USC Hubby abandoned us (again) - CR-1 Visa and CRBA Approved

[john_and_marlene 162]

Kudos to those who were able to provide answers to the questions without judgement.

For those who felt the need to question motives or offerred judgements I have pity.

[Sayha or bust. 71]

I read your post and it saddens me what the petioners done to your life. How could anyone go across the world, make false promises to you. This man will never be happy and will pay a hundred times his misdeeds. I pray for success to you wherever your life takes you.

We are what we think.

All that we are arises with our thoughts.

With our thoughts, we make our world.

Buddha

[Scott and Mhay 57]

Because her chances of being able to move on properly are much better here in the US. Unfortunately there is so much negative stereotype about single moms (regardless of if the baby was result of marriage or not) and potential to make sufficient income to provide well for the child on her own would be 2 reasons I can think of.

The kid is a US Citizen, sounds like Daddy doesn't care about it at all. Try to enforce Child Support order in the US from the Philippines (or even get one for that matter). Her and the child will be better off here, meaning no disrespect to the Philippines...

Finally, knowing what I do of Pinay wives (well the good ones anyway) I would bet there is a corner of her heart that would try to fix the marriage given half a chance and she could be hoping that her arrival in the US would be that half of a chance.

My thoughts exactly....if nothing else she can get a child support order in the divorce if she goes that route with him. It's guys like this that give Americans a bad name or stereotype.

[his_sunshine 0]

First of all, my many thanks to everyone for answering my questions to the best of your knowledge.

Secondly, I didn't think I needed to explain my motive/s in pursuing the GC but it's not pretty to be accused (or assumed) to have lied. But to give that person/s the benefit of the doubt, maybe I have left out a confusing, but very important detail. While I did write that my (ex) hubby has informed me he wanted out of the marriage, for some reason or another, two weeks later, he decided he wanted me to get the GC and come to the US with his daughter. Hence, he sent me his updated letter of employment and a couple of recent payslips to bring with me to the interview (which, btw, weren't asked by the Consul). I would not have lied under oath during the interview. I have too much at stake to do that. I have a daughter who is a USC, and if I am banned from coming to the US, I don't think that's going to be good for both of us. And also, I wasn't asked how the marriage is. All I know is, I STILL DO possess all the requirements needed to be granted the Spouse Visa.

To the one who asked how I got the CRBA for my daughter, we have been married for almost 4 years, and in those 4 years, he has taken 9 trips to the Philippines, and one of which trips, got me pregnant. It was not difficult to get evidences of paternity. After all, we ARE married, and DNA tests are mostly only required if the baby is born out of wedlock. And also, I was able to apply for it, by myself, because my (ex) hubby has signed a NOTARIZED consent form authorizing me to apply for his daughter's passport, hence his signature wasn't needed. More than that, when the USEM told me, they need to see the Original passport of the USC, my (ex) hubby sent it to me in the mail for me to submit.

My (ex) hubby promised me he will file for a divorce, like he promised me the world and back, but I know he wouldn't, I used to think the first time he abandoned us that he didnt file for a divorce because he still loves me, and just made a mistake (hence I took him back, gave him another chance - even paying for the plane ticket because he was out of work) but this second time, I know for sure it's not because of that. Love doesn't do this to family. My eyes are wide open now and know that he wouldnt' file for a divorce because he does not want to pay mandatory child support. So you question my motive??? Like I committed a sham marriage??? If I only wanted a GC, I would not have married here, in a country where I cannot divorce him! I would not have let him file for a CR-1, but filed for a Fiance visa instead, so I am in the US quickly. I would not have gotten pregnant and gave birth here, and risk the chances of my daughter not being recognized as his own.

I am hurt, and I am angry. I have given everything I got to this man, who has up and left me while I was giving birth to his own daughter, who has gotten another woman pregnant while still married to me, who has not only cheated on me and abandoned me once, but twice - who does not have any value, nor respect for me and his daughter. So if he tells me, "hey, i'll help you through the process if you still want to get here", like it's the only consolation I got for wasting my 5 years dreaming, living for this man who I thought loved me the way I loved him...and I take it, does that make me a bad person?? If only to come to the US to be able to divorce him AND make the divorce valid here in the Philippines. If only to, maybe, make a new beginning for me and my daughter???

But I digress, and so, to continue...to the one wondering where I will be staying in the US, if I have family there, the answer is I have none, but ironically, my (ex) hubby's mom, my (ex) mother-in-law, asked me to stay with her. Obviously, she does not agree with what her son did. His brother also asked me to stay with his family, but I declined and opted to stay with my (ex) cousin. Ironically, his family (still) loves me and has not abandoned me and our daughter.

To everyone else who has dropped a kind thought, a positive affirmation, and well wishes, thank you very much. I need all the prayers I can get. In all these times of struggle, I was blessed with people who had helped me get through it along the way. And I am praying for more of those people in my life.

Peace and Love to everyone.

[Donna A 4]

i just have one thing to say. how do you plan on supporting your daughter when you get here. jobs are hard to find. you cant live of the ex's family forever and since you ex already has another child your child support will not be that much. are you sure you really want to come here? im telling you because this is going to be hard on you. is it really worth it to your child?

[milimelo 4,576]

i just have one thing to say. how do you plan on supporting your daughter when you get here. jobs are hard to find. you cant live of the ex's family forever and since you ex already has another child your child support will not be that much. are you sure you really want to come here? im telling you because this is going to be hard on you. is it really worth it to your child?

Actually, based on the marriage duration, her child would have first "dibs" for the child support - I am sure she can also get alimony as well in the divorce procedure. I have no doubts that OP can find a job soon after getting settled into US. Looks like (ex) husband's family is willing to take them in and help them, and that is very commendable.

[his_sunshine 0]

i just have one thing to say. how do you plan on supporting your daughter when you get here. jobs are hard to find. you cant live of the ex's family forever and since you ex already has another child your child support will not be that much. are you sure you really want to come here? im telling you because this is going to be hard on you. is it really worth it to your child?

I am not planning on bringing my daughter there with me until I am settled and everything else is set up. And while my (ex) family offered to support me and my daughter while I find a job, I refused it, hence, I am not going to live off the ex's family "forever". I do know that the child support won't be much. He is not a rich man, so no, I am not planning on living on child support. Luckily, I am quite independent and is blessed with a good professional career. Even before our daughter was born, I was hardly dependent on my husband for financial support. And I am quite confident I will be able to support her on my own with no problems, as I am already doing anyway.

I am coming there for a visit for 3 weeks, and staying with his family in that time, and then coming back here to finish my job here in the Philippines. I am quite lucky to have been offered a job just recently that will wait for me until I come back to the US in August. Although, in a different state from where my husband's family reside.

I know it will be hard on me, but isn't everything? If I don't try, I won't know. But rest assured, I would not be dragging my 14 month old daughter into "nothingness". I will not subject her to that.

[DanielParul 50]

I think that what you are doing is the best for you and your baby. I pray you are successful.We cannot judge what we do not know. You know whats best.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

I know it will be hard on me, but isn't everything? If I don't try, I won't know. But rest assured, I would not be dragging my 14 month old daughter into "nothingness". I will not subject her to that.

Let the words of the naysayers fall upon deaf ears. You sound like an amazing woman and the best mommy your daughter could have. You've taken the time to line everything-up and make sure you're not leaping into darkness. Aside from being a jerk your husband is pretty stupid if he couldn't see how strong and everything else you are.

I stand in awe of your strength and wish you not luck but rather success...

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Kudos to those who were able to provide answers to the questions without judgement.

For those who felt the need to question motives or offerred judgements I have pity.

I agree

And makes me wonder if these people wouldn't do the exact same thing if they were in her shoes.

Hypocrites!

Edited February 19, 2010 by ~happyndinlove~

[thongd4me 69]

I am not planning on bringing my daughter there with me until I am settled and everything else is set up. And while my (ex) family offered to support me and my daughter while I find a job, I refused it, hence, I am not going to live off the ex's family "forever". I do know that the child support won't be much. He is not a rich man, so no, I am not planning on living on child support. Luckily, I am quite independent and is blessed with a good professional career. Even before our daughter was born, I was hardly dependent on my husband for financial support. And I am quite confident I will be able to support her on my own with no problems, as I am already doing anyway.

I am coming there for a visit for 3 weeks, and staying with his family in that time, and then coming back here to finish my job here in the Philippines. I am quite lucky to have been offered a job just recently that will wait for me until I come back to the US in August. Although, in a different state from where my husband's family reside.

I know it will be hard on me, but isn't everything? If I don't try, I won't know. But rest assured, I would not be dragging my 14 month old daughter into "nothingness". I will not subject her to that.

I'm a man who had been through the divorce process once (married now thank God)

but I'm proud to say our divorce was just between us and there were no other parties.

That being said, support & maintenance are your rights (according to the laws of the

state in which you live) and whether your ex is able to help you in that area or not

you shouldn't refuse assistance from his family unless you already have a good paying job.

I'm obliged to pay maintenance (for ex wife) for a period of 5 years, beginning from the

signing of the separation agreement and support (for the kids) until they are out of school.

These obligations can be enforced, but not if you don't seek them out.

They may not be enough to live on, but you should get them even if

you have decided to be 100% self-sufficient which is very admirable.

When you have a kid, every little bit helps.

Edited February 19, 2010 by thongd4me

[sachinky 465]

"So if he tells me, "hey, i'll help you through the process if you still want to get here", like it's the only consolation I got for wasting my 5 years dreaming, living for this man who I thought loved me the way I loved him...and I take it, does that make me a bad person??"

Of course not. It doesn't make you a bad person. But please, for you own sake and your daughter's sake, consult an immigration lawyer. If your husband is "helping you get there" (when your marriage is effectively over and there is no chance of reconciliation) as a sorry favor for everything he's put you through, it could come back to bite him and you later in the future if any of this is found out. Visa fraud is not something to be taken lightly. I'm sorry for your situation. I truly am. Your husband is an class-A jerk. However, the CR-1/IR-1 visa is meant to reunite families and not for jobs or visiting relatives. It's commendable that your ex-husband's family is being supportive but I can't imagine uprooting a life with a support system, family, friends and a job to move halfway across the world with a year old baby.

Edited February 19, 2010 by sachinky

[Darnell 8,479]

...

Edited February 19, 2010 by Darnell

[Boiler 46,321]

She has the Visa, what you think it is meant for is irrelevant.

I would be more concerned about the daughter, once in the US hubby could carry on being a jerk making it impossible for her to leave.

Sounds very sensible to leave her behind for now.

[his_sunshine 0]

Let the words of the naysayers fall upon deaf ears. You sound like an amazing woman and the best mommy your daughter could have. You've taken the time to line everything-up and make sure you're not leaping into darkness. Aside from being a jerk your husband is pretty stupid if he couldn't see how strong and everything else you are.

I stand in awe of your strength and wish you not luck but rather success...

Thank you so much for these... Sometimes it really gets hard. It's not easy to be cheated on, to be left behind with a new baby...it makes you question your value, your worth. It shakes the confidence, but in all these, I have to think about my baby. I have to be strong for her, try to make the best decisions. She doesn't have anyone else but me. I do not have a choice but to make this work.

Thank you very much.