25 year age difference....Older women marrying younger men

[egypt lover 0]

iam 25 years old age diffrent between me and my wife she older than me and we really dont see this diffrence it was bad in first with my family but on her last visit i let her meet my family and every thing went great just iam afraid they make problems for us and hope any one have age diffrent and have his interview to help in the qustion and answers about the age god bless all

[BellaChele68 4]

Yeah, that's what I was thinking, about the cougars. Why is it so culturally acceptable if an American woman of a certain age marries/dates an American Man nearly half of that age? It doesn't seem fair to me. I know I am only 1 yr older than my husband, but my problem is that why does age matter? All those "Cradle Robber" comments and such. Why doesn't anyone care when older men love to ogle younger women. Women get the same sensation from younger men, right? And if you choose to be "exotically inclined" towards darker skinned men, or other nationalities, why is it suddenly all about green cards and visas? Even me being practically the same age as my hubby, my family still had comments like "Why can't you find someone from your own country?" or "He is just using you for a visa" or whatever. they felt the same way about my first husband who was 6 yrs older than me. My mom said "What does a 24 yr old man want with an 18 yr old girl?" well gee mom.... do I have to draw u a picture? Anyhow, we were married 7 yrs and had a kid together. I just have always been attracted to "exotic" men as my friends and family say. My first boyfriend was Lebanese/Egyptian, my ex was Bangladeshi and my current husband is Pakistani. I don't think age should matter no matter what because if it happened in the USA, no one would bat an eyelash anymore. But jsut cuz it takes place overseas, everyone has an opinion. They all wanna know "Why are these men looking for women online anyway?" well, cuz its culturally unacceptable in their countries to be alone or meet up with a woman or to even show outward/obvious interest in one. So, the internet is a safe way for them to get to know someone without overstepping their culture's boundaries. that's what happened to my husband. He said he always knew he didn't want to marry within his own culture because he felt that he wouldn't receive the same kind of love from an arranged marriage as he would if he found one for love. So.. i say good for you ladies for finding the man of your dreams. Anyone who says anything..... is just... plain.... JEALOUS! Ha!.. LoL. Good luck wiht your processes girls. I am still in AP.

~Tara

:dance: Well Said TARA~ You go girl!!! I love that you brought up the cultural issue in Pakistan and many middle eastern countries regarding the ban of dating and the men going online to meet someone. Spot on.

Sorry you're in AP...we're in the AP Blackhole right now also, hope everything gets processed for you soon!

[ally and moh 3]

I REALLY need to join this club! I am 40... Mo is 26.

Can't say that my family and friends have been really hard on me about the age difference. My dad and 20-year-old son have a few problems with his nationality, but it is getting better now that we have gotten married.

And my 17-year-old daughter showed me the website where we met... LOL!

The visa journey has been hard. We first applied for a K1. He went to his interview alone in Sept... thinking it would be ok. We had stacks of proof of our relationship (though I had only visited once because I had a new job), we spent hours online and on the phone, and in the beginning I hired an attorney... so all the papers were in order and we had no problems getting thru uscis.

The CO looked at one pic and told him I was too old for him!

She even asked him what he PAID me to bring him to the US! It was humiliating for him.

She would not look at anything else he had and said he wanted to marry me only for a visa... along with making a few insulting remarks to my state of West Virginia. She sent our case back to uscis.

In October, I was in Jordan and we were married and applying for the CR1. We felt it was out only choice. We love each other. We wanted to be married and didn't want to wait to see what they would do with the K1.

I called Jordan "home" for almost 2 months and then returned to WV.

I am now visiting for about 3 weeks again... and waiting our NOA2.

I don't know what to expect at the CR1 interview, but I know I will be at my husband's side!

[Tamara and Mehdi 0]

I am only 4 years older than my fiance but sometimes I feel like I am 30 years younger than him!! I feel like many men from over seas and especially the middle east have to grow up and take on much more responsibility at a younger age than their american counterparts. So when they meet a women who is 20 years older they can easily relate to them because even though they are only 25 they have been treated like a grown man for 10-15 years already so mentally they're like 35-40...so that 40-45 year old they are dating or married to does not seem old to them. Then people say well the women is past child bearing years and these men will want children...and my response is my mom didnt have me till 30 and my sister till 34 and when she was 45 the doctors told her she was still plenty healthy enough to have another child (she didnt have anymore)....but you read all the time about the 55 or 65 year old lady that had a healthy baby...while not the norm (yet) people are having children older and if a 25 year old man and a 45 year old women want to have a child it can be done!!!!! So I say good job and congrats to all those who found the loves of their lives even if there is a 25 year age gap..for now its just one more thing that makes their relationships unique and special!!!!

[Golden Gate 530]

I am only 4 years older than my fiance but sometimes I feel like I am 30 years younger than him!! I feel like many men from over seas and especially the middle east have to grow up and take on much more responsibility at a younger age than their american counterparts. So when they meet a women who is 20 years older they can easily relate to them because even though they are only 25 they have been treated like a grown man for 10-15 years already so mentally they're like 35-40...so that 40-45 year old they are dating or married to does not seem old to them. Then people say well the women is past child bearing years and these men will want children...and my response is my mom didnt have me till 30 and my sister till 34 and when she was 45 the doctors told her she was still plenty healthy enough to have another child (she didnt have anymore)....but you read all the time about the 55 or 65 year old lady that had a healthy baby...while not the norm (yet) people are having children older and if a 25 year old man and a 45 year old women want to have a child it can be done!!!!! So I say good job and congrats to all those who found the loves of their lives even if there is a 25 year age gap..for now its just one more thing that makes their relationships unique and special!!!!

Well said!

[BellaChele68 4]

Hi Tamara and Ally, welcome to the "club!" Thanks for posting your stories :-)

[Dot 0]

I'm a Puma robbing the craddle One day I will turn into a Cougar and continue to rob cradles. So I'm wondering if this will be an issue for me to bring my fiance over if he's like almost 2 years younger than me O_o"? Where do they draw the line? I saw someone's post saying even 5 years is red flag for the woman being older. Personally I think it's unfair.. , why is it such a big issue that woman is older?

Edited March 6, 2010 by Dot

[BellaChele68 4]

I'm a Puma robbing the craddle One day I will turn into a Cougar and continue to rob cradles. So I'm wondering if this will be an issue for me to bring my fiance over if he's like almost 2 years younger than me O_o"? Where do they draw the line? I saw someone's post saying even 5 years is red flag for the woman being older. Personally I think it's unfair.. , why is it such a big issue that woman is older?

Hi Dot, 2 years should really not be an issue at all. In fact, any age difference is not supposed to legally matter, but each country's consulate tends to follow their traditional values in making a judgment.

Good luck with your VISA process and I hope you have a very happy, long marriage!

[aishahossam 1]

hey everyone! finally a place where i can meet olderwomen with younger men yayyyy! my husband is 14 yrs younger than me, we been together 3 yrs now and were almost finished with nvc , thank god, whewwww! i dont see where an age difference should be an issue.people get crazy abotu this and it really is narrow mindness imo!i can be here in usa meet man my age and get treated bad, and actually thats the storry of my last marriage hehe, theres good and bad in all countrys and in all ages and all races, marriage is a risk wether your close to age, same age or big age difference, my mom and dad were married 20 yrs ,, perfect couple and now thier divorced so no one can read the future, imo if the couple can show goood evidence of a bonified marriage , criminal background is good, and all things like that check out then give him the visa or her the visa,, let these familys get together and be happy!no one can read whats inside a mind or heart,, except maybe the spouse, but how can a consulate or any stranger look at someone for 5 minutes and say wow your useing her!!! talk to them for 10 minutes and assume this?

we have been with our spouses for long time now, know them more than anyone probably so wouldnt we be able to consider this or not more than them??? sorry for the rant but at times its very sad to see and think how manyyyyy couples have been seperated because of someones opinion that they are useing them for visa and then deny them,anyways rant is over time to be nice goodluck to all on your journey and god be with you all!

[aishahossam 1]

:-)

Yes, my ex freaked out and said some pretty raunchy things to me as well about the age difference. I firmly had to tell him that my relationship is none of his business unless it negatively impacts our children. (Which this doesn't.) And that he had overstepped some serious boundaries with his comments. (then the wicked part of me told him my 21 year old husband was twice the man he was at 44)

(then the wicked part of me told him my 21 year old husband was twice the man he was at 44)

wow!!!!!!!!!!!! you burnt his a**!!!!!!!!!!!!!! heheheh

[Myopia 93]

(then the wicked part of me told him my 21 year old husband was twice the man he was at 44)

wow!!!!!!!!!!!! you burnt his a**!!!!!!!!!!!!!! heheheh

Im older than my husband and everyone around me is totally fine with it. To be honest, after my first relationship with my childrens father broke up, Ive always seemed to gravitate towards younger men(he was 10 years older). The funny thing is my husband has 2 brothers and they both are with older women(LOL) so it must be something in the blood. Good on all the women who have found love with a younger man. I dont have to spell out to any of you why this relationship can be more fun, fulfilling and interesting than what is considered to be a more "conventional" relationship.

Great thread.

[Allamericankiwi 14]

Ok, Im going to go against the flow here. I think women or men who marry more than say 10 years younger than themselves are looking for trouble in the future. maybe the near future even, maybe a bit later. Especially if married within 1 or 2 years of meeting when you really dont know the person youre marrying as well as you need to!.

So in the honeymoon period of the first year its all about being in love and finding that special person, your soulmate who is all you want, isnt it. Age dosnt matter, romance is blooming and you just want to be together. We all know the divorce rate is high for couples close in age in america, how much more difficult for a couple where 2 or 5 or 10 years down the line the 15 or 20 or more year age difference is very apparent, ie you look old!! and the younger spouse is now integrated into the american( or other) culture and getting attention from men or women younger than themselves......divorce is easy in america isnt it...ok so love is not about the wrinkles and saggy areas that appear , I know that, but lets face it, if youre 20 years older than your spouse the risk is high that they will eventually be attracted to someone younger than them ie someone 25 or 30 years younger than you!!

I think its smart to take a longer term view before starting a relationship with a much younger person. i wouldnt do it for anything. My lady is 3 years younger than me and that suits me fine because, besides that fact we love each other and have been together for nearly 4 years I know she has that experience of life under her belt. People change with age, their desires and future priorities change. why take the risk that someone so much younger will feel like you do in 5 or 10 years.....

This is just my opinion. i know there are long term true love stories of marriages with large age differences....i just dont think theres very many....

[JuneFirst 1]

Hey...

thought I would share our story.

I am 20, my husband is 46...we have a 26 year age difference.

I was 17 when we met, 18 when we became a couple.

I was a exchange student at a private christian school and he was . . . my hostdad.

So I guess you can probably imagine how everybody reacted.

By now people are staring to come around, some have been real supportive all along but it is still difficult.

We don't see or feel the age differnce, it is just totally normal and I love him more than anything.

We - of course- have worried about the future. Since I have MS chances are, he is gonna change my diapers before I will change his

At first all the looks etc were a little uncomfortable.By now we take it with humor. Start to super kiss when some old gumpy lady just keeps staring at us and stuff like that. "Let's give 'em a show baby"

People always stare at us - most of them though, because we are so happy together. They remember us as the "happy couple" and tell us how jealous they are.

Nobody expected our relationship to last - now people wish they had what we have.

That is what I call a sucess-story

Some guys still belive (and probably always will), that my husband just needs me for sex.

[ " A 20 year old? Dude, you are my new God!"]

But we do not care about that - we are so happy together and what does age really matter? It matters who you are.

And me and my husband are the perfect match.

I love him. Forever and always.

Edited March 27, 2010 by JuneFirst

[JuneFirst 1]

Ok, Im going to go against the flow here. I think women or men who marry more than say 10 years younger than themselves are looking for trouble in the future. maybe the near future even, maybe a bit later. Especially if married within 1 or 2 years of meeting when you really dont know the person youre marrying as well as you need to!.

So in the honeymoon period of the first year its all about being in love and finding that special person, your soulmate who is all you want, isnt it. Age dosnt matter, romance is blooming and you just want to be together. We all know the divorce rate is high for couples close in age in america, how much more difficult for a couple where 2 or 5 or 10 years down the line the 15 or 20 or more year age difference is very apparent, ie you look old!! and the younger spouse is now integrated into the american( or other) culture and getting attention from men or women younger than themselves......divorce is easy in america isnt it...ok so love is not about the wrinkles and saggy areas that appear , I know that, but lets face it, if youre 20 years older than your spouse the risk is high that they will eventually be attracted to someone younger than them ie someone 25 or 30 years younger than you!!

I think its smart to take a longer term view before starting a relationship with a much younger person. i wouldnt do it for anything. My lady is 3 years younger than me and that suits me fine because, besides that fact we love each other and have been together for nearly 4 years I know she has that experience of life under her belt. People change with age, their desires and future priorities change. why take the risk that someone so much younger will feel like you do in 5 or 10 years.....

This is just my opinion. i know there are long term true love stories of marriages with large age differences....i just dont think theres very many....

Because Love is not a choise. Love is a feeling. You cannot chose who you fall in love with.

[Wife of Mohammed 0]

I might as well throw in my 2 cents of opinion in...

I agree with the physical aging of the eldest spouse. Honestly, when I was in my 20's I would've totally turned away from anyone in their 30's+. It was just a gross thought of being with someone "old". I always thought 5 years was the largest age difference that was accepted easily in the norms of American culture. I know lots of couples are 20+, but that was back in the day of the baby boomers because they had "special circumstances"...which include the financial survival of a family.

I've also witnessed high school staff dating/marrying students that have graduated, and frankly it is odd and plain ol' wrong for my ethics. I have no kids, but I would be against it if I was a parent in that situation. So, its difficult to see it from the other side.

I've met lots of guys online wanting to marry me, some as young as 20, which was just odd. A 20 year old in the US would never think that about me, obviously our standards are different that other countires. A lot of my friends online and my husbands friends have also told me that they would marry just to get out of their country. Just be careful and take care of yourself. I also agree we cannot help who we fall in love with, some people are just more lovable than others...and unfortunately some use that to their advantage.

I wish everyone the best!