Hidden Provisions Will Shock Average Americans According to Joe Biden

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

President Barack Obama recently signed sweeping health care legislation into law during a signing ceremony at the White House. Joe Biden was on hand to witness the signing ceremony as was Ted Kennedy's widow Vicki Kennedy. Republicans vow to fight on against the health care overhaul and to attempt to repeal the changes or "reconciliation" bill which has yet to pass the Senate and be signed into law by President Obama. Many pundits believe that the legislation will make it easier for poor and middle class Americans to obtain and hold onto health insurance. Importantly many children who are unable to obtain health care insurance due to serious medical conditions will be able to get health care insurance.

Many Republicans and Tea Partiers remain skeptical and believe that there are hidden deals inside the health care bill which only Nancy Pelosi and President Obama are allowed to look at. Even legislative aides who crafted the bill were unable to actually visualize what they were writing and no one aide worked on more than 5 percent of the bill which is believed to have been drafted at a secret hanger at Area 51. Below are some of the biggest surprises believed to be hidden in the health care bill:

1. Remember the Cornhusker Kickback and the Louisiana Purchase? Apparently to buy Joe Biden's silence and support it was necessary to pass a secret provision which absolves our vice president of ever paying taxes. He was also holding out for a model AmTrak train kit, but apparently he caved at the last minute.

2. Not everybody will have to go before a death panel when they get sick, only those who are participating in the 2010 census and who list American Idol as their favorite show. Apparently Betty White will be the death panel's first chairperson, but they won't begin until fiscal year 2011.

3. Alaska is no longer a state. Surprised? Alaskans sure are. Apparently it was a move by annoyed Democrats who were tired of seeing Sarah Palin pop up on Fox News so her and her entire state have been secretly granted their freedom and apparently she won't be given a passport to enter the U.S.. Reportedly, Sarah Palin was surprised when she was escorted by immigration officials on a flight headed back to Wasilla.

4. Due to planned rationing of health care, everybody gets a health care ration booklet. Simply remove a "clinic visit coupon" to make a clinic appointment with your doctor. If you run out of coupons you have to wait until you get a new coupon booklet, which can be ordered easily in the mail. Delivery in two to three months.

5. To facilitate the transfer of many hospitals to government control, government workers are at this minute training side by side with the famed efficient and friendly employees at your local department of motor vehicles. Hopefully the health care system will be up to DMV standards and efficiency by 2014.

6. To facilitate patient-doctor interaction, each doctor is to be referred to as "comrade doctor" and each patient will be called "comrade" followed by the patient's first name. Congressmen and congresswomen have also congratulated our glorious and wise leader comrade Obama on the passage of this most important piece of legislation.

7. Certain elective surgery procedures may be covered by the health care bill, such as Joe Biden's long sought mouth transplant.

8. Health care reform's new official motto "Uncle Sam says I need to wait six months to get my appendix out"

9. Census workers will also be administering swine flu vaccines door to door. Refusals are grounds for imprisonment unless you can prove that you have had a pet pig for the past six months.

10. Nancy Pelosi will get unfettered free access to your personal health care records, and she can veto any plastic surgery procedures not done in California.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2818372/health_care_bill_contains_surprises.html?cat=60

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

[Niels Bohr 72]

There's a hidden deal that bargains with ET on health care as well. Might as well include that.