Advice needed

[Gigi124 1]

This sounds like me! I'm at a loss and don't know the first thing about this process. We interviewed early last year and recently he went with my family to Mexico for a family vacation. Let me back up so you can understand my story. I have been previously been married with children. My children are now teenagers and going through puberty. My husband is not an affectionate person but I gave him the benefit of the doubt when I met him. I loved him and he said he loved me and I knew he did not have papers but felt he was a good man. He doesn't drink, smoke, go out, very responsible, etc. Anyhow, after a short 3-5 months we married, moved in and he experienced some incidents with my kids involving teenage issues.(talking back, messy rooms, etc.) they are not bad kids just teenagers. He has now said, that nothing between us will be okay until the kids can maintain a clean room. He said he is distanced from me because of the drama. I try to talk to him to work it out but it seems I'm the only one overextending myself and he doesn't budge. He said he is willing to get a divorce but wants to know what I want to fight? I thought to myself and now I realize it may be the papers and says I'm being spiteful. I married for love not for papers, that's my answer. I've come to realize three of his siblings have obtained their papers through marraige with a us citizen and at least one was because of love. The other two did not and recently his sibling is flying over his girlfriend after only being divorced not even a year? Weird.... He said he initially entered the relationship in love but fell out of it. Also he says i'm driving him crazy and when we went to counseling early on in the marraige he dropped out at the 3rd session because he said the therapist was telling him he has OCD and other issues , which he does. Why is it that i'm the one that is crazy, i'm bad and that god will punish me if I am spiteful about the paper? Not only that but he wanted to travel on trips alone, when he is late to come home or something he doesn't bother to call me to let me know so I won't wait up. He acts with his family like everything is beautiful and wonderful but get this, he doesn't acknowledge me or hug, kiss anything with me. I feel like i have a roomate more than a spouse and I feel guilty for wanting to take back the papers. I have my own car insurance, my own bank account. we had it at one time but he decided he didn't want to have a joint account with 6 months of marraige. There is nothing under our name except the lease. I should have known something was strange when they kept saying, take pictures!! bring out the camera!!! when we visited his family. Then those same pictures ended up in the interview and meanwhile my children are not a concern of theirs no visits from his family to our home. My kids sleep upstairs and are locked up in their rooms while he is locked up in his and doesn't try to have any contact with them. He's offered me to keep everything with the understanding that we will divorce amicably. I feel we need to leave with what we came with and that is nothing gained from each side. With all this said and there is more, how can I not believe he married me for papers? A year and a half of marraige. If I should divorce and not fight papers then what is next in his process? I'm torn and don't know what to do.

[Nik+Heather 121]

(snipped)

Hi Gigi,

You sound quite upset about things - sorry to hear all of that. From what I can tell of your situation (He has had a green card for a year?) it is quite different from the situation involved in this thread - where the green card has not yet been approved. As your husband already has a green card, you no longer have the option to withdraw your financial support.

The requirements for the I-864 and your continuing obligations even after divorce have recently been discussed in another thread which you may find informative:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/248063-after-divorce-what-can-be-done-about/

I'm going to ask a moderator to move your post to it's own thread so that others can address your own questions without changing the topic of this existing thread.

I hope things work out for you.

Edited March 24, 2010 by Nik+Heather

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Topic split from 'How to Cancel Affidavit of Support' in AOS forum and moved to 'Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits" forum as OP's situation differs and she is more likely to get responses in her own topic in this forum rather than the AOS forum.

[Brother Hesekiel 2,236]

Let's do the teenager thing first. Following after my mom who was truly extreme in this department, I'm still a neat freak. My shirts in my closet are color coded. I label everything. I do things my wife feels are insane. Speaking of her, she is "normal" and, at least in my eyes, quite messy. But compared to my wife, my 20 year-old daughter is a slob of the worst kind. There are mountains of laundry in her room on the floor, perhaps 8 to 10 empty water bottles, coffee mugs, and ####### everywhere. Her car looks exactly the same way. She never washes it and the trunk is filled with . . . #######. I can't stand it, and we've had quite a few discussions about this but seem to be unable to get this under control, as does my wife. So I can understand if somebody goes gagga over an issue like this.

But the real issue seems to be not your teenage daughters' messy rooms. It appears to me that it's one of the reasons mentioned by your husband why he "fell out of love" with you. So primarily you are dealing with a failed marriage or one that is about to fail. That's nothing I could help you with. But let's look at the immigration aspect of this, shall we. If you are the US citizen, then your husband has a 2-year Green Card, correct? If so, the joint lease alone doesn't do him any good in removing conditions, aside from the fact that if you two split, he will have to file on his own anyway. For this he will have to prove that he entered the marriage in good faith. It's out of your hands how they will decide on this.

If he has a 10-year Green Card, however, there's even less to be worried about. It's a non-issue. Even if you feel awful and perhaps believe that he married you primarily for the Green Card, there's nothing you can do or should do.

Which leaves you with the part I can't help you with: your marriage. You need to find out what you want to do, but it appears that there's not much you would want to salvage, or is there? Talk to people who know you and whom you can trust, and eventually you will perhaps divorce your husband.

Wish you the best.

[Gigi124 1]

Thank you for your advice justbob. I am also a neat freak on the organizational aspect of my home. Everything is organized from my kitchen cabinets, pantry, closet etc. THe color coding and also clothing capsules work well but I feel i have to let the kids have a handle on their rooms. There is the usual unorganized closet, cell phones on the floor, or shoes, and dusty tv, in their rooms. Other than that it varies from messy to semi clean as best as they can get it organized.

Aside from that, when we went for the interview, the card he received after that was his two year green card? I have no knowledge in the process and would like a list of what the process entails. His mother worked for an immigration attorney and he and his mother talked about his status and I was not involved. She holds all his documentation including his passport. Aside from that the attorney is a close family friend. I have consulted with other friends that know me or both of us and they are confirming my fears. I once questioned why three other siblings received their green cards and seemed to divorce right after everything was done. He said it looked funny but not to worry. I just want to be aware of what the process is and then I can decide what my heart tells me and which way I should go. I'm not a bad person nor do I wish harm on no one but when his mother tells me, "if you do good, God blesses you." I understand this but my friends are saying they are brain washing me by being really nice and offering things from computers to home furnishing. I feel this was a failed marraige from the get go and since he knows the ins and outs of the provisions to get divorced he is now stating i'm putting him under duress when I question him or claims the kids are stressing him out. Remember, the kids have NO interaction with him only when they pass each other in the house. I want to see what excuse he uses now that I've stopped interacting with him. This is not a way to live that is why I want out. Any information is greatly appreciated.

[Brother Hesekiel 2,236]

Gigi,

I am sorry for what you are going though.

I have no idea if your husband just married you for the Green Card or not. I hope he didn't. But let's say he did, and you know he is going to divorce you. Let's play the game with you as the client.

If you were married for 2 years by the time his Green Card petition was approved, he got a 10-year card. If you were married less than 2 years, which is most common, he would have received a 2-year card.

The 10-year card is pretty much unstoppable. (There will be people telling you about extreme ways and exceptions, but I don't want to go there.). If he got the 2-year card, he has to remove conditions (being married to you and still living with you) not earlier than 90 days before the card expires, and not later than the expiration date.

Usually couples file jointly, so they both sign the I-751 and ask for the conditions to be removed. Since your marriage is on the rocks, you do not want to do that. Period. That means, he has to file alone, and while he can do that and such a petition has a good chance of approval if he can show that he married you in good faith (even if he didn't) what he needs to get the final signature from USCIS is a divorce decree. That' right. Without a final divorce he's floating in nowhereland. If he files without the divorce decree, he will get an extension of his GC for another year and a RFE asking for said decree. That's about another 90 days for him to get the divorce finalized. If he can't pull that off, removal conditions will automatically be initiated against him.

In practice he will be seeing an immigration judge, at which time his attorney will ask the judge to put everything on hold until he is divorced and his I-751 is decided upon. Most likely, the judge will okay this. After he is divorced from you, USCIS will decide upon his petition based purely on the "entered marriage in good faith" objective.

If you want to make his life difficult, don't sign the I-751 and don't divorce him for some time.

That's it for this time. Further points we can discuss later.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Post with incomplete response removed at the OP's request

[Gigi124 1]

We were married several months when we interviewed. As of today, we have been married 1 year and 7 mos. This is so complicated.

[Laveau 67]

Does he hold a 2 year or 10 yr green card? Sorry if it's in an earlier post and I missed it.

[Gigi124 1]

two year I think. We've only been married a year and seven months. We interviewed several months after we married.

[Nik+Heather 121]

We were married several months when we interviewed. As of today, we have been married 1 year and 7 mos. This is so complicated.

Does he hold a 2 year or 10 yr green card? Sorry if it's in an earlier post and I missed it.

Has to be a two year card. See post from the OP directly above.

Edited March 25, 2010 by Nik+Heather

[rika60607 215]

To the OP:

1. Don't feel guilty. You may want to take papers, but you can't, no matter how much you want it. Conditional GC is his and there is nothing you can do about it.

2. He will have hard time removing conditions. He may fail.

3. Why would your children be concern for your new husband's family???... They are not HIS children and he does not even like them!

4. If you are unhappy and he is too, and there is no reconciliation, just divorce. There is nothing you can fight in regards to immigration. Your affidavit of support will remain in force even after divorce. Outside of that, immigration is not your problem, but HIS problem.

1.... I feel guilty for wanting to take back the papers.

2... There is nothing under our name except the lease.

3...and meanwhile my children are not a concern of theirs no visits from his family to our home.

4... If I should divorce and not fight papers then what is next in his process? I'm torn and don't know what to do.

[Gigi124 1]

So nothing is held against me since I said I would help him financially? I'm not sure what that form is called.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

So nothing is held against me since I said I would help him financially? I'm not sure what that form is called.

Held against you? That's probably not the best choice of words to describe the situation. Yes, you are still bound by the contract you signed - the I-864 affidavit of support. Your obligation under that contract ends when one of the following events occurs:

1. He collects 40 quarters of Social Security work credits.

2. He becomes a US citizen.

3. He abandons or loses his legal resident status, and leaves the US.

4. He dies.

5. You die.

Notice that "divorce" is not one of the things that terminates your obligation.

It's possible your obligation could last the rest of your natural life. Or, he could do something stupid and get himself deported next month. Or, he could decide to become a US citizen in five years. Anything is possible.

There are two obligations the I-864 places on you.

1. You are obligated to ensure that he is supported at a minimum of 125% of the poverty level.

2. You are obligated to reimburse the government if he collects any means-tested benefits.

In order to collect on the first obligation, he would have to sue you for support. In order to collect on the second obligation, the government would have to sue you for reimbursement.

Some immigrants have sued their US citizen ex-spouses for support, using the I-864 as the basis for the lawsuit. Some have been successful, while others have not. A lot depends on the courts in the state where the suit is filed. The I-864 IS a legally binding contract, but some courts have determined that the immigrant cannot use it as a basis for a lawsuit because the I-864 is a contract between the sponsor and the US government - the immigrant is a beneficiary of the contract, but not a party to it (in other words, the immigrant didn't sign the contract). In those cases, the courts decided that the US government would have to sue on behalf of the immigrant. I'm not aware of any case where the US government has sued for support on behalf of the immigrant.

To be honest, lawsuits for support based on the I-864 are not very common, and are usually filed in conjunction with the divorce. Attorneys aren't exactly anxious to take a civil lawsuit case where their contingency is a portion of 125% of the poverty level for 1 person.

[3600rs 24]

great post as usual Jim, thanks