Tips to help your SO adjust

[sereia 0]

I did take time off...and I think it was a mistake! I think they need to arrive here and see what real life is ..not a vacation! I think that you living in NYC will be a huge advantage (I also used to live there and stupidely moved to CA right before my SO arrived). You can teach your husband to easily use the subways, give him maps of the city, and take him to Astoria and go to Moroccan restaurants, cafes, bakeries, etc. when he gets homesick!

I also signed my husband up for ESL at our local community college. I highly recommend that!

Thanks, Sereia!

Yes, i hope living in NYC is an advantage... At least there are a lot of Arabic-speaking people here and a lot of Middle Eastern cultural spots, so i'm hoping that if we get the visa, that will help. i just know how overwhelmed and frustrated i was when i moved to Rabat (and Rabat is soooo calm in comparison to NYC!).

He's definitely going to need ESL classes, too... So much to think about...

Happy Valentine's,

hz

I guess I should mention... although areas of Astoria (near Steinway) are highly Egyptian and Moroccan populated... I've heard from countless people that I should keep my husband away from those people (other than us going together to eat/smoke hookah) because apparently they're not the kind of Arabs that our husbands should be kept around. Even one of the Moroccan immigrants I met there who owns a travel agency told me to keep him far away! LOL

[Imua 0]

I did take time off...and I think it was a mistake! I think they need to arrive here and see what real life is ..not a vacation! I think that you living in NYC will be a huge advantage (I also used to live there and stupidely moved to CA right before my SO arrived). You can teach your husband to easily use the subways, give him maps of the city, and take him to Astoria and go to Moroccan restaurants, cafes, bakeries, etc. when he gets homesick!

I also signed my husband up for ESL at our local community college. I highly recommend that!

Thanks, Sereia!

Yes, i hope living in NYC is an advantage... At least there are a lot of Arabic-speaking people here and a lot of Middle Eastern cultural spots, so i'm hoping that if we get the visa, that will help. i just know how overwhelmed and frustrated i was when i moved to Rabat (and Rabat is soooo calm in comparison to NYC!).

He's definitely going to need ESL classes, too... So much to think about...

Happy Valentine's,

hz

I guess I should mention... although areas of Astoria (near Steinway) are highly Egyptian and Moroccan populated... I've heard from countless people that I should keep my husband away from those people (other than us going together to eat/smoke hookah) because apparently they're not the kind of Arabs that our husbands should be kept around. Even one of the Moroccan immigrants I met there who owns a travel agency told me to keep him far away! LOL

Yes, I've heard the same about some of the Nepalis in Jackson Heights - the wannabe 'gangsta' guys in the leather jackets, sunglasses, usually smoking... I'm not too worried about Govi starting to hang out with them though because he avoided those types in KTM as well - if he wants someone to speak Nepali with I know some other nice, straight-arrow Nepali friends he can chat with.

[♥JP♥ 5]

Yay! Thanks Noura, this was the thread I was referring to!

[AlHayatZween 2]

I guess I should mention... although areas of Astoria (near Steinway) are highly Egyptian and Moroccan populated... I've heard from countless people that I should keep my husband away from those people (other than us going together to eat/smoke hookah) because apparently they're not the kind of Arabs that our husbands should be kept around. Even one of the Moroccan immigrants I met there who owns a travel agency told me to keep him far away! LOL

Hahaha!

Good to know, because i had no idea.

i may have to scope it out before i send Habibi out into the wilds.

Thanks!

hz

[♥Sora_9_Dam3a♥ 0]

lol...bay ridge is another place in nyc...full of arabs...

i know what you mean about astoria and steinway...lol....bay ridge is probably the same thing---but it depends on where you're going....if your hubby's muslim and is interested in going to the mosque for the friday prayer, he'll probably enjoy it very much and there shouldn't be anything to worry about...it's different from a cafe at night...i mean, a different crowd...i don't mean everyone at the mosque is perfect or the opposite about those at the cafes...but, you know what i mean. i'm sure it's also easy to find an arab church in the area.

good luck

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

wow, great thread!!

haha...i was reading the posts from the beginning and i looked up at the date for one of them and i was like "holy #######!! 2006??..how the hell did i end up here???"...hahaha....now i realize that it was *bumped* haha...anyway, thanks for posting all these great tips!! i really can't get over cleanbutt.com ..that's so funny!!

i was trying to think of what i can add to the list...but i think you've all covered it pretty well...

since day one, my husband's been asking questions on his own...he knows exactly what to expect, he's just really nervous and worried....like, about work for example...he's currently a project/site manager [civil engineer]....and he knows he can't get a job like that from the start here...so he's mentally preparing himself...hmm...what else??

I think it'll it'll be easy to adjust for him...plus, his sister and her husband lived here for over 10 years, so they have friends that he can get to know and my entire family is here, so he won't feel so away from home...the biggest thing is food though...i need to learn how to cook the way his mom does!! haha...its so hard cooking a traditional MENA meal after you've been dieting for years!! lol...it's just so different!..but i'm willing to do anything and everything...i just want him here with meeee!!!

Your husband should forward his transcripts so you can have them evaluated. If he can be licensed here based on his education abroad, he may still be able to work as an engineer. But he may have to sit for an exam. That's the only thing I can think of. go to wes.com or maybe it's .org. It's the world evaluation services.

[sereia 0]

i'm currently trying to figure all that out too. my husband graduated from college as an engineer in morocco but i don't know what to do next. !@#$%^ we've typed up an american style engineer resume (he's only done internships and gone to school) but do companies REALLY check if you graduated from an accredited university? is it completely necessary to do the wes or other company similar? i wish there were other people on here who've gone through this already... maybe i'll post about it in offtopic.

[♥Sora_9_Dam3a♥ 0]

wow, great thread!!

haha...i was reading the posts from the beginning and i looked up at the date for one of them and i was like "holy #######!! 2006??..how the hell did i end up here???"...hahaha....now i realize that it was *bumped* haha...anyway, thanks for posting all these great tips!! i really can't get over cleanbutt.com ..that's so funny!!

i was trying to think of what i can add to the list...but i think you've all covered it pretty well...

since day one, my husband's been asking questions on his own...he knows exactly what to expect, he's just really nervous and worried....like, about work for example...he's currently a project/site manager [civil engineer]....and he knows he can't get a job like that from the start here...so he's mentally preparing himself...hmm...what else??

I think it'll it'll be easy to adjust for him...plus, his sister and her husband lived here for over 10 years, so they have friends that he can get to know and my entire family is here, so he won't feel so away from home...the biggest thing is food though...i need to learn how to cook the way his mom does!! haha...its so hard cooking a traditional MENA meal after you've been dieting for years!! lol...it's just so different!..but i'm willing to do anything and everything...i just want him here with meeee!!!

Your husband should forward his transcripts so you can have them evaluated. If he can be licensed here based on his education abroad, he may still be able to work as an engineer. But he may have to sit for an exam. That's the only thing I can think of. go to wes.com or maybe it's .org. It's the world evaluation services.

thanks for the info! we did that a few months back, but we used ece--educational credential evaluators....but wes was one of the top three we were choosing from..thank God--his bachelors is equivalent to a bachelors here! and he also has been working for a few years...we were worried that he'd have to take extra courses to make up for his bachelors--but, thank God, we know that he can go for his masters without a problem--but my only issue now is finding a job...i started looking and i see a lot of openings for civil engineers and most of them say that only a BS in Engineering and around 5 years of experience is required....but i hear about all these exams and it freaks ME out...lol..he's not here yet...he's still working on his resume and once he has it done--i'll start applying for jobs... this stuff makes me crazy i wish i could just move to egypt!! lol

i'm currently trying to figure all that out too. my husband graduated from college as an engineer in morocco but i don't know what to do next. !@#$%^ we've typed up an american style engineer resume (he's only done internships and gone to school) but do companies REALLY check if you graduated from an accredited university? is it completely necessary to do the wes or other company similar? i wish there were other people on here who've gone through this already... maybe i'll post about it in offtopic.

i have a friend whose father has been living here for over 20 years and got his masters from an american college and has worked many many many jobs with no problem and he went to apply for a job recently and was asked to evaluate his bachelors to verify that he had a high school diploma---or something very similar to that--it was very ridiculous!...if you don't want to do it now, you can wait on it...but have all the documents ready, just in case a potential employer asks that you have it done later...

another thing with the evaluation is that every employer may have a company that they're more comfortable with...my hsuband and i took the chance of using ece and if a future employer wants us to pay another $200 to get his degree evaluated elsewhere--i guess that's what we'll have to do...we just wanted to get an idea early on--we were worried he'd need courses and figured he could take care of them at the american university in cairo as opposed to waiting for his visa and jumping right into school here...

i actually emailed an employer a few months back and asked whether they accepted engineers with foreign degrees---i explained my husband's education level and work experience and the employer told me to send in his resume...that's a good sign i think...

i don't know, i'm just praying that everything goes well...and if he absolutely has to sit for an exam--i hope it is easy for him...

well, best of luck!!

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

i'm currently trying to figure all that out too. my husband graduated from college as an engineer in morocco but i don't know what to do next. !@#$%^ we've typed up an american style engineer resume (he's only done internships and gone to school) but do companies REALLY check if you graduated from an accredited university? is it completely necessary to do the wes or other company similar? i wish there were other people on here who've gone through this already... maybe i'll post about it in offtopic.

It really does depend, but most engineers have to be licensed in NYS, which requires an education evaluation of foreign education. So, if you're not licensed and the company is going to sponsor you for licensure then they want to see that you meet all the requirements for licensure. Perhaps your state doesn't require licensure.

[Melly 2 0]

*bump*

I know there is a current thread similar, but maybe this would have some additional ideas for those who are expecting their spouses.

I had this bookmarked for when we were still planning on my hubby coming here, and just ran across the link.

[Melly 2 0]

Found this link as well.

I guess we can't edit posts after a certain amount of time has passed?

Anyways, this is from uscis site, resources for new immigrants:

http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis/men...00048f3d6a1RCRD

[Sandrila 1]

I agree with the having bread. I havent exactly found the bread that is most like what he eats in Morocco but pretty

much any type of bread will do for him, he likes to eat bread with everything and doesnt like to eat much that entails cutting. it is quite funny to watch him try and use one.

He didnt come with much and that was good because there is little to no space in my small apt but I carved a space all his own. My husband plays guitar and I was fortunate enough to attain 2 for him, one electric and one acoustic.

He was thrilled to have those waiting for him here. He is extremely talented. Now that he has gotten a job, THANK GOD, after only 2 months here, he will have his "own" money, which is monumental for him. Now he will be able to get things that he wants.

I feel he is fine with eating American food and has found out quickly what he likes and doesnt like here.

I am good cook and try to cook Moroccan food when I have the time and extra money for ingredients.

American fare is so quick, easy and BLAH (at times)

No one can cook like his mother but as long as he eats, he is happy.

We have a computer and a playstation, which come in handy for him.

We have the driver's manual for him to study when he has the time so that he has a learner's permit to look forward too in the future.

Little steps at a time, I would suggest.

As far as toilet paper, I am sure he doesnt prefer it but what is a bidget?

and what is mashy???

I see all the obvious ways to help your SO adjust when they are here.

As far as sharing space, it is an adjustment for me a little cuz I have lived alone for 3 1/2 years but what are other tips for some of the more complex adjustment issues that come along with not having been able to fully get to know someone when you have spent 90% of your relationship apart? I mean does anyone, who is married, have any serious issues with adjusting to your new married life?

[Sandrila 1]

I am on a verge of losing all of my patience I I used to consider myself very patient...It is all gone up the smoke...

may I agree with you

Patience lost

Edited January 19, 2009 by sandrila

[nunyab 0]

thanks for the bump i don't have enough time to read them all as I am working everyday even the day after he is here but i will try to take it in small chuncks thanks for the bump!

[S and S 12]

I think each man is a little different in what they need. I took my husband to an Iraqi store to buy some fresh baked Iraqi bread and he acted like it was no big deal. That he is fine with the regular bread we buy. He doesn't seem to need many pictures though I put some with his family up around the house. Mostly with my husband his goal is to totally adjust to being here. I think he wants to forget the middle east as he really can't go back. His home is lost, other arab countries don't want him, his family is even leaving to Australia on refugee next month. It pretty much means he is resigned to beginning life here and forgetting life there. I think it is depressing for him to have too many reminders of back home. He doesn't even really want to be around other Iraqis. His family advised him to stay away from arabs as it would only cause him problems. They told him it is better to just adjust to American life and move on.

He eats mostly anything I cook and enjoys it so I thank God for that. Though we have had a few moments of difficulties it has been really great. He rarely gets frustrated, he keeps an open mind, tries to learn anything I teach him. I swear I am so proud of how hard he is trying to adjust and start his life here. He is even amazing to me and helps me whenever I need it. I heard so many horror stories about when spouses come but I don't feel the big difference. If anything, it is easier on us since he has been here. I don't have to try and explain why I need to do this or that or go to this place or that, he understands now. He does ask a lot of questions but for the most part I've been patient and usually enjoy answering his questions. Another thing that helped was putting him in a school only a few weeks after he arrived. It means he is not sitting at home doing nothing and he gets to ask people at school lots of questions too which saves me some trouble, lol. I thank God my husband has been so amazing. I know it is hard for him to know his family is going to Australia and he gave that up to be with me. I feel bad for that and as a refugee he can't leave the United States until he adjusts to permanent resident after one year of being here. Even then he must apply for the refugee travel document which takes another 5 months to get as he is not allowed to use his Iraqi passport because of his refugee status. ISA we can afford to travel there as soon as he has the documents he needs. I know he will miss his family but he really is being great about it.

Oh, the watering can is important for those with SOs coming soon. My husband hates it when we are somewhere else and he can't use it.