Talking about divorce... I have a 2 year conditional GC

[FaustInAK 1]

Hi everyone,

My husband and I have been married since August 2008, we've been together 5 years total. I'm a permanent resident since January 2009, I have to remove the conditions on my GC by the end of 2010..

Unfortunately, things haven't been great, and despite loving each other deeply, we think that divorce might be the solution to problems we've had for about 5 months... It's really hard, really hard.

Anyway, I've got a job I love and that makes me forget a bit about this horrible and painful situation...

If we get divorced, will I be kicked out of the US?

I have no idea how long a divorce can take, we are really respecful of each other so we won't probably use any lawyer.

What can I do to keep my permanent resident status??

What is going to happen if I'm not totally divorced by the time I have to remove the condition on my GC?

I am desperate and just try to understand the risks to lose my residency here. The US are my new home, I've got friends and a job that I really like...

Thanks for your advice and please share your experience.

Thanks again!!

Faustine

[Okalian 41]

faustine,

relax! there's many people on this forum in your shoes. You will still need to remove conditions off of your conditional greencard through filing i-751. But instead of filing it jointly with your husband, you'll need to file it on your own with a waiver of the joint filing requirement. The only thing is, you have to wait until you file for divorce. If your divorce is finalized before your greencard is expired, then you'll send the divorce decree with your i-751 package. If your divorce is NOT final by the time your GC expires, it's still okay, you may simply file it without the divorce decree (while ofcourse including the divorce decree) and hope that the divorce will be finalized by the time they send you RFE (Request For Evidence).

from now until the time you file for i-751 waiver, try to collect AS MUCH EVIDENCE as possible to establish that you were both married for the real reasons.

[FaustInAK 1]

faustine,

relax! there's many people on this forum in your shoes. You will still need to remove conditions off of your conditional greencard through filing i-751. But instead of filing it jointly with your husband, you'll need to file it on your own with a waiver of the joint filing requirement. The only thing is, you have to wait until you file for divorce. If your divorce is finalized before your greencard is expired, then you'll send the divorce decree with your i-751 package. If your divorce is NOT final by the time your GC expires, it's still okay, you may simply file it without the divorce decree (while ofcourse including the divorce decree) and hope that the divorce will be finalized by the time they send you RFE (Request For Evidence).

from now until the time you file for i-751 waiver, try to collect AS MUCH EVIDENCE as possible to establish that you were both married for the real reasons.

Ok, thanks so much... I shouldn't have difficulties to prove our wedding was true... God I hate my life right now, thisis so painful!!

If we try to make it work but it doesn't and then we are not divorced by the time I have to apply for the removal of conditions, I understand I still can file, but they'll want me to send the divorce decree when I get it. What if I get it after my GC expires?? Does that mean I'll have to stop working???? Does that make me illegal or something?

Thanks

[Old Dominion 26]

Ninety days before your GC expires, you must file the I-751. Once you have the NOA1 from that application, you're here legally until notified otherwise. If you don't have the divorce decree in hand by the time you file, you don't. If the divorce still hasn't been granted when USCIS asks for it, all they can do is delay processing -- but you're still here legally.

In the meantime, have the two of you discussed your difficulties with anyone trustworthy?

[Okalian 41]

What if I get it after my GC expires??

You can still send the I-751 package only with a divorce complaint. Then they'll send you RFE (Request For Evidence) within atleast 87 days to send them a divorce decree. This is a fairly new law that was passed in April 2009, so i don't know anyone who filed without a divorce decree. This is the actual memo from USCIS

http://www.uscis.gov/files/nativedocuments...tion_3apr09.pdf

Which state do you reside? Try to find out the guidelines for divorce in your state, because some states require a minimum of 1 year of separation for divorce to become final.

[FaustInAK 1]

You can still send the I-751 package only with a divorce complaint. Then they'll send you RFE (Request For Evidence) within atleast 87 days to send them a divorce decree. This is a fairly new law that was passed in April 2009, so i don't know anyone who filed without a divorce decree. This is the actual memo from USCIS

http://www.uscis.gov/files/nativedocuments...tion_3apr09.pdf

Which state do you reside? Try to find out the guidelines for divorce in your state, because some states require a minimum of 1 year of separation for divorce to become final.

does my husband have to sign the good faith marriage document? What if he doesn't??

[FaustInAK 1]

does my husband have to sign the good faith marriage document? What if he doesn't??

oh, and I live in Alaska... I don't know the requirement for divorce here, I'll try to find out...

Thanks...

[milimelo 4,477]

http://www.divorcesupport.com/divorce/Alas...e-Laws-412.html

Link above for divorce in AL.

For I-751 you don't need him to sign - simply tick option d. I entered into the marriage in good faith, but the marriage was terminated through divorce or annulment.

[FaustInAK 1]

Ninety days before your GC expires, you must file the I-751. Once you have the NOA1 from that application, you're here legally until notified otherwise. If you don't have the divorce decree in hand by the time you file, you don't. If the divorce still hasn't been granted when USCIS asks for it, all they can do is delay processing -- but you're still here legally.

In the meantime, have the two of you discussed your difficulties with anyone trustworthy?

Hi,

Well, we talk about our problems all the time... It seems like it's all we have now... Hurting each other thinking about the past, about how much we loved and still love each other, but somehow we broke something and it will never be like before...

It's all my fault too. Instead of sharing with him my doubts and little things that bothered me, I kept it all... And overtime, it built up to a breaking point. He didn't do anything wrong, I just slowly distanced myself from him, and I am not in love like I used to be, and we try, I try and try to get over it, I need him, he needs me, but it's not the same... Sometimes everything is going well, the minute after it is drama again. All because of the immigration process... I could not work for sooo long, I was stressing about it all the time, I started to doubt about myself, and not be as happy as I used to be.. And he worked all the time, to provide for both of us, but instead of seeing that and being thankful, I felt so lonely and not useful and miserable that I blamed it on him, starting to be jealous he was the one doing all these cool things, working, meeting all kind of cool people. I was just so miserable, but I didn't want to worry him, so I never talked about it, because for me, something was wrong with me, I had everything to be happy, and so I should try harder to be happy and not hurt him. But that did more harm than good unfortunately... And eventually, I found a summer job, far away from where we live, and I loved it, and felt very independent, like I didn't need him anymore, I just wanted to stay there and be free... And at the end of that, I was broken to go back, he felt it right away... Since then, we cry a lot, we try, we get angry, etc. And in the meantime, I found an awesome permanent job, exactly what I've been looking for... Except that it is not located where we lived. Alaska is big, my husband lives in Anchorage, I live in Fairbanks... And he doesn't understand why I chose a job over our relationship, he doesn't get that I need that to feel myself again and be happier. It sucks really that I need a job to feel better, I hate myself for ruining everything... But, I just would have been more and more miserable overtime...

Anyway, sorry to share that, I have talked about it a few times, but it is always good to share more, I need to talk about it or write about to total strangers...

Thanks for reading...

Faustine

[Okalian 41]

Alaska is big, my husband lives in Anchorage, I live in Fairbanks

This actually might hurt you when removing conditions, as you'll need to established that you lived together. And living apart will raise some red flags

[journeyingwithyou 0]

Hi,

Well, we talk about our problems all the time... It seems like it's all we have now... Hurting each other thinking about the past, about how much we loved and still love each other, but somehow we broke something and it will never be like before...

It's all my fault too. Instead of sharing with him my doubts and little things that bothered me, I kept it all... And overtime, it built up to a breaking point. He didn't do anything wrong, I just slowly distanced myself from him, and I am not in love like I used to be, and we try, I try and try to get over it, I need him, he needs me, but it's not the same... Sometimes everything is going well, the minute after it is drama again. All because of the immigration process... I could not work for sooo long, I was stressing about it all the time, I started to doubt about myself, and not be as happy as I used to be.. And he worked all the time, to provide for both of us, but instead of seeing that and being thankful, I felt so lonely and not useful and miserable that I blamed it on him, starting to be jealous he was the one doing all these cool things, working, meeting all kind of cool people. I was just so miserable, but I didn't want to worry him, so I never talked about it, because for me, something was wrong with me, I had everything to be happy, and so I should try harder to be happy and not hurt him. But that did more harm than good unfortunately... And eventually, I found a summer job, far away from where we live, and I loved it, and felt very independent, like I didn't need him anymore, I just wanted to stay there and be free... And at the end of that, I was broken to go back, he felt it right away... Since then, we cry a lot, we try, we get angry, etc. And in the meantime, I found an awesome permanent job, exactly what I've been looking for... Except that it is not located where we lived. Alaska is big, my husband lives in Anchorage, I live in Fairbanks... And he doesn't understand why I chose a job over our relationship, he doesn't get that I need that to feel myself again and be happier. It sucks really that I need a job to feel better, I hate myself for ruining everything... But, I just would have been more and more miserable overtime...

Anyway, sorry to share that, I have talked about it a few times, but it is always good to share more, I need to talk about it or write about to total strangers...

Thanks for reading...

Faustine

Thanks for sharing this because I am feeling the same already. I hear this line almost everyday by my honey,"JUST ENJOY HONEY"...."BETWEEN YOU ANd ME, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO HAS BEEN a POSITIVE THINKER"......?

I find refuge by soaking myself in friends' houses either through overstaying or attending every function they come up with. Your post is enlightening to me. The reason that I don't open up my feelings honestly was that my hubby's reaction over every matter. He sees my open mindedness as nagging or he would beat himself up for being not able to make me happy. Thanks!

[Brother Hesekiel 2,236]

Faustine,

you'll be fine. I can't really type on this tiny little netbook, so I hope that JimVaPhoung will jump in this weekend. If he doesn't, I'll respond on Monday morning with a detailed gameplan and timeline for you.

[FaustInAK 1]

Faustine,

you'll be fine. I can't really type on this tiny little netbook, so I hope that JimVaPhoung will jump in this weekend. If he doesn't, I'll respond on Monday morning with a detailed gam eplan and timeline for you.

thanks so much... I've just spent the saddest Valentine's Day ever. I was with my husband, we are desperate about the situation... We spent our Sunday crying... I cannot stand hurting him. What if I am making the biggest mistake in my life? What if i'm ruining everything and will realize too late how much I lost and how much he meant to me... I'm sick, what's wrong with me??? I should be happy, he's a wonderful person...

[TBoneTX 45,284]

I strongly believe that each/both of you would benefit greatly from sessions with a relationship psychologist, si man. You have good communication going on between you, it appears, but you could use a good "third ear" to help you to interpret it and suggest some direction.

[ziia 9]

Faustine, you are going through the adjusting to USA phase still. A lot of people(mostly immigrants) feel exactly how you described at certain points in their life. Please seek counseling before you get a divorce. Your problems seem to come from the inside of you(not your fault though). Perhaps you miss some of your family is France and you don't even continuously realize that or it is possible that you need more friends or some new preoccupations(hobby). You appear to be too focused on your husband and his effect on you...that is not healthy because another person, no matter how wonderful can not create happiness for you. Perhaps you live through your husband and are a bit codependent on him. It is understandable since you are an immigrant in this country. If that is the case, counseling might be a much better option that separating or divorcing your husband. Just my opinion.