managing Finances

[johnabis 0]

All I have an update.

So after arguing about creating a budget last night I went to the Gym and then came back to the house after an hour. When I got home she started to create a budget like I asked and we finished it on an Excel Spread sheet. Basically once we really put down how much we spend a month she realized she cant keep most of her money to her self.

I'm pretty sure our budget will still need some tweaking (example food is only 200 a month which i think is to low) but for now we agree'd on that she can keep 388 a month for purely her wants and to send money to her family. This is definitely a huge step in the right direction. I am okay with her sending some money to her family and she can have some spending money for herself since it seems very important to her. She went shopping alot in the Philippines before she came here. so i guess its something she grew to love and it reminds her of home.

Unfortunately with this budget I really don't have any spending money myself but its fine. I don't really buy to many Wants as it is. maybe a new pair of shoes every year or a couple ps3 games and thats pretty much it.

Thanks again everyone for you responses. I really appreciate it. I actually mentioned to her that alot of Filipino's disagree on visa journey about this being culture for the guy to pay everything if both are working and that her money is her's and not ours (and of course my money is also ours). Not sure if she actually read this or not but maybe that also helped with the situation. Thanks again.

[F & J 21]

All I have an update.

So after arguing about creating a budget last night I went to the Gym and then came back to the house after an hour. When I got home she started to create a budget like I asked and we finished it on an Excel Spread sheet. Basically once we really put down how much we spend a month she realized she cant keep most of her money to her self.

I'm pretty sure our budget will still need some tweaking (example food is only 200 a month which i think is to low) but for now we agree'd on that she can keep 388 a month for purely her wants and to send money to her family. This is definitely a huge step in the right direction. I am okay with her sending some money to her family and she can have some spending money for herself since it seems very important to her. She went shopping alot in the Philippines before she came here. so i guess its something she grew to love and it reminds her of home.

Unfortunately with this budget I really don't have any spending money myself but its fine. I don't really buy to many Wants as it is. maybe a new pair of shoes every year or a couple ps3 games and thats pretty much it.

Thanks again everyone for you responses. I really appreciate it. I actually mentioned to her that alot of Filipino's disagree on visa journey about this being culture for the guy to pay everything if both are working and that her money is her's and not ours (and of course my money is also ours). Not sure if she actually read this or not but maybe that also helped with the situation. Thanks again.

Yay!!! I'm so glad you guys were able to work something out.

Hopefully you'll be able to start setting some money aside so you can at least have some spending money in the future. You'll probably have to readjust your budget every once in a while as needed. It took a while before my husband and I finally got the hang of it and were able to save. The way we did it was to keep 3 bank accounts. The first one is where his paycheck goes and where we usually draw checks from or debit money (for bills), the second is for general and miscellaneous expenses and emergency funds (money we can use for unexpected circumstances), the third is our "untouchable" savings account where we put a fixed amount of money every month (this is money that we're setting aside for retirement... we might also invest some of it in the future).

Edited March 10, 2010 by Fatima and Jim

[one...two...tree 2,762]

All I have an update.

So after arguing about creating a budget last night I went to the Gym and then came back to the house after an hour. When I got home she started to create a budget like I asked and we finished it on an Excel Spread sheet. Basically once we really put down how much we spend a month she realized she cant keep most of her money to her self.

I'm pretty sure our budget will still need some tweaking (example food is only 200 a month which i think is to low) but for now we agree'd on that she can keep 388 a month for purely her wants and to send money to her family. This is definitely a huge step in the right direction. I am okay with her sending some money to her family and she can have some spending money for herself since it seems very important to her. She went shopping alot in the Philippines before she came here. so i guess its something she grew to love and it reminds her of home.

Unfortunately with this budget I really don't have any spending money myself but its fine. I don't really buy to many Wants as it is. maybe a new pair of shoes every year or a couple ps3 games and thats pretty much it.

Thanks again everyone for you responses. I really appreciate it. I actually mentioned to her that alot of Filipino's disagree on visa journey about this being culture for the guy to pay everything if both are working and that her money is her's and not ours (and of course my money is also ours). Not sure if she actually read this or not but maybe that also helped with the situation. Thanks again.

A step in the right direction.

I would say you both need to budget discretionary spending for you as well, even if it's just putting $5 a week into a piggy bank. And to add to that...saving money, no matter how little, will help change her spending habits as she'll see her savings quickly grow, she'll be more inclined to keep saving more for something really big.

[George&Hazel 1]

Money and Filipinos can be a little difficult. A good portion of the people there live hand to mouth literally. The notion of saving money for a rainy day is something most have never considered..... A little heads up on the sending money back home. Persons abroad are viewed as heroes because they support everyone back home. Many times they are expected to. It can be a difficult situation discuss with your spouse.

[PhiLandShiR 18]

Congratulations!!

Sometimes, something as simple as writing it all down, makes a world of difference.

Your Filipina is a smart girl, hell they all are! I know my sweetie sure is!! She can work the numbers just like anyone.

She was a bit shocked, when we went over the bills the first time. Paying the mortgage every month was met with a stunned 'Every Month?!?!?'

When I responded with 'Yup! Every month for the next 25 years!!' I got stunned silence.

The realization that EVERYTHING in the US is, bought, taxed or requires a fee, was a real earth mover.

The Land of Milk and Honey concept was quashed rather quickly...

Now, she still wants to buy more that I think is needed but then, I was never spending money for more than one pair of shoes a year...

-Phil

All I have an update.

So after arguing about creating a budget last night I went to the Gym and then came back to the house after an hour. When I got home she started to create a budget like I asked and we finished it on an Excel Spread sheet. Basically once we really put down how much we spend a month she realized she cant keep most of her money to her self.

I'm pretty sure our budget will still need some tweaking (example food is only 200 a month which i think is to low) but for now we agree'd on that she can keep 388 a month for purely her wants and to send money to her family. This is definitely a huge step in the right direction. I am okay with her sending some money to her family and she can have some spending money for herself since it seems very important to her. She went shopping alot in the Philippines before she came here. so i guess its something she grew to love and it reminds her of home.

Unfortunately with this budget I really don't have any spending money myself but its fine. I don't really buy to many Wants as it is. maybe a new pair of shoes every year or a couple ps3 games and thats pretty much it.

Thanks again everyone for you responses. I really appreciate it. I actually mentioned to her that alot of Filipino's disagree on visa journey about this being culture for the guy to pay everything if both are working and that her money is her's and not ours (and of course my money is also ours). Not sure if she actually read this or not but maybe that also helped with the situation. Thanks again.

[Nelly228 0]

I agree to above posts. Money matters should have been discussed before getting married.

In the Philippines, the man takes care of all the expenses IF the woman is a stay at home. I think it's the same thing here. That's just sensible since how would you expect the woman to help with the expenses if she doesn't even have a source of income?!? If both are working, they share responsibilities unless the husband is earning so much that he doesn't need his wife's income at all.

With my husband and I, all his is mine and all mine is mine. LOL...Just kidding!!! Seriously though, we've decided that whatever happens, the priorities will always be saving for the rainy days and paying the bills including debts. I don't have a job yet so right now, he's the one in charge of everything. But once I start working, the agreement was for him to take care of all the bills and for me to take care of the savings.

Your married to each other already. You're partners now. Partners share responsibilities with each other. Your goals and priorities should align with each other and you should be helping each other to achieve those.

Finances is not everything in a relationship but it can be a major strain. I don't know if this is the same in all states but what I know is that when you're married, your debt is also her debt and vice versa. You should both work on paying it as soon as you can. Maybe you should explain to her the advantage of being able to pay all debts immediately like there will be less interest charge, thus the amount of interest you'll have to pay could go to savings instead. This thought works for me and my husband. Who wants to pay so much interest when the money could go somewhere else more important?!? Do the Math to her.

Another option which I don't recommend so much because she might take offense: explain to her that helping you with the bills is still cheaper than her renting her own place, paying her own bills and buying her own food. There's no such thing as free lunch.

Lastly, you two can go to a financial counseling if there's such a thing.

Anyways, goodluck!!!

i agree with you..i like the last option.

[victorious 0]

Thanks for your response. Actually I do let her handle the finances. What we were originally doing is using the money I make and the money on her part time job to pay the bills/debt and mortgage. but honestly we just been paying the minimums on our credit cards and seeking deeper and deeper into debt. Now that she got a full time job, our income increased by about 45% so we should definitely be able to pay down the debt as long as we stay strict. That is where the problem starts.

I told her its okay to send money to the Philippines every month. I was thinking 100 a month? but we haven't gotten to deep into it. She said her dad only worked and not her mom. She really feel's its her money and she can do what she want with. I advised we should make a plan to get out of debt and write everything down even though i said she can have Some spending money to what she pleases.... she disagree's...

For me 100$ a month is too little we sent my family 300 to 500$ a month depending on what my family in the Phils need it. Only my husband is working and he doesn't have a problem with that.

Just talk to her about it and make sure that both of you understand that her family will always be supported.

Thanks for your response. Actually I do let her handle the finances. What we were originally doing is using the money I make and the money on her part time job to pay the bills/debt and mortgage. but honestly we just been paying the minimums on our credit cards and seeking deeper and deeper into debt. Now that she got a full time job, our income increased by about 45% so we should definitely be able to pay down the debt as long as we stay strict. That is where the problem starts.

I told her its okay to send money to the Philippines every month. I was thinking 100 a month? but we haven't gotten to deep into it. She said her dad only worked and not her mom. She really feel's its her money and she can do what she want with. I advised we should make a plan to get out of debt and write everything down even though i said she can have Some spending money to what she pleases.... she disagree's...

For me 100$ a month is too little we sent my family 300 to 500$ a month depending on what my family in the Phils need it. Only my husband is working and he doesn't have a problem with that.

Just talk to her about it and make sure that both of you understand that her family will always be supported.

[rheanick 42]

For me 100$ a month is too little we sent my family 300 to 500$ a month depending on what my family in the Phils need it. Only my husband is working and he doesn't have a problem with that.

Just talk to her about it and make sure that both of you understand that her family will always be supported.

For me 100$ a month is too little we sent my family 300 to 500$ a month depending on what my family in the Phils need it. Only my husband is working and he doesn't have a problem with that.

Just talk to her about it and make sure that both of you understand that her family will always be supported.

If 300 to 500 is the amount you think should be appropriate to your family and your husband has no problem with it then so be it.

If the OP thinks $100 is enough then it is their agreement.

The amount of money to be send to the Philippines is dependent on the agreement between couples.

[F & J 21]

Congratulations!!

Sometimes, something as simple as writing it all down, makes a world of difference.

Your Filipina is a smart girl, hell they all are! I know my sweetie sure is!! She can work the numbers just like anyone.

She was a bit shocked, when we went over the bills the first time. Paying the mortgage every month was met with a stunned 'Every Month?!?!?'

When I responded with 'Yup! Every month for the next 25 years!!' I got stunned silence.

The realization that EVERYTHING in the US is, bought, taxed or requires a fee, was a real earth mover.

The Land of Milk and Honey concept was quashed rather quickly...

Now, she still wants to buy more that I think is needed but then, I was never spending money for more than one pair of shoes a year...

-Phil

I have to admit that I was spoiled growing up - my parents were well off and had bought their own lot/land and built their house (my dad is an interior designer) - everything was completely paid off so having to pay a mortgage every month was really new to me. @_@

The tax thing was also new because the prices in the Philippines were tax-inclusive (so no need to pay anything on top of the advertised prices) - the only place in the Philippines I remember that didn't have tax-inclusive prices was Wendy's (of course other places / companies that do the same put a note saying "plus VAT / tax")

Anyway, what I always tell people back in the Philippines is yes, you can earn a lot more here BUT you also have a lot of bigger bills to pay.

[F & J 21]

For me 100$ a month is too little we sent my family 300 to 500$ a month depending on what my family in the Phils need it. Only my husband is working and he doesn't have a problem with that.

Just talk to her about it and make sure that both of you understand that her family will always be supported.

I remember reading about this on another thread...

Consider how much she used to give to her family back when she was still living in the Philippines. You can match that amount. If she wants to send more, make it clear that you will only do so if they REALLY need it. If she was giving them that amount before, they should have no problems getting just that same amount now. Just because she's earning more - if she is - doesn't mean they'll be getting more. It's important to set boundaries.

Edited March 10, 2010 by Fatima and Jim

[victorious 0]

If 300 to 500 is the amount you think should be appropriate to your family and your husband has no problem with it then so be it.

If the OP thinks $100 is enough then it is their agreement.

The amount of money to be send to the Philippines is dependent on the agreement between couples.

I'm sorry about that reading and replying so much to the post here in VJ makes me careless. I just thought maybe she makes sure that she keeps her money to be able to send help in the Phils and not being limited. I'm maybe so out of topic here. You're right its really depending on their decisions.

[rheanick 42]

I'm sorry about that reading and replying so much to the post here in VJ makes me careless. I just thought maybe she makes sure that she keeps her money to be able to send help in the Phils and not being limited. I'm maybe so out of topic here. You're right its really depending on their decisions.

[victorious 0]

I remember reading about this on another thread...

Consider how much she used to give to her family back when she was still living in the Philippines. You can match that amount. If she wants to send more, make it clear that you will only do so if they REALLY need it. If she was giving them that amount before, they should have no problems getting just that same amount now. Just because she's earning more - if she is - doesn't mean they'll be getting more. It's important to set boundaries.

That's right setting boundaries is so important. In my case I just know how the finances goes in my family in Phil since I was the one holding the budget for the family when I was still there. My husband and I agreed on everything so there's no problem on sending more if so ever as long as reasonable. Which takes us to the conclusion that its really up to both of the couples agreement on everything. Understanding each others different means makes things alright.

[victorious 0]

I have to admit that I was spoiled growing up - my parents were well off and had bought their own lot/land and built their house (my dad is an interior designer) - everything was completely paid off so having to pay a mortgage every month was really new to me. @_@

The tax thing was also new because the prices in the Philippines were tax-inclusive (so no need to pay anything on top of the advertised prices) - the only place in the Philippines I remember that didn't have tax-inclusive prices was Wendy's (of course other places / companies that do the same put a note saying "plus VAT / tax")

Anyway, what I always tell people back in the Philippines is yes, you can earn a lot more here BUT you also have a lot of bigger bills to pay.

I think the only thing that's really good being in US is that dollar is x many pesos when sent to Phil. Even paying bills is East to West or South to North. Still where living in America and so shouldn't we live in an American Dream? lol I miss my family and sending them help makes me feel much better.

Edited March 10, 2010 by victorious

[skidivawannabe 2]

Hello All,

Need some help regarding the Filipino culture regarding Finances.

My Wife recently got a good job here at the same company I work for. She has been here for about a year and ahalf. Between me paying for the wedding, Winter clothes for her, and house stuff (i bought the house for us) we got into alot of credit card debt. Now that she has a Job making almost as much as me, we should be able to pay down our debts.

The Problem is my wife feels that the money she makes is her's and that she shouldn't have to budget her self. I told her that we should creat a budget so we can put most of our free money towards paying down the debt. I did tell her she can still spend some money to buy various wants but most of OUR money should be going to pay down the debts/bills.

This is really causing a huge fight amongst us. She doesn't seem to get the concept of her money and mine money is OUR money. she said something about the Man should pay for the provisions. I guess she means all the bills.

Please help and give me your advise and if this is really how it is in the Philippines. That the man pays for debts/bills and the woman if she works can use her money as she likes.

Thanks,

John

"What's yours is ours, what's mine is mine" is a common joke among women (I'm thinking this is not exclusive to Filipinas). Philippines is a TRADITIONALLY a patriachal society, but there are a lot of women who actually help in keeping the home. Nowadays it think it's downright impractical to NOT share in the expenses when both are earning. I understand the need and actually advocate having your own savings account, separate from your joint account, but at the end of the day, both husband and wife should bring something to the table.

I hate to say this, John, but your wife is just too traditional beyond words. She made you pay for the whole wedding This is a cliche, but I have to say it - - you both have to sit down and discuss how you will handle the finances. Your wife needs a reality check.