25 year age difference....Older women marrying younger men

[Dumb/Dumber 61]

I get crucified everytime I tell my story on VJ and at my job and with my family, but here goes. I am 29 years older than my husband. We are so perfect for each other. There is no way this man is using me for an American Visa. He wanted me to stay with him in Turkey. He was so happy the day we went to get my Turkey Resident Card. I lived with his family for six weeks in Turkey. I decided to come home because I could not get anything done on the visa application from there. Post office was always closed for one holiday or another. I could see that he was getting his hopes up that I would just stay there forever. My father is the only one in my family that approves of the relationship. My bosses do not want to hear about the relationship again. My children make me feel like a criminal. But the worse thing of all is that we have been waiting for NOA2 since early November. No matter what happens we will be together, but I would love for him to come here.

If anyone wants to crucify me again, believe me I am already full of holes.

:wub: :thumbs: (F) (F) (L) :crying:

[marjus's girl 6]

I get crucified everytime I tell my story on VJ and at my job and with my family, but here goes. I am 29 years older than my husband. We are so perfect for each other. There is no way this man is using me for an American Visa. He wanted me to stay with him in Turkey. He was so happy the day we went to get my Turkey Resident Card. I lived with his family for six weeks in Turkey. I decided to come home because I could not get anything done on the visa application from there. Post office was always closed for one holiday or another. I could see that he was getting his hopes up that I would just stay there forever. My father is the only one in my family that approves of the relationship. My bosses do not want to hear about the relationship again. My children make me feel like a criminal. But the worse thing of all is that we have been waiting for NOA2 since early November. No matter what happens we will be together, but I would love for him to come here.

If anyone wants to crucify me again, believe me I am already full of holes.

awww sweetie.. who cares what ppl think..if he loves you and you love him, that is all that matters..you will be the one's loving,living and enjoying one another no one else...i wish u all luck in the world.. :thumbs: and if ppl say to you he is using you for green card say well so what , he is making me happy now..and life is short;-)

[Dumb/Dumber 61]

awww sweetie.. who cares what ppl think..if he loves you and you love him, that is all that matters..you will be the one's loving,living and enjoying one another no one else...i wish u all luck in the world.. :thumbs: and if ppl say to you he is using you for green card say well so what , he is making me happy now..and life is short;-)

You are such a great moral builder for me. If you ever need anything, you just ask. I am here for you. And he loves me so much and we are hurting just like you guys are. I pray we get our NOA2's soon. Thank you sweet girl.

[marjus's girl 6]

You are such a great moral builder for me. If you ever need anything, you just ask. I am here for you. And he loves me so much and we are hurting just like you guys are. I pray we get our NOA2's soon. Thank you sweet girl.

thank you so much and if u do too im here also..i pray for you everynight:) u getting approved would make me as happy as if it was us:)

[XXXXXXYYYY 1]

I get crucified everytime I tell my story on VJ and at my job and with my family, but here goes. I am 29 years older than my husband. We are so perfect for each other. There is no way this man is using me for an American Visa. He wanted me to stay with him in Turkey. He was so happy the day we went to get my Turkey Resident Card. I lived with his family for six weeks in Turkey. I decided to come home because I could not get anything done on the visa application from there. Post office was always closed for one holiday or another. I could see that he was getting his hopes up that I would just stay there forever. My father is the only one in my family that approves of the relationship. My bosses do not want to hear about the relationship again. My children make me feel like a criminal. But the worse thing of all is that we have been waiting for NOA2 since early November. No matter what happens we will be together, but I would love for him to come here.

If anyone wants to crucify me again, believe me I am already full of holes.

HI..

First of all.. I read your reply and wanted to cry. My story is similar. I am 19 years older than my husband and i have no doubts he loves me and I have never felt love the way I do now. I miss him every minute of every day and feel as though my life just goes thru the motions until the day I can be with him again. I feel so empty.

We met in Nepal while on vacation, I went back to live and we got married. I lived there for 8 months and decided to come back to the states to work on the visa thing. So far, it has been smooth, and now just waiting to complete at the NVC and receive our interview date. I have every intention of being there for his interview, even though I won't be allowed in...and even though it will probably break me. (The plane ticket to Nepal is definitely not cheap right now.) We just had a short vacation in Thailand together because we had been apart for 4 months and no movement on the visa..but, while there, we were given the notice of the NOA2. It made leaving him a little bit easier knowing this may have an end in site.

I am scared to death. Scared that some other human holds our future in their hands and that they can deny us the right to live together in the US. I would stay in Nepal, but there is no way to make a living there. Even as a nurse, I only made $200.00 a month and we started a travel business there that he is running, but that is very slow and I am having to occasionally help out with his expenses there too. Which I gladly do as he is my husband.

My family is coming around. My youngest son (21) is excited that I have found someone that I love and that loves me and wrote a letter of support for him to come over. My other 2 children were not happy at first, but are coming around and are showing more support as they see how much I love him and believe in us. (They live in other states.)

I want to be prepared. If they deny us at the embassy..what can I do to keep it there? I plan on making an appointment and going in the day or 2 before his interview and I think I will even write my senators and congressman before I go.. in preparation.

I pray for your fast approval and I would love to stay in contact. NO ONE else can identify as to what we are going thru. The every day angst and longing. I had no intention of marrying someone 19 years younger than me, although, I have always dated younger men, but you can not help who you fall in love with. NONE of us should be denied this, especially because of age..or cultural norms.

I am grateful for this community as I have virtually cut myself off from everyone else in my life during this process. I miss my husband and best friend...even if some people believe that can't be possible with this much of an age difference.

[Dumb/Dumber 61]

HI..

First of all.. I read your reply and wanted to cry. My story is similar. I am 19 years older than my husband and i have no doubts he loves me and I have never felt love the way I do now. I miss him every minute of every day and feel as though my life just goes thru the motions until the day I can be with him again. I feel so empty.

We met in Nepal while on vacation, I went back to live and we got married. I lived there for 8 months and decided to come back to the states to work on the visa thing. So far, it has been smooth, and now just waiting to complete at the NVC and receive our interview date. I have every intention of being there for his interview, even though I won't be allowed in...and even though it will probably break me. (The plane ticket to Nepal is definitely not cheap right now.) We just had a short vacation in Thailand together because we had been apart for 4 months and no movement on the visa..but, while there, we were given the notice of the NOA2. It made leaving him a little bit easier knowing this may have an end in site.

I am scared to death. Scared that some other human holds our future in their hands and that they can deny us the right to live together in the US. I would stay in Nepal, but there is no way to make a living there. Even as a nurse, I only made $200.00 a month and we started a travel business there that he is running, but that is very slow and I am having to occasionally help out with his expenses there too. Which I gladly do as he is my husband.

My family is coming around. My youngest son (21) is excited that I have found someone that I love and that loves me and wrote a letter of support for him to come over. My other 2 children were not happy at first, but are coming around and are showing more support as they see how much I love him and believe in us. (They live in other states.)

I want to be prepared. If they deny us at the embassy..what can I do to keep it there? I plan on making an appointment and going in the day or 2 before his interview and I think I will even write my senators and congressman before I go.. in preparation.

I pray for your fast approval and I would love to stay in contact. NO ONE else can identify as to what we are going thru. The every day angst and longing. I had no intention of marrying someone 19 years younger than me, although, I have always dated younger men, but you can not help who you fall in love with. NONE of us should be denied this, especially because of age..or cultural norms.

I am grateful for this community as I have virtually cut myself off from everyone else in my life during this process. I miss my husband and best friend...even if some people believe that can't be possible with this much of an age difference.

I just now read your posts. Thank you so much for responding. I too have cut myself off from everyone but my father who has supported me through this entire process, but I have to be careful about getting him upset because he has heart problems. My daughter never calls me anymore. I used to go to her house at least once a month. She lives 5 hours away. But I have not done that at all this entire year. My son loves me, but I can not even mention my husband's name to him because his wife thinks my husband is a terrorist since he is from Turkey. So ridiculous. I ended up in the emergency room Friday because all of this is so stressful. Like you, I never dreamed I would marry anyone so young. If he did not love me so much, I would not be married to him. But like you, I have never felt so loved by anyone. I have watched him cry and go through so much pain when I start thinking he should leave me for someone younger. I keep promising him I will never do that to him again and then I get overwhelmed by this long process and start feeling like he deserves better and I hurt him again. But the truth is that if he does not get to come here, I am going to have to find a job someone else so we can be together. So sad because we could have such a wonderful life here. I know once my children meet him they will adore him like I do, but this seems to be never ending. Good LUCK to you too and keep in touch at goldforhope@aol.com

[alibaba16 2]

I'm all for age differences - I think if 2 people are compatible and enjoy their time together age shouldn't matter at all. The only thing I wonder about is children. Aren't you worried that the much younger husband will want children eventually? Especially when the men are from a society where having children is expected and important. This is the one thing I'd definitely be worried about - unless he already has children or can't have children, etc. Have all of you discussed this in depth with your husbands?? Are you trying for kids now?

[XXXXXXYYYY 1]

I'm all for age differences - I think if 2 people are compatible and enjoy their time together age shouldn't matter at all. The only thing I wonder about is children. Aren't you worried that the much younger husband will want children eventually? Especially when the men are from a society where having children is expected and important. This is the one thing I'd definitely be worried about - unless he already has children or can't have children, etc. Have all of you discussed this in depth with your husbands?? Are you trying for kids now?

Personally, I have worried about that so much... But, my husband keeps assuring me that he does not want children. I have told him many times, if he wants children, we should be doing it right now, but he has assured me that he does not want them. He has even gone so far as saying, if later we decide later we would like a child, maybe we can adopt one from his country that needs a good home. We have discussed this matter many, many times...and I do feel confident he is telling the truth, considering his life and background.

[And_Sam 44]

You ladies are inspiration of the meaning of true love! In this day and age, relationships will either bond more tightly or fall apart. There are so many obstacles that life throws at you, age is just somewhere in the mix.

How can one person say that age difference will make a relationship fall apart? What about the ones where the SO cannot adapt to the living in a foreign country? Or just realize that you married a psycho? We do not know until we are in that position.

I think a couple that knowingly goes into a relationship with an age difference (which I am 17 years older than my husband) all ready knows that and so it is one problem that had been addressed and will not cause an issue in the future. I know that when my husband and I have a disagreement, it's the usual married life things, like money or why the toilet seat is always up!!

I know me being at the interview with my husband helped the CO to see how we act together.

It's true also that you do learn who are your true friends once your SO is here too. Not just about the age difference, but also where your SO is from. Made me extremely surprised to see how narrow minded some people really were. We are talking well educated, well traveled people who has experienced other cultures. Family included.

I had trouble with my own family at first until they met my husband and realized that he wasn't going away and that we really do love each other. Heck my husband even won over my mom and I was completely shocked about that one!! That woman had disliked any male friend I ever introduced her to all my life!

[qwerty1974 11]

I am marrying a man twenty years older than me, so a little off topic. he says people may even judge That in the U.S, but then I AM 37 so old enough to know my own mind, not someone in their twenties who has yet to grow fully into themselves. I don't think I m alone when I say that I didn't really fully know what I wanted from life or who I wanted until I was at least twenty five (for that amongst other reasons my marriage at 21 broke up). But I have a very good friend who makes a point of only dating guys from holiday romances. She's 48 (but looks very good for it) and her youngest so far has been 28. Admittedly none of them seem to last once they are in the country but you know what she says 'Love IS a lottery anyway and at least I'm having fun in the meantime.' She doesn't care about the naysayers who tell her they look for older women because they are more grateful and willing to bring them over and ultimately that IS a very hurtful and nasty thing to say to anyone, older women are targeted for many reasons, and often so too are older men. I consider myself lucky that my fiance and I both come from privileged countries and so the thought that we are in a marriage of convenience (he gets youth/I get a better lifestyle and opportunities) will I hope never occur. Yes it's a big age difference but you cannot help who you fall in love with. Besides, I think this big an age difference once the youngest is in their thirties isn't SO much to write home about! When I look at my fiance, I simply see the man I love and I'd have loved him whether he lived here, me there, or both of us cast across opposing sides of the ocean. That said, I know for a fact that if I were from a struggling country or one not so privileged he'd not have been so ready to believe in the genuine nature of my feelings and certainly would have protected himself by not allowing or entertaining it to grow into a relationship....perhaps it's this same thought that motivates those more judgmental people. My friend has had to suffer the degradation of being pitied for her romancing younger foreign men, I think it's wholeheartedly unfair...if guys can do so (and lest face it, they understand the arrangements when they visit these sites) then why can't women, and why can't women genuinely actually fall in love too with younger men? Someday the world will even out from men being praised for such behaviour and women being ridiculed. After all, look at Demi moore and Ashton Kutcher and everybody said they wouldn't last but they have.

Edited December 12, 2011 by qwerty1974

[qwerty1974 11]

@santacruz I was so especially sorry to hear of your experience but also think you're very brave and right to share it with others who may soon be in the same circumstance. I have a friend who holidays to Turkey a lot and seems to bring a new young guy back each time. Of course they've all run after about two months but she laughs and says 'well hell, I got what I wanted..I m not stupid' and I suppose fair play to her, though I couldn't do it.

I know it is irritating how it seems one rule for men and another for women and hopefully that will change, but I think it goes beyond just sexism. For it to change our brains will have to rewire. At the moment, and historically, what attracts us to mates are certain precursors, for women being attracted to men it is primitively yet still true: someone who looks a good provider (age HELPS with this rather than hinders it) and for men it is youth, shape, scent and so on. This means that pretty pan culturally it is more believable that a women would genuinely fall for an older man and stick with him than a younger guy go for an older women. It does occur, and not to demean those relationships for the duration they DO last, they always seem to break down at some point, often leaving the women then with no chance of finding another mate to grow old with, whilst the guy has plenty of time to remarry, and plenty of options and can even pick up and have children if he wanted. I look at my older husband and see 'distinguished, sexy, refined' but when younger men look at older women they don't really see the same things as we do. A phrase often heard is 'wow, she looks good FOR HER AGE', not really Very flattering is it. I hope you guys have genuine partners but do listen to the experiences of santacruz and be prepared, as in any relationships, for the worst if it happens. Sadly men are more visually led than us and this seems a pretty steady psychological fact, maybe making their coupling with younger women seem a more natural matching, given this fact, whereas people see young men with older women and cannot fathom the reasons (women are usualoly more romantic than men so the 'tru love' thing doesn't leap into most minds when faced with men in their twenties). I personaly wouldn't allow myself to fall for someone younger from another country as i d be too worried of the likely risk, but i d never dare to tell my friend to do the same, and she seems happy enough with her life anyway. For those who judge, its a cruel and poitnless effort to do so. Let these women try and if it does fail, that'll be excruciating enough without a whole hoard of 'I told you so's' as a chorus line in the background.

Edited December 12, 2011 by qwerty1974

[toma1 10]

I wonder whatever happend to the OP on this thread?

She stopped posting here almost immediately after her husband arrived...

[JamieandJamie 3]

*bump* any of the pp's still here? just being nosey..

[Mrs. NSA 6]

I hate to assume, but I am thinkin things didnt go very good. We would like to know what happened to the OP?

[RobbyUSA 26]

problem with the age difference will come when you both become older. (chances are one of you will be alone for a long time)

but for now you should be okay.

best of luck!