VAWA for men????

[seco007 0]

First and foremost, I want to thank the people that are on this site for providing valuable advice, hopefully someday I will do the same for others but now I am in need of advice...

I am a foreigner married to a US Citizen. She and I have been together for two years (pics to prove it) and have been married for six months. She has a daughter (not mine) from previous relationship..I love her to death (daughter)!!! She will 3 on april 2010. My wife has always dealt with depression, we met when I was in grad school and I have since tried to help her as best I can. After we got married things got really bad. She became very abusive physiologically and threatened to kill herself among other things (jump outta of a moving vehicle, hurt herself, hurt our daughter, etc etc) She has been in therapy for five years now and has been on a number of drugs, currently we go to therapy together (lithium is what she is on now). long story short I cant deal with her threats and bipolar issues anymore..I am the foreigner...i am on my conditional green card as of Jan 06,2010....

1) She needed a car, so I bought her a used car..(nothing fancy something that would take her from point A to point B)

2) she got fired, I pay for EVERYTHING (unemployment has not kicked in yet)

3) all therapy bills and meds are outta pocket ..my pocket

4) I raise her daughter like my own (her real father is a jerk)

5) She got fired I bought her a laptop so she could look for job, no luck since,,,apparently facebook is more important

6) Everyday she calls me 50 times to make sure I have not left her( I have told her I would if she keeps abusing me or her child)

7) Police have been called by myself twice because she threatened to kill herself and me( I have reports) and 911 calls, I have not filed charges because she would lose custody over her daughter which I love

8) her parents love me and help me with her but they can only do so much...they are on my side(I work for free for her dad on weekends)

9) her daycare saw her mistreat her child and filed a complaint (verbal police warning)

10) She was involved in a civil lawsuit cause she ran over an old lady because she was angry and drives like a maniac..case was dismissed..she got of easy

11) when we argue she threatens to hurt herself and blame me..I shut up and take it.....I fear what this will do to her daughter....

I have proof of all of the above and i have searched the forums and I cant seem to find the answers to these questions..

1) If I file for VAWA , do i still get to work in the US???

2) Can I file for VAWA with proof that I have (police reports, daycare complaints, shrink and therapy sessions??

3) If I get divorced can i file for a restraining order (she comes to my work often ..to check up on me...) even though my immigration status is conditional???

4) I am not allowed to leave the house alone, not even the supermarket....can I have an escort with police...?????

5) how long for VAWA to come into effect??? I have read somewhere here it takes 15 months!!!

6) I have spoken to an immigration attorney (ironically the guy who filed my paperwork) and he is confident I will win..is he just saying that???

7) I have heard of having her baker acted...if so what implications will this have on my Green card????

8) any advice would help......thank you

I read the PART D section (on this website's FAQS)of a waiver based on extreme cruelty but I dont know if I can get one????

[3bvsla 1]

You don't have to file for VAWA since you already have you conditional GC. You need to apply for a waiver.

You can totally prove that your wife is crazy, but it doesn't make her abusive though.

Yes you can get a restraining order against her, your current immigration status is not important for that.

Yes, your immigration lawyer "just saying that", because he wants your money.

Not sure if police will escort you to a supermarket. Its not quite their job Get a bodyguard

[seco007 0]

You don't have to file for VAWA since you already have you conditional GC. You need to apply for a waiver.

You can totally prove that your wife is crazy, but it doesn't make her abusive though.

Yes you can get a restraining order against her, your current immigration status is not important for that.

Yes, your immigration lawyer "just saying that", because he wants your money.

Not sure if police will escort you to a supermarket. Its not quite their job Get a bodyguard

Ok can I apply for waiver?

She is abusive because:

a) she harrasses me constantly

b) keeps reminding me of my status and her power to take it away

c) has threatened my life as well as her own and my daughters

d) makes me do things I dont want (sex, )

e) she has hit me, thrown stuff at me and risked my life (took control of car while me driving.....)

If my lawyer is just saying that then would u recommend I get divorced and a waiver on a "good faith marriage" then instead of "extreme cruelty"???

I really do believe she is making my life a living hell on purpose , and I have tried everything to help her..it has only gotten worse cause now I stand up for myself and our daughter....

she told the shrink she hears voices (again I have proof.....) and that she has no control of her actions when she gets angry.....

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Ok can I apply for waiver?

She is abusive because:

c) has threatened my life as well as her own and my daughters

d) makes me do things I dont want (sex, )

e) she has hit me, thrown stuff at me and risked my life (took control of car while me driving.....)

If my lawyer is just saying that then would u recommend I get divorced and a waiver on a "good faith marriage" then instead of "extreme cruelty"???

I really do believe she is making my life a living hell on purpose , and I have tried everything to help her..it has only gotten worse cause now I stand up for myself and our daughter.... she told the shrink she hears voices (again I have proof.....) and that she has no control of her actions when she gets angry.....

What you're actually looking for is Removal of Conditions if you've already got your 2 year greencard.

Removal of conditions (ROC) is DUE in the 90 days before the 2 year anniversary of you getting your greencard (GC) so check your GC expiration date. You cannot file before this date (unless you are filing AFTER divorce).

You can remove conditions by yourself but you need a divorce decree, and you need proof the relationship was entered into in good faith. Read the I-751 instructions here: http://www.uscis.gov/files/form/i-751instr.pdf page 2 discusses the "good faith" things.

You can file for ROC as soon as you get the divorce decree (don't have to wait but it MUST be before the expiration of your GC). If you can't get the divorce decree before the expiration of your GC then you need to file as if you had the decree, and you will get an RFE for the divorce decree.

As for the "abuse" I have deleted the ones that aren't classified as abuse but they're irrelevant really to the ROC petition, but are relevant to divorce.. SHE can't have you deported but you CAN be deported by the US but you're safe as long as you have the evidence of "good faith" marriage.

First thing I see is as you have no legal standing with the child you cannot take the child with you BUT she seems to want to use the child against you SO, I would speak with her parents to let them know you're planning on filing divorce and that you are going to tell her on X day. This gives her parents time to speak to lawyers etc to make sure they can take guardianship of the child on the day that you're planning on telling her for the child's safety. Also, given your wife's mental condition I would speak with your counsellor/psychiatrist about what they think is necessary to stop her having a self-harming episode. It's obviously that she will not respond well to you divorcing her so for your own piece of mind I would speak with people about what sort of precautions you should be taking both for your safety and hers. You shouldn't feel guilty about this but as a good person it would probably bother you a lot if something happened (and she seems to know this and might out of spite hurt herself).

Before this (or after) you should start the divorce proceedings. The sooner the better as the sooner it's over and the sooner you get the decree you need for ROC. Your evidence of abuse might be good for the divorce proceedings as i know some states are "fault" states for divorce.

Start looking at somewhere safe you can stay. I would speak with the courts about a restraining order as well at the time of filing for divorce. Again your abuse evidence seems good for that.

It won't be easy or pleasant but it will mean that at the end of it all you will be able to be happy again. I wish you the best of luck.

Edited March 8, 2010 by Vanessa&Tony

[seco007 0]

What you're actually looking for is Removal of Conditions if you've already got your 2 year greencard.

Removal of conditions (ROC) is DUE in the 90 days before the 2 year anniversary of you getting your greencard (GC) so check your GC expiration date. You cannot file before this date (unless you are filing AFTER divorce).

You can remove conditions by yourself but you need a divorce decree, and you need proof the relationship was entered into in good faith. Read the I-751 instructions here: http://www.uscis.gov/files/form/i-751instr.pdf page 2 discusses the "good faith" things.

You can file for ROC as soon as you get the divorce decree (don't have to wait but it MUST be before the expiration of your GC). If you can't get the divorce decree before the expiration of your GC then you need to file as if you had the decree, and you will get an RFE for the divorce decree.

As for the "abuse" I have deleted the ones that aren't classified as abuse but they're irrelevant really to the ROC petition, but are relevant to divorce.. SHE can't have you deported but you CAN be deported by the US but you're safe as long as you have the evidence of "good faith" marriage.

First thing I see is as you have no legal standing with the child you cannot take the child with you BUT she seems to want to use the child against you SO, I would speak with her parents to let them know you're planning on filing divorce and that you are going to tell her on X day. This gives her parents time to speak to lawyers etc to make sure they can take guardianship of the child on the day that you're planning on telling her for the child's safety. Also, given your wife's mental condition I would speak with your counsellor/psychiatrist about what they think is necessary to stop her having a self-harming episode. It's obviously that she will not respond well to you divorcing her so for your own piece of mind I would speak with people about what sort of precautions you should be taking both for your safety and hers. You shouldn't feel guilty about this but as a good person it would probably bother you a lot if something happened (and she seems to know this and might out of spite hurt herself).

Before this (or after) you should start the divorce proceedings. The sooner the better as the sooner it's over and the sooner you get the decree you need for ROC. Your evidence of abuse might be good for the divorce proceedings as i know some states are "fault" states for divorce.

Start looking at somewhere safe you can stay. I would speak with the courts about a restraining order as well at the time of filing for divorce. Again your abuse evidence seems good for that.

It won't be easy or pleasant but it will mean that at the end of it all you will be able to be happy again. I wish you the best of luck.

@Vanessa&Tony:

Thank you very much, your advice cleared up some issues....

I hope that all the evidence I have is sufficient and that all goes well. I just did some research about the no fault divorce here in Florida (my state) and I don't need a reason to get divorced apparently. I knew that there is nothing that I could do about my daughter, but I wanted to get custody..I just know that she would be better of with me. I am looking into the restraining order and I will speak to an attorney tomorrow, hopefully I will have enough information to make a wiser decision. I know that there are a lot of scam artists and people seeking a GC through a sham marriage, but I feel so drained cause I really did try and make it work, I even second guessed myself once and thought it was all my fault while i was holding the police reports in my hand....!!!!!

I am just scared that if I don't get away from her soon something really bad will happen to me and I don't want to go through any more threats, screams, and police showing up at my door... I guess u never know who you marry till you live with them.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I knew that there is nothing that I could do about my daughter, but I wanted to get custody..I just know that she would be better of with me. I am looking into the restraining order and I will speak to an attorney tomorrow, hopefully I will have enough information to make a wiser decision. I know that there are a lot of scam artists and people seeking a GC through a sham marriage, but I feel so drained cause I really did try and make it work, I even second guessed myself once and thought it was all my fault while i was holding the police reports in my hand....!!!!!

I am just scared that if I don't get away from her soon something really bad will happen to me and I don't want to go through any more threats, screams, and police showing up at my door... I guess u never know who you marry till you live with them.

While I sympathise and you're obviously a good person, you have no legal rights towards the child. None whatsoever unless you have legally adopted the child and I sincerely doubt that she would allow that.

Honestly it sucks but what is important is getting the child somewhere safe. You might be able to testify on the grandparents behalf in their attempt to gain custody and the police records you have are good for that too.

My ex boyfriend has bipolar and it was awful. It's easy to think that something you did or said triggered an episode but the reality is that it doesn't always work that way. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells because of the fear.

Good luck tomorrow. Let us know how it goes!

[schatzi3277 6]

First and foremost, I want to thank the people that are on this site for providing valuable advice, hopefully someday I will do the same for others but now I am in need of advice...

I am a foreigner married to a US Citizen. She and I have been together for two years (pics to prove it) and have been married for six months. She has a daughter (not mine) from previous relationship..I love her to death (daughter)!!! She will 3 on april 2010. My wife has always dealt with depression, we met when I was in grad school and I have since tried to help her as best I can. After we got married things got really bad. She became very abusive physiologically and threatened to kill herself among other things (jump outta of a moving vehicle, hurt herself, hurt our daughter, etc etc) She has been in therapy for five years now and has been on a number of drugs, currently we go to therapy together (lithium is what she is on now). long story short I cant deal with her threats and bipolar issues anymore..I am the foreigner...i am on my conditional green card as of Jan 06,2010....

1) She needed a car, so I bought her a used car..(nothing fancy something that would take her from point A to point B)

2) she got fired, I pay for EVERYTHING (unemployment has not kicked in yet)

3) all therapy bills and meds are outta pocket ..my pocket

4) I raise her daughter like my own (her real father is a jerk)

5) She got fired I bought her a laptop so she could look for job, no luck since,,,apparently facebook is more important

6) Everyday she calls me 50 times to make sure I have not left her( I have told her I would if she keeps abusing me or her child)

7) Police have been called by myself twice because she threatened to kill herself and me( I have reports) and 911 calls, I have not filed charges because she would lose custody over her daughter which I love

8) her parents love me and help me with her but they can only do so much...they are on my side(I work for free for her dad on weekends)

9) her daycare saw her mistreat her child and filed a complaint (verbal police warning)

10) She was involved in a civil lawsuit cause she ran over an old lady because she was angry and drives like a maniac..case was dismissed..she got of easy

11) when we argue she threatens to hurt herself and blame me..I shut up and take it.....I fear what this will do to her daughter....

I have proof of all of the above and i have searched the forums and I cant seem to find the answers to these questions..

1) If I file for VAWA , do i still get to work in the US???

2) Can I file for VAWA with proof that I have (police reports, daycare complaints, shrink and therapy sessions??

3) If I get divorced can i file for a restraining order (she comes to my work often ..to check up on me...) even though my immigration status is conditional???

4) I am not allowed to leave the house alone, not even the supermarket....can I have an escort with police...?????

5) how long for VAWA to come into effect??? I have read somewhere here it takes 15 months!!!

6) I have spoken to an immigration attorney (ironically the guy who filed my paperwork) and he is confident I will win..is he just saying that???

7) I have heard of having her baker acted...if so what implications will this have on my Green card????

8) any advice would help......thank you

I read the PART D section (on this website's FAQS)of a waiver based on extreme cruelty but I dont know if I can get one????

I am so sorry t hear about what you are going through. I divorced my now ex husband because of a few of those reasons. He has depression, threats, loss of jobs, unfaithfulness, hitting, telling me he would take our daughter away, plenty of it. I know what you are going through. You said that she is on lithium, it made my exhusband even more aggressive. And i am sorry to say, th ecourt does not very often take children away from the mother . You must have evidence to prove everything you are saying and you still would not get her. Her biological father might want his rights, or her parents. Many things play into custody issues. Good luck with everything

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Just to clarify, there are three things which can be used as a basis to self-petition for removal of conditions (i.e., to petition without the cooperation of your spouse). These are divorce, abuse, and extreme hardship. It sounds like you have a good case for a waiver based on either divorce or abuse. VAWA doesn't really apply, since it's primarily for adjustment of status.

Both the abuse and divorce waivers will require proof that you married in good faith. The divorce waiver has a significant advantage that the only thing required to prove that you are divorced is a divorce decree, whereas the abuse waiver requires considerable evidence of the abuse. About the only advantage the abuse waiver has is that you don't actually have to be divorced in order to apply for it. In some circumstances, there may be an advantage to postponing the divorce until after you've secured your safety and immigration status. You can file for an abuse waiver from a safe distance, and without ever having to contact your spouse. This may be desirable, especially when dealing with an unstable or irrational spouse. In those circumstances, a divorce can take several years, even in a "no fault" divorce state. If you choose the divorce waiver in that case, your immigration status could be hanging in limbo while you wait out the divorce. If your spouse is vindictive, and knows you're waiting for the divorce decree to finish your removal of conditions, she could drag out the divorce process for a very long time.

It wouldn't hurt to discuss your options with a good immigration attorney.

[seco007 0]

@Vanessa&Tony:

Thank you very much, your advice cleared up some issues....

I hope that all the evidence I have is sufficient and that all goes well. I just did some research about the no fault divorce here in Florida (my state) and I don't need a reason to get divorced apparently. I knew that there is nothing that I could do about my daughter, but I wanted to get custody..I just know that she would be better of with me. I am looking into the restraining order and I will speak to an attorney tomorrow, hopefully I will have enough information to make a wiser decision. I know that there are a lot of scam artists and people seeking a GC through a sham marriage, but I feel so drained cause I really did try and make it work, I even second guessed myself once and thought it was all my fault while i was holding the police reports in my hand....!!!!!

I am just scared that if I don't get away from her soon something really bad will happen to me and I don't want to go through any more threats, screams, and police showing up at my door... I guess u never know who you marry till you live with them.

Well in a strange turn of events...my wife threatened to kill herself yet again yesterday and today march 9 she had a complete nervous breakdown in front of our shrink and she managed to get herself baker acted and sent to a psych institution by our shrink. She will be there for three days under observation. Hopefully she will be ok, i feel extremely bad for her, in fact so much so that I cried in front of the police not to take her (i am human and when they slapped the cuffs on her, boys did she freak out) ..anyway......we will see what happens now....lawyer tomorrow

[Old Dominion 26]

It's a sad situation, but under the circumstances, you need to act quickly to divorce her. That's step one; the second is to apply for ROC as a divorced person, and be prepared to prove that you married in good faith. In the meantime, get some counseling yourself to help reassure yourself that it's not all your fault, that you owe her nothing at all.

[purpleorchid 0]

First and foremost, I want to thank the people that are on this site for providing valuable advice, hopefully someday I will do the same for others but now I am in need of advice...

I am a foreigner married to a US Citizen. She and I have been together for two years (pics to prove it) and have been married for six months. She has a daughter (not mine) from previous relationship..I love her to death (daughter)!!! She will 3 on april 2010. My wife has always dealt with depression, we met when I was in grad school and I have since tried to help her as best I can. After we got married things got really bad. She became very abusive physiologically and threatened to kill herself among other things (jump outta of a moving vehicle, hurt herself, hurt our daughter, etc etc) She has been in therapy for five years now and has been on a number of drugs, currently we go to therapy together (lithium is what she is on now). long story short I cant deal with her threats and bipolar issues anymore..I am the foreigner...i am on my conditional green card as of Jan 06,2010....

1) She needed a car, so I bought her a used car..(nothing fancy something that would take her from point A to point B)

2) she got fired, I pay for EVERYTHING (unemployment has not kicked in yet)

3) all therapy bills and meds are outta pocket ..my pocket

4) I raise her daughter like my own (her real father is a jerk)

5) She got fired I bought her a laptop so she could look for job, no luck since,,,apparently facebook is more important

6) Everyday she calls me 50 times to make sure I have not left her( I have told her I would if she keeps abusing me or her child)

7) Police have been called by myself twice because she threatened to kill herself and me( I have reports) and 911 calls, I have not filed charges because she would lose custody over her daughter which I love

8) her parents love me and help me with her but they can only do so much...they are on my side(I work for free for her dad on weekends)

9) her daycare saw her mistreat her child and filed a complaint (verbal police warning)

10) She was involved in a civil lawsuit cause she ran over an old lady because she was angry and drives like a maniac..case was dismissed..she got of easy

11) when we argue she threatens to hurt herself and blame me..I shut up and take it.....I fear what this will do to her daughter....

I have proof of all of the above and i have searched the forums and I cant seem to find the answers to these questions..

1) If I file for VAWA , do i still get to work in the US???

2) Can I file for VAWA with proof that I have (police reports, daycare complaints, shrink and therapy sessions??

3) If I get divorced can i file for a restraining order (she comes to my work often ..to check up on me...) even though my immigration status is conditional???

4) I am not allowed to leave the house alone, not even the supermarket....can I have an escort with police...?????

5) how long for VAWA to come into effect??? I have read somewhere here it takes 15 months!!!

6) I have spoken to an immigration attorney (ironically the guy who filed my paperwork) and he is confident I will win..is he just saying that???

7) I have heard of having her baker acted...if so what implications will this have on my Green card????

8) any advice would help......thank you

I read the PART D section (on this website's FAQS)of a waiver based on extreme cruelty but I dont know if I can get one????

Sorry to hear about this. I told my husband your situation just now. He said your wife atcs exactly as his ex-wife who is sufferring from depression and bipolar 30 years ago.

I know that there was a new immigration law act was passed not so long ago, from which you are qualified to apply by yourself by "I-751 Waiver". All you need to do is to prove you do have a bonafide marriage. So, don't worry. Good luck.

[TBoneTX 45,957]

It's a sad situation, but under the circumstances, you need to act quickly to divorce her. That's step one; the second is to apply for ROC as a divorced person, and be prepared to prove that you married in good faith. In the meantime, get some counseling yourself to help reassure yourself that it's not all your fault, that you owe her nothing at all.

This answer is elegant and complete. Keep the faith, si man.

[candelari 0]

Mixing things is not going to help you...

Let's start with original question; you do NOT need VAWA. You will need ROC along the way one way or another. You are not abuse, you will need to prove you entered into good faith. I don't think what more proves good faith more than trying to get rights over your step daughter and all the help you are giving her.

You need a good (and nice) divorce lawyer. If your step daughter's father agrees to waive his parental rights because someone is ready to adopt her (this will relise him from child support and you will be liable if you can not get full custody of her) court will more likely grant you with adoption. If you get written statement (affirdavits) from grandparents that mother is not suitable for custody and also they testify during divorce, court also may grant you with full custody (you may need to sign for extensive visitation rights for the mother).

Otherwise no court will will take the child away from the biological parents. There might be some visitation rights for your situation but I am not a lawyer that's why you need a good and nice lawyer to lead you through. Court usually assign mother as primary care giver unless her parents testifies or there is a SIGNIFICANT abuse going on... If you don't want to go through with all these drama I don't blame you. Just collect your financial, common life evidence, prove your relationship was real and move on. Florida is one of the easiest place to get divorce; 20 days for uncontestant?

After you are done with divorce apply for ROC with waiver. Submit your evidences with one page of summary of your relationship. Expect to have an interview. USCIS is not looking for Abuse, drama, threat etc... Mainly they care about; is it Fraud or not? Did you enter into marriage with the sole purpose of gaining a green card or not? If you are confident you loved this women once, and believed you were going make a life together and you have a proof of that you are good to go....

Good Luck!!!!