Tips to help your SO adjust

[Ban Hammer 13,332]

baby wipes in the bathroom are your best friend and completely change the arabian husbands attitude

i'm totally lost on this one

[Henia 11]

I want to forewarn everybody that I'm in a horrible mood this morning so I hope this post doesn't come off as nasty..... here goes

1 thing to do is...TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT AMERICA IS NOT PERFECT

2nd thing to do is...TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT AMERICA IS NOT PERFECT

3rd thing to do is ... TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT YOU ARE NOT BORN AND BRED TO SPIT SHINE THE HOUSE ON AN HOURLY BASIS!!!

other things that can help... explain to them, at great length, just HOW HARD it IS to get money and save it here.

DON'T buy a house before they come ..just in case they HATE your town and want to move to TEXAS to work with their friends no matter how you really feel about the issue....coz all they will say is ..."i moved from my country and left everything so i could be with you...why CAN'T we move to another state"...so they totally lay the guilt on you for that one...

Don't think for 1 minute that they're going to be ok with any dogs in the house...I tried to tell mine before he got here that we had a dog and even showed him that she had a bed in the house....HE THOUGHT I WAS JOKING...

if you don't have any middle eastern markets nearby...FIND ONE!!! even if its 2 hours away (which is our situation) make plans to go and buy at least 2 weeks worth of food at a time to make it worth your trip!

STOCK UP ON ARABIAN PITA BREAD!!!!

baby wipes in the bathroom are your best friend and completely change the arabian husbands attitude

get the ATHAN on ur computer so u know when prayer time is

Know that he is going to expect a car soon...a cell phone soon...and won't understand the phrase.."we don't have enough money right now" and he will probably follow that phrase with "then we will never have the money" and get all mad about it

i've said it and will say it again just in case u glanced over it and didn't catch it before....EXPLAIN THAT YOU HAVE TO WORK A LONG TIME TO SAVE MONEY AND OUR BILLS ARE EXPENSIVE AND THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS HERE.....NO, HE CAN'T COME HERE AND IMMEDIATELY GET HIS DREAM JOB..if it were that easy, we would all have our dream jobs!!! He JUST MIGHT HAVE TO WORK IN A JOB THAT HE DOESN'T LIKE ...

ohh ohh..and ... the time here goes WAY faster than it does in their countries so they will feel like they are losing their lives really fast....this is hard for them so they get really impatient for their dream job....

PATIENCE PATIENCE PATIENCE...AND A LITTLE MORE PATIENCE IS REQUIRED IN ORDER TO HAVE A HAPPY HOUSEHOLD!!!!! I can't stress patience enough.. yes, its like we're adopting a teenager (temporarily) until they really get a grasp of things.......

sorry for the rant here..but there are just so many miniscule things that will make such a big big difference...things you never thought of...so i'm just trying to help

amal

oh yeah, i forgot 1 thing...if you have young children...let your SO know that our children are not perfect "like their children are ALWAYS" .. sometimes our kids don't get the shower curtain shut all the way and the bathroom floor WILL get wet....and more than likely, we will be the ones cleaning it up, not the kid. and they should also be aware that kids here have toys and they like to play with them in the front room sometimes....and they occasionally forget to clean up their mess and you have to remind them to do their chores on a daily basis (NO THEY DON'T GET IT THE FIRST TIME YOU TELL THEM "LIKE THE ARABIAN KIDS DO")....

That is just another thing to think of....

Awwwwwwww does Amal need a hug?

But you are right Amal...thanx for posting these points... time does seem to pass more slowly then in the States...and thing happen so much slower here too then in the States... and it is hard for many MENA to let go of their egocentric thinking...

baby wipes in the bathroom are your best friend and completely change the arabian husbands attitude

i'm totally lost on this one

Use in the rare case a bidet and bucket of water is not availible

[ya falaha! 0]

Hahaha I try to do that all the time with Mohamed. I tell him..you do know that you're not gonna be rich within a couple years don't you? He gets all these stories from men there that he's gonna make and SAVE all this money. Yeah it ain't gonna happen honey. I drill that idea in his head and he still don't believe me. I guess he's gonna have to live and learn.

About the car ..Mohamed was asking me how much an average used car would cost. I told him you can get one for about $2000-$4000. He's planning on bringing the money with him to buy a used car so we got that one covered at least.

I want to forewarn everybody that I'm in a horrible mood this morning so I hope this post doesn't come off as nasty..... here goes

1 thing to do is...TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT AMERICA IS NOT PERFECT

2nd thing to do is...TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT AMERICA IS NOT PERFECT

3rd thing to do is ... TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT YOU ARE NOT BORN AND BRED TO SPIT SHINE THE HOUSE ON AN HOURLY BASIS!!!

other things that can help... explain to them, at great length, just HOW HARD it IS to get money and save it here.

DON'T buy a house before they come ..just in case they HATE your town and want to move to TEXAS to work with their friends no matter how you really feel about the issue....coz all they will say is ..."i moved from my country and left everything so i could be with you...why CAN'T we move to another state"...so they totally lay the guilt on you for that one...

Don't think for 1 minute that they're going to be ok with any dogs in the house...I tried to tell mine before he got here that we had a dog and even showed him that she had a bed in the house....HE THOUGHT I WAS JOKING...

if you don't have any middle eastern markets nearby...FIND ONE!!! even if its 2 hours away (which is our situation) make plans to go and buy at least 2 weeks worth of food at a time to make it worth your trip!

STOCK UP ON ARABIAN PITA BREAD!!!!

baby wipes in the bathroom are your best friend and completely change the arabian husbands attitude

get the ATHAN on ur computer so u know when prayer time is

Know that he is going to expect a car soon...a cell phone soon...and won't understand the phrase.."we don't have enough money right now" and he will probably follow that phrase with "then we will never have the money" and get all mad about it

i've said it and will say it again just in case u glanced over it and didn't catch it before....EXPLAIN THAT YOU HAVE TO WORK A LONG TIME TO SAVE MONEY AND OUR BILLS ARE EXPENSIVE AND THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS HERE.....NO, HE CAN'T COME HERE AND IMMEDIATELY GET HIS DREAM JOB..if it were that easy, we would all have our dream jobs!!! He JUST MIGHT HAVE TO WORK IN A JOB THAT HE DOESN'T LIKE ...

ohh ohh..and ... the time here goes WAY faster than it does in their countries so they will feel like they are losing their lives really fast....this is hard for them so they get really impatient for their dream job....

PATIENCE PATIENCE PATIENCE...AND A LITTLE MORE PATIENCE IS REQUIRED IN ORDER TO HAVE A HAPPY HOUSEHOLD!!!!! I can't stress patience enough.. yes, its like we're adopting a teenager (temporarily) until they really get a grasp of things.......

sorry for the rant here..but there are just so many miniscule things that will make such a big big difference...things you never thought of...so i'm just trying to help

amal

oh yeah, i forgot 1 thing...if you have young children...let your SO know that our children are not perfect "like their children are ALWAYS" .. sometimes our kids don't get the shower curtain shut all the way and the bathroom floor WILL get wet....and more than likely, we will be the ones cleaning it up, not the kid. and they should also be aware that kids here have toys and they like to play with them in the front room sometimes....and they occasionally forget to clean up their mess and you have to remind them to do their chores on a daily basis (NO THEY DON'T GET IT THE FIRST TIME YOU TELL THEM "LIKE THE ARABIAN KIDS DO")....

That is just another thing to think of....

Edited October 12, 2006 by moody

[Henia 11]

Yup gotta let them find out for themselves unfortunately

Hahaha I try to do that all the time with Mohamed. I tell him..you do know that you're not gonna be rich within a couple years don't you? He gets all these stories from men there that he's gonna make and SAVE all this money. Yeah it ain't gonna happen honey. I drill that idea in his head and he still don't believe me. I guess he's gonna have to live and learn.

I want to forewarn everybody that I'm in a horrible mood this morning so I hope this post doesn't come off as nasty..... here goes

1 thing to do is...TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT AMERICA IS NOT PERFECT

2nd thing to do is...TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT AMERICA IS NOT PERFECT

3rd thing to do is ... TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT YOU ARE NOT BORN AND BRED TO SPIT SHINE THE HOUSE ON AN HOURLY BASIS!!!

other things that can help... explain to them, at great length, just HOW HARD it IS to get money and save it here.

DON'T buy a house before they come ..just in case they HATE your town and want to move to TEXAS to work with their friends no matter how you really feel about the issue....coz all they will say is ..."i moved from my country and left everything so i could be with you...why CAN'T we move to another state"...so they totally lay the guilt on you for that one...

Don't think for 1 minute that they're going to be ok with any dogs in the house...I tried to tell mine before he got here that we had a dog and even showed him that she had a bed in the house....HE THOUGHT I WAS JOKING...

if you don't have any middle eastern markets nearby...FIND ONE!!! even if its 2 hours away (which is our situation) make plans to go and buy at least 2 weeks worth of food at a time to make it worth your trip!

STOCK UP ON ARABIAN PITA BREAD!!!!

baby wipes in the bathroom are your best friend and completely change the arabian husbands attitude

get the ATHAN on ur computer so u know when prayer time is

Know that he is going to expect a car soon...a cell phone soon...and won't understand the phrase.."we don't have enough money right now" and he will probably follow that phrase with "then we will never have the money" and get all mad about it

i've said it and will say it again just in case u glanced over it and didn't catch it before....EXPLAIN THAT YOU HAVE TO WORK A LONG TIME TO SAVE MONEY AND OUR BILLS ARE EXPENSIVE AND THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS HERE.....NO, HE CAN'T COME HERE AND IMMEDIATELY GET HIS DREAM JOB..if it were that easy, we would all have our dream jobs!!! He JUST MIGHT HAVE TO WORK IN A JOB THAT HE DOESN'T LIKE ...

ohh ohh..and ... the time here goes WAY faster than it does in their countries so they will feel like they are losing their lives really fast....this is hard for them so they get really impatient for their dream job....

PATIENCE PATIENCE PATIENCE...AND A LITTLE MORE PATIENCE IS REQUIRED IN ORDER TO HAVE A HAPPY HOUSEHOLD!!!!! I can't stress patience enough.. yes, its like we're adopting a teenager (temporarily) until they really get a grasp of things.......

sorry for the rant here..but there are just so many miniscule things that will make such a big big difference...things you never thought of...so i'm just trying to help

amal

oh yeah, i forgot 1 thing...if you have young children...let your SO know that our children are not perfect "like their children are ALWAYS" .. sometimes our kids don't get the shower curtain shut all the way and the bathroom floor WILL get wet....and more than likely, we will be the ones cleaning it up, not the kid. and they should also be aware that kids here have toys and they like to play with them in the front room sometimes....and they occasionally forget to clean up their mess and you have to remind them to do their chores on a daily basis (NO THEY DON'T GET IT THE FIRST TIME YOU TELL THEM "LIKE THE ARABIAN KIDS DO")....

That is just another thing to think of....

[amal 4]

baby wipes in the bathroom are your best friend and completely change the arabian husbands attitude

i'm totally lost on this one

my point on that...mine was very concerned about how to get clean .... after I showed him what baby wipes are and how easy they were (or antibacterial wipes --his preference now) we stocked up on them for the bathroom and he is so much more at ease when he needs to go in there...i wasn't able to find the bidets here and wipes are cheap and easy to find..... hope that clears it up for ya

(i read my post and i apologize for being so cranky..i'm not usually like that)

amal

Yup gotta let them find out for themselves unfortunately

Hahaha I try to do that all the time with Mohamed. I tell him..you do know that you're not gonna be rich within a couple years don't you? He gets all these stories from men there that he's gonna make and SAVE all this money. Yeah it ain't gonna happen honey. I drill that idea in his head and he still don't believe me. I guess he's gonna have to live and learn.

yeah..they do have to find out for themselves...but at least you will have the "i tried to tell you" factor... I have had to tell mine that many times..."i tried to tell you that we wouldn't be rich..." and he will calm down and say .. yeah you did...and you were right...

that's why i recommend telling them every day..so they will remember that you tried to warn them..

[Ban Hammer 13,332]

baby wipes in the bathroom are your best friend and completely change the arabian husbands attitude

i'm totally lost on this one

Use in the rare case a bidet and bucket of water is not availible

oh where's my duh award?

[Henia 11]

No need to aplogise Amal...it is Ramadan...everyone is cranky and also you seen to have alot that you SO had misconceptions on ...

[Bosco 1]

I would like to purchase some Halal meat/products to stock up the fridge before My Love's arrival. Is there a place that's recommended to order from online?

I have ordered from My Halal Meat and Midamar online. Also Zabihah can help you find halal groceries and restaurants in your area.

[deeshla 0]

I have a general question.

Do your husbands or fiances NOT come to the states with money?

Just curious.

[honeyblonde 0]

Fiances are a huge deal - I think from the beginning, after setting in a bit, sit down with them and show them the bills, explain to them what everything means (it sounds juvenile but remember most things there are not billed the same way they are here). Then show them a payment stub from your work, explain to them what everything means. My husband could not believe the amount of money that went towards paying bills and still grapples with the thought of having over $1000 a month in bills to pay. I think the best outcome of doing this is allowing them to see how hard and long you have to work to make money here. For many of them (and their families too) they think that money is easy and plentiful in the US. The sooner you get them involved in the financial process the sooner they will understand. One of our big struggles came from his family at home not understanding why he wasn't working. They believe that he they can come here and work immediately and make a lot of money. Allowing your SO to be involved will really help. The first few months I paid bills, I had Youssef do them seperate, I let him write the checks to practice (oh yea teach them how to write a check too!) and then I showed him how I payed the bills online. We opened a joint checking/savings after we were married and he got an ATM card, he's still afraid to use it but he has it in case he needs to.

Also - explaining credit, loans and income taxes. He wasn't very familiar with any of these things and was very interested in learning and understanding once I started to explain.

Those are some of my thoughts.

Great points Amera, but remember too that these things take a long time for them to digest. Abdel watches me pay the bills online and log everything in spreadsheets for the budget, checkbook, and records of what we've paid on each kind of bill (yeah, I'm pretty #######). He's just starting to grasp things like taxes and social security and credit card bills.

We agreed not long after he started working that any money he makes from overtime he chooses to work is his. This week I will start a separate tab on our checkbook spreadsheet to move his money to in our account. It will still be in the checking account, so he can access it with his Visa Check Card, but it will be tracked separately and be totally his.

Yesterday the guy that gives him a ride home from work stopped at a seafood store and he was telling me about all the great prices they had on crab and shrimp and stuff. I asked him why he didn't use his card and buy some. Having some money set aside where he knows it is totally for his use will make him feel better about spending money, then if it's for food I can adjust to take that out of the regular budget instead of his money. He has pocket money, but he still needs the ability to buy things on impulse like I have the freedom to do.

Introduce him to common American applicances like the washing machine, microwave, toaster, electric coffee maker ...(hmm you would be surprsied how much is unknown to them LOL)

Last night while I was watching Abdel fighting with the weedeater I realized that the owner's manual probably has a section in French. I'd recommend digging out the owner's manuals for everything in the house and putting them where he can find them. If he isn't working at first he'll have time to read them and learn how to use things without you having to teach him - a huge thing when they feel totally dependent on you. Also, even if it's just an owner's manual, it will be something in French to read - not so easy to find in the US - and reading in their own language can really help with that homesickness they will feel off and on for a long long time.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

I have a general question.

Do your husbands or fiances NOT come to the states with money?

Just curious.

At least in Egypt, the average middle class Egyptian is very lucky to make 500 LE a month. That's the equivelent of $90. After paying for food, housing, visa fees, etc, it doesn't leave very much. A large savings account egyptside doesn't equal tons o moola stateside.

[jordanianprincess 0]

I have a general question.

Do your husbands or fiances NOT come to the states with money?

Just curious.

I would *NOT* accept that. He is coming *fully loaded* I don't expect much, I am not asking him for a huge diamond ring or big fancy wedding. I do however expect him to do for me whatever he would have to do to get married in Jordan.

He is buying all of our furniture, he is paying for the wedding, he is buying my gold. he is also going to buy himself a car. I don't expect him to come here with bags of money but I do expect him to have enough to start our life and I ofcourse don't mind helping. He also has the *same* expectations for himself.

[honeyblonde 0]

I have a general question.

Do your husbands or fiances NOT come to the states with money?

Just curious.

My husband had never held an official job in Morocco. He raised a couple of the kids in the family and did odd jobs whenever he could get them, but that was it. I paid whatever fees his sister (his parents are deceased and she raised him) didn't pay and bought his plane tickets.

He has more than made that up since he got here though. It's been a little hard since he's never had money before so he has no concept of it, but he gives me his check every week to deposit and we make all financial decisions together. He constantly stresses to me that he wants to get our debts paid off and finish the renovations on the house. It was also his idea to offer to pay my sons tuition so he could go back to college.

He may have been poor, but I wasn't looking for money, I was looking for an intelligent man with a heart who would love me. I got what I wanted.

[ya falaha! 0]

Oh I hear that honey! Mohamed is selling some property he owns so he'll have at least enough to buy a used car and a little to help out with the bills and what not until he finds work. He knows how I feel about women supporting men. I never did it before and I don't plan on starting now.

He has paid all his medical exam fees, visa fees, courier fees, etc. plus he's paying for his airfare to fly here.

I have a general question.

Do your husbands or fiances NOT come to the states with money?

Just curious.

I would *NOT* accept that. He is coming *fully loaded* I don't expect much, I am not asking him for a huge diamond ring or big fancy wedding. I do however expect him to do for me whatever he would have to do to get married in Jordan.

He is buying all of our furniture, he is paying for the wedding, he is buying my gold. he is also going to buy himself a car. I don't expect him to come here with bags of money but I do expect him to have enough to start our life and I ofcourse don't mind helping. He also has the *same* expectations for himself.

Edited October 12, 2006 by moody

[Veiled Princess 1]

i wasn't able to find the bidets here

you can order one fairly cheap here.

Also, if your toilet is really close to your bathtub, you can get one of those shower heads on a 6 foot hose too.

Oh I hear that honey! Mohamed is selling some property he owns so he'll have at least enough to buy a used car and a little to help out with the bills and what not until he finds work. He knows how I feel about women supporting men. I never did it before and I don't plan on starting now.

He has paid all his medical exam fees, visa fees, courier fees, etc. plus he's paying for his airfare to fly here.

I have a general question.

Do your husbands or fiances NOT come to the states with money?

Just curious.

I would *NOT* accept that. He is coming *fully loaded* I don't expect much, I am not asking him for a huge diamond ring or big fancy wedding. I do however expect him to do for me whatever he would have to do to get married in Jordan.

He is buying all of our furniture, he is paying for the wedding, he is buying my gold. he is also going to buy himself a car. I don't expect him to come here with bags of money but I do expect him to have enough to start our life and I ofcourse don't mind helping. He also has the *same* expectations for himself.

Amen to all the above