I married a woman, not a country

[slim 1,525]

There was one mod on duty at the time on the whole board. He chose to hang out in this thread. You're preaching to the choir my friend, but the starting point is to remove moderators who act in bad faith.

That's not my starting point. My starting point is to avoid moderators all together and that's why I don't venture out of the RUB forum very often. When a mod chooses to hang out in here I do my best to avoid making them put their mod hat on.

99% of the time mods have stopped by our forum and kept the mod hat off choosing to post their thoughts, feelings, etc. along with the rest of us. Only when WE (as in you, mox, or one of the other couple guys in this forum who has reported poeple) violate TOS or get close to it do the mods don their mod hat.

I know you and charles! have other issues, but removing moderators from the RUB forum isn't going to be achieved by you and charles! going at it on a regular basis here in RUB. As for your personal quest to get charles! mod hat burned, I could care less. Good luck with that. Please don't do it here, and if at all possible, please try not to link any of your battles back here to the RUB forum.

If this is directed at me, I didn't do any crying. I knew my actions would result in a suspension (at the minimum), and I did it anyway. I've said as much.

This current time, yes, you didn't cry you only blatantly violated the TOS in attempt to become martyred. on that one, you achieved your goal.

As for the overall point of that and the ongoing feud between you and charles!, as I said, please take it elsewhere. Please do not involve mods in our everyday business here in the RUB forum.

[mox 298]

That's not my starting point. My starting point is to avoid moderators all together and that's why I don't venture out of the RUB forum very often. When a mod chooses to hang out in here I do my best to avoid making them put their mod hat on.

Strange thing to do for someone with such a strong Libertarian bent. When a mod chooses to hang out here, I don't do anything different unless they start first.

99% of the time mods have stopped by our forum and kept the mod hat off choosing to post their thoughts, feelings, etc. along with the rest of us. Only when WE (as in you, mox, or one of the other couple guys in this forum who has reported poeple) violate TOS or get close to it do the mods don their mod hat.

Not sure where you're getting this. I think I can count on one hand the number of people I've reported since I've been here.

I know you and charles! have other issues, but removing moderators from the RUB forum isn't going to be achieved by you and charles! going at it on a regular basis here in RUB. As for your personal quest to get charles! mod hat burned, I could care less. Good luck with that. Please don't do it here, and if at all possible, please try not to link any of your battles back here to the RUB forum.

Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to roll over when someone comes into this forum to start #######. Charles entered this thread with one goal in mind, and it was to stir #######. I don't go off into other forums looking to spar with him. It's only when he shows up here that we tangle. So you're preaching to the wrong person. You want it stopped, then see what you can do to get him to stop showing up to stir the #######.

There's always the option of blocking my and Charles' posts too, if this bothers you so much. As someone who's known you for awhile, I'm a little surprised that you're all of a sudden so sensitive, but you do have options.

[missmissy 38]

There was one mod on duty at the time on the whole board. He chose to hang out in this thread. You're preaching to the choir my friend, but the starting point is to remove moderators who act in bad faith.

If this is directed at me, I didn't do any crying. I knew my actions would result in a suspension (at the minimum), and I did it anyway. I've said as much.

YAY!! I'm glad you are back. Now I've got to go back and read everything that happened while I was gone.

[slim 1,525]

Charles! entered the thread and said it was getting close to getting shut down for TOS violations. Other than actually tpying out "stop violating the TOS or I will lock this thread" he didn't do anything to stir the pot until he was told to stfu and get out.

"Not doing anything different unless they start first" probably just summed up the whole problem.

[mox 298]

Charles! entered the thread and said it was getting close to getting shut down for TOS violations. Other than actually tpying out "stop violating the TOS or I will lock this thread" he didn't do anything to stir the pot until he was told to stfu and get out.

Except that nobody was violating the TOS, and Ewok said as much. Just because a moderator says the TOS is being violated doesn't mean that it is. So are you saying that when somebody in authority is wrong we should just sit back and take it?

Man oh man, where is Slim and what have you done with him? Of all people, I'd expect you to understand this.

[LvivLovers 39]

So let me get this straight. All this ruckus over a closed thread and when it gets re-opened it immediately dies on its own? Not so fast! Let's get this party started again!

So in my case...I married a woman and I didn't really care where she was from, but I'll be honest, I always thought RUB's were sexy as hell. I just thought they were outside of my reach. So although I did marry a woman and her country wasn't a factor, I embrace her country and culture. I'm crazy about her and the times I went to see her in Ukraine were some of the best times of my life as well as one of my biggest adventures. Because of that, I'll always have a special love for Ukraine and for her city Lviv. I'm trying to introduce her to my culture while at the same time learning about hers. For me, it's just part of caring about her and really being interested in her that makes me take an interest in what she's interested in so I don't have any problem with it. I'll occassionally watch her Ukrainian and Russian movies even though they are not my first choice because she always lights up when I do, and I have to admit some are pretty entertaining and well done although the technology usually seems pretty old. I'll listen to her music even though it all sounds the same to me. I'll continue taking her to the "Russian shop" so she can get the foods she really misses. So in short, I married the woman but I accepted that she comes with a country/culture.

[mox 298]

So in my case...I married a woman and I didn't really care where she was from, but I'll be honest, I always thought RUB's were sexy as hell. I just thought they were outside of my reach. So although I did marry a woman and her country wasn't a factor, I embrace her country and culture. I'm crazy about her and the times I went to see her in Ukraine were some of the best times of my life as well as one of my biggest adventures. Because of that, I'll always have a special love for Ukraine and for her city Lviv. I'm trying to introduce her to my culture while at the same time learning about hers. For me, it's just part of caring about her and really being interested in her that makes me take an interest in what she's interested in so I don't have any problem with it. I'll occassionally watch her Ukrainian and Russian movies even though they are not my first choice because she always lights up when I do, and I have to admit some are pretty entertaining and well done although the technology usually seems pretty old. I'll listen to her music even though it all sounds the same to me. I'll continue taking her to the "Russian shop" so she can get the foods she really misses. So in short, I married the woman but I accepted that she comes with a country/culture.

Could not have said this better myself!

Edited March 2, 2010 by mox

[AKguy 1]

So in my case...I married a woman and I didn't really care where she was from, but I'll be honest, I always thought RUB's were sexy as hell. I just thought they were outside of my reach. So although I did marry a woman and her country wasn't a factor, I embrace her country and culture. I'm crazy about her and the times I went to see her in Ukraine were some of the best times of my life as well as one of my biggest adventures. Because of that, I'll always have a special love for Ukraine and for her city Lviv. I'm trying to introduce her to my culture while at the same time learning about hers. For me, it's just part of caring about her and really being interested in her that makes me take an interest in what she's interested in so I don't have any problem with it. I'll occassionally watch her Ukrainian and Russian movies even though they are not my first choice because she always lights up when I do, and I have to admit some are pretty entertaining and well done although the technology usually seems pretty old. I'll listen to her music even though it all sounds the same to me. I'll continue taking her to the "Russian shop" so she can get the foods she really misses. So in short, I married the woman but I accepted that she comes with a country/culture.

That almost mirrors my feelings on the subject. I seemed predispositioned to finding a Russian gal by taking 2 years of Russian classes in Highschool. I didn't know about Russian women back then, and I also didn't know I was setting myself up to be attracted to them. And then that faitful day came when I found Anna. I saw her first and then heard her second. Hook, line and sinker. It's only felt natural to embrace her culture. I didn't marry her so I could become some type of wanna be Russian, I married HER for her, and the country baggage adds a mostly fun twist to everything. Like LL said, it's a great adventure. I'd have never gone to Russia on my own, but I'm so grateful I did. It's hard to get out of Alaska unless you plop down some serious cash, so I rarely visited any other states, let alone a different counrty. The farthest country I'd previously "visited" would be Canada... eh. And now some of my own best memories were born in Russia and the travels that took me there.

[visaveteran 1]

There is a world wide tradition, and what I see as almost a natural law, that women follow men. Wives follow husbands. There are exceptions in this age of pro-feminist men, but what is nature's "original instruction" is the woman follows the man. The man hunts the food, the woman follows the food.

In my marriage, my wife and I are in total congruity around this natural way of things. My wife followed me to America. I didn't pay extra to get lousy Russian broadcasts on the cable. I don't celebrate Russian holidays. I don't try to learn Russian. Part of the congruity between my wife and me is she is not happy with Russian life. She is a strong Russian critic. She knows for most folks it is a hard life to be in Russia.

My wife is musical and does sing Russian songs because that's all she knows...so I enjoy the music and where it came from is not important. The music itself is important. No meet to label it. I am not building a stone wall to keep out all things Russian, but I don't encourage anything we'd must label "Russian."

Because of the "total immersion" into American life, I judge my wife's adjustment has gone swiftly and she has let go of many things. Is it more cruel to ask her to do this, or to keep reminding her about her homeland and stir up nostalgia and sadness with what is gone.

I understand the honeymoon period, especially for you men waiting for fiancee visas. Maybe I went to Russia too many times to think of it as an adventure, and the honeymoon may be stronger and longer for younger men and women. I've been all over the world and I've come to hate travel. I certainly would put Russia far down my list of great adventures and memories beyond marriage.

What's ironic in this discussion is that I am one of a very few men who actually got married in Russia. So, isn't that interesting. All you Russia loving dudes force your women to come to YOU for marriage. You love all that Russian stuff, but you have your limits...right?

[Martyshk 137]

I'm marrying this girl for her and her only. It just happens that we share the same heritage, so for us, it's a no-brainer about "marrying" the country.

We both were born in the Soviet Union and it just happened that Ukraine became our country. I do not have any feeling of patriotism towards that country, but I respect that history and everything that had happened to it.

Also, yes, we'll be going to the Russian grocery stores, because even after 10 years I still do. US supermarkets just don't have certain things.

We'll speak Russian at home and teach Russian to our kids (they'll learn English anyway and it will be their native language no matter what we do).

So all in all, it's more like she's marrying America, to be honest hehe. But it's nice to have lots and lots of common ground in terms of your childhood and such.

[mox 298]

What's ironic in this discussion is that I am one of a very few men who actually got married in Russia. So, isn't that interesting. All you Russia loving dudes force your women to come to YOU for marriage. You love all that Russian stuff, but you have your limits...right?

I'm betting I speak for just about every married dude here when I say that not a single one of our wives were "forced" into anything. Did you "force" your wife to marry in Russia, or did she "force" you?

Edited March 2, 2010 by mox

[Martyshk 137]

I miss to see a point of why the location where marriage took place is important.... For us it was mostly about going the faster K-1 route (yeah, faster, riiiiiight). There was always a talk between CR-1 or K-1 depending on wait times. I decided that K-1 was faster, that's all there is to it.

[AKguy 1]

What's ironic in this discussion is that I am one of a very few men who actually got married in Russia. So, isn't that interesting. All you Russia loving dudes force your women to come to YOU for marriage. You love all that Russian stuff, but you have your limits...right?

Yeah, this is pretty far from our truth. I think, as you said, she followed me here. But for the benefit of her family and friends, we will also do a ceremony in Russia at some point in the future. We could have done just opposite actually, it's just the way our relationship developed.

[visaveteran 1]

I'm betting I speak for just about every married dude here when I say that not a single one of our wives were "forced" into anything. Did you "force" your wife to marry in Russia, or did she "force" you?

Oh, word games.

OK...you put the burden of travel for marriage on them and it took place in a non Russian environment unless you found an Orthodox Church. I see how powerful you all feel about Russian culture and tradition...except when it comes down to who has to give up their traditions for marriage. You denied them their local Russian marriage traditions. Probably to test drive her before you commit. How admirable. How heroic.

My wife married in the Russian way and her family was there. I think this speaks to how far I was willing to go to marry her. No need for the 90 day test drive.

[mox 298]

I also think there's a reality that we all understand but don't talk about much, which is that the visa is not a guarantee. If you marry and file CR1, and the visa is denied, what then? As much as I would have little problem living in Russia with my wife, the reality of the situation is that I don't speak the language well enough to function in Russian society, meaning working and supporting my family would be impossible. A denial (after exhausting appeals) would probably have meant the end of the road for us, and being already married would complicate that.