Failed marriage, can't get her to agree to divorce

[clueless55 18]

Caution here. Put the cash under your mattress (or away from disclosure) if the intent is to keep it.

We are actually living hand to mouth, right now. Savings? I have none. It's frightening. SHE has savings, which mysteriously appeared in US accounts after we married.

[TBoneTX 45,918]

We are actually living hand to mouth, right now. Savings? I have none. It's frightening. SHE has savings, which mysteriously appeared in US accounts after we married.

Perhaps see if one of your relatives can loan you (you yourself) enough money to serve as a financial cushion while you establish your separate life, si man.

[besaangel 18]

Thanks, everybody.

To be honest, she's not bleeding me dry, financially....just emotionally.

The funny thing about 'doctors'. She happily goes to the local doctor with my health insurance which doesn't cover much, racks up $200 office visits, then comes home and complains the 'western doctor' doesn't know anything, and ignores his advice.

I should be home in a few days. Usually I find enough new reasons to end it...and do it when I have a head of steam up.

OH yeah, my state requires a one year separation before you file for divorce.

Thanks

IM SORRY BUT U DONT DESERVE THIS, NOONE DESERVES THIS...

[waiting4rana 1]

i was there been there and done that but I moved on i have filed 2 129 f in my life

Never leave her cash when you leave town, remember she could go in court and say you always left her without food or money so make sure its in the bank account and not cash as a judge will want YOU to prove every thing you say by your bank statments.

[Brad and Vika 129]

We are actually living hand to mouth, right now. Savings? I have none. It's frightening. SHE has savings, which mysteriously appeared in US accounts after we married.

You are in a pretty unique position for a guy. Make sure you have copies of her bank statements, and ask for a no-contest divorce, or you will be asking the judge for your 1/2 of the mystery money.

[candelari 0]

You are in a pretty unique position for a guy. Make sure you have copies of her bank statements, and ask for a no-contest divorce, or you will be asking the judge for your 1/2 of the mystery money.

You don't have to ... If she doesn't agree, you will hire a lawyer and send discover request. She has to answer correctly otherwise you will supena her bank records and that will be a way to revoke her green card (lying to the court is a felony and crimanal record is not a favorable thing in USCIS book during ROC period)

I suggest don't go down that road; threads, blackmails etc... Just file for divorce, then talk to her, tell her this is over and you want divorce and no more headhache. If you have a change of heart of course you can withdraw (I hope you won't)

If you talk to her before you file for divorce her friends may give some bad advices to her to place you in a bad place such as ripping of your bank account, calling police with false claim, emptying your apartment, moving her money to someone elses name to look like she never had it, getting into a huge debt to make you liable(at least half of it) for it, sending e-mails to her friends that you are abusing her etc... Once you filed it, what ever she does will be accounted as false accusation...

[Brad and Vika 129]

You don't have to ... If she doesn't agree, you will hire a lawyer and send discover request. She has to answer correctly otherwise you will supena her bank records and that will be a way to revoke her green card (lying to the court is a felony and crimanal record is not a favorable thing in USCIS book during ROC period)

I suggest don't go down that road; threads, blackmails etc... Just file for divorce, then talk to her, tell her this is over and you want divorce and no more headhache. If you have a change of heart of course you can withdraw (I hope you won't)

If you talk to her before you file for divorce her friends may give some bad advices to her to place you in a bad place such as ripping of your bank account, calling police with false claim, emptying your apartment, moving her money to someone elses name to look like she never had it, getting into a huge debt to make you liable(at least half of it) for it, sending e-mails to her friends that you are abusing her etc... Once you filed it, what ever she does will be accounted as false accusation...

My points above are all assuming that this is past talking about. It sounds like she has already decided what she wants to do, and her money is probably the only lever the OP has other than somehow blocking her from staying. Having dealt with clients going through this for years, and all kidding aside, the OP must think only of himself at this point. Naturally people want to spare each other pain and do right. In these situations it is necessary to pick one of several awful choices and go with it, the only right is the right choice for you. A discovery request won't save the account from being empty, and is really just a different kind of legal threat than negotiating for a quick uncontested divorce up front. SOme one who lied and committed fraud to get here won't think twice about lying to a judge either - I have seen many examples. Anything that keeps the OP on the hook a minute longer than necessary is not acceptable.

[Wantedtobelieve 4]

My points above are all assuming that this is past talking about. It sounds like she has already decided what she wants to do, and her money is probably the only lever the OP has other than somehow blocking her from staying. Having dealt with clients going through this for years, and all kidding aside, the OP must think only of himself at this point. Naturally people want to spare each other pain and do right. In these situations it is necessary to pick one of several awful choices and go with it, the only right is the right choice for you. A discovery request won't save the account from being empty, and is really just a different kind of legal threat than negotiating for a quick uncontested divorce up front. SOme one who lied and committed fraud to get here won't think twice about lying to a judge either - I have seen many examples. Anything that keeps the OP on the hook a minute longer than necessary is not acceptable.

Ok,so I am going to ask again. What if your ex hubby refuses to work and expects you to support him? How does that play into the agreement you signed about supporting the person for 10 years? Can they demand support if they are able-bodied and have quit jobs?

[Brad and Vika 129]

I have seen many post on vj that talk about the right to enforce the support agreement, but that the government seldom (or maybe never) DOES. I think the reason most frequently cited is that the enforcement is after the fact, for reimbursement. Just tough to do. I will defer to any one with actual experience though.

[justashooter 430]

Ok,so I am going to ask again. What if your ex hubby refuses to work and expects you to support him? How does that play into the agreement you signed about supporting the person for 10 years? Can they demand support if they are able-bodied and have quit jobs?

in a very few unusual divorce cases an immigrant has been able to extort support from their sponsoring spouse. though these are cited here occasionally, they are not representative of reality. in just about any circumstance, a divorce master will not order a spouse that has filed for divorce in a short term marriage from an able bodied person to provide support. support is reserved for those who have been in long term marriages involving sacrifice of opportunity in the interest of a family goal.

go ahead and divorce the #######. next time he leaves the house, throw his stuff on the porch and change the locks. file a divorce action the next day. he'll get hungry soon enough, and willl find work. if he hasn't removed conditions yet, he will prolly fail to do so, and become illegal. when he gets arrested for some petty stuff this will come to light, and he'll have even more trouble to deal with.

you are not responsible for supporting a lazy scammer. you have been used enough. stop the process now.

[pushbrk 13,066]

She may have given up a lot to come here, but she sure isn't trying very hard to make this marriage work.

No way in hell would I sponsor her for her 10 year green card. Frankly I'd divorce her and report her statements to this effect to ICE so she won't get the meal ticket she so obviously came here for (sorry to be frank but it sure seems to be the truth). Then you won't have to worry about the affidavit of support either.

If she wants a ten year green card, she can file for it herself when the divorce is final and get it. His I-864 will remain valid.

Sounds like it's time to simply contact a divorce attorney and cut the ties. The longer they remain together, the more she would be entitled to. She's got money, work authorization and a Chinese community of friends for support. She'll be fine.

[TracyTN 237]

If she wants a ten year green card, she can file for it herself when the divorce is final and get it. His I-864 will remain valid.

True - I just thought I read him saying that she was already talking to him about helping her remove conditions. But I could have easily misread it.

[clueless55 18]

True - I just thought I read him saying that she was already talking to him about helping her remove conditions. But I could have easily misread it.

She has the two year green card. She is such a dingbat, I don't think she is able to support herself here. I thought I understood her current situation is dependent on her staying married to me. No marriage, and she has no right to stay here unless she claims and proves abuse.

The funny thing is, she actually hits ME. Light slaps, but annoying.

[DanielParul 50]

What are you waiting for. Sometimes its good to become selfish and dump the other person and let them deal with their situation. You will do 2 things -

1. Save yourself a lot more trouble later and

2. Let her know that good people are not stupid and maybe teach her that she can't have her cake and eat it too.

Good luck.

[TBoneTX 45,918]

The funny thing is, she actually hits ME. Light slaps, but annoying.

The lowest acceptable standard is this: Upon any physical violence, the relationship is immediately & permanently over.