25 year age difference....Older women marrying younger men

[Atencio 43]

This thread has been an interesting read. From my experience which may be colored by where I live and work I just don't see all the issues others describe about couples ages, ethnocenties, races, etc. My wife was concerned about what people would think if they saw me and her walking down the street and I tell her people will not even look twice.

[closed-20101014 3]

This thread has been an interesting read. From my experience which may be colored by where I live and work I just don't see all the issues others describe about couples ages, ethnocenties, races, etc. My wife was concerned about what people would think if they saw me and her walking down the street and I tell her people will not even look twice.

Sometimes it's very hard for me. People mock me often. Seerms to be endemic in UK culture and I really want gto leave. Just do anhything slightly different to anyone else, people will laugh and mock openly. They didn't do it in Japan, they didn't do it in the USA.

I have mentioned that the UK, especially where I live (North of England) has no open problem with dating somebody of 19-21. I've actually opened a thread on a very UK centric board asking people their opinion. No we've never been mocked for it. We'd know if people had a problem. they definitely would laugh and point.

People here are so extremely rude. Last night I went to a new roller rink in town. The rink closes late and there were no buses. I went to the taxi rank, they quoted half an hour wait. I was two miles from home. I desperately wanted to get bacvk fast before my husband in the US went to work. I own hockey skates built for street use with speed bearings, they go 5x faster than I can walk and with minimal effort com;pared to running.

I decided to skate home. I got laughed at and hollered at by everyone on the way home for the full two miles. Yes, I know somebody skating home is unusual. But worthy of ridicule? I don't really understand it. I don't understand my own country. I don't know what happened to it, it used to be better. I think people are just terribly bored here. There really is nothing gto do, and eating out is expensive. Driving is expensive. Everyone just drinks themselves into a stupor here. But no, they never once mocked my relationship with my husband. And he looks all of 16, to boot. And i'm 35, I do pass for mid 20s, but even so... yep the UK is much more lax in attitude to a person in their 20s dating a teenager.

[closed-20101014 3]

This stages of life thing, we don't really do stages of life where i live. The majority of people in my social bracket leave school at 16 and either go into a trade or they stay on benefits. The ones who work grow up fast. If they do particularly well with their savings they go on to uni later than people in the south of England. I didn't go. I know very few people who went, even the really smart kids who self taught themselves how to use computers. At least it isn't hard to get a job here without a degree, as so few have them. My parents wanted me gto go but they ruined my regard for education by forcing it down my throat, insisting on A grades. I won a scholarship to a good school at 11. By 18 I was about done with battling for the scholarships to go to places my working class parents could not afford. I'm not very mature. I grew up with a developmental disability. I grew a sense of anxiety about exams. 10 years ago I took an exam in japanese of my own volition, had a panic attack in the examination hall. LOts of people have said to me on so called advice forums that I am too immature to have a husband who is much younger. I don;t understand it. Then again I don't know. I battle a crippling condition and am in a good income bracket. Most peopler with my condition coupled with other mental issues are on benefits. I don;t really know how mature I am when you consdider all i've done with my life despite all the stuff I've had to face. It makes me very sad that I have tried to seek some help and reassurance and got shouted down. Mostly by Americans who use psychology that most of them seem to have swallowed commercially via TV programmes. I get told platitudes like "You have messy head space, no room for a younger partner." I'm sick of being judged.

[BellaChele68 4]

Hi cougar clubbies!!!

Update on Bella: HUBBY IS HERE IN THE US FINALLY!!!

He arrived in Chicago and went through immigration/customs at O'Hare on the 17th and everything has been fantastic since then. We had a couple of strange looks when we went to the Sears Tower (when the heck did they change the name to Willis-something-or-other) and were waiting in line to ride the elevator up to the top. Interestingly enough...they were from tourists that appeared to be international.... I don't know if it was our age difference, his nationality, his height or the combo-pak--but we both found it amusing.

I am pleased and surprised that we have had no weird looks, comments or derogatory remarks in KY and that so far everyone has appeared accepting, amiable and very friendly toward my hubby.

Interesting to me that people felt more comfortable voicing their opinion while I was alone and waiting for his arrival but now adore him when they meet him--I feel like saying "I FLIPPIN' TOLD YOU I MADE A GOOD CHOICE!!" LOL

Hugs to all and hope everyone is well in Cougarville.

Bella

[road417king 7]

Hi cougar clubbies!!!

Update on Bella: HUBBY IS HERE IN THE US FINALLY!!!

<deleted stuff>

Bella

Congratulations!

[And_Sam 44]

Hi cougar clubbies!!!

Update on Bella: HUBBY IS HERE IN THE US FINALLY!!!

He arrived in Chicago and went through immigration/customs at O'Hare on the 17th and everything has been fantastic since then. We had a couple of strange looks when we went to the Sears Tower (when the heck did they change the name to Willis-something-or-other) and were waiting in line to ride the elevator up to the top. Interestingly enough...they were from tourists that appeared to be international.... I don't know if it was our age difference, his nationality, his height or the combo-pak--but we both found it amusing.

I am pleased and surprised that we have had no weird looks, comments or derogatory remarks in KY and that so far everyone has appeared accepting, amiable and very friendly toward my hubby.

Interesting to me that people felt more comfortable voicing their opinion while I was alone and waiting for his arrival but now adore him when they meet him--I feel like saying "I FLIPPIN' TOLD YOU I MADE A GOOD CHOICE!!" LOL

Hugs to all and hope everyone is well in Cougarville.

Bella

Yay Bella!! :dance:

Congratulations!!

All is well in cougarville, FL!!

Hubby is here with me too and also EVERYBODY loves him too!! How funny they change their tunes once they see our SO here and how well you mesh with them...so age ISNT a factor, just how you act is!!!

Have fun!

Andrea

[BellaChele68 4]

Thanks Ladies! Glad cougarville FL is alive and kicking it up!

[carolynhotstuff 252]

Things are not so great here for me in Michigan. I have been married to my husband for a year and even though we are thousands of miles apart he makes me so happy but sometimes people can't stand to see you happy. They make remarks that try to put doubt in your mind. Like a so-called friend said to me that my husbands parents must have picked out another wife for him and after he gets his citizenship he will divorce me and marry her. They say things like he must be a terrorist and that's why he wants to come to this Country.

They say everything except he must really love me to give up his family and friends to come here to be with me. I have started fighting back by telling these people not to ever put my husband down again. If they can't say something nice about my husband then to keep their mouths shut. If it means I lose all my friends so be it.

When my husband gets here we will make new friends. People who accept and respect us. I am waiting for that day when he arrives here and we can touch each other again.

[BellaChele68 4]

I soooo don't understand why people would make such cruel remarks....I mean really--some people need to learn how to just keep their negativity to themselves instead of spewing it out on others without thinking.

Carolyn, you know your husband loves you and he knows it--that's all that matters.

Hugs Girl!!

[And_Sam 44]

Things are not so great here for me in Michigan. I have been married to my husband for a year and even though we are thousands of miles apart he makes me so happy but sometimes people can't stand to see you happy. They make remarks that try to put doubt in your mind. Like a so-called friend said to me that my husbands parents must have picked out another wife for him and after he gets his citizenship he will divorce me and marry her. They say things like he must be a terrorist and that's why he wants to come to this Country.

They say everything except he must really love me to give up his family and friends to come here to be with me. I have started fighting back by telling these people not to ever put my husband down again. If they can't say something nice about my husband then to keep their mouths shut. If it means I lose all my friends so be it.

When my husband gets here we will make new friends. People who accept and respect us. I am waiting for that day when he arrives here and we can touch each other again.

Keep your chin up Carolyn! It really surprised me with some of the comments that were made to me about my husband before he got here. And the sad thing about it, it came from close members in my family. I don't mean the stuff you normally hear from family about not wanting you to get your heart broke...etc.. I mean words that are malicious and sharp just to hurt you. Then I realized it was because of jealousy. Perhaps you ventured out of the box and did something that they would be too afraid to do? Hmmmm...

Anyways once your husband is here with you, you have the friends who come around just so they can ogle your husband and see for themselves.

Then you will have the friends that will come around you and your husband who will stand next to you and really be your friend and become good friends with your husband. Those are the ones that will surprise and delight you. The real meaning of "friends" comes out.

Always I keep in my mind that my husband gave up his whole life in Egypt to come and be with me because I am in the position right now that I cannot live in his country. Yes, his country may be poor, or even considered third world, but it still takes alot out of a person to give up their whole life just to be with the one they love.

[carolynhotstuff 252]

Thank you And_Sam and BellaChele68 for all your support. People try to blame me for their unkind words. They say I need to grow thicker skin or that I'm insecure in my relationship with Ahmed. That's bull they just need to shut-up and stop insulting me and my husband.

I have really found out who my friends are through this immigration process. I am thankful for that. I have been able to get rid of the people who were dead weight in my life. People who looked at my life with Ahmed like a soap opera waiting for me to complain that he was mistreating me. Those are the people that were dead weight.

It does take a lot out of a person to give up their whole life to come here to be with the one they love. Everything is so new and so strange. We are blessed to have such love in our lives.

[Dahlia 1]

Welcome to the club MPQ!

I'm so happy for you~~

I was worried about my husband's family and how they would feel about me also, but they have been so wonderful and welcomed me with open arms. Heck, they treat me better than my own family. LOL

I love a happy fairy-tale.

Women married to younger men should start a club...just to met once a year from VJ's experience....what do you think guys....

[utopia2004 2]

Things are not so great here for me in Michigan. I have been married to my husband for a year and even though we are thousands of miles apart he makes me so happy but sometimes people can't stand to see you happy. They make remarks that try to put doubt in your mind. Like a so-called friend said to me that my husbands parents must have picked out another wife for him and after he gets his citizenship he will divorce me and marry her. They say things like he must be a terrorist and that's why he wants to come to this Country.

They say everything except he must really love me to give up his family and friends to come here to be with me. I have started fighting back by telling these people not to ever put my husband down again. If they can't say something nice about my husband then to keep their mouths shut. If it means I lose all my friends so be it.

When my husband gets here we will make new friends. People who accept and respect us. I am waiting for that day when he arrives here and we can touch each other again.

wow new friends are on the cards! with friends like that who needs enemies? Don't suround yourself with their negativity.

Edited March 3, 2011 by utopia2004

[And_Sam 44]

Women married to younger men should start a club...just to met once a year from VJ's experience....what do you think guys....

I think that sounds good!

[raj1975 10]

I am over 20 years older than my husband. At first family and friends were very upset. They said he was just a kid at 21 years old. They said it wouldn't last. They said a lot of negative things. At first I was shocked that such a young man could be in love with me but I gave myself a chance to get to know him. I found he was mature, sweet, funny and all the other things I value in a man.

He introduced me to his family on the cam and that is when I finally felt free to love him in return. His mother and father agreed to our marriage. Now that we have been married 6 months everyone that matters is used to it and supports us. My husband doesn't miss a day ether talking to me on the phone or over the computer.

My Lawyer says I need to be at his interview not because of the age difference but because we got married after knowing each other for only 3 months.

you must be kidding right? how did that young guy marry a woman 25 years older than him? really? it is simply unbelievable from any angle for me, if the immigration officer believe your story then you are truly lucky.

and you are saying some lawyer is saying you have to be at the interview because you got married after knowing each other for 3 month? really? is this rule written somewhere? then everyone will follow it right? isn't it that simple?

isn't it nice if a "mere presence at the interview would solidify your case" and "a no presence would weaken your case"? i wish it was that simple but it isn't.

Edited March 5, 2011 by raj1975