25 year age difference....Older women marrying younger men

[BellaChele68 4]

HeatDeath

The lack of respect I got was from friends and family members in the US, I never heard a negative comment in Pakistan and my husband had nothing disrespectful said to him at his interview. They merely asked if my children were comfortable with our relationship and age difference.

I'm sure there is fraud going on in every country for visas, however I truly believe that there is a large percentage of couples that truly love each other going through the process as well...and with the advent of the internet, international relationships have blossomed because of the access to social networking, chats and skype!

I'm sure the consulate is trying to protect the government and not me personally. If I get taken for a ride and end up in a dead-end relationship with someone they then become a potential government dependent. This isn't a negative belief...I completely understand the and support the process. I'm a patriot to the core, so I have no issues with the background checks, and time spent making sure we don't allow potential threats into our country. But just because I understand the delay doesn't mean it's any easier to be parted from my husband.

All the best!

Bella

It's not that you're being judged harshly by the consulate. It's your young husband who is being judged harshly. The reality is that the consulate believes (rightly or wrongly) that young men from that part of the world marrying older American women for a visa is a very common pattern of visa fraud. At heart, they are trying to protect you. (The lack of respect for you implied in their assumption that you are being conned, and are incapable of choosing your own best interests, is incidental.)

[UN-KNOWN 0]

Im Pakistan Citizen living in RIYADH for 20 years moved with my family in Saudi Arabia long ago so Me and my wife having 24 years Age difference and my family lovessssssssssss her everything is so kool we talk on phone many times every day & on internet either we got married after 1 year online Romance our case is in RIYADH US EMBASSY and they are being JERKS with our case and not responding any email or call and its over 4 months AP and at my interview they treated me like im a Terrorist i had so many proofs but they didn't wanted to look at them so now we are thinking to Transfer our visa case to Islamabad US EMBASSY we were going to do that before but some friend suggested go in Riyadh again but this AP and the way US EMBASSY treating in Riyadh we might Transfer it to Pakistan now. Plus in Pakistan i will have my wife with me on interview hopefully we will get Visa in Pakistan bcz after reading many post that US EMBASSY ISLAMABAD is more cooperative.So any suggestion will be appreciated plz pray for our Visa approval guys.

Thank you !

[And_Sam 44]

Welcome to the club MPQ!

I'm so happy for you~~

I was worried about my husband's family and how they would feel about me also, but they have been so wonderful and welcomed me with open arms. Heck, they treat me better than my own family. LOL

I love a happy fairy-tale.

Count me in the club too Bella! I'm in Cairo now with my husband. His interview was last Monday and according to the CO he was approved!! Now we are just waiting for his visa to show up. As far as being the "older" woman, that didn't even come up in the interview at all. I truly don't know if it was because we acted like a married couple or perhaps my husband looks older or I look younger. I don't think that age has anything to do with it. They just want to make sure it is a "Real" marriage!

And yes, my husband family has accepted me as their daughter/sister/aunt, and that is saying way more than what my parents feel about it!!

[SuperDuper! 230]

Of course not! In many ways women are judged more harshly than men, cultural issues

But women get it made up to them in the Family/Divorce Courts, where the men get raped and pillaged!

Edited February 27, 2010 by Hopp

[badmash007 3]

I'm happy for the women who found their partner. However, I'd be concerned if I were in their shoes to see if the marriage would last. You do not see a Pakistani man get married to an American woman who is 20 years younger than him. The large age difference cases always involve an American/Westerner being the older partner. While I don't want to rain on anyone's parade, it would be foolish to ignore the possibility that the younger person from the 3rd world country is only marrying for the opportunity to come to America. If that is the case, he/she (the younger person) will not stick around after he/she is here.

We all know numerous cases from 3rd world countries where sports teams went to developed countries for Olympics or Asian Games and, right after the games, half of the team failed to return, as they slipped to earn living as an illegal immigrant and send money back home.

I sincerely hope that both parties have honest intentions and that their marriage last forever and successfully.

[Christi and Ian 24]

I read a sad post earlier from a couple petitioning out of Cairo and have read many stories of women married to younger men on VJ. I thought it would be a interesting to start a thread with our experiences.

Because I'm an "equal opportunity" poster, men who are older than their wives are more than welcome to post their experiences as well.

Has anyone had difficulty in their interviews because of age differences? Have you had unpleasant remarks directed to you by family and friends for falling in love with someone younger than you?

I am 19 years older than my husband, and we don't see the difference. We are on the same emotional, intellectual and spiritual level and absolutely adore each other. We're married for love, not a GC....but I've had several interesting comments directed my way since our marriage about our age difference and they came across as pretty judgmental. Do men married to younger women get the same snide remarks and judgment?

Looking forward to everyone's posts!

Wow - I was feeling like a "stud-ess" because I'm 6 years older than my husband, but I am going to have to concede - you're the "stud-ess"!!

[Carmen & Jhon 0]

My fiancée is nine years older than me, but we have yet to receive our NOA2. We will be going through the embassy in Lima and hopefully our age difference is no problem.

[BellaChele68 4]

Im Pakistan Citizen living in RIYADH for 20 years moved with my family in Saudi Arabia long ago so Me and my wife having 24 years Age difference and my family lovessssssssssss her everything is so kool we talk on phone many times every day & on internet either we got married after 1 year online Romance our case is in RIYADH US EMBASSY and they are being JERKS with our case and not responding any email or call and its over 4 months AP and at my interview they treated me like im a Terrorist i had so many proofs but they didn't wanted to look at them so now we are thinking to Transfer our visa case to Islamabad US EMBASSY we were going to do that before but some friend suggested go in Riyadh again but this AP and the way US EMBASSY treating in Riyadh we might Transfer it to Pakistan now. Plus in Pakistan i will have my wife with me on interview hopefully we will get Visa in Pakistan bcz after reading many post that US EMBASSY ISLAMABAD is more cooperative.So any suggestion will be appreciated plz pray for our Visa approval guys.

Thank you !

Fiaz Bro! Thank you so much for posting on here. I thought of you guys also when considering starting this thread. Your journey is really frustrating, I know. I pray for you guys every night!!

[BellaChele68 4]

Wow - I was feeling like a "stud-ess" because I'm 6 years older than my husband, but I am going to have to concede - you're the "stud-ess"!!

Good morning!

Hey Christi! ...there are "stud-essier" women than me on here

Hopp...WOW, seriously? LOL you don't think some of us women have been destroyed financially in divorce court? It's the new age and everyone get's treated "equally" now. Let's dissolve some of these preconceived notions that are so negative.

And-Sam, it's nice to hear from you as well....and so glad to hear you were welcomed with open arms by your in-laws.

badmash....well I guess any marriage is risky. There are natives who marry natives in any country that use them for money, power, social status. It is a risk we all take and I think (or at least I hope) that some of us more experienced women were careful in our courtships to watch for any red flags or warning signs of this happening with our younger husbands. But like I said, marriage is a risk you take....and you take it because you connect with someone deeply on many levels and fall in love. I hope we all have happy endings as well.

[BellaChele68 4]

My fiancée is nine years older than me, but we have yet to receive our NOA2. We will be going through the embassy in Lima and hopefully our age difference is no problem.

Happy smooth journey to you Carmen, I hope your interview is fantastic. Is it unusual for a nine-year age difference in Peru? Like Pushbrk said earlier, it depends on the country's traditions and standards how the judge the age differences in couples.

Best of luck to you and please keep us posted!

We've been approved but are in AP so the waiting game has begun...and I'm praying there are no last-minute problems.

[venusfire503 54]

Well, I'm 'only' 11 years older than my husband.... heehee

The funniest thing was when my dad heard I was going for the second time. I guess he thought the first visit was just for curiosity. Anyway, he said "what are you going to do over there, change his diaper or something?"

My ex was the only one who said anything rude out loud to me.

This isn't about age, but I did have a friend who asked why I couldn't just find a nice American man to marry. I just said "well, you see how that worked out for me the first time" to shut her up - and it worked.

Peace

venusfire

[BellaChele68 4]

Well, I'm 'only' 11 years older than my husband.... heehee

The funniest thing was when my dad heard I was going for the second time. I guess he thought the first visit was just for curiosity. Anyway, he said "what are you going to do over there, change his diaper or something?"

My ex was the only one who said anything rude out loud to me.

This isn't about age, but I did have a friend who asked why I couldn't just find a nice American man to marry. I just said "well, you see how that worked out for me the first time" to shut her up - and it worked.

Peace

venusfire

:-)

Yes, my ex freaked out and said some pretty raunchy things to me as well about the age difference. I firmly had to tell him that my relationship is none of his business unless it negatively impacts our children. (Which this doesn't.) And that he had overstepped some serious boundaries with his comments. (then the wicked part of me told him my 21 year old husband was twice the man he was at 44)

[sara..... 371]

im not the elder in our relationship.........but i wanted to congratulate all that have been issued visa and give prayers for those that are waiting

sara

[RyannTanya 2]

I'm happy for the women who found their partner. However, I'd be concerned if I were in their shoes to see if the marriage would last. You do not see a Pakistani man get married to an American woman who is 20 years younger than him. The large age difference cases always involve an American/Westerner being the older partner. While I don't want to rain on anyone's parade, it would be foolish to ignore the possibility that the younger person from the 3rd world country is only marrying for the opportunity to come to America. If that is the case, he/she (the younger person) will not stick around after he/she is here.

We all know numerous cases from 3rd world countries where sports teams went to developed countries for Olympics or Asian Games and, right after the games, half of the team failed to return, as they slipped to earn living as an illegal immigrant and send money back home.

I sincerely hope that both parties have honest intentions and that their marriage last forever and successfully.

Well said to the point. It is always a possibility that person from the 3rd world country is marrying for the purpose of coming to America. But there are genuine people out there also.

[ZaheersShezadi 0]

Yeah, that's what I was thinking, about the cougars. Why is it so culturally acceptable if an American woman of a certain age marries/dates an American Man nearly half of that age? It doesn't seem fair to me. I know I am only 1 yr older than my husband, but my problem is that why does age matter? All those "Cradle Robber" comments and such. Why doesn't anyone care when older men love to ogle younger women. Women get the same sensation from younger men, right? And if you choose to be "exotically inclined" towards darker skinned men, or other nationalities, why is it suddenly all about green cards and visas? Even me being practically the same age as my hubby, my family still had comments like "Why can't you find someone from your own country?" or "He is just using you for a visa" or whatever. they felt the same way about my first husband who was 6 yrs older than me. My mom said "What does a 24 yr old man want with an 18 yr old girl?" well gee mom.... do I have to draw u a picture? Anyhow, we were married 7 yrs and had a kid together. I just have always been attracted to "exotic" men as my friends and family say. My first boyfriend was Lebanese/Egyptian, my ex was Bangladeshi and my current husband is Pakistani. I don't think age should matter no matter what because if it happened in the USA, no one would bat an eyelash anymore. But jsut cuz it takes place overseas, everyone has an opinion. They all wanna know "Why are these men looking for women online anyway?" well, cuz its culturally unacceptable in their countries to be alone or meet up with a woman or to even show outward/obvious interest in one. So, the internet is a safe way for them to get to know someone without overstepping their culture's boundaries. that's what happened to my husband. He said he always knew he didn't want to marry within his own culture because he felt that he wouldn't receive the same kind of love from an arranged marriage as he would if he found one for love. So.. i say good for you ladies for finding the man of your dreams. Anyone who says anything..... is just... plain.... JEALOUS! Ha!.. LoL. Good luck wiht your processes girls. I am still in AP.

~Tara