in light of attention while others are care-less/care-free... This note that she wrote also is sort of pre-meditated IMHO... has there been any major life changes besides the purchase of a home?

Once again, I may be wrong but if there was a major life change then this could affect her mentally, although I dont presume this affecting her to the point of her loosing her mind in such anger. Hormonal changes, new baby, new birth control? No mean to pry but my husband has told me that since I've taken the Depo, I've gotten more ANGRY and Moody- crying and anxious... Maybe she is experiencing something similar. Try to think of what could have triggered her wild impulses and then maybe you guys could work throuugh it... ALL THE BEST

[Brunell&Rash 4]

As an attorney I inform you that Darnell is absolute right.

[Gumbolette 58]

I'm so sorry about how things went in your end.

I, myself can't stand a marriage that has violence, immaturity, and selfishness involve. Assuming that she was a good wife to you all these years, but the way she has been acting lately is something that she has forgotten to act out as a wife. Each story has two sides. But as I can see, she has some troubling thoughts why she was acting like that. Ask yourself as well if is there anything that you might have done that caused the marriage to slowly deteriorate.

Tough love. If she wants to go, let her go. I know its going to be hard but you have to walk through and save yourself from more damaging situation.

Good luck!

[SuperDuper! 230]

Have Darnell start an investigation for you, and pick-up the dry cleaning as well on his way home!

[Road 2 Peace Arch 0]

Your marriage is over, has been for awhile. You married a spoiled child who doesnt care about you. Move on, protect yourself and your assets.

[Mr&MrsWrest 0]

I feel so sorry how things went out in your marriage. Sometimes God always put us in a trial to see how strong our marriage is. You don't deserved to be treated like this, you deserved someone better. I know it hurts and i can feel your pain, sometimes we just have to let go if its for the better. This would be a lesson for us that Marriage is not just Love but our Responsibility to Love, Understand and Respect Each Others Feelings.

Wish You All The Best....

[coraliesolms 47]

Moving to a new country can be daunting. I moved to Canada from SA, and not having friends/fam closeby can be scary. Throw in the fact that I am bi-polar, and a person can do some WACKY things.

This might not be a "visa game" (although it has all the symptoms), it also has all the symptoms of some-one who is bi-polar... (wild spending sprees, rapid cycling highs and lows, violent explosions, crying...) Unfortunately you cannot force her to see a psychiatrist, but if she threatens to harm herself (as you alluded to when she asked about her not being there anymore..) you might have a foot to stand on in terms of "intervening".

Just my 2 cents. Just cus shes an immigrant doesnt mean shes playing the "visa game".

Good luck dude, hope it all works itself out

[Loolie 56]

..after 3 years.

My wife and I met when I was on vacation in the Philippines in June of 2007. She seemed a perfectly normal and well adjusted individual. I met her family, they all seemed fine. I eventually asked her to marry me and she said yes.

In April 2008 she arrived in the USA on a Fiancee Visa. That May, we were married.

Over the past 2 years we have had some rows which all start over the smallest and stupidest of things, usually around that time of month. After a few days she would calm down and realize she was being childish and we would appologize.

6 months ago we bought a house. Since then we have been hemorrhaging money. After all our bills are paid and groceries bought and gas for the car we should have $200-$300 to put into our savings for home repairs, and thats before her paycheck from which she contributes some funds to the home account. Some of it is me, but alot of it is her. She buys and buys all the time. oh this was 80% off, this was only a dollar (so she bought 20+ to send home).

A few months ago she decided she wanted her own ATM account so that she could keep track of her spending and what she spends her money on. This was because, up until then, she would just take out cash and not know where all the money went, if she needed more she would take more. So instead of her taking out the money she decided she would transfer a set ammount into this account and keep track of what she spends. However, instead of keeping track, she would spend and spend, always asking me how much she had left. Sometimes less than 3 days after the money was transfered there was nothing left in the account, and it was supposed to last her for 2 weeks until her next paycheck. But it was her money, I didn't care what she did with it, just that she did not over spend and go in the red.

This all changed 2 days ago.

I got out from work and picked her up, we then went to a store that we had ordered a birthday present for her mom from, we got notification it had arrived. While there I bought a secondary gift that went with the primary and we then headed home.

On the way home she asked what I would do if she was nolonger there. Not knowing what she meant as I never intend to leave her and she is younger than me by 8 years, she, in a round about way, implied what would I do if she died, would I find someone else? To which I replied asked why she was saying things like that. But she wanted to know so I told her that I would not intentionally go looking for someone else but if God eventually sent someome to me maybe, things might happen. She then asked me why I treat her so well, I told her that is what people who love each other do. She then said she was hungry so we stopped at a restauraunt and she ate. I had eaten a few hours before when I was given a lunch break and was not hungry.

While eating she told me about some purchases she made that day. It was not an issue, until she told me she used the home funds that we pay all our bills with to pay for some of them because she didn't have enough. When I asked if she knew if the funds were available she did not. She just decided to spend like she always does without a care in the world. I tried to explained to her that she needs to stop doing this and thats when it all blew up. She says that I didn't know that you were counting me. I explained that I was not counting her, I was trying to account for our spending and find out where it is all going. I explained that I have to keep track of her spending form her account because she will not take a check register with her and keep track herself. Suddenly we are fighting again.

When we got home she took the ATM cards, both hers and the home account (supposed to be used for groceries, gas for the car, and other home needs) and threw them at me saying she nolonger needs them, she will start taking the cash out again so she won't have to keep asking me. I gave them back stating that she needs them, the home one is so she can buy gas for the car and other stuff when she is out without me. The other is her money. After throwing them at me some more and me handing them back and her screaming about me counting her, she decided to goto bed on the couch, I could not convince her to come to the bed.

The next morning she was scheduled to work and get out before me so we had already planned to have her take the car, she left without saying goodbye, just an I'm leaving now. My coworker picked me up for work later as planned.

When I got to work she was apparently on a break and decided to call me. She told me she threw the credit cards out. Where? She wouldn't tell me. But from experience she probably just hid them somewhere, I was not worried. I explained to her that I could not deal with this at the moment as I was at work and eventually ended the call, even thou she was still trying to talk to me. She called back several more times a few I answered and a few I did not. The last call she said she was throwing out the phone. After that I was unable to contact her because she turned it off.

When I got out of work I tried calling again because she was my ride home. The phone was still off. But she should have gotten out 3 hours before me so I called the house, she answeed and said she was coming.

When she got there I got in the passenger seat, at which time she got out and got in the back. I got i nthe drivers seat and told her to get in the front as I was not a limo driver, instead she threw my laptop at me. I shut the car off and told her we were not leaving until she got in the front. 20 mins later a coworker came out of work and left. She then said to me she wanted to go because this was embarrasing, but she would not get in the front seat. She then got out and told me she was walking home.

I started following her with the flashers on as its a dangerous niehborhood and she was wearing dark colors walking at night. After following her for a while, where she decided to take all these side streets, apparently she didn't want people to see this behavior, she finally got in the car. But in the back again. Again I waited and she eventually got in the fron, and put her seatbelt on. On the way home she took it off again, I stopped and waited again. And then she opened her door as we were driving, I stopped again.

It took over an hour to go 3 miles from my work to the house.

When we got home she threw her keys (car and house with alarm remote) in the trash can which had about an inch of gross water at the botom. She would nto get them out and I eventualy had to. I handed them to her which she then opened the door and went in letting the cat run out in the process. I brought my stuff in and closed the door while I had to run out and catch the cat.

When I got back in the house she was sitting on the couch and had thrown 2 folding tables around the room. I tried to talk to her she would not listen. I was on call for work so several calls came in I had to take but in between I tried to talk to her some more. When I sat next to her she hit me and told me to get away. When I tried to hold her she scratched my face and stabbed my hands with a nail cutter. I then held her arms down and screamed at her to calm down. We both were crying at this point, I didnt stop until I was in bed later, not sure when she stopped, but it was durring the rest of what happened.

She then went upstairs to the bedroom and closed the door. I followed shortly after, as soon as I opened the door I had to dodge a bar stool that was thrown at me from across the room. In my anger I picked up the stool and threw it to the other side of the room into the closet. She then blew past me and went back downstairs and pretended to fall instantly asleep.

I tried to find out where she put the phone so I can charge it, but she still pretends to be sleeping. I nudged her and nudged her trying to get her to "wake up" and she then pretended that I threw her off the couch. She then ran into another room and curled up on the floor when I came in she started thowing things at me again to which I grabbed the water bottle we somtimes spray at the cat when she is doing something wrong and spray her with it. At this point I'm yelling at her asking why she is acting like her 3 year old neice who seems to be a terror in the Philippines.

She then gives me the phone and says its over.

This morning she won't talk to me, she is uninjured and I have cuts all over my hands and scrathes on my face. She handed me a note saying "I officially intend to over this marriage. Give me a freedom. I can't save a marriage without love... anymore. and signed it with her maiden name.

I called into work and told them I'm working from home cause I cant go in looking like this. And I drove her to work because she "needs to make money". When we get there THATS when she decides to talk to me. She intends to save all her money over the next few weeks and buy a ticket home. She didn't take the phone, she didnt taker all her keys, only the house one, and says that I shouldnt pick her up tonight. When I told her I would be there to pick her up she said I wouldn't find her. She wants to separate.

All over a $10 item she purchased and me trying to get her to budget and keep track of her own spending.

Im sorry for what is happening to your marriage...the cause was to shallow to end to such a big fight like that...both of you just made it so complicated instead of resolving it by just simply talking about it. I said both of you because I am only hearing your side...I dont know how you approached her when she told you about using the other account... maybe Im wrong but it takes two to tango so in a marriage its always the two of you. I guess your wife needs to have an anger management seminar, class or whatever its called. And maybe go for marriage counseling too.

But if she doesnt want to be in the relationship anymore then just let her go...easy to say but thats the truth. By the way your life isnt over unless if you wanna kill yourself which I doubt you wont do. Just like you said if God will eventually send you someone better than her then maybe you'll be more than happy than the life you have with her.

God bless you.

[tigerlily 0]

..after 3 years.

My wife and I met when I was on vacation in the Philippines in June of 2007. She seemed a perfectly normal and well adjusted individual. I met her family, they all seemed fine. I eventually asked her to marry me and she said yes.

In April 2008 she arrived in the USA on a Fiancee Visa. That May, we were married.

Over the past 2 years we have had some rows which all start over the smallest and stupidest of things, usually around that time of month. After a few days she would calm down and realize she was being childish and we would appologize.

6 months ago we bought a house. Since then we have been hemorrhaging money. After all our bills are paid and groceries bought and gas for the car we should have $200-$300 to put into our savings for home repairs, and thats before her paycheck from which she contributes some funds to the home account. Some of it is me, but alot of it is her. She buys and buys all the time. oh this was 80% off, this was only a dollar (so she bought 20+ to send home).

A few months ago she decided she wanted her own ATM account so that she could keep track of her spending and what she spends her money on. This was because, up until then, she would just take out cash and not know where all the money went, if she needed more she would take more. So instead of her taking out the money she decided she would transfer a set ammount into this account and keep track of what she spends. However, instead of keeping track, she would spend and spend, always asking me how much she had left. Sometimes less than 3 days after the money was transfered there was nothing left in the account, and it was supposed to last her for 2 weeks until her next paycheck. But it was her money, I didn't care what she did with it, just that she did not over spend and go in the red.

This all changed 2 days ago.

I got out from work and picked her up, we then went to a store that we had ordered a birthday present for her mom from, we got notification it had arrived. While there I bought a secondary gift that went with the primary and we then headed home.

On the way home she asked what I would do if she was nolonger there. Not knowing what she meant as I never intend to leave her and she is younger than me by 8 years, she, in a round about way, implied what would I do if she died, would I find someone else? To which I replied asked why she was saying things like that. But she wanted to know so I told her that I would not intentionally go looking for someone else but if God eventually sent someome to me maybe, things might happen. She then asked me why I treat her so well, I told her that is what people who love each other do. She then said she was hungry so we stopped at a restauraunt and she ate. I had eaten a few hours before when I was given a lunch break and was not hungry.

While eating she told me about some purchases she made that day. It was not an issue, until she told me she used the home funds that we pay all our bills with to pay for some of them because she didn't have enough. When I asked if she knew if the funds were available she did not. She just decided to spend like she always does without a care in the world. I tried to explained to her that she needs to stop doing this and thats when it all blew up. She says that I didn't know that you were counting me. I explained that I was not counting her, I was trying to account for our spending and find out where it is all going. I explained that I have to keep track of her spending form her account because she will not take a check register with her and keep track herself. Suddenly we are fighting again.

When we got home she took the ATM cards, both hers and the home account (supposed to be used for groceries, gas for the car, and other home needs) and threw them at me saying she nolonger needs them, she will start taking the cash out again so she won't have to keep asking me. I gave them back stating that she needs them, the home one is so she can buy gas for the car and other stuff when she is out without me. The other is her money. After throwing them at me some more and me handing them back and her screaming about me counting her, she decided to goto bed on the couch, I could not convince her to come to the bed.

The next morning she was scheduled to work and get out before me so we had already planned to have her take the car, she left without saying goodbye, just an I'm leaving now. My coworker picked me up for work later as planned.

When I got to work she was apparently on a break and decided to call me. She told me she threw the credit cards out. Where? She wouldn't tell me. But from experience she probably just hid them somewhere, I was not worried. I explained to her that I could not deal with this at the moment as I was at work and eventually ended the call, even thou she was still trying to talk to me. She called back several more times a few I answered and a few I did not. The last call she said she was throwing out the phone. After that I was unable to contact her because she turned it off.

When I got out of work I tried calling again because she was my ride home. The phone was still off. But she should have gotten out 3 hours before me so I called the house, she answeed and said she was coming.

When she got there I got in the passenger seat, at which time she got out and got in the back. I got i nthe drivers seat and told her to get in the front as I was not a limo driver, instead she threw my laptop at me. I shut the car off and told her we were not leaving until she got in the front. 20 mins later a coworker came out of work and left. She then said to me she wanted to go because this was embarrasing, but she would not get in the front seat. She then got out and told me she was walking home.

I started following her with the flashers on as its a dangerous niehborhood and she was wearing dark colors walking at night. After following her for a while, where she decided to take all these side streets, apparently she didn't want people to see this behavior, she finally got in the car. But in the back again. Again I waited and she eventually got in the fron, and put her seatbelt on. On the way home she took it off again, I stopped and waited again. And then she opened her door as we were driving, I stopped again.

It took over an hour to go 3 miles from my work to the house.

When we got home she threw her keys (car and house with alarm remote) in the trash can which had about an inch of gross water at the botom. She would nto get them out and I eventualy had to. I handed them to her which she then opened the door and went in letting the cat run out in the process. I brought my stuff in and closed the door while I had to run out and catch the cat.

When I got back in the house she was sitting on the couch and had thrown 2 folding tables around the room. I tried to talk to her she would not listen. I was on call for work so several calls came in I had to take but in between I tried to talk to her some more. When I sat next to her she hit me and told me to get away. When I tried to hold her she scratched my face and stabbed my hands with a nail cutter. I then held her arms down and screamed at her to calm down. We both were crying at this point, I didnt stop until I was in bed later, not sure when she stopped, but it was durring the rest of what happened.

She then went upstairs to the bedroom and closed the door. I followed shortly after, as soon as I opened the door I had to dodge a bar stool that was thrown at me from across the room. In my anger I picked up the stool and threw it to the other side of the room into the closet. She then blew past me and went back downstairs and pretended to fall instantly asleep.

I tried to find out where she put the phone so I can charge it, but she still pretends to be sleeping. I nudged her and nudged her trying to get her to "wake up" and she then pretended that I threw her off the couch. She then ran into another room and curled up on the floor when I came in she started thowing things at me again to which I grabbed the water bottle we somtimes spray at the cat when she is doing something wrong and spray her with it. At this point I'm yelling at her asking why she is acting like her 3 year old neice who seems to be a terror in the Philippines.

She then gives me the phone and says its over.

This morning she won't talk to me, she is uninjured and I have cuts all over my hands and scrathes on my face. She handed me a note saying "I officially intend to over this marriage. Give me a freedom. I can't save a marriage without love... anymore. and signed it with her maiden name.

I called into work and told them I'm working from home cause I cant go in looking like this. And I drove her to work because she "needs to make money". When we get there THATS when she decides to talk to me. She intends to save all her money over the next few weeks and buy a ticket home. She didn't take the phone, she didnt taker all her keys, only the house one, and says that I shouldnt pick her up tonight. When I told her I would be there to pick her up she said I wouldn't find her. She wants to separate.

All over a $10 item she purchased and me trying to get her to budget and keep track of her own spending.

there is always 2 sides of a coin. i hear your story. she must have a reason why she is acting like that. pick up from her question what will you do if she is no longer there? maybe its her way of leaving you by hating her so its easier for you to forget her. if does not love you anymore, let her go. dont create a big monster to your life. there is still a woman who can make your life beautiful.

gather yourself again. dont let her continue using you for a greencard. protect yourself. report her behavior before you find yourself in comprising situation. act now while you have power to stop her from making your life miserable.