25 year age difference....Older women marrying younger men

[Canadiandggal 49]

Ok so I am bored and feel like jumping into this conversation, I am a 6 years younger then my husband which is a great thing because he is so much more mature then any guy i have ever dated. I was in a long term relationship before him that lasted for a few years and ending up going no where because the guy was immature booo lol. My husband is an amazing person, we all have flaws dont get me wrong lol.

Anyways to what I am getting to, I agree that love is not something you choose, it just happens however you can choose who you date.

I am not bashing, let me give you my experiences....

My Nana married my grandfather 2 years difference... married 17 years 2 Children married mostly happy then divorce,

My grand father marries his new wife 17 year age difference, they were married 20 years before he passed away, Greatest lady I have ever know.

My mom marries my dad(dad older) 7 years difference they have two kids (me & Brother) married 14 years, horrible marriage,

My mom meet my Step dad 10 years younger (mom older) They get married, married 5 years.

My mom meets her NEW current long term person he is 15 years younger, they have been together for 7 years now.

Point being, a age difference does matter sometimes due to immaturity, and other problems.

However Whether you know someone for years or just months, time will only tell the true outcome. Love is not based on a time line, if you work at your relationship and communicate, things will most likely work out. (based on a non fraud relationship)

Ok my two cents hehe

Cougars need lovings too

[toma1 10]

I read a sad post earlier from a couple petitioning out of Cairo and have read many stories of women married to younger men on VJ. I thought it would be a interesting to start a thread with our experiences.

Because I'm an "equal opportunity" poster, men who are older than their wives are more than welcome to post their experiences as well.

Has anyone had difficulty in their interviews because of age differences? Have you had unpleasant remarks directed to you by family and friends for falling in love with someone younger than you?

I am 19 years older than my husband, and we don't see the difference. We are on the same emotional, intellectual and spiritual level and absolutely adore each other. We're married for love, not a GC....but I've had several interesting comments directed my way since our marriage about our age difference and they came across as pretty judgmental. Do men married to younger women get the same snide remarks and judgment?

Looking forward to everyone's posts!

My wife is not as much younger as your husband (15 year difference), and we do *just barely* fall under the traditional formula for acceptable age differences (which I discovered somewhere is (your age / 2) + 7). But in any event, I haven't had any negative remarks (actually lots of positive ones) and my wife had one of the easiest times in the embassy that I've ever heard about. No issues from either family either.

[And_Sam 44]

Ok so I am bored and feel like jumping into this conversation, I am a 6 years younger then my husband which is a great thing because he is so much more mature then any guy i have ever dated. I was in a long term relationship before him that lasted for a few years and ending up going no where because the guy was immature booo lol. My husband is an amazing person, we all have flaws dont get me wrong lol.

Anyways to what I am getting to, I agree that love is not something you choose, it just happens however you can choose who you date.

I am not bashing, let me give you my experiences....

My Nana married my grandfather 2 years difference... married 17 years 2 Children married mostly happy then divorce,

My grand father marries his new wife 17 year age difference, they were married 20 years before he passed away, Greatest lady I have ever know.

My mom marries my dad(dad older) 7 years difference they have two kids (me & Brother) married 14 years, horrible marriage,

My mom meet my Step dad 10 years younger (mom older) They get married, married 5 years.

My mom meets her NEW current long term person he is 15 years younger, they have been together for 7 years now.

Point being, a age difference does matter sometimes due to immaturity, and other problems.

However Whether you know someone for years or just months, time will only tell the true outcome. Love is not based on a time line, if you work at your relationship and communicate, things will most likely work out. (based on a non fraud relationship)

Ok my two cents hehe

Cougars need lovings too

Well said!!

[atsleumas 3]

I'm 34 and my husband is 28. Not a big difference at all - but I still want to contribute to this thread and add my two cents on things!

I have met men 10 years younger than me with more gumption, more maturity and more heart than men TWICE their age. Some young bodies have "old" souls is what I am saying. If you found love - someone you can connect too and someone who loves you back- who gives a $hit what society says, what your mom says, what your neighbors say - their doubts and judgment is their way to justify their own mistakes and regrets in life. LOVE is love. And I dare anyone to come up with anything valid to dispute that.

My two cents.

[DebbyNSeyi 15]

Ok...here goes...I am 13 years older than my fiance. I am a white, Jewish New Yorker divorced with 3 kids. He is a black, Nigerian Christian, never married, no kids. On the surface, it would appear than we have absolutely NOTHING in common.

But....he is my soul mate. That basically sums it up. We are so different, yet so alike in the way we think, our values, not to mention that our personalities TOTALLY complement each other. He is the most amazing man I've ever, ever ever met in my whole life and we love each other very much. It's more than love though. We respect and really enjoy one another!

Of course, everyone has their opinion of us and usually it's critical. But they just don't know what we have. And I'm tired of explaining. If people read my posts, they'll see that we've hit a snag in trying to get him here. My friends and family keep asking me, "how long Debby? How long are you going to keep trying to get him here?" And my answer is always the same - until he's here - with me. Where he belongs.

The bottom line is this - until you know love, you can't understand that love is ageless and color-blind.

[And_Sam 44]

Ok...here goes...I am 13 years older than my fiance. I am a white, Jewish New Yorker divorced with 3 kids. He is a black, Nigerian Christian, never married, no kids. On the surface, it would appear than we have absolutely NOTHING in common.

But....he is my soul mate. That basically sums it up. We are so different, yet so alike in the way we think, our values, not to mention that our personalities TOTALLY complement each other. He is the most amazing man I've ever, ever ever met in my whole life and we love each other very much. It's more than love though. We respect and really enjoy one another!

Of course, everyone has their opinion of us and usually it's critical. But they just don't know what we have. And I'm tired of explaining. If people read my posts, they'll see that we've hit a snag in trying to get him here. My friends and family keep asking me, "how long Debby? How long are you going to keep trying to get him here?" And my answer is always the same - until he's here - with me. Where he belongs.

The bottom line is this - until you know love, you can't understand that love is ageless and color-blind.

Debby~

I know exactly what you feel! And I do too, get the comments and opinions. Now my husband will be here the end of next week, I'm not getting as many comments but of course they are saying, "when will we get to meet your hubby?" My answer is "oh when we can find time".

Good luck with your VJ with you SO and stay strong!

[sachinky 465]

And_Sam--Just wanted to wish you all the best. I'm glad you'll be reunited with your husband soon! So exciting -- congratulations!

[atsleumas 3]

Ok...here goes...I am 13 years older than my fiance. I am a white, Jewish New Yorker divorced with 3 kids. He is a black, Nigerian Christian, never married, no kids. On the surface, it would appear than we have absolutely NOTHING in common.

But....he is my soul mate. That basically sums it up. We are so different, yet so alike in the way we think, our values, not to mention that our personalities TOTALLY complement each other. He is the most amazing man I've ever, ever ever met in my whole life and we love each other very much. It's more than love though. We respect and really enjoy one another!

Of course, everyone has their opinion of us and usually it's critical. But they just don't know what we have. And I'm tired of explaining. If people read my posts, they'll see that we've hit a snag in trying to get him here. My friends and family keep asking me, "how long Debby? How long are you going to keep trying to get him here?" And my answer is always the same - until he's here - with me. Where he belongs.

The bottom line is this - until you know love, you can't understand that love is ageless and color-blind.

INSPIRATIONAL!!!!

Seems people will do whatever they can do to water down anothers happiness. Whether its questioning biracial relationships, the age difference, intentions of the foreign spouse ( a lot of us are all too familiar with the "is he/she just wanting a visa or do they really love you?") Bottom line is YOU found love and what others have to say about it is pure NOISE.

I came to a conclusion many moons ago, that its quite possible things WONT work out the way I want. Perhaps there will be no visa aquisition, maybe circumstances will change and maybe something will happen where this all just comes crashing down before me. I have no regrets. I gave it my all and will ride this thing till the wheels come off. When Im 80 years old, on my deathbed, I will have experienced one of the greatest gifts God has provided. That of unconditional love and my little personal quest to fulfill it.

[And_Sam 44]

And_Sam--Just wanted to wish you all the best. I'm glad you'll be reunited with your husband soon! So exciting -- congratulations!

Thanks Sach! I am so excited~

[waiting4rana 1]

Wow I break for lunch and I miss all the fun stuff! LOL

Edward, no insult taken.....and I'm only 19 years older than my husband. There is another women on VJ who is 25 years older than her husband and being in marketing I had to go for the shock factor to make sure the thread was read. And man, I ALWAYS lose at the lottery, so no thanks, not taking any chances there. LOL

No, no RFE's only a silly I-864 blip on our radar.

My husband and I are very lucky to have proceeded as we have so far...but it's still hard. One day is hard without someone you love, let alone six month....or 3 years like some of the couples on here.

Carolyn, we have SO much in common it's unreal! Thank you for validating that I'm not the only one going through some wonkiness on the US side of life. My husband and I didn't know each other for years either before we got married and some would consider it a short courtship.

John & Camie....you're too sweet to come to my rescue like that! Thx.

Keep the stories coming about the age differences....all countries....I think the "mature" wives club has begun.

oooh, Carlyn...one more thing...

I got the "he's only a young man why would he fall in love with you" comment also. I found that really insulting because I think I'm a wonderful person, not hard on the eyes and very lovable....so why wouldn't he fall in love with me? I'm certainly not perfect, but I'm not the Countess of Bathory either LOL

Hehe, get ready, sit down, i am 25 years older than my husband, no big deal, listen this age thing is way over rated and incidently its our business who we marry anyway right? That being said we have a wonderful love story we talked for over 2 years before i decided to go to pak and marry him, now we have been married over 2 years and continue to wait in this ap hell. I would like to point out that in my past i married a man 22 years older than me, unfortunately he died so now its reversed, no big deal, my husband and i feel noooo age difference and our love has grown so strong through all this painful process and his haveing a heart attack due to all the stress and yes it was directly related to the stress of this waiting. Anyway its nice to know there are others out there like us, carolyn is my good friend , we talk everyday and we will meet in june and sit on the beach sippin our margaritas and de- stress lol

[BellaChele68 4]

Hi ladies.....it's been a while since I've loggined into VJ. AP is crazy time with no paperwork to fill out, nothing but running to the e-mail everyday to see if there has been a notification and calling DOS every week to find out "you're still in processing."

ARGHHH

Anyhoo, just wanted to pop in and say hello to everyone and see how your cases are progressing. I know my buddy in Michigan has already gone through some hoops and they're not even at the interview stage. All my love C! Enjoy your trip to Florida with our other Cougar honey this summer....you both have been through so much, you deserve some relaxation and fun with the girls!

I love your post Canadiangal....Cougar genetics--who'd have guessed! You have a great lineage

[Married2009 32]

INSPIRATIONAL!!!!

Seems people will do whatever they can do to water down anothers happiness. Whether its questioning biracial relationships, the age difference, intentions of the foreign spouse ( a lot of us are all too familiar with the "is he/she just wanting a visa or do they really love you?") Bottom line is YOU found love and what others have to say about it is pure NOISE.

I came to a conclusion many moons ago, that its quite possible things WONT work out the way I want. Perhaps there will be no visa aquisition, maybe circumstances will change and maybe something will happen where this all just comes crashing down before me. I have no regrets. I gave it my all and will ride this thing till the wheels come off. When Im 80 years old, on my deathbed, I will have experienced one of the greatest gifts God has provided. That of unconditional love and my little personal quest to fulfill it.

Ats, that's probably the most profound thing I have read in a long, long time. And so true. Sometimes I think we need to be reminded of that. (I am only 3 years older than my husband, so the age difference doesn't really count.)

Edited May 13, 2010 by Married2009

[closed-20101014 3]

The red flags go up as soon as something out of the cultural norms occurs. Why aren't these men marrying women 20 years old from their own region/religion/culture? Why is it suddenly acceptable when marrying American women?

I would love to be proved wrong but one successful story out of fifteen horror stories isn't a statistic I want to bet on.

Frankly, if it were me, I'd be wondering what is this 20 year old wants from me. What is he getting from me that he can't get from an 18-year old?

What an awesome point

Here's another point for you and the naysayers.

If you can choose who you fall in love with, why not choose someone from your side of the world?

Why are you going through/have gone through the torture of immigration exactly?

What does that woman/man from an entirely different culture want from you?

Do you not think it's a HUGE RED FLAG that right against their cultural norms they marry somebody on the other side of the world (it's against anyone's cultural norms btw, long distance re;lationships are often advised against by many opinionated fools using the same logic you use against our relationships.

Why's it just men from third world countries who do this, you think?

God knows, is the US a third world country then? My 22 year old husband is after all, sponsoring my visa from there.

I wouldn't want to live in a third world country! Perhaps I'd better bring him to the UK instead!

[misswhy 0]

I am only 4 years older than my fiance but sometimes I feel like I am 30 years younger than him!! I feel like many men from over seas and especially the middle east have to grow up and take on much more responsibility at a younger age than their american counterparts. So when they meet a women who is 20 years older they can easily relate to them because even though they are only 25 they have been treated like a grown man for 10-15 years already so mentally they're like 35-40...so that 40-45 year old they are dating or married to does not seem old to them. Then people say well the women is past child bearing years and these men will want children...and my response is my mom didnt have me till 30 and my sister till 34 and when she was 45 the doctors told her she was still plenty healthy enough to have another child (she didnt have anymore)....but you read all the time about the 55 or 65 year old lady that had a healthy baby...while not the norm (yet) people are having children older and if a 25 year old man and a 45 year old women want to have a child it can be done!!!!! So I say good job and congrats to all those who found the loves of their lives even if there is a 25 year age gap..for now its just one more thing that makes their relationships unique and special!!!!

omg - i was just thinking that today. i think you have it exactly right.. at least that's the same feeling i have from my own experience. hope it's going well for you guys!

[misswhy 0]

Ok, Im going to go against the flow here. I think women or men who marry more than say 10 years younger than themselves are looking for trouble in the future. maybe the near future even, maybe a bit later. Especially if married within 1 or 2 years of meeting when you really dont know the person youre marrying as well as you need to!.

So in the honeymoon period of the first year its all about being in love and finding that special person, your soulmate who is all you want, isnt it. Age dosnt matter, romance is blooming and you just want to be together. We all know the divorce rate is high for couples close in age in america, how much more difficult for a couple where 2 or 5 or 10 years down the line the 15 or 20 or more year age difference is very apparent, ie you look old!! and the younger spouse is now integrated into the american( or other) culture and getting attention from men or women younger than themselves......divorce is easy in america isnt it...ok so love is not about the wrinkles and saggy areas that appear , I know that, but lets face it, if youre 20 years older than your spouse the risk is high that they will eventually be attracted to someone younger than them ie someone 25 or 30 years younger than you!!

I think its smart to take a longer term view before starting a relationship with a much younger person. i wouldnt do it for anything. My lady is 3 years younger than me and that suits me fine because, besides that fact we love each other and have been together for nearly 4 years I know she has that experience of life under her belt. People change with age, their desires and future priorities change. why take the risk that someone so much younger will feel like you do in 5 or 10 years.....

This is just my opinion. i know there are long term true love stories of marriages with large age differences....i just dont think theres very many....

I think we also have to evaluate the character of the person we choose to partner with as well. If this person is quick to exit because they are receiving attention from younger people - do we really want them anyway? I'd pack his bags for him, and tell the dude to kick rocks. I think it's unrealistic for the words "forever" and "always" to apply to any human relationship in the times we live in anyway - regardless of the ages of the parties involved.

One of my problems is that I've always attracted much younger guys due to my baby face, but of course I won't have it forever. However, I'm also interested in preserving it for as long as possible, and a little prevention and a good doc go a long way. Also, I have almost zero in common with guys my own age because 95% of them have already been married, have kids, exes, the usual baggage. I've had none of it, so I can't even relate. In some ways, I am just starting out like this younger guy since I was a late bloomer for just about everything. He hasn't experienced any of it either. So this idea of settling down is new for both of us.

But, back on topic.. I do think that there are a lot of variables that come into play here when it comes to relationships from mixed cultures or where there's an age gap. I don't think an age difference of 10-15 years is a huge challenge if the both participants are mentally compatible. But, as with any relationship or new endeavor, more often than not you're going to get what you put into it, and there will always be chance of failure. I'm at the point in my life where I'm feeling more and more like the worst risk I can take is none at all. Life is short and the pursuit of happiness should be explored - risk or no risk.