Yardies a home and a farrin, Part 25!

[atsleumas 3]

As a few said, I def think he's just reflecting on the HUGE step he's about to take. Especially if he hasn't travelled much, it can't be easy for him to pack up everything & leave all that is familiar (family, friends, culture, country).

Perhaps you can ask him how he's feeling.

Thanks~

[1luv 1]

Please ladies I am begging for ur prayers right now. I just got word that my cousin is missing in Jamaica!! Please pray for us!!

[Tosh Love 77]

Please ladies I am begging for ur prayers right now. I just got word that my cousin is missing in Jamaica!! Please pray for us!!

1luv, my prayers and best wishes to you and yours!

[NatPatBen 3]

1luv, prayers sent.

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So we attended this "Get Motivated" seminar in New Orleans yesterday & there was one story in particular I want to share with you all. To give credit, Bob Kittell was the speaker who shared it.

He was driving his little daughter somewhere and she figured out how to break free from the carseat for the first time. "Get back in the carseat" he told her. She gave him a look like "___ Please!" He told her again & she gave him the look again. "If you don't get back in, I will pull over!" She didn't get in so he pulled over. He opened the back door, all upset... but then was struck with the idea "Give her a hug." So he gave her a hug and she busted out crying. That lasted for a minute or two, then he asked her if she was ready to go back home. She shook her head yes and got back in the carseat. He still doesn't know what was upsetting her, but is glad he didn't fuss at or punish her.

That story really hit home for me: sometimes when people (husband, friend, family member) act out, it's because something is really bothering them that we know nothing about. Instead of responding to their actions, we can get a better outcome by being supportive.

One night my husband was hanging with his friends in the apt complex for SEVERAL hours. By midnight, I was like: This has been long enough. I couldn't get through to him on his phone and didn't want to go knock on anyone's door. But I heard a noise & looked outside & saw him standing between two of his friends. They were LOUD (and obviously had been drinking). I couldn't tell exactly what was going on, but could tell that Steven was trying to diffuse the situation. He kept taking one guy on walks to cool off. Well, TWO HOURS LATER, he finally came home & I let him know how I felt about him being gone that long without calling or answering his phone, and how he needs to take care of his own business/family instead of getting in other peoples' business. He couldn't believe my reaction, saying I had no idea what was really going on. Basically, he possibly stopped one friend from doing something really stupid to the other one. He said he came inside and hoped I'd give him emotional support, but instead was greeted with an emotional (and perhaps loud) scene. In retrospect, I could've asked about what what happened, let him explain, then calmly state why I found that situation to be problematic, but instead I responded emotionally first, then he didn't even want to talk about what happened (until the next day). Anyway, I'm going to start hugging more & I bet the results will be better.

[jamerican 2]

1luv, prayers sent.

--------

So we attended this "Get Motivated" seminar in New Orleans yesterday & there was one story in particular I want to share with you all. To give credit, Bob Kittell was the speaker who shared it.

He was driving his little daughter somewhere and she figured out how to break free from the carseat for the first time. "Get back in the carseat" he told her. She gave him a look like "___ Please!" He told her again & she gave him the look again. "If you don't get back in, I will pull over!" She didn't get in so he pulled over. He opened the back door, all upset... but then was struck with the idea "Give her a hug." So he gave her a hug and she busted out crying. That lasted for a minute or two, then he asked her if she was ready to go back home. She shook her head yes and got back in the carseat. He still doesn't know what was upsetting her, but is glad he didn't fuss at or punish her.

That story really hit home for me: sometimes when people (husband, friend, family member) act out, it's because something is really bothering them that we know nothing about. Instead of responding to their actions, we can get a better outcome by being supportive.

One night my husband was hanging with his friends in the apt complex for SEVERAL hours. By midnight, I was like: This has been long enough. I couldn't get through to him on his phone and didn't want to go knock on anyone's door. But I heard a noise & looked outside & saw him standing between two of his friends. They were LOUD (and obviously had been drinking). I couldn't tell exactly what was going on, but could tell that Steven was trying to diffuse the situation. He kept taking one guy on walks to cool off. Well, TWO HOURS LATER, he finally came home & I let him know how I felt about him being gone that long without calling or answering his phone, and how he needs to take care of his own business/family instead of getting in other peoples' business. He couldn't believe my reaction, saying I had no idea what was really going on. Basically, he possibly stopped one friend from doing something really stupid to the other one. He said he came inside and hoped I'd give him emotional support, but instead was greeted with an emotional (and perhaps loud) scene. In retrospect, I could've asked about what what happened, let him explain, then calmly state why I found that situation to be problematic, but instead I responded emotionally first, then he didn't even want to talk about what happened (until the next day). Anyway, I'm going to start hugging more & I bet the results will be better.

I think we all need to be reminded from time to time to just CHILL OUT! I know I do well with others...I have lots of tolerance for schoolmates, aquaintances and friends but my family(kids & michael)...that is another story! I often times find myself yelling vs listening and talking so thanks for this Nat....

[DedicatedWife 4]

1luv prayers are sent.

Jamerican Queen, where our baby girl at?

Nat,I will definitely be taking notes on the whole experience...it has been an easy process for the most part. Congrats on Steve's grades...

The Rugrats I referred to was...the 5 kids I watched for a girlfriend on Saturday night!

Ells, hugs to you Mama! I applaud you for putting it out there. I pray things improve. Tell your hubby exactly what you demand...you deserve to be loved like you love.

Always, thank you for that prayer! I will definitely be going to get that book!

Lady C, don't work too hard and congrats to G!

Mo, I hope you get all your $$$ back soon.

KJ, hope you hear something soon about if you knocked up or not!

Besa, what's up?

Dills, where Nique at?

Dada, what's been up?

Char, hope all is well.

JG, Hope you been staying out of trouble. I saw you with them "CFM" heels on...sexi!!!!

Tee, hope all is well Mama! We're moving along in this AOS process!

----------------------------------------------

Hope I didn't miss anyone...that's what I get for missing a day or two! Blame my mind not my heart...miss you all!

[Tosh Love 77]

I was reading other portals and found this story. I am outdone!

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/250358-opened-sealed-envelope-at-the-airport-in-accra/

Edited April 14, 2010 by Shaunsgal

[charandivan 0]

Please ladies I am begging for ur prayers right now. I just got word that my cousin is missing in Jamaica!! Please pray for us!!

My prayers are going up for your cousin!

1luv, prayers sent.

--------

So we attended this "Get Motivated" seminar in New Orleans yesterday & there was one story in particular I want to share with you all. To give credit, Bob Kittell was the speaker who shared it.

He was driving his little daughter somewhere and she figured out how to break free from the carseat for the first time. "Get back in the carseat" he told her. She gave him a look like "___ Please!" He told her again & she gave him the look again. "If you don't get back in, I will pull over!" She didn't get in so he pulled over. He opened the back door, all upset... but then was struck with the idea "Give her a hug." So he gave her a hug and she busted out crying. That lasted for a minute or two, then he asked her if she was ready to go back home. She shook her head yes and got back in the carseat. He still doesn't know what was upsetting her, but is glad he didn't fuss at or punish her.

That story really hit home for me: sometimes when people (husband, friend, family member) act out, it's because something is really bothering them that we know nothing about. Instead of responding to their actions, we can get a better outcome by being supportive.

One night my husband was hanging with his friends in the apt complex for SEVERAL hours. By midnight, I was like: This has been long enough. I couldn't get through to him on his phone and didn't want to go knock on anyone's door. But I heard a noise & looked outside & saw him standing between two of his friends. They were LOUD (and obviously had been drinking). I couldn't tell exactly what was going on, but could tell that Steven was trying to diffuse the situation. He kept taking one guy on walks to cool off. Well, TWO HOURS LATER, he finally came home & I let him know how I felt about him being gone that long without calling or answering his phone, and how he needs to take care of his own business/family instead of getting in other peoples' business. He couldn't believe my reaction, saying I had no idea what was really going on. Basically, he possibly stopped one friend from doing something really stupid to the other one. He said he came inside and hoped I'd give him emotional support, but instead was greeted with an emotional (and perhaps loud) scene. In retrospect, I could've asked about what what happened, let him explain, then calmly state why I found that situation to be problematic, but instead I responded emotionally first, then he didn't even want to talk about what happened (until the next day). Anyway, I'm going to start hugging more & I bet the results will be better.

Great words to live by Nat. Thanks for the sharing this.

[kjenkins86 5]

slaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap

Sike, maybe you shouldn't have slapped him but you have the right to be upset.. See thats why I just know you are pregnant... look at all the emotions you are showing! I bet he wont do that ish again lol

I'm hoping I am and I'm hoping I'm not, that's an indication that I am, with all those mixed emotions because before I soo wanted to get pregant. I will let y'all nosey azzes know as soon as I find out tho

Hubby just called.. biometrics appointement on 4/29/10 @2:30 yippppppppppppppeeeeeeeeeee

YAYYYYYYYY!!! So soon, wow I'm happy for yah. That just motivated me to stop touring hubby all over the place, save my $$$ and apply for AOS.

Girl, you are prego with that attitude!!!

That's about to be the everyday me if he don't shape up and stay the hell off facebook.

Thanks KJ! I know it's hard to come forward when having problems but I figure I've tried to do everything the right way in this relationship (although I'm far from perfect), I certainly don't feel like I jumped into anything with our relationship (waited a year of dating/knowing him before even filing), & I went in to the whole thing knowing full well that there's a good chance it won't work out but hoping & praying for the best. I just want to put it out there in case anyone else can gain something from it....even if it means knowing they are not alone in the issues they face. It's comforting to learn that others have a problem with their partners lying about things, especially insignificant things. It just makes me wonder, WHY??? Seriously, it's so much easier to just tell the truth & tell the story straight the first time! He did explain to me when we had our serious talk last night that his Grandpa used to tell him when he was a kid to lie if it could keep him out of trouble. I don't want to generalize & piss anyone off but it seems to be the way things go there often times.

By the end of this school semester (which I'm urging him to finish), if things haven't changed for the better, he can (1) try to survive here on his own (not living with me) by getting a job, etc., (2) go back to Jamaica or (3) go to St. Maarten where his Mom is. Now I just have to see if he takes this seriously.

I too have seen negative things and hope and pray that the good will overcome the bad. There's is never enough time in the world to spend in Jamaica to decide if the time is right to start filing, it truly is a gamble. I like the the options you gave him, sounds reasonable and to the point. As to why they lie, we don't know and never will and that's when we know there's a problem because they lie for no reason, it's as if they get pleasure from lying.

There were so many lines I wanted to bold here but then I could've just bolded this whole thing. Thanks Dada for the advice! I agree on every point here! After some reflection, I'm not set to throw in the towel yet but I'm bracing myself for anything that might come up. It's tough....he's a good, sweet guy for the most part but all of this mess is a serious problem & I spent a lot of time yesterday asking what I was getting out of this marriage. I couldn't come up with much & can't even after we talked last night. Maybe my 'payoff' (not that that was my intention in going through all this) will come later but right now, it's a burden on me & I'm not benefiting much from it. I hate to admit this but, I've spent a lot of hours recently thinking about life before this relationship & as hard as it was at times to be lonely, I've begun to think I didn't know how good I had it! I'm not even talking about the freedom to be with whoever you want romantically, just the freedom to do what you want, when, where, with whoever, etc.! If this doesn't work out, I may be one of the biggest advocates on the planet to tell folks to STAY SINGLE! It's not so bad!

True KJ! We've had similar convos before but never quite to this degree of seriousness. I *think* he knows I'm not playing anymore. Again, we shall see. I wouldn't feel bad about being a PI either...I'm about to don some dark glasses & follow him on my bicycle...ducking behind cars & bushes & ish! LOL!!

Don't let one person ruin your view of marriage, EVERYONE faces problems in their marriage, it's about if the two parties care enought to work those issues out mama.

I like that PI stuff, it's ineteresting and I love the look on their face when they get caught. When I just started talking to G, he told me he was single. So I went through his phone, called this number that would not stop calling and told her the whole story. I said "girl your man is here giving me some positions I ain't never seen muchless feel, not to mention what he can do with his tongue" After I finished telling her, I woke him up, gave him the phone and said someone gotta talk to him, he was MADDDD. He was looking in the sky like to wanted to fly

One thing came to mind when you were saying all this Ells "Phenomenal Woman" by Dr. Maya Angelou.... We all are!!!

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size (except for kj and besa )

You wrong MrsTee!!

Oh KJ, I was mad right along with you....men can be so stupid & insensitive at times. And I don't blame you for smackin 'im! I feel a little bad though that reading that part made me laugh my a$$ off! I'm not laughing at you or the situation but I guess your frustration hit home with me & I took a little pleasure in imagining myself doing the same kinda thing! I hope hubby sees what a butthead he was being & is a little more supportive of you the next time around.

It's alright Ells, I'll say every and anything to make you laugh. Now he feels stupid cause he don't know what happened at the doc and I ain't telling him.

UPDATE:

Basically a few of us wanted to our hubbies because they gone madddddd! Ells put it out there though! She about to ship Lehi back in a barrel to the JA.. Me and Dada was fussin wit each odda but we good now lol.. umm lot of AOS activity.. Thats it..

Did you get your baby girl?

Great recap Tee

[besaangel 17]

Im happy you got it done mi amor!

Hola mujer. En la lucha pero it will all be ok...

Hubby just called.. biometrics appointement on 4/29/10 @2:30 yippppppppppppppeeeeeeeeeee

Wow Ma, April filers are gettin it in already... mek mi jump pon the ban-wagon

[besaangel 17]

Great!

Oh ok.

On another note I'm so P'D OFF!

I'm sure I told y'all I'm not sure if I'm preggo, anyhow I had an appt today and he knew. So I woke up, got dressed and left. At the doc office he called and said he's coming so I said fine. Waiting and looking out for him, waitng and looking out for him Then he calls to say he's drinking tea he'll be there in a minute so I said ok. The receptionist came out and told us the doc is gonna be late so we can leave or wait so I left without calling him, I walk in the door to see him sitting on the computer on FACEFRIGGGINBOOK!! His response "you couldn't call and tell me you left the doc, what if I had walked up there?" So I slapped the ###### outta his azz (shouldn't have) and grabbed my laptop and walked away. Now tell me, if you don't wanna come to the doctor's office just fcuking say so, but don't have me sitting there looking out for you and here fcuking rapping on facebook. Rant Over.

I'm trying my best not to put my hands on him because I'd stab his azz if he dare try to hit me back but I was pissed

LMAO... u are hilarious but I'd be ticked off too. I mean, he dont know if you needed support and didnt even bother to show, nor did he stick to his word by actually showing up instead of blowing you off... I've been there, well sort of.

I was crying and freaking out cuz I had a reaction to Depo last month (my first time). Hubby was at his bf's house and I called all crying and hysterical. He was comforting, but dude never came home. He came home the next day, freaked out and got all worried when he saw what happened to me. But I was mad and fought with him about it for a whole week lol. He should have came home to make sure I was ok.

But there is always his side, like my papi, he was scared as to what my reaction was and started stressing about it. Even though he should have came home, I understand that he was scared. Same thing, I believe happened with yours. They arent too good in showing fear or being intimidated, even though they are real... kitties.

He was wrong. But try to find out why he really didnt come, besides him being on facebook, chances are, it is more deep and serious.

[dillon 6]

Okay I know no one is in here right now but I just need to share this with someone. I am sitting outside on the patio and my neighbor just came home and does not know I am up here. She just let out the BIGGEST fart I have ever heard...hope the smell doesn't come up my way. :rofl:

[besaangel 17]

Thanks Besa! Hubby is learning that there's very little he can get away with that I won't at least eventually find out about but I don't know if it will deter him. Only time will tell. Thank you (& everyone) for your prayers...I'll be doing the same because I do want this marriage to work.

Oh KJ, I was mad right along with you....men can be so stupid & insensitive at times. And I don't blame you for smackin 'im! I feel a little bad though that reading that part made me laugh my a$$ off! I'm not laughing at you or the situation but I guess your frustration hit home with me & I took a little pleasure in imagining myself doing the same kinda thing! I hope hubby sees what a butthead he was being & is a little more supportive of you the next time around.

We are here for you, like always. I truly believe he will change. I've seen it in mine and it can happen for you too. Please try to be patient but firm when he steps out of line.

201

What rugrats?

Glad to hear!

MoAcory: I've had the credit card theft happen a few times. Fortunately, it was always pretty easy to rectify, probably since I check my bank/credit card online at least twice/day. Glad your situation got taken care of.

This testimony put a smile on my face!

DensWifey, I'm excited about your closing! Be sure to note the "Lessons Learned" to pass on to those of us who will soon join the homeowner ranks.

Thanks Nat... It is amazing how God works.

Okay I know no one is in here right now but I just need to share this with someone. I am sitting outside on the patio and my neighbor just came home and does not know I am up here. She just let out the BIGGEST fart I have ever heard...hope the smell doesn't come up my way. :rofl:

U are a complete mess girl... lol. that made my day

[dillon 6]

LOL it really made my day too. I almost said let it out but I just sat here and cracked up to myself.

[besaangel 17]

One sorta funny note: This morning when we woke up Lehi tells me he had a dream that his Grandma beat him. I told him she came to tell him to 'tap tell lie'! If anyone can scare him straight, it's Grandma (& she was the sweetest lady ever). She told him before she passed that if he ever hurt me, she'd come back & squeeze his 'seed bag'!

That aint right... Being jamaican, I learnt that whenever you get a dream from a deceased family member, YOU ARE COMPLETELY OUT OF LINE AND NEED TO GET IT TOGETHER...