Deciding not to have child/ren

[slim 1,525]

but you still have to stay in practice.

I practiced today, actually. And this time, she was there too!

I was advised after my son was born that my health would be in serious danger if I had a second baby. What gets me though is how many people ask me - "When are you going to have another?"

These are the same, "well if god wants you to have another... he'll take care of you people." The fact that god had this doctor tell you something and they want you to ignore that.... well, that says something not only about their faith, but their sense of gullability.

It's like that joke about the old lady who died in Katrina because she sat on her rooftop for two weeks and ran out of food and fresh water then fell in the flood and died. She met God at the pearly gates and when she asked why she was there and why He hadn't taken care of her he replied, "well, after you ignored the neighbors, the boat and the helicopter I sent to rescue you, I figured you'd be better off up here than down there."

Faith doesn't always mean being dumb and "hoping" god will pull you through. If you're dumb enough to ignore all the numerous blessings you get like a doctor who says, "hey dummy, don't reproduce again" then you probably could die.

Try using that next time they ask. See how they like those apples. But, you'll probably just get a dumb look and a "but He will take care of you. Don't worry." Back to square one...

Plus, I'm Indian, and the thought of raising ABCDs (American born confused desis) steeped in cross-cultural identity-crisis is scary.

Why would your kids be ABCDs and not "Americans?"

[JSVP08 3]

I practiced today, actually. And this time, she was there too!

These are the same, "well if god wants you to have another... he'll take care of you people." The fact that god had this doctor tell you something and they want you to ignore that.... well, that says something not only about their faith, but their sense of gullability.

... do your part and God take care of the rest.

It's like that joke about the old lady who died in Katrina because she sat on her rooftop for two weeks and ran out of food and fresh water then fell in the flood and died. She met God at the pearly gates and when she asked why she was there and why He hadn't taken care of her he replied, "well, after you ignored the neighbors, the boat and the helicopter I sent to rescue you, I figured you'd be better off up here than down there."

Faith doesn't always mean being dumb and "hoping" god will pull you through. If you're dumb enough to ignore all the numerous blessings you get like a doctor who says, "hey dummy, don't reproduce again" then you probably could die.

Try using that next time they ask. See how they like those apples. But, you'll probably just get a dumb look and a "but He will take care of you. Don't worry." Back to square one...

Why would your kids be ABCDs and not "Americans?"

interesting.... i wonder too.

[sachinky 465]

Just because I'm Indian, 100% Indian, and so our kids would be at least half-Indian. Yes, they'd be Americans by birth (and through their Dad) but culturally they're going to have to deal with all the baggage that comes with having two very diverse cultural identities.

The reason I mentioned it is because I don't know too many well-adjusted second generation Indians growing up in America. I can only think of maybe, one girl. But then most of these kids do have two Indian immigrant parents so I don't know if its different if one parent is a natural born USC, a native, so to speak.

It's an odd thing to think about but I just threw it out there.

Edited August 16, 2010 by sachinky

[Nica_In_Love 98]

I don't really get offended when people ask me if we're going to have kids, or when are we going to have kids. As a matter of fact, a lot people react after asking me that question and then tell me "Never mind, you're only 23, enjoy your life first".

So yeah, for the moment my husband and I don't want kids, at least not for another 10 years. We would like to save some money, travel, and get to see the world, enjoy our marriage since we've been apart. But who knows, we can make plans, but we never know what the future holds.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I have found that when people pu ttheir nose where it doesn't belong the best response is...

"I am surprised you would ask another adult such a question."

I practiced today, actually. And this time, she was there too!

These are the same, "well if god wants you to have another... he'll take care of you people." The fact that god had this doctor tell you something and they want you to ignore that.... well, that says something not only about their faith, but their sense of gullability.

It's like that joke about the old lady who died in Katrina because she sat on her rooftop for two weeks and ran out of food and fresh water then fell in the flood and died. She met God at the pearly gates and when she asked why she was there and why He hadn't taken care of her he replied, "well, after you ignored the neighbors, the boat and the helicopter I sent to rescue you, I figured you'd be better off up here than down there."

Faith doesn't always mean being dumb and "hoping" god will pull you through. If you're dumb enough to ignore all the numerous blessings you get like a doctor who says, "hey dummy, don't reproduce again" then you probably could die.

Try using that next time they ask. See how they like those apples. But, you'll probably just get a dumb look and a "but He will take care of you. Don't worry." Back to square one...

Why would your kids be ABCDs and not "Americans?"

"We just have recreational sex" is another good answer.

[DEDixon 39]

It's an odd thing to think about but I just threw it out there.

i think you should stop thinking about it. it is as big an issue as YOU make it BTW.

[slim 1,525]

But then most of these kids do have two Indian immigrant parents so I don't know if its different if one parent is a natural born USC, a native, so to speak.

Kids born and raised here are going to be American, especially if one of their parents is American.

"We just have recreational sex" is another good answer.

That's a great answer, especially to the super-religious "you're supposed to have kids because it's god's will" folks.

[^_^ 5,021]

Why would your kids be ABCDs and not "Americans?"

I am what they call an ABCD. Except besides having two Indian immigrants for parents, I lived there for a few years too.

And honestly, I find the whole assumption by Indian immigrants that there is something "confused" about us deeply insulting. The truth is, they don't get it. In a way, they're the ones who are confused.

[Danno 1,228]

Q: Since so many people seem to be against having kids ... who do you think is going to be paying for your Social security when you are like 75 yrs old?

I think they should make SS payments based on the number of kids you have.

As it turns out, the only people in this country reproducing in healthy numbers are those most likely to be getting "Tax refunds" each year.

Just a thought as the system crashes.

[DEDixon 39]

Q: Since so many people seem to be against having kids ... who do you think is going to be paying for your Social security when you are like 75 yrs old?

I think they should make SS payments based on the number of kids you have.

As it turns out, the only people in this country reproducing in healthy numbers are those most likely to be getting "Tax refunds" each year.

Just a thought as the system crashes.

hey, don't run this thread into an SS discussion. keep it a kid-haten thread.

[Dan J 277]

Q: Since so many people seem to be against having kids ... who do you think is going to be paying for your Social security when you are like 75 yrs old?

I think they should make SS payments based on the number of kids you have.

As it turns out, the only people in this country reproducing in healthy numbers are those most likely to be getting "Tax refunds" each year.

Just a thought as the system crashes.

Thats something that happens to every developed country. Once people no longer need children to provide for their retirement, they have less of them. This is not a bad thing, however the transition into neutral population growth can be a little rocky if not managed correctly. Countries with tighter immigration policies are going to have more problems than those with more open polices.

Couples with children already get credits and deductions for having children and depending how much they make, it often results in paying no taxes overall.

[Danno 1,228]

Thats something that happens to every developed country. Once people no longer need children to provide for their retirement, they have less of them. This is not a bad thing, however the transition into neutral population growth can be a little rocky if not managed correctly. Countries with tighter immigration policies are going to have more problems than those with more open polices.

"A little rocky"

Wow talk about -Short term perspective.

Every living thing on earth is driven to survive and reproduce, those people that can't manage that simple plan will (in natures wisdom) be genetically culled by their own hands.

[SMR 368]

i think the answer depends on:

1. yer age

2. the other spouse's age

3. whatever socio-econonomic strata the two of you fit into

4. whatever socio-economic strata the two of you want to fit into, later

5. yer gender

if you are phils lass, and this heat is coming from your phils family - the easiest way out of the question (much less the answer), imo - is to have yer husband field all of these questions from YOUR family.

in general, though, if yer in the USA - I'd say something innocuous like this: 'We're saving up monies to have a baby. As soon as we have 20K in savings, we're going for it. Would you like to contribute to the fund? I take paypal and credit cards - what's yer email address for the paypal invoice ?'

Good Luck !

A fine response except for the amount. $20k? First, it isn't enough to raise a baby (if you don't have insurance it will barely get you out of the hospital) and it's not really so out of reach that someone who cared (a potential grandparent?) wouldn't write a check. What would you do then? Say $500k minimum and you'll be in better hands.

[sachinky 465]

i think you should stop thinking about it. it is as big an issue as YOU make it BTW.

Oh, I know it isn't. It was something that was on my mind the other day when I made the first post because my husband and I were talking about it. It's not like it'd be a deal-breaker, either way.

Edited August 16, 2010 by sachinky

[sachinky 465]

I am what they call an ABCD. Except besides having two Indian immigrants for parents, I lived there for a few years too.

And honestly, I find the whole assumption by Indian immigrants that there is something "confused" about us deeply insulting. The truth is, they don't get it. In a way, they're the ones who are confused.

Like I said before, I was merely drawing my opinions from the few Indian-American teenagers that I knew when I first came here. I've had several conversations with them about this and they did mention a few issues that they had -- I wouldn't call them 'confused,' per se, but I couldn't think of a term apart from 'ABCDs' -- and how they had to toe a certain line, in terms of roles, norms, and expectations that comes from having an Indian cultural background and them feeling naturally 'American.' So for them it was a bit of 'tussle' -- to use how one guy described it. They didn't seem like big issues, in general, but nominal stuff like dating and having boyfriends, grades etc.