managing Finances

[marklovetina 52]

uhmmm... there was a saying here in the Phil., " ang pera ni pedro ay kay maria at ang kay maria ay kay maria pa rin"..

talk to ur wife tell her its difficult for u if u are the one who will pay for all the expenses, at least she pays too, maybe if my husband cant do it all i will share but if i know that he can then the PI saying can be applied

[Ann Marie and Leo 9]

The reason I was asking if its the Filipino culture is because she feels so strongly about this. and she tells me thats how it is over there.

I would tell her if she wants to do it "just like in the Philippines", you will be happy to quite your job, and stay at home, and play cards & drink beer with the neighbors, while she goes to work, and pays all the bills, but only after you get you pocket/gambling money (LOL)

[rheanick 42]

Hello All,

Need some help regarding the Filipino culture regarding Finances.

My Wife recently got a good job here at the same company I work for. She has been here for about a year and ahalf. Between me paying for the wedding, Winter clothes for her, and house stuff (i bought the house for us) we got into alot of credit card debt. Now that she has a Job making almost as much as me, we should be able to pay down our debts.

The Problem is my wife feels that the money she makes is her's and that she shouldn't have to budget her self. I told her that we should creat a budget so we can put most of our free money towards paying down the debt. I did tell her she can still spend some money to buy various wants but most of OUR money should be going to pay down the debts/bills.

This is really causing a huge fight amongst us. She doesn't seem to get the concept of her money and mine money is OUR money. she said something about the Man should pay for the provisions. I guess she means all the bills.

Please help and give me your advise and if this is really how it is in the Philippines. That the man pays for debts/bills and the woman if she works can use her money as she likes.

Thanks,

John

This is something that you have to sit down and talk seriously. Both of you should have a compromise on this matter.

By the way, her mindset is not shared by all filipina. This is not a cultural thing. It is only her mindset that she wants to insist in your relationship.

[F & J 21]

rheanick is right in saying that not all Filipinas share your wife's mindset.

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My mom has always done her share in paying the bills - in fact, there were times when she was the one who paid the bulk of the bills, not my dad (but that's another story).

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My husband is perfectly fine with paying all of our bills and providing anything I need (and want). He has no problem with me not working but if I do start working, he made it clear that whatever I earn will just be "extra" income for us (money we can use to buy things that aren't exactly necessities and money we can save for rainy days). He's old-fashioned in that way, wanting to be the "provider" but I also have no problems doing my part in paying our bills if the need arises (in fact, I would be more than happy to - I have never really been comfortable having someone else pay for everything but now that I'm married, I understand that it's important for my husband to know that he can provide for me). Anyway, once I do have a job, we've agreed that no matter what, we'll both be putting money into our savings account.

It's not right to expect your husband to pay for everything unless you have no income.

Edited March 9, 2010 by Fatima and Jim

[jelmichael 0]

when i got a job, my husband and i talked about the finances too, i have my own bank account and he got his too but both of us could access it all the time, i offered to pay the cable bill which is just 150dollars a month including my filipino channel..but then it has been 3 months already since i got my work but my husband is still the one paying the bill, i dont know if he forgot our agreement or what lol coz everytime i check the balance its paid already..so what i did is shop him some nice stuff everytime i receive my paycheck..and contribute a little when buying groceries...i also do send some money to my family and it is never a problem to both of us..

if she is really that hardheaded not to help..try not to pay any of the bill and wait till she complain..tell her u cant afford it anymore lol..i hope i make sense here...

Edited March 10, 2010 by jelmichael

[Ban Hammer 13,283]

I would tell her if she wants to do it "just like in the Philippines", you will be happy to quite your job, and stay at home, and play cards & drink beer with the neighbors, while she goes to work, and pays all the bills, but only after you get you pocket/gambling money (LOL)

or just do the same by moving to arkansas.

[Besame Mucho 1]

uhmmm... there was a saying here in the Phil., " ang pera ni pedro ay kay maria at ang kay maria ay kay maria pa rin"..

Have you ever heard the words "mi casa es tu casa"?

Edited March 10, 2010 by Besame Mucho

[sjr09 155]

The reason I was asking if its the Filipino culture is because she feels so strongly about this. and she tells me thats how it is over there.

I would tell her if she wants to do it "just like in the Philippines", you will be happy to quite your job, and stay at home, and play cards & drink beer with the neighbors, while she goes to work, and pays all the bills, but only after you get you pocket/gambling money (LOL)

I'm not much for cards, way boring! My neighbor and I go drink beer at the Korean Bars, then stop off at the chicken fights up-country!!

Me'so lucky!

[adiiann 163]

I handle our finances and maybe our investments as soon as I learn the rules. I am the last say whether we purchase an item or not. I am the one who do our budget. My husband wanted me to have my own savings account but I said I really don't care about it because we have joint checking account already, using it for job.

I don't send money to my family in the Philippines but I like sending them gifts which is very much okay to my husband. But whatever earnings we have, its always our money which we use to pay whatever bills or expenses we have.

I don't agree that what I earn is only my money, and husband's earning is our money. For me, it's unfair to him, plus he usually doesn't buy things for himself, always me.

[marklovetina 52]

Have you ever heard the words "mi casa es tu casa"?

HELLO!! I AM NOT THAT GOOD IN SPANISH MAAM, UHMM... "MY HOUSE IS UR HOUSE?"

[Ban Hammer 13,283]

HELLO!! I AM NOT THAT GOOD IN SPANISH MAAM, UHMM... "MY HOUSE IS UR HOUSE?"

(that's one of the few phrases i know in spanish)

[marklovetina 52]

(that's one of the few phrases i know in spanish)

that's why they need to share

Edited March 10, 2010 by godsgift

[F & J 21]

I handle our finances and maybe our investments as soon as I learn the rules. I am the last say whether we purchase an item or not. I am the one who do our budget.

haha! We're the same way Just last night my husband asked me, "Do we need to do bills yet?" - all of our accounts are joint accounts and I'm the one who keeps track of everything. I have this white board where I write down all the due dates for bills and amounts to be paid. XD I think my husband likes having me handle it so when we actually have to pay or buy something, everything's in order and we just sit down and write the checks together. He always asks me if he can purchase something or not. The only time he doesn't tell me that he's going to buy OR already bought something is when it's from me. LOL. It's also a very efficient way for us because with me having access to all of our accounts, I can do transactions for him when he can't get to a computer or a bank because he's busy at work.

[adiiann 163]

haha! We're the same way Just last night my husband asked me, "Do we need to do bills yet?" - all of our accounts are joint accounts and I'm the one who keeps track of everything. I have this white board where I write down all the due dates for bills and amounts to be paid. XD I think my husband likes having me handle it so when we actually have to pay or buy something, everything's in order and we just sit down and write the checks together. He always asks me if he can purchase something or not. The only time he doesn't tell me that he's going to buy OR already bought something is when it's from me. LOL. It's also a very efficient way for us because with me having access to all of our accounts, I can do transactions for him when he can't get to a computer or a bank because he's busy at work.

Yep! Same here! We love surprising each other, so the time when we didn't tell each other what we're going to buy if we bought gifts for each other. LoL.

I have spreadsheet for budget to make sure that we have savings every month. We don't have kids yet, but we started saving for them. I usually print a calendar for every month not just for dates for bills payment but also to track our schedules. My husband have big family and friends, it seems like every month there's an event that we have to attend.

[F & J 21]

Yep! Same here! We love surprising each other, so the time when we didn't tell each other what we're going to buy if we bought gifts for each other. LoL.

I have spreadsheet for budget to make sure that we have savings every month. We don't have kids yet, but we started saving for them. I usually print a calendar for every month not just for dates for bills payment but also to track our schedules. My husband have big family and friends, it seems like every month there's an event that we have to attend.

OOPS...I MEANT:

The only time he doesn't tell me that he's going to buy OR already bought something is when it's FOR me. LOL.

haha! I know what you mean! We have a huge calendar where I mark all the dates and write stuff in BIG block letters with a Sharpie. LOL. If my husband can't see something, he'll probably forget so everything has to be placed where he can see it easily (the white board is on the fridge, the calendar is right next to it). I have a Spreadsheet too but it's mostly just for myself (I did that before too, back in the Philippines - for myself, my mom and general family expenses - I used to keep track of my family's finances too). My hubby never bothers to look through letters, bank statements, etc. - if I want him to actually read something, I have to highlight it. I know he deals with a lot of paperwork at his job so I understand. It's fun for me because it gives me something to do, especially since I don't have a job yet (I just got notification yesterday that they've ordered card production for my EAD!!!).

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Anyway, I really hope the OP will be able to resolve things with his wife... I really feel bad that he thinks that way about Filipino culture

Edited March 10, 2010 by Fatima and Jim