What to say to your 12yo about smoking

[Danno 1,228]

Steve I noticed you still have this photo as your signature..... yet you still have not shared the quotes where Jesus "Preached" social justice?

Jesus preached Personal responsibility in aiding the poor, not forcing others to take on the burden Christians should have.

Did the Good Samaritan, when he helped the man in need even ask the inn keeper for a discount on the food or price of the room?

Give me the quotes man.

[Calypso 464]

Explain to your son and show him pictures of what happens to the lungs of people who smoke.

[Peikko 1,575]

How he the OP works towards limiting his child's exposure to negative peer pressure is entirely up to him and his wife. Every parent is different. For example, for me, I would set a curfew for my 12 year old. Setting boundaries and limits for your child is what they need. A 12 year old is less likely to be enthusiastic about joining the boy scouts, or even a team sport if they've never played before, which is why it's important to get your children involved in extracurricular activities while they are younger and more malleable. Parents need to remind themselves that their children are not adults - they lack the capacity to fully comprehend their choices as well as lack the maturity.

My point is, you are making a lot of assumptions, you are continuing to do that in this post.

[Danno 1,228]

Explain to your son and show him pictures of what happens to the lungs of people who smoke.

The problem I have with these type photos is.... they are misleading.

Many many people smoked their whole life and never had lung cancer....... so it would be more accurate to say "smoking can cause lung cancer."

My mother smoked heavily her whole life up until about 5 years ago, she had a foot operated on couldn't get to the store and figured it was a good time to quit.

6 months ago, her doctor told her her lungs were in "great shape" after testing them.

Look, smoking is not smart, it can lead to health problems but if we are honest about health we would focus on weight.... that is not only the real killer, it also limits ones ability to experience life on a normal level, even at the youngest age.

But instead we way over play the smoking card.... to the point we have people convinced a whiff of smoke in the park is doing them harm.

[Peikko 1,575]

I see your point and have taken it in. But I think the suggestions weren't so much aimed as changing the circle of friends, rather offering up some positive activities he could get involved in and maybe get some positive influence flowing from another source, or at least that's how I interpreted it.

Right, if your kid isn't involved in some of the more positive activities that are available, then yes, they probably should be but I wasn't assuming any knowledge of what he does and doesn't do now. Having an 11 year old, I know full well that no matter what positive roles you provide, a child can always focus on something that is outside your expectations although of course, the more positive influences the child has, the less likely he has time for the negative ones, but it can still happen, regardless of how good and how positive a parent you are. Your question was focused on what to do when it does, not how to prevent it, or at least that was my interpretation My kid hasn't shown any interest in cigarettes yet, but I talk to him about all this stuff in general conversation all the time, and healthy eating habits - oh well.

[Peikko 1,575]

The problem I have with these type photos is.... they are misleading.

Many many people smoked their whole life and never had lung cancer....... so it would be more accurate to say "smoking can cause lung cancer."

My mother smoked heavily her whole life up until about 5 years ago, she had a foot operated on couldn't get to the store and figured it was a good time to quit.

6 months ago, her doctor told her her lungs were in "great shape" after testing them.

Look, smoking is not smart, it can lead to health problems but if we are honest about health we would focus on weight.... that is not only the real killer, it also limits ones ability to experience life on a normal level, even at the youngest age.

But instead we way over play the smoking card.... to the point we have people convinced a whiff of smoke in the park is doing them harm.

Danno, smoking is bad for your health, period. The OP asked about help with a kid that smokes, not one that is overweight. You seem to be obsessed with weight issues and yet we have no evidence that this kid is anything but a healthy weight.

[Susita 175]

Claire & Troy ~ I have a 16 year old sister who has spiraled out of control... it started with smoking at 14 and it's now drinking and pot, cutting class, fights etc. I agree with Steven on the friends situation, but my sister was in girl scouts, dance classes, cheerleading, field hockey... you name it, since she was little. No one ever forced her, she always asked to join and participate in these activities. She had all the positive influences a kid could have and was a great kid. She chose instead to ditch these positive friends and drop out of dance, girl scouts, sports and hang out with a bunch of not-so-great kids instead.

It totally depends on your son's personality. It sounds like he respects you and you respect him and that's awesome because your lines of communication are open. If his mom over reacts and freaks out a lot, he may be doing this to defy her as well. I feel like that's what my sister did, the more my mom pushed her to stop the more she rebelled.

Good luck! I tried smoking at 13 too and coughed my lungs out and hated it. No one could pay me to try that again Maybe he feels the same way.

[Danno 1,228]

Danno, smoking is bad for your health, period. The OP asked about help with a kid that smokes, not one that is overweight. You seem to be obsessed with weight issues and yet we have no evidence that this kid is anything but a healthy weight.

I think we already agreed smoking is bad for your health but thanks for repeating me

I have only spoke about the weight issue in a broad context, not directed at this case.... and as the subject has migrated (naturally) to health,I hardly see my comments as off the general subject or obsessive.

[Peikko 1,575]

No Danno, this thread is not about children's health issues, it's about how to change a child's behaviour and how to deal with peer pressure if they engage on a path of potentially destructive behaviours.

[Calypso 464]

I agree with Susita. Parents can only do so much. Kids will always choose the life that they want to live. We can only be there to raise them the way we intend them to be and to guide them.

In this kind of situation, telling your child the usual DOs and and DON'Ts may not help. Hormones rage during puberty and adolescence that's why young people find ways to cope with various changes.

Instead of imposing rules, it's better to speak calmly with the kid and ask the right questions (How does smoking make you feel? Do you know the consequences of your decisions and actions? Is smoking beneficial for your health and growth?). Our professor in Guidance and Counseling said that counseling is not giving advice but facilitating so that the person in concern would find the most fitting thing to do.

Here's a related article:

Then ask him about its appeal. He might say: "It looks cool," or "It is a way to fit in with friends," or "I was just curious." Then, help him think twice about these thoughts. For example:

* "Yes, you can fit in, but look at the cost. Maybe we can help you learn other ways to be comfortable with peers."

* "I can understand your curiosity, but it is dangerous. You have tried it, and I hope you will stop right now. People start with a smoke or two. Then they try it a little more and a little more. They think they are just dabbling. Next thing you know, they are surprised that they smoke so much. They get addicted."

* He may say: "But Dad smokes." I would say Dad made a terrible error and got addicted to this dangerous drug. We do not want you repeating that same mistake. Hopefully, Dad can say this too.

Link

[Peikko 1,575]

I agree with Susita. Parents can only do so much. Kids will always choose the life that they want to live. We can only be there to raise them the way we intend them to be and to guide them.

In this kind of situation, telling your child the usual DOs and and DON'Ts may not help. Hormones rage during puberty and adolescence that's why young people find ways to cope with various changes.

Instead of imposing rules, it's better to speak calmly with the kid and ask the right questions (How does smoking make you feel? Do you know the consequences of your decisions and actions? Is smoking beneficial for your health and growth?). Our professor in Guidance and Counseling said that counseling is not giving advice but facilitating so that the person in concern would find the most fitting thing to do.

Here's a related article:

Then ask him about its appeal. He might say: "It looks cool," or "It is a way to fit in with friends," or "I was just curious." Then, help him think twice about these thoughts. For example:

* "Yes, you can fit in, but look at the cost. Maybe we can help you learn other ways to be comfortable with peers."

* "I can understand your curiosity, but it is dangerous. You have tried it, and I hope you will stop right now. People start with a smoke or two. Then they try it a little more and a little more. They think they are just dabbling. Next thing you know, they are surprised that they smoke so much. They get addicted."

* He may say: "But Dad smokes." I would say Dad made a terrible error and got addicted to this dangerous drug. We do not want you repeating that same mistake. Hopefully, Dad can say this too.

Link

That is interesting. Thanks.

[Claire and Troy 2]

In this kind of situation, telling your child the usual DOs and and DON'Ts may not help. Hormones rage during puberty and adolescence that's why young people find ways to cope with various changes.

Instead of imposing rules, it's better to speak calmly with the kid and ask the right questions (How does smoking make you feel? Do you know the consequences of your decisions and actions? Is smoking beneficial for your health and growth?). Our professor in Guidance and Counseling said that counseling is not giving advice but facilitating so that the person in concern would find the most fitting thing to do.

This pretty much mirrors how I feel about how to approach the issue. My hope is to get some feedback from parents who have dealt with this in their children or as a child.

I do have a plan, just fishing for helpful tips to tailor my approach since you only get so many opportunities to make an impression when discussing these things before it begins to go in one ear and out the other. Thanks to everyone for your concern and advice.

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

Tell him it's a waste of money and point out smokers to him and that it's pretty much losers that smoke.

[Calypso 464]

That is interesting. Thanks.

This pretty much mirrors how I feel about how to approach the issue. My hope is to get some feedback from parents who have dealt with this in their children or as a child.

I do have a plan, just fishing for helpful tips to tailor my approach since you only get so many opportunities to make an impression when discussing these things before it begins to go in one ear and out the other. Thanks to everyone for your concern and advice.

I hope you do it the right way.