Desperate need of advise :(

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Oh my god u guys kidding me or what? Holy ###### what's this a witch hunt ? Damn dudes....CHILL with the adrenalin.... JEEZ

If I wanted to be doubted and treated like a liar for Gods sake I would go to the uscis ok? Serious answers please I came here for understanding and support in my first f-ucking failed marriage and this is the ####### lynch I get?

1. The affidavits are from aos application but there are copies we had just in case - not really valid now because you're filing after divorce. This was evidence in your AOS so it'll still be in your file. Can't HURT to include them

2. I got a job and therefor dropped outa school - okay, makes sense earning money... but as you arrived on a student visa it does appear that you used the student visa as a stepping stone to employment/greencard etc because you signed up to come to the US to study, and once you had your GC you dropped the study. It looks bad to me but then you have a "family to support" so it's a valid excuse.

3. I did not know her in any way before I moved. Meet her like I meet so many other nice people but we dated and hit it off. It happens u know

4. I DID say the marriage was real, Now didn't I ? The interviewer did approve easily at all, so with all facts and how it looks like... And we still got approved after 10 minutes .. That pretty much says alot, doesn't it? - it does but this was all PRIOR to you dropping school. We're saying now, with you dropping school especially that it looks dodgy.

5. Maybe for u it would be better if u moved back home to your family instead of staying , I can't do that so I get ####### for choosing to continue my Life here? - I assume you're referring to what I said, I wasn't giving you ####### for it I was simply stating i did not understand how after only a year you renounce all claim to your home country, and I did say my entering on a K1 probably makes my situation different

I didn't think of us doing 751 TOgETHEr. That would be fraud. My question was very clear , if I should divorce now.. As in.. Now?!? And apply for 751, Or move out and file for a divorce in couple of months instead.

So plz... Give me serious answers guys and plz keep your NEGative personal judjemental opinions to your self.

I feelin like ###### here eventhough all is kinda better TOday things will crack sooner or later. Feel depressed confused and scared and in this by my self an not even considering te embarrssment of all knowing we failed our marriage and u guys take this as a witchhunt?

I wanted to know what I should I.. And how my chances are.. Didn't ask for anything else!

We're not being judgemental. You're obviously hurting so you are latching onto the stuff that upsets you and ignoring the rest of the advice. You asked whether you think it'll help if you divorce now or later and we explained how it looks to us and whether we thought it would make a difference. I'll reiterate before quoting, it doesn't matter WHEN you divorce because it doesn't change anything because your situation is the same whether you wait or you don't.

BUT all that said I'm not the CO and the CO goes by the rules. You show evidence of co-mingling. You show evidence of living together. I assume though that as of lets say today your name is off those things (date on evidence being way different to divorce date will be a source of "interest").

I don't see an issue with your evidence, go ahead and file for divorce and see what happens, it's all you can really do. Waiting does nothing honestly.

I'm not trying to be mean or offensive, I'm just telling you like I see it. Whether the CO sees it the same way is really "luck of the draw" and you won't know till you try.

The rest of the post wasn't to make you feel bad, it was to show you how it LOOKS. To explain to you how an outside person, like the CO will see everything BUT, as I said above, they have rules to follow and as long as you can follow the rules and fulfil the requirements then personal opinion is basically irrelevant.

Also, personally, given your emotional fragility at the moment I would start divorce proceedings and move out ASAP so you can start feeling happy again.

Best of luck.

Edited March 21, 2010 by Vanessa&Tony

[rika60607 215]

If it makes you feel any better, I saw someone report that their waiver I751 was approved after only 7 months of marriage, followed by divorce.

Most waiver cases get approved, most people get called for interviews though.

If you get denied, you will have a second chance in front of immigration judge. I hope this gives you an idea about your chances. You will likely get to keep the GC, but you will likely have to fight for it.

As far as what you should do - treat your marriage as if immigration was not a part of it. Give your wife what she wants, even if that is divorce. Be nice in divorce and she may agree to write you a letter of support, stating that your marriage was real, she can also help you to collect the evidence that you will need to file I751.

You should be prepared to answer one question though - what happened between March 1 and 20 that turned your marriage from a happy viable one to a sour, heading for divorce one?

Dec 2008 moved to us F1

Jan 2009 meet my luv

Aug 2009 moved in together

Oct 2009 got married

Dec 2009 sent in AOS

Feb 2010 Bio... EAD and AP approved

1 march 2010 interview, 2 year card approved

[MacTO 6]

If it makes you feel any better, I saw someone report that their waiver I751 was approved after only 7 months of marriage, followed by divorce.

Most waiver cases get approved, most people get called for interviews though.

If you get denied, you will have a second chance in front of immigration judge. I hope this gives you an idea about your chances. You will likely get to keep the GC, but you will likely have to fight for it.

That's, honestly, really good to know.

You should be prepared to answer one question though - what happened between March 1 and 20 that turned your marriage from a happy viable one to a sour, heading for divorce one?

Personally, I really hear him. No matter happened, including 'dropping out of school,' the question is how to solve it, if not fix the marriage at this stage. The reason why I am pointing this out is that there are people out there who might be going through the same problem. To say the least (not the fake part, but real marriage trouble like anyone else) about, not the exact same scenario, feeling stuck and horrified by the idea that they don't know what to do or what to expect. Because we all know that some people are not just compatible, let alone how short amount of time they had before or after their weddings or altogether and filing AOS, and in this kind of circumstances, they would feel trapped. Feels like the whole world they know of is crumbling.

Now, because I don't know much, and I am just a junior member whose AOS is still pending, I can't really write anything helpful in terms of solving the problem, but then I can't help myself wondering what if my marriage breaks down, say, tomorrow... Obviously, my circumstance would be different, but the reason why I am saying this is that I have found myself arguing with my wife numerous times (in spite of the fact that our relationship is 1 year and 4 months old, including our marriage), sometimes I get afraid that she might drop a bomb and reverse the whole immigration idea. Besides this unforeseen incompatibility, in spite of the fact that everything looked rosy at first, I sometimes wonder what if our marriage might really fall apart... What should I do?

My point is that... I don't think the OP's marriage fell apart in that 19-day period of time if it was real. Because I am who I am (of course, I am nobody with any legal knowledge), in spite of all too-coincidental circumstances, I'd like to give the OP the benefit of the doubt. Let's say... his marriage was falling apart before his interview. (Please, OP, I am just speculating, but I apologize if I offended you by saying that.) But out of the goodness of their relationship, they both agreed, at least, to go ahead and help him obtain his GC so that he can stay for awhile.

Do you think then that that's going to be the ground where he would be denied upon by the USCIS? Besides, of course, the whole thing might look suspicious to them.

[Jimmy n Regine 0]

Should I get the divorce NOW an apply 751 alone? Or should I delay the divorce ? That's my real question

My ex-wife walked out the door the same day her 2 year green card was approved. She did not even wait for it to arrive.

She immediately filed the I-751 the day the divorce was final! It was approved!

She went from married to divorced in 9 months, and within 1 year of her arrival as a K-1, she had her 10 year green card.

She was from Russia. She clearly had a plan!

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Oh my god u guys kidding me or what? Holy ###### what's this a witch hunt ? Damn dudes....CHILL with the adrenalin.... JEEZ

If I wanted to be doubted and treated like a liar for Gods sake I would go to the uscis ok? Serious answers please I came here for understanding and support in my first f-ucking failed marriage and this is the ####### lynch I get?

1. The affidavits are from aos application but there are copies we had just in case

2. I got a job and therefor dropped outa school

3. I did not know her in any way before I moved. Meet her like I meet so many other nice people but we dated and hit it off.  It happens u know

4. I DID say the marriage was real, Now didn't I ? The interviewer did approve easily at all, so with all facts and how it looks like... And we still got approved after 10 minutes .. That pretty much says alot, doesn't it?

Heh jeez

5. Maybe for u it would be better if u moved back home to your family instead of staying , I can't do that so I get ####### for choosing to continue my

Life here? 

W8inglongtime: yes we have tried counsling, ended up with her calming down for once but problems still here.  We had a huge fight/discussion for HOURS just last night. It's the communication.. I mean I say one thing and she gets it like something totally else. 

I can't even describe it.. We both want to work it out but she just do Not have the experience How to handle things how to analyze and deal with things. And I'm just fed up trying to help help her.

-

I didn't think of us doing 751 TOgETHEr. That would be fraud. My question was very clear , if I should divorce now.. As in.. Now?!? And apply for 751, Or move out and file for a divorce in couple of months instead. 

So plz... Give me serious answers guys and plz keep your NEGative personal judjemental opinions to your self.

I feelin like ###### here eventhough all is kinda better TOday things will crack sooner or later. Feel depressed confused and scared and in this by my self an not even considering te embarrssment of all knowing we failed our marriage and u guys take this as a witchhunt? 

I wanted to know what I should I.. And how my chances are.. Didn't ask for anything else!   

First, understand that nobody here knows you. All we know is what you've told us. You came here asking if you got divorced soon whether it would affect your chances of getting a 10 year green card. You asked if you should try to hold off on the divorce, or hold off filing the I-751. Many of us looked at your timeline, mentally added "21 March, 2010 - Getting a divorce", and all kinds of alarm bells started going off.

Here, you see how it looks...

Dec 2008 moved to us F1

Jan 2009 meet my luv

Aug 2009 moved in together

Oct 2009 got married

Dec 2009 sent in AOS

Feb 2010 Bio... EAD and AP approved

1 march 2010 interview, 2 year card approved

21 March, 2010 - Getting a divorce

Everything on that timeline looks reasonable until you get to the last line. With the addition of that last line, it begins to smell a lot like immigration fraud.

Look, you yourself asked:

Won't the uscis say like

"You filed a divorce 3 weeks after u got the card? WHY should we give u a 10 year card? Real marriage? Not good enough DENIED!"

We're saying "Yeah, there's a good chance USCIS might say exactly that!". None of us are saying your relationship is a sham. We have no way of knowing that. What we are saying is that the timing looks suspicious to us, and if it looks that way to us then it's likely to look that way to USCIS.

I apologize if my previous comments seemed harsh. I'll admit that I made some assumptions that you subsequently explained. On the other hand, I don't apologize for not blowing smoke up your skirt and telling you that everything looks rosy. Your timeline is likely to raise some serious questions with USCIS. This is complicated by the fact that you entered with a non-immigrant visa, and subsequently became an immigrant through marriage to a US citizen. There is an additional burden on you of proving you did not use that non-immigrant visa with the intention of immigrating - something which a K1 or CR1 visa holder would not have to prove when self-petitioning to remove conditions. Your timeline is not going to help you prove this, so you should be prepared to deal with it.

You also said that you tried counseling and therapy, so it really sounds like this marriage was failing before you went to your interview. If USCIS gets wind of this then that also isn't going to help you. USCIS may try to claim you misrepresented yourself at the interview. I have read a number of cases where USCIS has invoked section 204(c ) of the INA when evidence was found that a self-petitioning applicant's marriage was actually on the rocks before the AOS interview. In one case, they found out that the applicant was living with someone else at the time of the AOS interview, so their removal of conditions was denied. They were subsequently deported with a lifetime bar from entering the US.

BTW, it doesn't usually take much to convince an interviewing officer that the marriage is legitimate at the AOS interview. You haven't given them a real reason to be suspicious of you yet. Getting a divorce, especially so soon after AOS, is a reason to be suspicious. It's distinctly possible your ROC interview may be a lot less pleasant.

Right now would be a really good time to assess your motives. Which is more important to you; saving your marriage, or saving your immigration benefits? If you decide your marriage can't be saved, and you still wish to remain in the US, then you should probably hire both a divorce lawyer and an immigration lawyer. Good luck to you!

[Hopeworld 1]

K dont think i ever got a fuzzy feeling from people i never meet before....

JimVaPhuong, MacTO, rika60607, Vanessa&Tony...thank you so much for your answers.....

and im sorry i kinda got upset...

what happened is that her mother is about to do something that can destroy our lives.

but the problem is not that...if it wasnt that it would be something else...

Jimmy Shirley: Omg, sorry to hear that !! REALLY....

everything is fine now...as they always get..never been this confused in my whole life.

never been this lonely in my whole life..

i have ..NO idea what im doing..ALL i know for sure is, that i love her more than anything, and she feels the same. and that we BOTH want to spend the rest of our lives together, thats the first option.

but we know...that we will have a MAJOR fight in 1-2 months. and again 1-2 months..and each fight will last hours and days of pain.

things that SHOULD..for GODS SAKE TAKE 10 min to solve takes us 1 day to solve.

anyway... i hear u guys on all and how it looks like....

i can really prove the marriage is real..i really can..and we are going on our trip to see my family for the first time after all

I just...feel that if i dont look after my self..who will?

i dont want to end up on the street with 2 bags, and have to be shipped back with my tail between my legs...

the timelines and how it looks ...... i mean...the uscis REALLY can say WITHOUT ANY proofs that "You filed a divorce pretty soon after u got the GC. WHY should we give u a 10 year card? Real marriage? Not a good enough reason enough to get approved, DENIED!!!!"

????? they really can do that ???

jeez...lawyer is not an option..cant afford it

i REALLY DONT WANT TO think of these things................

but the agony and shaking and anxeity i feel when we´re fighting and she acts like she could easily through me out just like that...........

parden my language....when u realize life is a b-i tch........u see that it has puppies as well!!!!!

Edited March 22, 2010 by Hopeworld

[MacTO 6]

You also said that you tried counseling and therapy, so it really sounds like this marriage was failing before you went to your interview. If USCIS gets wind of this then that also isn't going to help you. USCIS may try to claim you misrepresented yourself at the interview. I have read a number of cases where USCIS has invoked section 204(c ) of the INA when evidence was found that a self-petitioning applicant's marriage was actually on the rocks before the AOS interview. In one case, they found out that the applicant was living with someone else at the time of the AOS interview, so their removal of conditions was denied. They were subsequently deported with a lifetime bar from entering the US.

Hmm... To be honest, this is the first time ever I felt that counselling to save a marriage might not look good to USCIS... Something to keep in mind, I guess. Or may take counselling, but never say did. I am talking to myself. Excuse me.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Have you considered personal counselling (i.e. just you seeing someone to talk about how you feel rather than marital)? It could also be in part to do with loneliness and depression of being so far from home.

You don't know, your trip home could change everything. Don't count your chickens before they hatch. Give it a chance and if it doesn't work you're not completely screwed, there is ALWAYS a chance.

BUT, "taking care of yourself" should not only extend to the greencard. Find someone to confide it. Get a journal and write everything down (and then burn it ). Be honest with yourself about what you want and what you think you deserve. You at the very least deserve to feel happy and not walking on eggshells waiting for the next "blow up". My ex was like that and while with him I felt so emotionally unstable and I started to think it was my fault (and later found out he was/is bipolar). I am bored a lot here at the moment (in the US with my new husband), without work (greencard not here yet) but I am still happy. That's the huge difference between my old BAD relationship and this "new" amazing relationship. I was constantly sad before, always stressed out, not happy to come home. Now, it's a WORLD of difference. I enjoy the "wifely" duties that I once said I wouldn't be forced to do. I enjoy cooking meals for my husband and seeing him smile. It makes me happy. I also have no doubt that my happiness and welfare are the most important things to him, without him being a pushover. I feel happy, stable and safe. I didn't feel that way with my ex.

It is entirely possible for two people to love each other and still be bad for each other. You need to decide if this relationship is good for YOU and your wife. Does it help you grow as people. Does it make you happy each morning you wake? Do you feel excited to get home to her? Do you want to spend time alone or do you try and stay out as much as possible? Over time sometimes things get a bit dull and boring, I understand that, but you shouldn't DREAD coming home. You shouldn't want to be outside and away more than you're home.. it's a big sign that something isn't right.

I hope you find a solution that works. Maybe time at home will give you a new perspective. Good luck

Edited March 22, 2010 by Vanessa&Tony

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Hmm... To be honest, this is the first time ever I felt that counselling to save a marriage might not look good to USCIS... Something to keep in mind, I guess. Or may take counselling, but never say did. I am talking to myself. Excuse me.

It's not the counseling that looks bad. It's the timeline. It's only been a few weeks since his AOS interview, he's already had marriage counseling (which apparently failed), and is looking at a divorce and filing the I-751. To USCIS, it may look like he went into the AOS interview knowing full well he was going to be self-petitioning to remove conditions soon, almost as if he were working off a 10 year green card checklist.

Marriages fail all the time. There's nothing unusual about that. I've been involved in two such marriages myself. However, I've never had a relationship go from never having met my wife to planning the divorce in the space of just over a year. Lacking any other explanation, many people might conclude that the marriage was never really serious - perhaps the result of a drunken weekend in Las Vegas. When you add the incentive of getting legal permanent residence, then a picture of potential immigration fraud begins to emerge. When you further add the collection of evidence required to self-petition for removal of conditions, such as marriage counseling (which ordinarily would take months before you would conclude that it wasn't working), that picture begins to look even more clear.

I'm not saying that this applies to the OP at all. I don't know him or his wife. All I'm saying is that the compressed timeline looks suspicious, and if it looks suspicious to me then it's probably going to look suspicious to USCIS.

[lovelyalex 99]

Without all the facts or knowing your situation personally its hard to really give a proper opinion. I don't understand how a marriage can turn so bad in such a short space of time. I mean, I know adjusting and moving from a different country is hard, and puts a lot of pressure on things, and sometimes your age/maturity can put a different spin on things.

It is a sad fact of life that nowadays a lot of marriages end but also, there is nothing wrong with rows and fights. Just because you've had a bad one now, and its the first/worst one yet doesn't mean that its time for you to both give up. Married people fight all the time. Some marriages are built on rows and they are perfectly happy together. I understand that you might have a lot of stress on your plate right now, trying to figure all of this out, but really If you love each other truly, you'll find a way.

What is to say that come time to apply for your 10 year green card you two haven't worked out all your troubles and are still together?

Edited March 22, 2010 by lovelyalex

[Hopeworld 1]

Ok I had no idea saying that we tried counselling BEFore aos was a bad idea..

i mean..we were having problems couple of months after we meet..but THAT specific issue got fixed though.

like....we love each other and had problems..so what...thats how I saw it when thinking of counselling and thats why i didnt see it as being anything bad to say to the uscis when removing conditions or in aos interview (thank god it didnt come up though)

MacTO: Thankx for your tip

the fights NOW though...uff...before was NOTHING compared to now.

Vanessa&Tony: Glad u found the right one...

the way u described your previous marriage...well when we wake up and come home..we cant wait to be with together..even when we´re just hours away from each other.

when we´re not fighting everything is perfect...its laughter REAL happiness..feel ontop of the world....

its when there are fights...that can usually be solved within minutes but...anyway..

-

lovelyalex: it turned bad the first month. and a fight once a month for 6 months. the love was to much to break it off. then it went well couple of months. newyear it got screwed..and now again..before it was more often fights, now the interval is bigger, but the fights are more serious and bigger and hurt a lot more!

the thing is though..no matter what..i been packing so many times...we always get back together..its like we CANT separate...and IF we do, I Know we both wouldnt be able to function and will want to get back..so whats the point of going different ways anyway :/

im just constantley hoping that...someday we WILL find a way to communicate in a surten way that will PREVENT a conflict/missunstanding to lead to a fight.

i mean hell just ONE week before AOS interview i HAD ENOUGH freaking left and went to a hotell (which i have receipit for still). by then i didnt give a ####### i was like S-CREW this i was ready to leave. she called and got me home though. hm..maybe i should keep this part to my self in 751 interview no matter if im there alone or we´re still married, dont u think?

so once again, when we´re not fighting..im the happiest man alive..and i know she is too.

and all the evidence..well we took a loot of copies of everything so...i mean the uscis didnt take the pictures so i still have that, all the copies he didnt take eaither so i still have all these.

Now the goal is..to try to be successfull as LONG as possible in our marriage...

EVENthough I doubt we will make it more than 6 months..im still hoping it will last 40 years.

WHEN do u know its time to divorce? When your miserable all the time? well i just feel like that when we´re fighting.

but what if the fighting is about small things that could be solved so easily, but takes us looonger time..and happends every 1-3 months?

anyway, so after going of you guys opinions...having a REAL marriage is NOT enough to remove conditions alone. the timeline would be against me. AH i cant live my life after timelines...if ###### hits the fence i cant worry about that so what can I do?

if in 2 months we have a fight and we´re like NO MOre. can the uscis in the 751 interview deny me when its time just because he THINKS its fraud with NO Evidence? :S

I can prove my marriage is real. i cant do anything about the timeline i just been living my life. so what extra thing CAN i do to make the timeline look less important? damn..like my freakin marriage bein real isn't enough...

Edited March 22, 2010 by Hopeworld

[ziia 9]

K dont think i ever got a fuzzy feeling from people i never meet before....

JimVaPhuong, MacTO, rika60607, Vanessa&Tony...thank you so much for your answers.....

and im sorry i kinda got upset...

what happened is that her mother is about to do something that can destroy our lives.

but the problem is not that...if it wasnt that it would be something else...

Jimmy Shirley: Omg, sorry to hear that !! REALLY....

everything is fine now...as they always get..never been this confused in my whole life.

never been this lonely in my whole life..

i have ..NO idea what im doing..ALL i know for sure is, that i love her more than anything, and she feels the same. and that we BOTH want to spend the rest of our lives together, thats the first option.

but we know...that we will have a MAJOR fight in 1-2 months. and again 1-2 months..and each fight will last hours and days of pain.

things that SHOULD..for GODS SAKE TAKE 10 min to solve takes us 1 day to solve.

anyway... i hear u guys on all and how it looks like....

i can really prove the marriage is real..i really can..and we are going on our trip to see my family for the first time after all

I just...feel that if i dont look after my self..who will?

i dont want to end up on the street with 2 bags, and have to be shipped back with my tail between my legs...

the timelines and how it looks ...... i mean...the uscis REALLY can say WITHOUT ANY proofs that "You filed a divorce pretty soon after u got the GC. WHY should we give u a 10 year card? Real marriage? Not a good enough reason enough to get approved, DENIED!!!!"

????? they really can do that ???

jeez...lawyer is not an option..cant afford it

i REALLY DONT WANT TO think of these things................

but the agony and shaking and anxeity i feel when we´re fighting and she acts like she could easily through me out just like that...........

parden my language....when u realize life is a b-i tch........u see that it has puppies as well!!!!!

I have no idea of what chance you have to get approved because i'm not an immigration officer and also I can't read minds. I just wanted to say that I really feel for you, dude. Keep strong, this too shall pass and soon enough it will be a memory of the past. If you two can't stay married to one another(for whatever reasons) do not prolong it...get a divorce and then deal with everything one step at the time, the correct way and whatever happens, happens. I just want to remind you that VJ is an awesome place to ask for advices in terms of immigration. It is not a counseling place. People tend to look at time line and give advice on that. They may seem harsh but at least you should appreciate their honesty. The criticism should give you an idea of what you might face from an immigration officer BUT REMEMBER that no one here is an immigration officer and NO ONE KNOWS with certainty if you'll get approved or not. We can NOT predict your future. Your life and how it went, the whole truth and whatever, only you know and that's what matters. Don't try to guess your future because you can't and no one can do it for you either. So, ride this through, do what makes you happy, be correct and do your best, fill out the paperwork you need in case of a divorce, close your eyes and cross your fingers, bite your lips, "spit in the soup", do some kickboxing to take your mind off things, stack up on patience and hope for the best. As far as being alone, we all are...and you'll eventually get used to it just like I and most did. Sometimes it's better being alone than trapped in a crappy abusive situation with shady people you can't trust or talk to around you. Keep it up and try not to think so much...i have the feeling that thinking might be a sport for you. Sometimes it does more bad than good . Good luck

Edited March 22, 2010 by ziia

[Jonah&Stanley 1]

WHEN do u know its time to divorce? When your miserable all the time?

The answer is when you stop caring and when you stop feeling anything, then it is time to move on. You are probably miserable and confused, because you still have some feeling toward her - there is a hope for your broken relationship/marriage. Once you stop feeling anything about her, then you feel no pain nor frustration nor discomfort.

[Hopeworld 1]

ziia & Jonah&Stanley,

your right....

if that's the case i really dont want to give up and there is a lot more hope than i thought....

screw the divorce...im gonna continue fight and make us happy...

im never blinded and usually have the answers to things or can fix things my self...

so the EFFECT u guys made .......its massive........!!!!

thank you all so much for the strength !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Laura & Kyle 16]

I didn't think of us doing 751 TOgETHEr. That would be fraud. My question was very clear , if I should divorce now.. As in.. Now?!? And apply for 751, Or move out and file for a divorce in couple of months instead. 

I know that you are going back and forth with your emotions, and I kinda get the sense that you are younger and this could be the first real mature relationship for both of you. There are a lot of factors that are affecting your marriage. While I know you are concerned about your ROC as posted above, think of the bigger picture of yourself AND her. I would hate knowing someone stayed married to me and we were both miserable to make the ROC process easier for themselves.

You say you both love each other. We all know that "love" isn't enough... and communication is a clear issue. If it means enough to you all, then learn new communication skills, even if that means you both going to individual and couples counseling. That actually happened in my first marriage. I learned how to communicate better, and I think it has benefited me greatly in my current marriage. I'm not saying things are perfect.. but I know that I am trying my best.

Figure out the marriage first. If it works, great..it should be an typical ROC process. If it doesn't, then consider the steps to ROC. Either way, the way you get your 10 year greencard should NOT affect how/when/why/where/what you do with your marriage. I sincerely hope you two can learn to communicate well and have a happy marriage.