25 year age difference....Older women marrying younger men

[carolynhotstuff 252]

You are right life is short and the pursuit of happiness should be explored. My ex-husband was 14 years older than me and I was so unhappy. He didn't want to talk to me. He didn't want to have sex. He didn't want to take me anywhere. After we got married he became a cold and distant person.

My Ahmed is so different. We talk for hours everyday and we have so much in common. When I first met him online all I could think about was the age difference but now I don't even notice it because he is so mature. I wanted to experience real love before I died and that real love has come to me from a younger man.

At first everybody said he just wanted me to get a Visa. My children were angry and upset and didn't want to see or talk to him on the cam but over time everyone's negative thinking has changed. He is a welcome member of the family now and my friends have never seen me so happy.

He saw something in me that no one else has ever seen. He was brave enough to defend his love for me to his family and friends. He got his parents to agree to our marriage. I am very blessed to have this young man as my husband.

[closed-20101014 3]

I'm going to be honest and say I'm incredibly doubtful of relationships where the wife is 1-4 years younger because thsat's so the norm, everyone does it and it's like it's programmed into your brain, like you are some sort of robot who can't see past this standard. How can you possibly be in love if you fall for that female 1-4 years younger than male, same race, same social bracket, same country, same town even god's sake... think how limited the number of people in your area that fit that AND have a personality yo can fall for, no wonder everyone who does this has to do the dating ritual to try out all the people that fit into that bracket, it's so cynical and hollow it about makes my brain switch off. I bet I can find somebody suited better for me out of the whole world, without being stuck on age ranges, than you can find in your small town. Those who do well in their small towns are just very lucky.

Hey if you can be judgemental against age gap relationships why can't I be judgemental of your mundane beep-boop I am a robot relationships. ESPECIALLY since 90% of the mundane beep boop crowd go for a woman a bit younger, I mean haven't we progressed past the whole "women must have a provider" mentality yet? Apparently not, just check out the birth deaths marriages section of your local paper.

[Minted7 3]

Hey there everybody! My husband and i have a little bit of a age difference. I'm 22 almost 23 and he is 31 ...(8yrs apart)...And I think he is the cutest, most adorable, smartest, caring, kindest person I know. He is my best friend and my everything and I wouldn't have it any other way. ......My parenst are 10yrs apart and they have the best relationship, they will be married 31 years in November. Age is nothing but a number

[Minted7 3]

Hey there everybody! My husband and i have a little bit of a age difference. I'm 22 almost 23 and he is 31 ...(8yrs apart)...And I think he is the cutest, most adorable, smartest, caring, kindest person I know. He is my best friend and my everything and I wouldn't have it any other way. ......My parenst are 10yrs apart and they have the best relationship, they will be married 31 years in November. Age is nothing but a number

[closed-20101014 3]

Seriously though I feel like posting about my automatic doubt of most mundane pairings that always fit the criteria followed by society in every thread ever posted on every forum where people are posting to say they got engaged, married, had a kid together. I feel like doing that because every time somebody posts about a relationship that does not fit that norm you get these "Are you sure they are not using you" and "you can't have the same types of interests" and "you are not at the same pklace in life" kind of posts.

Hey how do the "always fit an acceptable age bracket" types know that their spouse is not using them to please their parents/society, because they mioght be homosexual or social climbing or whatever, never hear about that with age gap relationships because nobody seeks a huge age gap to fit in, do they!

I always hear about the stage of life garbage too yet it never matters to the regular crowd does it that the vast majority of them STILL marry in older woman-younger man pairings where the man has likely progressed furthur in life than the woman. Hey, we're not all sporting a set of parents with the deep pockets to send us to uni either. Not everyone goes through that process, the northern working class of england for example - many if they go to uni go to uni late on their own savings. I'm pretty much at the same stage of life as my husband though I know a lot more about managing finances and the junk you have to go through re taxes and garbage like that, know about managing household income. Doesn't matter jack that he has less experience. How petty to assume you automatically have some resent for a person having less experience, that a marriage might fall apart for it.

[toma1 10]

I'm going to be honest and say I'm incredibly doubtful of relationships where the wife is 1-4 years younger because thsat's so the norm, everyone does it and it's like it's programmed into your brain, like you are some sort of robot who can't see past this standard. How can you possibly be in love if you fall for that female 1-4 years younger than male, same race, same social bracket, same country, same town even god's sake... think how limited the number of people in your area that fit that AND have a personality yo can fall for, no wonder everyone who does this has to do the dating ritual to try out all the people that fit into that bracket, it's so cynical and hollow it about makes my brain switch off. I bet I can find somebody suited better for me out of the whole world, without being stuck on age ranges, than you can find in your small town. Those who do well in their small towns are just very lucky.

Hey if you can be judgemental against age gap relationships why can't I be judgemental of your mundane beep-boop I am a robot relationships. ESPECIALLY since 90% of the mundane beep boop crowd go for a woman a bit younger, I mean haven't we progressed past the whole "women must have a provider" mentality yet? Apparently not, just check out the birth deaths marriages section of your local paper.

LOL...

<knocks chip off shoulder>

[closed-20101014 3]

LOL...

<knocks chip off shoulder>

Do you have any idea what it is like posting anything about your relationship in any forum anywhere, especially on one like this where we are supposed to be sticking together and helping each other through this process, and your relationship and the validity of it is always belittled? It's bad enough with US immigration questioning if our relationships are real without everyone on this advice forum chucking in their doubtful thoughts.

Do you realise the irony of saying I have a chip on my shoulder? The fsct you even need to point this out is tellingh, if you saw a person saying they did not think age gap relationships were valid, would you post telling them they have a chip on their shoulder?

I am merely trying to show you how ridiculous or hurtful this type of questioning can be.

[toma1 10]

Do you have any idea what it is like posting anything about your relationship in any forum anywhere, especially on one like this where we are supposed to be sticking together and helping each other through this process, and your relationship and the validity of it is always belittled? It's bad enough with US immigration questioning if our relationships are real without everyone on this advice forum chucking in their doubtful thoughts.

Do you realise the irony of saying I have a chip on my shoulder? The fsct you even need to point this out is tellingh, if you saw a person saying they did not think age gap relationships were valid, would you post telling them they have a chip on their shoulder?

I am merely trying to show you how ridiculous or hurtful this type of questioning can be.

Sheesh. Same age relationships are the most common kind, what kind of chip could they possibly have? This whole like of posts reminds me of certain groups of gays that call non-gay people breeders--apparently for the same reason you just gave above.

[closed-20101014 3]

Sheesh. Same age relationships are the most common kind, what kind of chip could they possibly have? This whole like of posts reminds me of certain groups of gays that call non-gay people breeders--apparently for the same reason you just gave above.

They have a chip on their shoulder against age gaps. Why do you think it is acceptable to show such disapproval towards others? There is a reason for the gays who call people breeders. Do you know what it is? They are persecuted so much they start to close rasnks and display the same behaviour right back. I am not saying it is right, what I am saying is thsat if you don't like being called a breeder, or a robot, or a mundane WHY ON EARTH are you passing the same kind of judgement on the people in non standard relationships? If you really are above the people calling you a breeder LEAVE THEM ALONE. There you go. Only then are you in any way better. And if they were left alone, there would be zero animosity from them towards you.

[toma1 10]

They have a chip on their shoulder against age gaps. Why do you think it is acceptable to show such disapproval towards others? There is a reason for the gays who call people breeders. Do you know what it is? They are persecuted so much they start to close rasnks and display the same behaviour right back. I am not saying it is right, what I am saying is thsat if you don't like being called a breeder, or a robot, or a mundane WHY ON EARTH are you passing the same kind of judgement on the people in non standard relationships? If you really are above the people calling you a breeder LEAVE THEM ALONE. There you go. Only then are you in any way better. And if they were left alone, there would be zero animosity from them towards you.

A person who has "a chip on his shoulder" is" angry because of something that happened in the past."

http://www.goenglish.com/achiponyourshoulder.asp

You have basically admitted that this is the case with you, right? You are angry about several things that happened to you in the past, so I did not misspeak.

So I ask you again, how could a young same age couple possibly have a chip on their shoulder about your relationship? I mean, assuming you don't normally go around posting passages like these.

I am in an age gap relationship myself, so I guess I have some right to speak on this subject. Honestly, I can't even remember anyone even giving us the evil eye, let alone saying anything, save once. It was a middle-aged woman, perhaps 45, at a party in the US. Honestly, it didn't bother me in the slightest and my wife didn't even notice it until I pointed it out, at which point she giggled. Actually, my wife was wearing a mini-skirt and boots on that day, so I actually cut the woman some slack because Ann probably did look toooo young. (Not that it was any of that woman's business, I agree, but still...)

Perhaps it has happened at other times and I never noticed. C'est la vie, eh?

[DanielParul 50]

Here's my $0.02. Its not about being judgemental of the age difference but we all know people change with time and their priorities and wants change. What I wanted in life when I was 20 is very different from what I want now. It also means the kind of people I was attracted to at 20 is very different from the kind of people I like now. If I had a serious relationship with a much older/ younger man back then, I know it would have been over a long time ago just because I would not find the same things appealing in him anymore including the age difference.

I am 5 years older than my hubby but both of us waited till we were grown up and mature enough to take this relationship seriously and make a commitment for life. Neither of us are 20-22 anymore and waaaaayyy past the 'cloud 9' stage, well settled adults. There was no charm of living in America for me but we did it because of his military commitment.

My point is, that it is possible to be in love with a younger or older person but the age difference does matter whether we think it does or not. As long as both people are at the same stage in life, not only blinded by the charm of moving here, cultural differences are not overpowering and the age gap is not big enough to make both peole feel like they belong to different generations, it can work.

[BellaChele68 4]

Shirorisu

I hear ya girl! I have been amazed at how people are so mean when they are frightened--and an older woman marrying a foreigner scares the p#$# out of people. I have always been very liberal minded so I was shocked and really devastated when I faced the reactions after landing from my first trip and marriage events in Pakistan. Blew me AWAY!

So yes, let it all out here and we're here to support you. YOU do not have a chip on your shoulder, you're going through a hard immigration process in a society that judges and ridicules. Anyone here posting a negative at my girls can be bop over to a different forum....thank you very much.

Hugs,

Bella

Do you have any idea what it is like posting anything about your relationship in any forum anywhere, especially on one like this where we are supposed to be sticking together and helping each other through this process, and your relationship and the validity of it is always belittled? It's bad enough with US immigration questioning if our relationships are real without everyone on this advice forum chucking in their doubtful thoughts.

Do you realise the irony of saying I have a chip on my shoulder? The fsct you even need to point this out is tellingh, if you saw a person saying they did not think age gap relationships were valid, would you post telling them they have a chip on their shoulder?

I am merely trying to show you how ridiculous or hurtful this type of questioning can be.

[closed-20101014 3]

Here's my $0.02. Its not about being judgemental of the age difference but we all know people change with time and their priorities and wants change. What I wanted in life when I was 20 is very different from what I want now. It also means the kind of people I was attracted to at 20 is very different from the kind of people I like now. If I had a serious relationship with a much older/ younger man back then, I know it would have been over a long time ago just because I would not find the same things appealing in him anymore including the age difference.

I am 5 years older than my hubby but both of us waited till we were grown up and mature enough to take this relationship seriously and make a commitment for life. Neither of us are 20-22 anymore and waaaaayyy past the 'cloud 9' stage, well settled adults. There was no charm of living in America for me but we did it because of his military commitment.

My point is, that it is possible to be in love with a younger or older person but the age difference does matter whether we think it does or not. As long as both people are at the same stage in life, not only blinded by the charm of moving here, cultural differences are not overpowering and the age gap is not big enough to make both peole feel like they belong to different generations, it can work.

But you're posting making implications that if you're 20-22 then it's not a good decision and it probably means you are simply enamoured with the idea of going to the USA. HOw do you think this makes people feel whose husband is 20-22? My husband is 22 and he is the US citizen. Not only was I not gthat enamoured with going to the USA, I had to give up a counbtry I loved because I would not have been able to sponsor his visa there.

I really wish age gap partners who are over that age 25 landmark that most americans seem to think constitutes an adult would stop doing this. I've experienced it myself on forums that are supposed to offer support. I don't experience it in my home country, where it seems to be considered that 18-21 is the landmark of becoming an adult and if you're 21 and don't act like one you're called immature. I don't experience it on non US internet forums. I do experience it on the wider, US populated internet in spades. Why is a 24 year old a child to many Americasns. They most certainly are not. They are 1/4 a cebntury old and to depress many... 1/3rd the way through their natural lifespan.

I hear this stages in life thing too, it confuses me. What does it even mean? Because as far as I am concerned any adult who is willing to settle and be faithful is a viable partner. I am working and my partner is in uni. I am having to wait for him to finish uni. I am scared to death of getting old while he finishes uni. I still can't see any better partner than him and would not pick and choose anhyone by their age or status in uni. I am willing to wait for him to finish but I'll be sure to be with him while he does.

When I was 15 years old I wanted more than anything to find a partner to settle down with.

When I was 20 I wanted the same thing.

I liked nerdy guys who liked computers and science. I still do.

When I was 20 I wanted more than anhything to live in Japan. It took me 8 years to get myself in a position of affording it. I had to come home 4 years later because I love my husband. at 35, I want more than anything to live in Japan with my husband. It's not really changed.

You are judging people based on your own situation. How you were at 20. I knew at 20 I wanred to settle down. My husband wanted to settle down, and has had several steady relationships since he was very young.

As for what you like in appearances changing, neither me nor my husband had any idea what the other looked like when we fell for each other over IRC then X-box Live chat. I can confidently state it would not have mattered whatever he looked like.

[toma1 10]

When I was 20 I wanted more than anhything to live in Japan. It took me 8 years to get myself in a position of affording it. I had to come home 4 years later because I love my husband. at 35, I want more than anything to live in Japan with my husband. It's not really changed.

Where are you originally from?

[carolynhotstuff 252]

My husband and I are at the same stage in life! We both want to feel loved. Men marry younger women all the time. Some do it for love and others do it because of their ego.

Sometimes we forget what the younger man has to face from society. He has really gone against the norm. He is made fun of by his family and friends. "Hey man, why would you marry a woman old enough to be your mother?". This is what my husband hears. He can face these people because he feels no shame only love and respect for me. He gets blasted by people because he not only married an older woman but a foreigner. There are millions of women in Pakistan yet he fell in love with me and he is paying a price for that.

My husband could care less about coming to America. The only reason he wants to come here is because of me. When he goes to the Embassy he has to sit there and be grilled and maybe even be made fun of by the CO. If the CO is rude he can't be rude back just sit there and answer very personal questions. My husband is a proud man and he is putting himself through all this Visa ####### because he loves me so very much.

He is giving up his family and everything he has ever known to come here and start over with me. This man has more courage then men twice his age. I have never been loved like this. I reach out with both hands for the love this young man offers me. Isn't that what this Visa journey is all about finding true love?