Tips to help your SO adjust

[Veiled Princess 1]

nuh uh....the one i want has a dry cycle too!! shoots hot air up there so no tp at all. think of the $$$ you'll save in tp!!

Hubby's not gonna recognize that contraption as bum washer at all when he gets here! You're gonna confuse the ####### outta the man

[sarah and hicham 3]

Hicham's family had a microwave and a toaster so that wasn't a problem. The only new thing he has come to love is the clothes dryer.

[doodlebug 3]

nuh uh....the one i want has a dry cycle too!! shoots hot air up there so no tp at all. think of the $$$ you'll save in tp!!

Hubby's not gonna recognize that contraption as bum washer at all when he gets here! You're gonna confuse the ####### outta the man

no pun intended???

[Veiled Princess 1]

nuh uh....the one i want has a dry cycle too!! shoots hot air up there so no tp at all. think of the $$$ you'll save in tp!!

Hubby's not gonna recognize that contraption as bum washer at all when he gets here! You're gonna confuse the ####### outta the man

no pun intended???

Not intended but a darn good one if I do say so myself

[sarah and hicham 3]

nuh uh....the one i want has a dry cycle too!! shoots hot air up there so no tp at all. think of the $$$ you'll save in tp!!

Hubby's not gonna recognize that contraption as bum washer at all when he gets here! You're gonna confuse the ####### outta the man

no pun intended???

why would he be confused?

[doodlebug 3]

I could care less if mine comes with any money at all as long as he comes!!! I know his financial situation and I know that he's starting even now to save for the time that he won't be able to work so he can still send his sisters money but I make plenty and live very comfortably and I'm not marrying him for anything other than the fact that I'm in love with him. I know in time he will be able to support me but realisitically speaking I know it won't happen overnight.

[ya falaha! 0]

Dag...now that's what Mohamed calls "technology". He once heard me warming something up in the micro and asked what that noise was. I said, it's the microwave. He said, oh yeah you have technology there.

Hicham's family had a microwave and a toaster so that wasn't a problem. The only new thing he has come to love is the clothes dryer.

[sophyie 0]

Don't you have the same obstacles? I mean life in Germany has to be a wee bit different then life in the US right?

That's exactly why I asked: even though lots of things are the same, there is SO much I had to (and still have to!) learn: lots of money- related things for example, we don't use checks at all in Germany, and oh I don't know- there is plenty!

The whole insurance system, school system, the salty butter

My husband is living in Germany with me now, has been living here for years now and that helps a lot, just because he knows what's different. I'll move to the States early next year, but have lived there for more than a year before- so most things are familiar by now (but there's always something new somewhere).

One thing I'm not sure I'll ever get used to is driving in the States though- I'm just not good at it .

And even though my English is ok, it took me a good six months living in the US to comfortably order a pizza on the phone because I never got what they asked me (too fast, too many choices)

The one thing I think has made it a little less stressfull for me was that I had the chance to visit numerous times before starting my life in the US, so I could get used to most things one at a time...

[Bosco 1]

I think people have misunderstood what JP was saying. She clearly isn't going through all this to marry her fiance for money. If any of you have seen here, she is quite beautiful and could easily have a rich guy here. What is rich or even middle class in most MENA countries doesn't come close to what is rich here. If a guy makes only $50 a month, he could come with six months salary and that would show that he thought it was important to bring *something* when he came and it would be a very meaningful sacrifice on his part - while still only being $300. I know not all men are the same, but I think for some of more traditional guys, they simply would not have it any other way. Their perceived responsibilities to their wife are not lessened because she is American, and they want to do what they feel is right. I didn't care about the size of my mahr, but my husband did. I make a lot of money and didn't need him to come with money, but he insisted. He stayed two months past his visa to continue working. It varies person to person, but I don't think having expectations of your man's responsibilities to you means loving him any less than those of you who accept them empty handed, nor is it a bad thing for a man to insist he follows tradition.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I was just going to say that JP is HOTTT. haha no but she is really pretty and I guess I have been lucky enough to see her pictures which I have saved on my computer and set as my desktop background.

About the money- As most of you know Hicham and I are a pretty young couple and Hicham was still in school as was I when we were doing all the visa stuff so neither of use were really racking in the dough. I didn't expect Hicham to bring much money, but he insisted on bringing enough to live for about 5 months. He said he wanted to have enough money to live off of until he found a job. Well he found a job right away and he feels great making money and using it to help pay our bills and buy groceries. He insisted on him not getting a cell phone until he had saved up some and last week he got his cell phone and he is really excited about it.

Sarah

[jordanianprincess 0]

I think people have misunderstood what JP was saying. She clearly isn't going through all this to marry her fiance for money. If any of you have seen here, she is quite beautiful and could easily have a rich guy here. What is rich or even middle class in most MENA countries doesn't come close to what is rich here. If a guy makes only $50 a month, he could come with six months salary and that would show that he thought it was important to bring *something* when he came and it would be a very meaningful sacrifice on his part - while still only being $300. I know not all men are the same, but I think for some of more traditional guys, they simply would not have it any other way. Their perceived responsibilities to their wife are not lessened because she is American, and they want to do what they feel is right. I didn't care about the size of my mahr, but my husband did. I make a lot of money and didn't need him to come with money, but he insisted. He stayed two months past his visa to continue working. It varies person to person, but I don't think having expectations of your man's responsibilities to you means loving him any less than those of you who accept them empty handed, nor is it a bad thing for a man to insist he follows tradition.

Thanks Rebecca. I am glad someone understood what I was saying. Arab men take great pride in being the head of the house. Part of that means knowing your financial responsibility. Like Rebecca said, I'm not expecting him to give me the moon and stars but I do expect him to fulfill his responsibilities as a man and he has the same exact expectations of himself. I dont want to offend anyone here but it is very unlike an Arabic man to accept things from a woman. My fiance will not accept anything from me. I don't think it would be wrong for anyone here to have expectation of their SO when they come regardless of their financial situation. Like Rebecca said even if they make $50 per month and just bring some, it shows something.

I was just going to say that JP is HOTTT. haha no but she is really pretty and I guess I have been lucky enough to see her pictures which I have saved on my computer and set as my desktop background.

About the money- As most of you know Hicham and I are a pretty young couple and Hicham was still in school as was I when we were doing all the visa stuff so neither of use were really racking in the dough. I didn't expect Hicham to bring much money, but he insisted on bringing enough to live for about 5 months. He said he wanted to have enough money to live off of until he found a job. Well he found a job right away and he feels great making money and using it to help pay our bills and buy groceries. He insisted on him not getting a cell phone until he had saved up some and last week he got his cell phone and he is really excited about it.

Sarah

Ok you guys ar emaking me blush lol, no seriously, I thought the restraining order said you couldnt keep my pics. LOL jk.

[Veiled Princess 1]

which I have saved on my computer and set as my desktop background.

Am I the only one who finds that a little bit creepy?

[sarah and hicham 3]

which I have saved on my computer and set as my desktop background.

Am I the only one who finds that a little bit creepy?

Apparently you're the only one who didn'tk now I was kidding? hahaha.

[Henia 11]

I have a general question.

Do your husbands or fiances NOT come to the states with money?

Just curious.

Well snaps I came to Algerie, so when and if he comes he better come with some cash

Introduce him to common American applicances like the washing machine, microwave, toaster, electric coffee maker ...(hmm you would be surprsied how much is unknown to them LOL)

Last night while I was watching Abdel fighting with the weedeater I realized that the owner's manual probably has a section in French. I'd recommend digging out the owner's manuals for everything in the house and putting them where he can find them. If he isn't working at first he'll have time to read them and learn how to use things without you having to teach him - a huge thing when they feel totally dependent on you. Also, even if it's just an owner's manual, it will be something in French to read - not so easy to find in the US - and reading in their own language can really help with that homesickness they will feel off and on for a long long time.

o snaps I can just imagine my husband in the same situation

If I get enough of a tax return this year I'm goin' for the whole shebang! I found one that 1) has a heated seat, 2) the water is heated (for those cold winter morning/nights), 3) you control whether it hits your front, behind or all of the above 4) remote controlled.

I think it's like $600 from cleanbutt.com .

sweet Doodle... i have to show my husband this www he will get a kick out of it

O snaaaaaaaaps Kara you CRACK me UP!!!!

Exactly! The water cleans you and the TP dries you. We're not anti-TP we're anti-left-over-poopie-on-your- butt-after-you-wipie.

but I thoguht they don't use TP?? so the not using TP thing isn't a "wasting paper" thing, but a "it doesn't clean you enough" thing???

One other question: do all of you speak your SO's native language?

I speak classical arabe fluently, learning the Algerien djzar daily, also speak French pretty well amoung other languages... so I am OK on that front LOL

That's where the TP comes into play.

so i have to ask a stupid question.

so you use the bidet to clean yourself...but then how do you dry off? Aren't you soaked in water?

nuh uh....the one i want has a dry cycle too!! shoots hot air up there so no tp at all. think of the $$$ you'll save in tp!!

just being curious and really interested:

have the SOs had the chance to "prepare" themselves for their new life in the US?

Did they read/google/watch things about it? Seems like there are so many "obstacles" I wouldn't have ever thought of (thinking microwave, toaster...).

I think you're a bunch of very brave, patient and great wives!

One other question: do all of you speak your SO's native language?

Don't you have the same obstacles? I mean life in Germany has to be a wee bit different then life in the US right?

Well I have lived in a few European countries including Germany aaaaaaand not much difference between USA and Germany when you compare them to the MENA So ye I guess we are some very brave women... Hmmm ye I keep reminding myself of that sabr(patience) and brave part everytime I went to go to my neighbour to use the toliet and get water...since we have none of both here ... and donnot remind me of the whole "bathtime"...

Snaps Kara, dont ya just love "technology"?

Dag...now that's what Mohamed calls "technology". He once heard me warming something up in the micro and asked what that noise was. I said, it's the microwave. He said, oh yeah you have technology there.

I was just going to say that JP is HOTTT. haha no but she is really pretty and I guess I have been lucky enough to see her pictures which I have saved on my computer and set as my desktop background.

Sarah

O snaps Sarah, you are the reason I keep logging back into VJ... your crazy funny comments crack me up...you and Kara!

[honeyblonde 0]

Hahaha...cleanbutt.com...gotta love that name

Doodle's gettin' a top of the line asss washer...woooot!

I've heard it called a bum washer but this is funny

i always thought it was a french water fountain

My cats would love it! For now they just drink from the toilet and bathtub. My tomcat even had the nerve this weekend to give me "the look" and continue drinking while I did the "I need to pee" dance.

In response to the men being the head of the house: Abdel did bring presents for me - lots of beautiful outfits, some he even had custom made. He also painstakingly chose presents for each member of my family. I know he had to work hard to get the money to do that since work wasn't something easy for him to come by.

He also refuses to let me put his name on the house until he can pay me "his half" of what I've already paid into it, even though he has done a ton of the renovation we've done since he got here, and I've told him that labor is very expensive here for much of the work he's done.

He does want to be able to pull his weight financially, but thank goodness he is not hung up on the normal Arab macho man image. He is a feminist and can respect that he married an intelligent independent woman that doesn't need a man to support her. He certainly does want to be self-supporting, but realizes that sometimes life doesn't always give us what we want right away. He is having a hard time accepting how long that can take sometimes, but he is accepting it.

Incidentally, my last husband who I feel was using me for a green card did pay for everything himself, and refused to ever let me support him. As I look back on my life I realize that marriage is a place where people depend on each other. When one party doesn't look out for the other party's needs it causes problems in the marriage. It doesn't matter what the nature of those needs are, needs are needs - even financial needs. There will be times when each spouse gets their turn to take care of the other one in most long-term marriages.

I'm not saying a woman should let a man use her, but she shouldn't be so proud either. It's a fine line, but I think if you are careful you can successfully navigate it.