Obama to GOP: I Will Quit Smoking if You Will Quit Being Dicks

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

Obama to GOP: I Will Quit Smoking if You Will Quit Being Dicks

Republicans’ Habit Harder to Break, Experts Say

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – President Barack Obama today threw down a new gauntlet in the battle over healthcare reform, telling his Republican opponents, “Here’s the deal: I will quit smoking if you will quit being dicks.”

While most political observers expected the GOP leadership to reject the President’s offer out of hand, House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) suggested that he and other top Republicans would “take seriously” Mr. Obama’s challenge to cease their #######-like behavior.

“We want what’s best for the American people,” Rep. Boehner said. “If that means making a supreme sacrifice, which stopping being dicks definitely would be, we will certainly consider that.”

But according to Dr. Davis Logsdon, who studies addictive #######-like habits at the University of Minnesota Medical School, it may be easier for President Obama to quit smoking than for congressional Republicans to stop being such dicks.

“Dickiness is one of the most stubborn addictions out there,” he said. “Medical science has yet to invent an effective ####### patch.”

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[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

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[Susita 175]

“We want what’s best for the American people,” Rep. Boehner said. “If that means making a supreme sacrifice, which stopping being dicks definitely would be, we will certainly consider that.”

Oh how sweet. I feel all tingly inside.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

[scandal 951]

Tricky ####### Nixon must be rolling in his grave.

[Ban Hammer 13,346]

who cares if he stops smoking or not?

[spookyturtle 9,466]

who cares if he stops smoking or not?

I don't care if he smokes crack as long as he get the ball rolling.

[scandal 951]

I don't care if he smokes crack as long as he get the ball rolling.

Crack is fine. He better not smoke weed though. Bill posted a study showing that it will make him paranoid. He may start thinking the Republicans are out to get him.

[Ban Hammer 13,346]

I don't care if he smokes crack as long as he get the ball rolling.

some of the stuff coming out of this administration makes me think that is what is going on.

[spookyturtle 9,466]

some of the stuff coming out of this administration makes me think that is what is going on.

Then the Bush Administration must have been on acid.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

some of the stuff coming out of this administration makes me think that is what is going on.

If he had a silly grin on his face, and wouldn't stop talking jibberish, I might,...wait....I think you may be onto something..

Then the Bush Administration must have been on acid.

Nope. George W. snorted. That's what rich oil people do. Only community organizers smoke the pipe.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Crack is fine. He better not smoke weed though. Bill posted a study showing that it will make him paranoid. He may start thinking the Republicans are out to get him.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Smoke, smoke, smoke those cigarettes...puff, puff, puff until you smoke yourself to death.

[Susita 175]

Then the Bush Administration must have been on acid.

that was one messed up trip man, lasted 8 years.