K1: Civil ceremony, then a later, bigger ceremony?

[baron555 934]

Well, a) I am the female in the situation and b) it was for opinions on what to do in that in between time as we're both more on the traditional side. I don't see any reason for the snarkiness.

I think the last couple comments got the wrong idea - we're not secretive, embarrassed, unsure of whether or not we would be married, unsure of whether or not we're doing the civil ceremony first, followed by a traditional ceremony (we are) and we love each other very much - we were just looking at what others who had gone this route had done in the in-between time as it is less common than a single ceremony. That's all.

Sheesh.

The entire K-1 "game" is very different; most folks have no idea. So unless you've notified all those who you care could have a care about the "situation" then the only way to deal with this game, from your stated traditional point of view, is to not pursue the K-1. Instead he goes to your country and you get married, once and for all. Then he returns and pursue the CR-1 route. This way there is no in-between worries.

Obviously you both thought about this and decided that the K-1 was best for you. You are not doing anything illegal by having the two ceremonies; you CAN invite everyone the courtroom will allow to your first and then hang out at the local restaurant for a reception. If your other family members are "expecting" the more lavishness, then that's up to you how to deal with it.

[KnightAndMagpie 7]

My two cents from another WoW couple (though we both more or less quit after we became quite close; the game's a money and time pig!) --

As we were both students at the time (and he still is), we opted to have a civil ceremony and have something bigger later so that all the family could attend. It ended up being that as we had to go and see Knight's brother's graduation from basic training, we ended up doing it in San Antonio. It was a lovely little ceremony (and a thousand thank-yous to Nich-Nick, who organised the entire deal), and we did dress up semi-formally for it. I wouldn't recommend going all the way to Texas though, especially if you live in Alaska like we do . It was, though, much better than having to worry over getting the visa, planning the wedding right, and so on, when it was much better planning it with my in-laws after I arrived.

We've already been planning the "renewal of vows" or "wedding ceremony" for the 4th of July this summer. It's the same day that we were married last year. It's going to have all the works, and we're having a friend of mine perform the rites/initiation/thingy -- she's wonderful with words. Family and friends are attending this one, and we've sent the save-the-dates out already. I've already ordered my dress :: sigh ::, a red one, like I've always wanted it to be. I actually wore green in San Antonio, because we got married on Marriage Island and it seemed more appropriate.

As for surnames, I did take Knight's name for various reasons other than this, but a good reason to get it done quickly is that once you start getting bills and such, it's going to be a pain to change your name and then go and change it on everything else. For us though, in any case -- what's in a name? It might be the one you carry, but there shouldn't be any phenomenal change in your relationship if you're already committed to that person. It's completely up to you what you guys decide to do, but that's just the way that we went about it.

TBoneTX, that's excellent advice. I know that having several copies made it really handy for me.

So, after my seemingly endless ramblings, my advice would be that if you are going to have a civil ceremony, do make it special. It might not be the full-blown to-do that you're going to have later, but it's still your civil ceremony. That, or you can say I'm talking a load of rubbish and throw it out the window. Oh boo, there it goes...

You guys will do fine, I'm sure. I hope that helped!

Magpie.

/edit: Good grief, someone needs to take the emoticons away from me! That, and I shouldn't be allowed to write this early in the morning...

Edited February 10, 2010 by KnightAndMagpie

[Andy and Kayla 45]

Magpie, that sounds really cool, We mentioned maybe doing things on the same day, just with a year in between like you guys did, which would definitely be cool and solve the anniversary question (though I don't think the earlier suggestion of having two things to celebrate being too shabby either, )

It didn't really occur to me, at least, to do anything too special with the civil ceremony, but I guess it makes sense to celebrate at least a bit.

As for the emoticons, don't feel bad, I'm the same way sometimes.

[JlovesA 109]

It definitely does make things frustrating, Which State's divorce laws are you waiting on? We initially were waiting for North Carolina, which won't grant the divorce decree until one year and a day after the separation (separation defined as when they began living separately, regardless of the fact that they had decided they wanted a divorce months before his ex was able to move out) and so that sucked, but when his ex-wife moved out she moved to Georgia, where she can file after she's been there for six months and they should have the decree within six weeks of that. Luckily, it was pretty amicable and so they don't have a lot of extra court stuff to go through.

But yes, this will be the year of waiting on different government officials to okay different sets of paperwork.

And that's cool - have you guys talked about how you would treat the relationship between the ceremonies?

Edited to add a big :lol: @ Wei&Shu's reply. That made me giggle.

We're waiting on my divorce in Canada. The year of separation is standard, that's the law in Canada, too. In my case we've been separated 2 years but I had never filed for divorce until January because I did not think I'd be getting married again ever! Haha.

I'm actually kind of frustrated with myself for not filing sooner because if I had, we could be filing for the K1 right now. It adds like 4 or 5 months onto an already long process. My boyfriend and I live a $2000 flight away from each other so the frustrations just keep adding up, haha.

For us we would consider our courthouse thing THE wedding and just simply have a party a few months later. We wouldn't keep calling each other fiance(e) or hide it from anyone. The second thing wouldn't be a wedding, we'd call it a reception.

[Tamara and Mehdi 0]

My fiance and I plan on doing what Magpie did....I like the whole renewal of vows a year or two to the date that we will be married in a civil ceremony. All our family and friends know about this plan and also think its a great idea....they only asked that we have some kind of party after the civil ceremony to celebrate ( which we plan on doing)...i think whichever way you go all that matters is that it was special for you guys!!!

[SunDrop 59]

We're in two minds between a quickie legal wedding and something bigger further down the line or something small, intimate and informalish. I'll probably wear a little ivory dress and he'll be in a suit. His best mate is a licensed minister, so we could have him do the actual ceremony and whoever wants to can come. Would be nice to have a picnic/ BBQ type thing afterward, just ask everyone to bring something. We can ask different friends to bring either savoury or sweet and we'll just get the grill and mixers for drinks. Not a lot of us are big drinkers, so we're not too fussed about booze! The idea is to celebrate our marriage, not go crazy spending.

I'd love for it to be a sunset ceremony, only because Tucson skyline at sunset is the most exquisite sight.

Having said all of that, my folks probably won't be able to make it to Tucson. My best friend lives in NH and I'd love for her to be there (and be our photographer) and her hubby is a chef (so would make awesome nibbles!) but that would mean not organising it for anytime during the school year, since her 2 girls would be invited too. Just would be a shame to not have a single one of 'my' wedding party there and too casual would almost be a waste of any European friends and relatives traveling out there for it.

We're pretty much ignoring any wedding plans until we're further down the road with our petition. Once we can get a feel for how long our NOA2 is likely to be, we'll have a better idea of when to expect reasonably to be interviewing and moving. One step at a step, for sanity's sake!

So yeah, in two minds...

As for the names and references thing. He already refers to me as his wife, so there's no change there! lol.. and I c..a..n..n..o..t.. WAIT to get shot of my blasted surname, which was my ex husband's, is truly hideous and doesn't seem right to be married to someone and keep another man's name! So yup, as soon as we have our marriage certificate, off we go. AOS will be filed in my married name, which I truly adore, so honestly, it won't be a moment too soon.

Edited February 10, 2010 by SunDrop

[TBoneTX 45,288]

my blasted surname, which was my ex husband's, is truly hideous

"Pigfetish"? (Got it, first try -- si man!)

[slangofoil 50]

We will be doing the civil ceremony and the formal event/big party a year or more later. I plan on making the civil one about "just us" and going out to a special dinner and a fancy hotel for a night. While I originally felt cheated at the thought of having to get married in a courthouse I've come to cherish the idea of beginning our married life with just the two of us, focused on each other and no one else.

We'll be exchanging rings. I'll be changing my name. We'll be putting bills and all that in both of our names. I'll refer to him as my husband. It's a real MARRIAGE whether or not there's a conventional WEDDING. So I honestly haven't thought of what other people will think when we become a married couple sans the big party. No doubt our families and friends will become very familiar with the process we're going through so it should just become every-day to them. I assume you're not planning on keeping the whole K-1 process a secret from family and friends? So they will know and understand. There won't be a surprise all of a sudden that you're married out of nowhere. And it won't be odd for you two to refer to each other as husband and wife after the civil ceremony. Everyone will know it's coming.

[Revenesque 2]

Well, my husband and I pursued the CR-1 route and only planned to have one wedding (Playa Del Carmen, Mexico) and only after we already have booked our flights, venue, photographer, officiant and hotel, we found out that we didn't meet Mexico's legal requirements to get legally married!

So off we went to Las Vegas for a quiet quickie civil wedding. It turned out great!--One thing that took me by surprised was how emotional I got when I recited my vows--I bawled my eyes out. That didn't happen a couple months later at the Mexico wedding because the first-time moment was lost.

As for how to refer to your spouse as husband/wife in public, we didn't worry about it since the titles were so new to us then. I didn't get comfortable calling him husband until a good year later.

Edited February 11, 2010 by Revenesque

[SunDrop 59]

"Pigfetish"? (Got it, first try -- si man!)

LMAO... nope, Rumpelstilskin, Try again!

Lemme help you out. 1 of those letters is correct

[KnightAndMagpie 7]

I know the feeling, believe you me...having my maiden name attached was like having a big weight there. I'm estranged from my parents/brothers, you see...long story.

Another good reason that I've done it separately is that at the time last year, my closest friends from the UK couldn't attend. They were all in university, or didn't have the funds for it, so hopefully they'll be able to come to this one. I wouldn't dare "make" them -- I know that they still might not be able to make it, but at least they had a year's notice.

As to what to call your spouse in public? Easy! I call Knight "pooky", and he calls me "kitty"... "snugglebuns", "snoogiewoogie" and "huggytush" is also acceptable (to maybe 0.1% of the population).

Magpie.

[SunDrop 59]

As to what to call your spouse in public? Easy! I call Knight "pooky", and he calls me "kitty"... "snugglebuns", "snoogiewoogie" and "huggytush" is also acceptable (to maybe 0.1% of the population).

Magpie.

It dawned on me reading another recent UK beneficiary's entrance with his wheelchair bound dad, that maybe my parents could travel over with us? The only downside of that is it would be the height of summer and Mum really can't tolerate sun/ heat because of having Lupus. Oh well, it was a thought...

And yeah, names... Most of his mates call him Dave, because he announced when he was 7 that he didn't want to be called by his middle name Ryland anymore. He was being teased at school for it, and nobody takes the micky out of Dave coz there's just not enough to it to tease! lol.. As he's gotten older, he prefers Ryland or Ry for short, but getting anyone to call him it now is nigh on impossible. At work, they all use his surname for some reason, but it's a cool name so he's fine about it. When we met, he was using his surname as his avatar name, so I have several mates that call him that too but then they call me Sun My mother refuses to call him Ry, for some reason unbeknownst to all but her. And my daughter calls him Ry.

Babe/baby works fine for both of us, with an occasional sweetheart thrown in for variation...

[Ovaltine Jenkins 5]

Babe/baby works fine for both of us, with an occasional sweetheart thrown in for variation...

I call my wife babe ALL THE TIME Especially, when she is in her high heels, which is all the time