ME/NA SOs, Religion, and Tolerance

[Together4ever 1]

I'm reposting this from my response to another thread. Seems everyone is getting their boxing gloves on again and I think we might as well discuss it here so the other threads can remain peaceful and dedicated to their original purposes.

I want it known upfront and right now that I have respect for every person posting here. I am NOT singling anyone out and I want that clearly understood.

Reposting:

Okay, I'm just going to say it...

Welcome to life. Some people are religious. Some people are not. Some people are more politically oriented. Others are not. This forum is not any different then the "real world". Expecting people to bend to our own personal level of comfort just isn't practical (no matter which side of the fence you're standing on, or even sitting atop it.)

This forum is dedicated to the ME/NA. These countries are Islamic nations, and religion plays an openly huge role in day to day life, much more then it does here in America. Therefore people are going to talk about it. We are a country that separates church and state to a point its almost considered criminal to speak about religion publically. Quite a contrast to the lands our SOs are coming from.

I think respect and care is being taken above and beyond the "call of duty" to separate out openly Islamic threads so that those who are uncomfortable with it or not interested can simply go about life without so much as a ruffle. If one chooses to tread into those threads, the responsibility lies in your own hands. Yep, people are going to come slinging stones and arrows and those posting are well aware. Just goes to show the present mentality level in this world today. Intolerance is everywhere.

Now, I'm about to say something that will most likely get me flamed and shunned but I have shut up about it until I'm about to pop. For those who are not with your SO yet... there is a good possibility that you will be faced with Islam on a daily basis if he is Muslim. Mohammed is not a "rah rah" muslim, but it is still a deep part of him and its in our daily lives. My religious orientiation has nothing to do with that fact. I'm not saying everyone here has an SO who is a "rah rah" muslim, but don't kid yourself that you can erase this in him. It's going to be part of your life together whether its a very small part or what you build your life together on.

This is a good place to gain knowledge and to practice tolerance. It's a good way to gain a deeper insight into what makes your SO tick. Again I'll reiterate... you can say "he's not a devout muslim" but it's still going to be a part of him because of the society he is coming from.

Again I'll say I think many are going out of their way to be considerate. This forum is certainly biased towards Islam more then any other BECAUSE THESE ARE ISLAMIC NATIONS our SOs are from. No one is trying to draw lines here. It's just a fact of life and its going to be a part of HIM.

Peace, love and tolerance... god willing.

Again, I want to reiterate. I am muslim yes, but I'm generally quiet about it. That's my own nature. I am not siding with, nor am I singling anyone out. I just feel a huge concern... and you all know I yap too much anyway.

[chiquita 0]

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you!

I am so glad you posted that!

I am not Muslim, but my husband is. I want so much to understand who he is from this perspective. I feel I know him so well and it is his wonderful upbringing that has drawn me to him. He is not a rah rah per say but none the less his faith is a big part of who he is. The same can be said of me and my faith.

I have heard and been told so many negatives things about Islam even from those in my religion. Yet when I met my husband I found out that is is not at all true. The Islam we hear about in the media is not the real Islam at all.

I just finished watching Muhammad Legacy of A Prophet. It is a wonderful film on the life of the prophet and his struggle to do as Allah asked of him.

His main message was so inspiring to me. And to hear he lost his beloved wife possibly due to starvation was so sad. He fought only to protect himself and when he was not under attack he did not fight.

He was a man spreading peace. He was a man who was told his mission in life was to bring the true God to the Arabic nations. This was told to him by a well known and respected Christian leader in his time.

Well as you can see I did learn a lot. I checked this DVD out at my local libary along with a few others. I plan on watching them with my husband when he gets here.

If anyone wants to learn about the Islam I think watching this film is a good start.

All in all I can say that the message of Islam is PEACE and to worship the one true ALLAH God.

chi

[Bosco 1]

Jean,

I certainly hope no one finds your post controversial.

I think it is important to remember that a man (or woman) who is not religious now can also become religious later on. This often happens when people have children, when they grow older or have some other life changing experience. Some people become more adherent to their religion as a reaction to the American culture. Others embrace the culture and will begin drinking and going to clubs and engaging in other behaviors that they did not engage in back home. If it isn't a part of your life now, it *potentially* could be so later on.

Chi,

I loved that movie. May I also add that it is wonderful to hear you say the phrase "with my husband when he gets here" knowing that is in the very near future.

If praying regularly is important to your husband, an adhan clock would be a nice "welcome home" gift. They are set according to your city and will sound to prayer at the appropriate times, a sound that most of them have heard their entire lives.

Rebecca

[Together4ever 1]

Jean,

I certainly hope no one finds your post controversial.

I think it is important to remember that a man (or woman) who is not religious now can also become religious later on. This often happens when people have children, when they grow older or have some other life changing experience. Some people become more adherent to their religion as a reaction to the American culture. Others embrace the culture and will begin drinking and going to clubs and engaging in other behaviors that they did not engage in back home. If it isn't a part of your life now, it *potentially* could be so later on.

Chi,

I loved that movie. May I also add that it is wonderful to hear you say the phrase "with my husband when he gets here" knowing that is in the very near future.

If praying regularly is important to your husband, an adhan clock would be a nice "welcome home" gift. They are set according to your city and will sound to prayer at the appropriate times, a sound that most of them have heard their entire lives.

Rebecca

Rebecca,

Yep. Absolutely agreed.

[Jenn! 918]

I think it is important to remember that a man (or woman) who is not religious now can also become religious later on. This often happens when people have children, when they grow older or have some other life changing experience. Some people become more adherent to their religion as a reaction to the American culture. Others embrace the culture and will begin drinking and going to clubs and engaging in other behaviors that they did not engage in back home. If it isn't a part of your life now, it *potentially* could be so later on.

Rebecca

That's a very important point. When I was telling my mother about Wadi and my plans for immigration and marriage, the only thing she told me was an anecdote about a friend of hers who married a Moroccan. He was not very religious when they married and he immigrated to the U.S., but things changed when they had kids and he became much more devout. She just wanted me to know that that could happen and that I needed to be OK with that possibility. Even though I am not particuarly religious myself at the moment, I am prepared for and OK with that possibility.

Regarding the issue of Islam-related posting and its reactions, this may not ring true with any of you, but I compare it to the way my discourse with my grandmother tends to be, not about religion per se, but anything. She tends tends to push her opinion, and if I don't agree with it and don't want to do things that way, she comes back with, "Well, aaaaaaalright, if you want to do it that way...." (*it's hard to convery the tone in writing, but it's obious still that she thinks I'm doing the wrong thing) It annoys me to no end, and I b*tch and whine about it. But at the end of the day, the decisions are mine, and I hae to accept the fact that if I want to do things my way, she's gonna have something to say about it. I don't love her any less, it's just something that I have to deal with.

I hope you'll all understand how this related to the matter at hand. i don't know if I've explained myself well.

[Bosco 1]

Jenn,

You expressed yourself very well. Your comparison to your grandmother fits the situation well.

My parents had a similar talk with me. I was aware of the many potential issues that could arise because we grew up with many ME/NA family friends, yet they asked me if I had really thought those things through and if I felt I could be happy if he changed. I was asked about the money obligations back home, the religious issues, the potential that he could become (I cringe to say it) dog-unfriendly.

My mother had cancer when I was in my late teens. She became more religious. It is not a huge part of her life but occupies much more than the almost absence of religion that existed before. However, most of us are familiar with Christianity, so if this happens, it may not seem like a big change. A husband getting rah-rah Muslim can mean serious changes, not only in himself but his expectations of his wife.

Rebecca

That's a very important point. When I was telling my mother about Wadi and my plans for immigration and marriage, the only thing she told me was an anecdote about a friend of hers who married a Moroccan. He was not very religious when they married and he immigrated to the U.S., but things changed when they had kids and he became much more devout. She just wanted me to know that that could happen and that I needed to be OK with that possibility. Even though I am not particuarly religious myself at the moment, I am prepared for and OK with that possibility.

Regarding the issue of Islam-related posting and its reactions, this may not ring true with any of you, but I compare it to the way my discourse with my grandmother tends to be, not about religion per se, but anything. She tends tends to push her opinion, and if I don't agree with it and don't want to do things that way, she comes back with, "Well, aaaaaaalright, if you want to do it that way...." (*it's hard to convery the tone in writing, but it's obious still that she thinks I'm doing the wrong thing) It annoys me to no end, and I b*tch and whine about it. But at the end of the day, the decisions are mine, and I hae to accept the fact that if I want to do things my way, she's gonna have something to say about it. I don't love her any less, it's just something that I have to deal with.

I hope you'll all understand how this related to the matter at hand. i don't know if I've explained myself well.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

That's a very important point. When I was telling my mother about Wadi and my plans for immigration and marriage, the only thing she told me was an anecdote about a friend of hers who married a Moroccan. He was not very religious when they married and he immigrated to the U.S., but things changed when they had kids and he became much more devout. She just wanted me to know that that could happen and that I needed to be OK with that possibility. Even though I am not particuarly religious myself at the moment, I am prepared for and OK with that possibility.

I've seen this happen on a number of occasions in the communities I've lived in as well.

As for the subject at large, I don't really know what to say. I thought I had found a happy medium by labeling my posts so others could avoid it if they wanted. That was specifically in response to people feeling uncomfortable with religious content across all threads. I enjoy sharing stuff I come across whether it be recipes or religiuosly oriented.

If people want more non religious oriented topics, please by all means, start them! I'm more than happy to participate in them. Posting religiously oriented topics doesn't preclude the board from discussing non religious things as well. There are several topics just begging to be posted - a travel thread, sharing travel experiences in the middle east, the first time we met thread, favorite food from SO's country, tips to help our SOs adjust once they arrive in the United States.

[Together4ever 1]

Rahma,

I for one love reading everything posted here. I hope it doesn't change for any reason. I think what you are doing by clarifying that a thread is oriented to Islam is a really wonderful idea. Again, I hope you don't stop posting. I read everything you post.

And I agree that those who don't prefer the religious posts should think about starting threads on things that interest them or that they would like to discuss.

I'm open for anything!

[LaL 418]

Just a quick note, i thought the *muslim content* disclaimer in the title of posts was EXTREMELY thoughtful for those who expressed discontent about running across this subject matter. This forum is dominated by religious discussion because its of great interest to the more active members. Don't like it? The those who don't prefer religious discussion should post about their interests! (to echo Jean on this point)

[gimygirl 0]

MEAN girl threads rock!!! the discord displayed in the majority of the loving religious posts is quite ironic.

i thought the disclaimers were a great idea (easily highlights the drama threads for us now) but its become evident that you can't please everyone in your forum.

[sarah and hicham 3]

As for the subject at large, I don't really know what to say. I thought I had found a happy medium by labeling my posts so others could avoid it if they wanted. That was specifically in response to people feeling uncomfortable with religious content across all threads. I enjoy sharing stuff I come across whether it be recipes or religiuosly oriented.

If people want more non religious oriented topics, please by all means, start them! I'm more than happy to participate in them. Posting religiously oriented topics doesn't preclude the board from discussing non religious things as well. There are several topics just begging to be posted - a travel thread, sharing travel experiences in the middle east, the first time we met thread, favorite food from SO's country, tips to help our SOs adjust once they arrive in the United States.

I appreciate you putting Muslim Content on threads. I still read them. I am interested to see what people say. I am not that freaked out that I will dodge anything that has the word Muslim in it. I read them but I do not usually post in them because I don't have anything to add to them. Just wanted to clear that up.

I was disturbed by the original thread yesterday, and I expressed why I didn't enjoy it and I felt that it was written harshly and it was very contradictory. I also do not appreciate being called names in a public forum. I think it's nice to post movies that others will watch. I had something to say about the paragraph that followed so I did! I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Anyways honestly I don't usually post in the Muslim threads, but I do read them and if I DO have input then I will share.

Have a good one guys

Sarah

[sarah and hicham 3]

I honestly hope that no one is offended by what I said but I felt that the OP's posts didn't make sense and seemed wrong to me. As it was said before, we see things differently. I hope that me not agreeing with the content of a Muslim thread does not make me ineligable to post in that thread. Like I said I read them and rarely post but I felt compelled to clear things up before because it seemed very wrong to me, especially with the name calling.

[iceyspots 0]

What it essentially boils down to, is that it's not what you say, it's how you say it.. it takes a lot of patience not to bite someone's head off when you see something that fires you up.. but this is a multicultural forum and everyone is going to have a different viewpoint. We should embrace that instead of shunning people for being different or having different thoughts.

[Together4ever 1]

Just hugs herself.