Mother-in-law accuses me of identity theft and money theft

[Justine+David 218]

Have you applied for AOS yet? Do you need the mom as a co-sponsor?

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this What a bunch of jerks! Making you pay money for Thanksgiving dinner, are you out of your mind?!

[adiiann 163]

I really feel sorry for you. But then, hang in there, if you feel your life is in danger, maybe when you got your NOA1, go to police station and let them know that your life might be in danger.

One of the things that I learned here....

Americans are extreme.... extremely smart but extremely moron..... extremely nice but extremely cruel......

[one love 0]

PS: If they call the feds will I get into trouble because of the grey out of status area and have not received NOA1 of AOS for the status of 'being processed' to protect me until GC arrives?

no you will not have issur you have copies of it being sent out just show them if anything happens,,, Sounds like you need to move far away no contact,,, So they get message you not taken the bull............... If i had just came from a country this start Sorry back i would go not worth this you a better person if hubby want to go with you good if not well I need to go home to my own country were its not bulllllllllllllllllll

[Minya's wife 24]

You mentioned that you're about to file AOS and that Mom is co-sponsoring? If this type of thing is happening before you even file for AOS, what will they think of once AOS is approved with the mom as the co-sponsor? Is there nobody else in the family that can be asked to co-sponsor? Since the responsibility of the co-sponsor on AOS remains in effect for many years to come I would not want to give them the opportunity to hold the fact that mom has done you a 'favor' by sponsoring over your heads. Given their antics so far, I can see them doing just that. Do your best to find someone else to co-sponsor.

[Leo&Farah 0]

You mentioned that you're about to file AOS and that Mom is co-sponsoring? If this type of thing is happening before you even file for AOS, what will they think of once AOS is approved with the mom as the co-sponsor? Is there nobody else in the family that can be asked to co-sponsor? Since the responsibility of the co-sponsor on AOS remains in effect for many years to come I would not want to give them the opportunity to hold the fact that mom has done you a 'favor' by sponsoring over your heads. Given their antics so far, I can see them doing just that. Do your best to find someone else to co-sponsor.

Yes we will file for AOS today. No, his mom will not be used as a co-sponsor, we do not need a co-sponsor at the AOS stage as he now makes enough. His mom's info was given to me as a potential co-sponsor for the K1 stage, as backup incase they needed one. I did not use it and have returned all the documents. The only reason I mentioned the co-sponsor thing initially was to show the basis for their accusation. "You have the last four digits of my social security number from the co-sponsorship backup documents like tax returns". My husband told his mom the number had been whited out except for the last 4 digits before she had sent it to me (when we were at the K1 stage). She insisted I could have held it up to the light to see the whole number.

For clarification, she has not been used as a co-sponsor during the K1 stage and will not be used as one in AOS. I would never subject myself to allowing them to have leverage over us. As you all have probably picked up, I have been slowly trying to pry ourselves loose from them by first liberating us via having a vehicle of our own to put an end to the gas thing. Then inviting his mom over so we could see her on our terms. They do not have any sort of leverage over us since we owe them nothing and do not depend on them whatsoever. I am not the sort of person to bad mouth someone and then use them to help me. At this point, I have exhausted every avenue of trying to salvage this situation. I have been walking on eggshells trying not to cross boundaries in respect for my husband; I have tried not to insult his mother etc and while I have been walking on said eggshells, she has been trampling over them with complete disregard to our feelings and forcing me to clean up the stinking mess. On top of that, I am forced to play the role of the bad guy for reacting because apparently none of this is a big deal to her and is 'normal'.

[Emmamama 2]

sorry to hear about all of this.

what a puta!

you do need to move, cut that person out of your life! grrr...

[Old Dominion 26]

Is there any chance whatsoever that your husband can find a different job? Is he trying? Once you file for AOS, you'll get your work permit and can help.

So long as he remains beholden to his mother for work, you'll both stay in this rut. My sense is that mom isn't really ready to let him go. I am wondering also why he tells all this stuff to you.

Hang in there and work together on a solution.

Edited March 10, 2010 by Old Dominion

[Leo&Farah 0]

Is there any chance whatsoever that your husband can find a different job? Is he trying? Once you file for AOS, you'll get your work permit and can help.

So long as he remains beholden to his mother for work, you'll both stay in this rut. My sense is that mom isn't really ready to let him go. I am wondering also why he tells all this stuff to you.

Hang in there and work together on a solution.

My husband can probably find a different job after his contract ends in May but he has a second job in this town as well. We have not been trying to find a new job as ###### hit the fan yesterday and the accusation happened yesterday.

He is not working FOR his mom. They are just working in the same place. This is where the majority of the conversations take place and he comes home and relates to me all the new ####### we have to deal with. I dont understand what you mean by him telling me this stuff. It involves the two of us and we are husband and wife, we keep no secrets from each other. He tells me so we can deal with it together.

Thank you everyone for all the support and kind words. Previously I had been quiet, trying not to air out our dirty laundry and to protect his mother and family. As such, I have felt trapped and unwelcome here as all I am surrounded by is his side of the family and their opinions with only long distance support from my own mom. It is surprisingly good for the soul to express this out now and I feel less estranged and less unwelcome.

[griffin 7]

Greetings!

MOVE AWAY ASAP.

[TBoneTX 45,266]

Americans are extreme.... extremely smart but extremely moron..... extremely nice but extremely cruel......

Now there's an intelligent, circumspect comment.

[Damian 0]

WOW...this is insane. I would drop EVERYTHING and move VERY VERY VERY far away.

I hate to hear these types of problems for young couples. in a situation like this its best to stick with your guy and for him to always back you up when needed. it will take two people to survive this ordeal.

Good Luck

Well I have just about had enough of trying to be the better and bigger person.

Since I have come here, I have put up with my mother in law and her partner charging my husband and I with 2009 IRS business gas rates for rides taken with them from November till December until we finally got a car of our own in Jan 2010 (he had just moved to this state and had to leave his old car behind). Instead of just paying for gas as a sign of good faith like normal people would, they insisted we count our miles and times it by the IRS business rate of 55 cents per mile. Silly me, I thought getting our own car would lessen problems with them. It didnt. Apparently proximity did not put an end to her partner's imaginative drama.

Prior to this, I have put up with my mother in law's partner insisting we pay for our share of thanksgiving dinner in cash since apparently bringing over a dish as pot luck was not good enough. I have put up with her partner accusing me of giving dirty looks at them when I barely even recognized them in the dark. I have put up with her partner accusing me of leaning away from their son in the car when he was crying cause supposedly leaning away means I hate him. My husband has been accused by her partner of treating their son like a dog because he was hiding my bag under his coat from their son so he doesnt drool all over it.

After we got the car, we thought hey, the partner is the problem, so inviting mother in law over for dinner and being the bigger person is a good idea so my husband can maintain good healthy relationship with her away from the poison of her partner. No, apparently it was a bad idea cause the partner found a way to complain about it saying my mother in law 'reeked of asian food' after she got back from dinner with us and made her wash her coat to prove a point on how disgusting it was which resulted in my mother in law telling my husband to get air fresheners, which we already have. If you come over to eat asian food, expecting asian food and commenting later that it was great and thanking us for it, you do not turn around the next day and mention your partner thought you reeked and insult our home and hospitality by saying our home stinks (which is doesnt).

So now the partner has influenced my mother in law to accuse me of identity theft because apparently having his mom as a co-sponsor and knowing her social security number and having a yahoo email address allows me to hack into their bank account, make a new account and somehow magically withdraw 888,888.88 bucks from it. So the hacker person put in a yahoo email address, and since I have a yahoo email address apparently that makes me a suspect. And apparently since I am home alone all day and bored, this apparently makes me small and petty enough to get back at the partner by hacking into their account and doing all these things (So I guess inviting her over for dinner wasnt proof enough of me being the bigger person since we brought no money up at all after being harassed and extorted for gas money. We even had to pay them gas to drive us to the courthouse to get married). Only petty people can imagine other people to be as petty as them.

I mean I expected some crazy stuff to happen because I knew the partner would not stop until things became ugly because drama seems to be a craving of some sort and people like this just do not stop. I did NOT expect something as crazy as this to happen, this is beyond ridiculous I dont even have words for it. At this point, I do not put it past them to do more crazy things. What do I do if they decide to sue me for identity theft based on those arguments? What do I do if they call the feds on me? We are mailing the AOS forms tomorrow and my I-94 expired in Feb this year, about a month. If it had not been expired, I would have lodged a police report or something to protect myself against this craziness.

What can I do to protect myself? We are going to move as soon as we can financially, away from this insanity. It wont happen anytime soon since we are leased for another 7 months. I have only been here for 4 months and this much can happen. I dont know what can possibly be conjured up in another 7 months. I'll probably be accused of murder next.

And fyi, mother in law seems to think everything is okay and it is okay to do all these things. Sorry, but to me, family values are not this way at all. This is foreign to me and completely inhumane.

Edited March 10, 2010 by Damian

[Nik+Heather 121]

OK, so if my understanding is correct:

Partner to MIL: "CRAZY SCHZIT CRAZY CraZY cRAzy CRaZY"

MIL to Son/Husband: "Crazy schzit CRAZY CraZY cRAzy CRaZY"

Husband to you "Crazy schzit CRAZY CraZY cRAzy CRaZY"

Seems to me that if you can break one of those lines, you won't have to hear about it any more, and you won't have to be upset by it anymore. Tell your husband that you're simply not interested in hearing about the crazy-ness from his mother's partner any longer. As you say they can't really do anything to you, so who cares what they think? Informing you of all of this does nothing but make drama in your life. It's not useful in any way. Especially as it doesn't bother him, there's no need for him to be confiding in you because he can't handle it.

Besides, what if partner says crazy ####### to MIL thinking he's just venting to his wife in a private conversation? This sort of stuff has gone through a couple of people before it gets to you, maybe some is lost in transmission (hoping for good in people).

BTW, I am totally on your side about what you've mentioned so far.

[TracyTN 237]

To answer your question about can you be in trouble immigration wise - well, they'd have to get you arrested and convicted of something first. So let them blow their smoke.

Beyond that, I'd have to consider cutting all ties as much as possible (hard to the extent your hubby works at the same place as his mom). But you have to self protect, and he has to protect you as well. If he is not willing to tell his mom, look, I love you and I want a relationship with you - but I cannot have you guys attacking my wife every time I turn around -- then I'm not sure how you'll ever have any peace.

[Leo&Farah 0]

Seems to me that if you can break one of those lines, you won't have to hear about it any more, and you won't have to be upset by it anymore. Tell your husband that you're simply not interested in hearing about the crazy-ness from his mother's partner any longer. As you say they can't really do anything to you, so who cares what they think? Informing you of all of this does nothing but make drama in your life. It's not useful in any way. Especially as it doesn't bother him, there's no need for him to be confiding in you because he can't handle it.

Besides, what if partner says crazy ####### to MIL thinking he's just venting to his wife in a private conversation? This sort of stuff has gone through a couple of people before it gets to you, maybe some is lost in transmission (hoping for good in people).

BTW, I am totally on your side about what you've mentioned so far.

Yeah I went by that logic as well and flat out told my mother in law we do not want to hear anything from her partner through her anymore. We flat out told her, if the partner has a problem with us, come directly to us instead of hiding behind his mom. This did not work, mom in law keeps telling my husband things. He tells me because she wants us to act on it and very often it involves money, a budget of some sort, our house or our lives where we make the decision together. Payment for absurd amounts of gas vs matter of principle, to go or not for thanksgiving, to keep inviting her over for dinner or not after the asian reeking episode and a warning that she is accusing me of theft. I would rather know then be oblivious and treat her like gold while all this is going on behind my back.

So basically, partner wants something, snitches to mom in law, mom in law forces us to comply or risk ruining relations. This has been the trend up till yesterday when I stopped giving a #######. Essentially, as I told my mom in law, her partner cant keep trying to get their way by using the mother-son-daughter in law relationship and using her as a messenger. That way, its 4 people in a relationship and all three of us are forced to do things the partners way. This went in one ear and out the other apparently.

I thought of the fact that maybe the partner was venting and my mom in law is just a big mouth gossip but seeing as all things she has related to us has been things she wants us to act on, I am very sure it was a direct message to be passed along. The partner just seems to thrive on drama and very obviously does not like being ignored.

Good news is AOS has just been sent overnight so I should be expecting a NOA1 pretty soon. This is a HUGE relief and one less burden off my shoulders. Now I can lodge a police report if things get too crazy.

[Justine+David 218]

thank goodness you guys don't have to rely on her for AOS. I'm sure it breaks your husband's heart a little about his mom treating you both in such a way, but at least you guys have an "out" come May. Keep holding on--you're a strong woman!